Crepes, Galettes, Pancakes and Brian the Bucket!

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Here you go...

Morning crepeys! A very happy birthday to MI's DD1. 14 years, eh? Wow. I hadn't even met DH 14 years ago!

Apologies for being AWOL and for missing the meet up last week. I had a hell of a week, lots of tears, too much work, worry about my DD1 (friends), DD2 (not reading), DH (working too much and having a few fags) and am only just catching up now.

Auriga, I am so sorry for your family situation. That sounds like an awful lot to have on your plate. Please be kind to yourself.

Rudy, glad your stitches are coming out. How is the healing going?

MI, how is your mum doing now? And your dad?

CV, your wedding sounds lovely, esp the food. I am sure you looked fab.

How is your day going, Rose? Is ConS providing a welcome diversion from other woes? I do hope you are having a productive morning.

Feeling a bit old and fat today. I need to take myself in hand to start feeling good - haircut, roots, hygienist etc. I read India Knight's book "In your prime" over the weekend and it's left me feeling rather despondent, which I am sure was not the idea.

Right, I must do some work. Hope everyone is having a good morning. Back later I hope

Morning crepeys! A very happy birthday to MI's DD1. 14 years, eh? Wow. I hadn't even met DH 14 years ago!

Apologies for being AWOL and for missing the meet up last week. I had a hell of a week, lots of tears, too much work, worry about my DD1 (friends), DD2 (not reading), DH (working too much and having a few fags) and am only just catching up now.

Auriga, I am so sorry for your family situation. That sounds like an awful lot to have on your plate. Please be kind to yourself.

Rudy, glad your stitches are coming out. How is the healing going?

MI, how is your mum doing now? And your dad?

CV, your wedding sounds lovely, esp the food. I am sure you looked fab.

How is your day going, Rose? Is ConS providing a welcome diversion from other woes? I do hope you are having a productive morning.

Feeling a bit old and fat today. I need to take myself in hand to start feeling good - haircut, roots, hygienist etc. I read India Knight's book "In your prime" over the weekend and it's left me feeling rather despondent, which I am sure was not the idea.

Right, I must do some work. Hope everyone is having a good morning. Back later I hope

Monty, I hadn't met DP much earlier

Sorry about your woes too. I am bashing my way through the week. Ahem.

Heh, Monty, had you not read the reviews of "In your prime" on Amazon? I don't think you're the only one who found it depressing. Sorry to hear your week was not good.

Auriga, sorry to hear your sisters are not doing well. :(

MI, good on your sister for just leaving. She needs to look after herself too!

CV, the wedding sounds very nice indeed.

I sadly didn't have such a great end to my very nice weekend. Dd appears to be backsliding. It was one thing for her not to bother even giving me a card or wishing me happy birthday, but all she did ALL weekend was message on her phone and be really rude to everybody. This phone addiction has now got completely out of control, as she is not doing any school work. If she hasn't passed the retakes that she had to do last week and for which she did about 1.5 days revision having totally failed the exams before Christmas, she will not get entered for those AS exams in the summer. She is doing absolutely nothing to help anyone, ever, being foul to ds and dh and refusing to talk to me about anything. Unless it involves spiteful gossip about someone else that she wants to moan about. I am getting grief from her teachers about all the stuff she isn't doing and I have stuck my neck out for her so many times, but I'm beginning to think she needs to fail and fail big-style with no one to catch her fall, as otherwise she is just going to carry on drifting. I suspect the obsessive messaging is just another form of pathological avoidance of real life, sadly.

In order to make sure she eats/ drinks, I usually take her breakfast and give her a packed lunch. This is somewhat ridiculous for a 16 and a half year old. I told her yesterday that I wasn't going to do that any more, because she needs to make time in her morning routine of 1.5 hours of texting and putting on makeup to get her own breakfast and lunch, or to get around to signing up for the cashless catering at school. Currently, she hasn't been arsed sorting out the cashless catering thing so she has no access to any food or drink during the day. This morning she went to school with no breakfast, no lunch and having had nothing to drink since last night. What can I do?

Stropps, how likely is she to get her arse into gear (and I realise you just may not know)? I agree totally about the ridiculousness (being owner of two secondary age children who have taken over sorting their own breakfasts and own packed lunches pretty well totally in the week - and indeed DD2, interestingly, prefers to sort her lunch and eats more lunch if she does). Do you have options of convenient and easy things to slam together into lunch? Is it even worth - toothgrindingly - supervising her a couple of days while she makes her own lunch or is that so absurd an idea (involving getting up and so on) that you are feeling quite murderous at my suggesting it?

