Appropriate wear for a catholic funeral

[Lambzig]

I lost someone close at the weekend. Please don't think me shallow, but I just want to be dressed appropriately and I haven't got a clue.

I have to go to the catholic funeral next week. The last one I went to was 15 years ago and secular and we were asked to dress in bright colours. I don't think I have been to one in any church before (not a religious family) and I assume it would be more formal.

I have heard that it's not appropriate to wear black any more unless next of kin. Just dark colours. Is this true? My stepmother thought hats were needed for a church funeral? A sober coloured dress and jacket?

I just want to dress unobtrusively and inoffensively and think about my friend.

I am sure I have something appropriate to wear in my wardrobe already, just want to know what that is. Any help much appreciated.

I was brought up Catholic - very much lapsed now - but whenever relatives die it's a Catholic funeral. I always wear black and if nothing black in the wardrobe that year/season then something dark is equally good. Definitely no hats about at my family's funerals and many of them are deeply religious. Used to be mandatory to wear hats in Catholic churches when I was younger, not so now.
last summer my god mothers funeral was a scorching day. I wore a black short sleeved work dress. If I had to go to one this week it would be navy pea coat and grey skirt.

Thanks so much everyone. I just wanted my outfit planned so I didn't have to think about it on the day and wanted to be appropriate (my stepmother made me envisage that there would be gasps of horror as I turned up the only woman without a hat - she is not religious so doesn't know either).

I appreciate the advice about the mass too, which I wouldn't have known.

Thank you for your sympathy, I am reeling a bit.

I agree with the suggestions of others. To be safe I would probably suggest you go for the grey or navy option. The forest green sounds lovely, but might make you feel out of place if no one else is wearing colour. Definitely no need for a hat or gloves at any Catholic funeral I have been to.

Wear black. If you have a blouse or shirt it should be white. Hat if you wish but not necessary. Make up should be muted. Jewellery is fine, but of you're being super traditional should wear pearls. Sorry for your loss.

Sorry just noticed you set out your clothing options above. I would favour your navy outfit out of those you suggest.

I also have a very plain tailored black work dress which I would wear with a black jacket, but have been told wearing black outside immediate family is vulgar. Most of you seem to be saying that would be best.

I am RC and have been to plenty of funerals. There are no particular rules, just wear something darkish that you are comfy in. I have never heard anything about black only for family, or hat and gloves, or white blouses.

Also don't worry about the stand/sit/kneel stuff, it's fine to just sit on the bench, I'm sure there will be plenty of non Catholics there. I'm sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss.

I'm an RC and as long as your clothes are reasonably sober, then you will not look out of place. Not everyone will be suited and booted in black and it's not important either. It's the attendance that is important. Often parishioners will stay for mass in their everyday clothes and be welcome all the same. Hat not necessary unless you want to wear one.

May your friend RIP x

If you have a black dress then I would personally wear that. Have never heard of an only immediate family wear black rule. As I said before, dark colours (navy and grey) are also suitable but black is probably safest bet as long as family haven't specified otherwise.

Your outfit choices all sound very suitable op. When it comes to the mass if you don't feel comfortable with all of the kneeling it's ok to just remain seated. Also the mass might require the sign of peace which is just turning to those around you shaking hands with your right hand whilst saying the blessing 'peace be with you'.

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

I'm catholic, and last went to a (catholic) funeral a month ago. Everyone wore similar outfits to the ones others have described- conservative, sober wear, mainly dark colours. There weren't many hats (maybe 2 maximum), and I saw no gloves! There were some people in brighter clothes, but they didn't 'stand out' iyswim.

One thing that really made everyone smile- a few (5 ish) workmen in builders clothes came in and stood/sat near the back. They were ex colleagues of the person who died. They didn't look at all 'appropriate' in the sense of not dressed in suits or whatever, but they were obviously there because they wanted to show there sympathy/ respect. They wouldn't have had time (for whatever reason) to change for the funeral, but came nonetheless. Their manner was so respectful, even though their look was unconventional. It was lovely to see them there. Everyone felt the same I think.

I"m sorry for your loss OP.

Another lapsed Catholic here. I've been to many funerals, mainly because DM used to drag us to midday mass in the school holidays, with the promise of cake afterwards... I agree with the other posters who said something dark coloured and respectable, ie coving knees (or thereabouts) and shoulders. Hats aren't needed. If it's a requiem mass then there may be a few regular parishioners in their normal clothes who are going to the mass anyway.

The only thing to add is to wear something warm as churches can be cold and sometimes the heating is noisy to run so they turn it off during the service