PS India Knight is not exactly a brilliant postgirl for primeishness IMO.

Stropps - agree with MI - my 16.5 year old gets up at 6.30 and leaves at 7.15, having eaten breakfast and spent what I consider quite a long time doing her make up. Your DD needs to learn to take responsibility for herself.

I think I mentioned before I had other issues of immaturity with DD2 but she seems to have bucked up her ideas somewhat since her French teacher said she was behaving more like the lower 5th than lower 6th. I'm not sure if this will continue but I'm keeping fingers crossed.

I think you may be right that if she can "fail safely" this time, she may get her act together for when it really counts. Very difficult DD's.

CV - grown up wedding sounds lovely.

Stropps, DD's diet has been a constant worry for at least two years but I've found any attempt to be directive just backfires on me.

I've given up trying to persuade her to eat sensibly & make healthy choices. She knows the principles, I can't make her follow them. If I give her a decent packed lunch she disposes of it. She only likes crap. It's not because she's been deprived of sweets, either. She uses cashless catering to buy Oreos, pastries and bottled water

I'm worried because DH has diabetes so I tried extra hard to instil healthy attitudes to food. It hasn't worked & I'm not prepared to make us all miserable by battling over it.

Im sure it's making you very anxious, as it is me. I suspect our DDs would see that as our problem.

So no advice really, just sympathy.

Thanks, everyone, for good wishes re: sisters.

Trying to rehydrate after giving blood. Pondering the fact that, on two different legs of the journey, a handsome young man offered me his seat on the tube Am I inspiring gallantry, or is it compassion for my decrepitude?

Ah, she can't fail safely re: academic work. She had her chance with the mocks, failed, now has done retakes and if she hasn't passed those, it's all over because she simply won't get entered for the exams in the summer. And may well get booted out.
As for the eating thing, no, she simply won't. I have all manner of "easy" food in - cereal bars, brioche, pancakes, etc. Sandwich food and salad a-go-go. She simply doesn't go anywhere near the kitchen. Just the bathroom and her room and refuses to do anything except deal with her appearance. Nothing, nada. Same at the weekend. Complete refusal to do anything except sit about on her phone. Although last night, she sat down to do her French h/w (French teachers both gave her a rocket last week and were in contact with me also), she fiddled about on her laptop for an hour or so, and then announced she was going to the gym at just before 8 and didn't reappear home until after 10.30pm. I have been trying to overlook her crap behaviour, just focus on the positives and jolly her along, whilst picking up far too much slack since the Oct half-term. Was hoping she would see the light, but sadly she seems to be getting much worse again, rather than better. Usually, if one of us doesn't go in and turn the light on in her room at about 7.45, she won't bother getting up at all and will then shriek and slam around when she does get up and claim it's all our fault. Sounds delightful, doesn't she? I'm afraid this weekend was the last straw and after threatening to many, many times, I feel I have to stop getting her up, stop bringing her breakfast and stop making the lunch. I get a load of abuse and no thanks and she just continues to waste hours on makeup, hair and texting. Don't know what I'm doing wrong, really. She's just on course for a total disaster, after all that ridiculous carry-on about how she was going to do Vet Sci.
I just think it's a real shame she makes her life so unnecessarily difficult.

Yes, yes CV outfits please!!

Auriga how sad and stressful for you all

Oh no Monty not old and fat, I'm sure. I am feeling very similar…and have been perusing Slimming World online. It worked for me after I had my babies….I am back from a good morning's writing with ConS…he reports that HerrD has now read the full script as it stands and has been very positive about it with lots of constructive feedback. On the back of that amongst other changes we have made some of the scenes more dramatic with lots of lovely swearing and shouting…..( I had always wanted to indulge my inner thug(ette) but just needed permission to be rude and violent… iyswim).

Oh Stropps what to do….Go with your instinct and what the others are saying about handing over the mantle to DD …then run for cover muttering "It's a phase…it's a phase…." I think I would come on strong about eating though and probably do what MI suggests about having easy things in the fridge that DD can just grab and run.

Happy Birthday to MI's DD

Stropps, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I think you are doing masses of things right. And I agree that stopping doing those things for a functional young woman is the best option from all sorts of points of view.

Auriga, these days I take my handsome young men where I may. I heard EB on the Today programme, you know

cross post…sorry stropps xx You're not doing stuff wrong. There's no manual with teens is there?

This personal responsibility thing is a stinker isn't it? On the face of it, ds does it better than dd. But it is easier for him - I suspect for all sorts of reasons, but in there is the fact that he doesn't see the bigger picture in quite the way dd does, and doesn't assume such potentially crushing levels of responsibility/empathy for troubled friends. Both those characteristics of dd would be seen as virtues in some contexts, but I suspect they did make it harder for her to get a grip on her own life at times. She sometimes, I felt, could do with being treated as a younger child and have a bit more support doing things for a while, to stop running and learn to walk again. Not that we usually managed that at the right time, and I have no idea if it was really effective or sensible - it just felt right sometimes in her specific circumstances and with her specific outlook.

Probably irrelevant for you Stropps. I'm guessing she may be terrified inside - when will she know about the retakes - maybe all bets are off till her situation is clear? It must be so frustrating for you with all you have confronted and achieved recently, to watch her making her life so difficult, as well as the anxiety and stress. You are doing nothing wrong - you can only focus on the positives for so long in the face of such awful behaviour.

Rose, good stuff.

Stropps, once again it is all horribly familiar. If you are doing it wrong, then so am I and many others. And Lalsy, your description is very apt for our family.

DD doesn't eat breakfast but takes a bar and a box of juice. She did start to do her packed lunches but that has gone by the by, so I am doing it
She also spends hours on her phone, and is always short for time/late in the mornings. I am trying to step back and leave her to it. I am desperately trying to stop rising to the bait and trying to help her out, whilst still being as caring as possible... They need to grow up, dammit.

I am feeling old, fat, blind, deaf, creaky and not at all in my prime

Auriga, my thoughts too on taking it all on and poorly sisters. Hard.

Stropps, what everyone else has said re dd. God, you are saving my future ass with these wise words crepeys (2 dds in double figures now).

Rose, we are serial Wicked attendees - my and dd1 have been three (111, 3) times.

MRS S - YES TO EDINBURGH! The Camera Obscura and attendant museum of illusion is BRILLIANT and you can come and go over the course of one day as you do really need to stop in the middle and recharge with a meal.Truly best family fun ever. Then there's Arthur's Seat and, actually not sure what else, have only been during fringe but must be tip top culturally at other times too.

Rudy, scary re: DH.

Here I dreamt a bestselling novel kind of plot and scribbled it all down at half five this morning. Or rather, it seemed like a bestselling novel kind of a plot.... I am too scared to look it is probably all gibberish about flying goats

Stropps - sounds very difficult . I'm not sure how I' d cope. I've definitely had an easier ride so far. Would taking the phone away help see if she can survive at least a week without it or not having it whilst she's at home with just a limited time slot in the evening to check and send messages. Sort of like treating addict ( which is what I'm always yelling at my kids).

Oh yes, Rudy, sorry to hear of scare with DH. I'd be furious with him. I can be the rock of ages when anyone else is ill, even DD, but when it's DH I'm unreasonably panicky & that tends to come out as rage, often with him. Not that it's always his fault

Christonabike, my mum just rang - hospital has announced they can't find her a community bed and are chucking her out now with nothing but a commode and a frame . Apparently my doddery father is supposed to be up to taking care of her. She's v confused - thought I was in Norwich and could help (apart from anything else I have a total crisis with work deadlines in the next couple of days: last throes of a CDiff edition). DSis on phone to hospital. I have rung old friend who lives near them who says he can help if worst comes to worst.

This shouldn't be happening.

Oh no, MI Can you threaten them with the press or something?

Ward hadn't informed social worker (again). Press rather good idea.

What happened to the six weeks recuperation? Was that in the community bed? Christ on a bedpan - there's not a whole lot of joined up thinking going on here.

Stropps - I would be utterly fuming with your DD. In fact I am, all the way over here. Especially fume-inducing, as you're busting a gut to educate yourself, and provide for the fam, trecking around the country and half killing yourself, while she can't be arsed to take advantage of the brilliant opportunities handed to her on a plate. Or lunchbox. Is there any ultimatum that could be issued? Phone-related?

MI .

MI that is really not good. Hope you get it sorted.

Stropps agree with Hatty re phone bam

Social worker has kicked arse. She's not going till they plan proper care package for her. Sister suspects she agreed to stuff in vague way she shouldn't have. Mum now assuring me WE shouldn't panic - er...

That's great news MI!