Glamourous work clothes for fat me?

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

I am disabled so can't move around much (at all), and so am fat, particularly around the waist.

I've been hiding in tunics and dresses for ages, but now feel out of sync with my ultra fashionable work colleagues. I know i cant look beautiful as i am, but ive gone for a line or high waisted floaty things to hide the bulge, and Ive got stuck in a boden/ salt/ monsoon/ m&s horror show - I need to change!

I went to a work event in my usual skinny trousers plus empire waisted floaty top, and felt so dowdy. Colleagues were all wearing tailored and fabulous black numbers with cool/ different details / shaping and towering high heels.

I defo can't do the high heels but was hoping I could get a couple of snazzy and sharp outfits into my wardrobe so I don't feel utterly humiliated.

But where to shop and how to adapt the look for fatness? I find things that squeeze and press on my tummy hurt too much to wear, and tend to look bad too as I get fat rolls and creases... Just to add to the problem.

Any ideas gratefully received...

I used to be the same size and shape as you. Floaty doesn't work but there are a lot of tops that are fitted at the top, more floaty at the waist and then have an elastic waistband - although it isn't a waist band as it hits more hip height (can see lots of the Mary Portas stuff has gone for this shape).

Lots of shops do these for the bigger shopper as you get the fit on top and hip but glosses over the waist.

Chunky jewellery is also great as it balances things out and makes you look more trendy and co-ordinated.

If you can embrace colour instead of hiding in black, you will look more confident even if you aren't and get loads of compliments as many people are too scared to wear it.

And finally do try real-life rather than internet shopping. Not every pair of size 22 trousers is the same - it's not you, it's the trousers. I go in to the dressing room with every pair of navy trousers in the shop and you'll be a 20 in one, a 24 in another, it doesn't matter but there will be a pair that fits you. With online shopping I would order 1 pair of trousers, it wouldn't fit - cue me bursting into tears for being a fat ugly lump who didn't deserve to look nice and no more shopping until I repeated the same exercise with the same results.

Another thing - have you done the mumsnet bra intervention/been fitted at Bravissimo or Rigby and Peller?

Wearing the right size bra is massively slimming and makes your waist look a lot smaller.

Chunky jewellery does not need to be expensive to look good - most of mine is Debenhams or Primark.

If you can afford it, Rundholz Black Label (German Designer) does wonderful stretchy balloon dresses. I have a black one for winter which has long sleeves, an interesting square neckline, pockets, is stretchy and comfortable and has a slight balloon hem that comes to mid calf. Despite being the definition of comfortable it's smart enough to wear to present at conferences. It cost in the region of £200 but they come up on eBay. An XL will fit you

Similar size and height to you.
When I was in a traditional office setting I dressed almost entirely in Marina Rinaldi. They have a shop in London and a shop called Beige Plus also stocks some. Though have to admit I bought most of mine abroad.
They are the plus size label of the Maxmara group £££, but I found the clothes worth it in terms of quality and style.

And all my bras are from Rigby and Peller. So worth it. As is, as said, great hair cut and colour.

Boden workwear is also worth a look. Go up to 22.

Just skim reading so sorry as I won't have replied to everything...

Kundry I am very familiar with that shopping process you describe! However I can't go physically shopping, am too disabled frustratingly. to even get to the shops, let alone walk round gathering clothes and trying them on in a changing room. Part of the problem really. I'm literally cut off from seeing / trying what other people are wearing.

I want to buy lots of styles/ brands this time, to give it a chance of success - feels risky as I'll be spending money I can't afford and relying on them accepting returns.

My work is not a formal or traditional work wear kind of place, think aching hip and stylish beauties wearing fabulously gorgeous numbers effortlessly, probably from 'a little shop they know/ friend who's a designer/ pop up store/ market stall' kinda thing.

It's a hell of a place to work when you're me. I would never get a job there if I interviewed now (even ignoring the disability limitations), my face would not fit.

So I'm looking for any lovely but 'cool' clothes, rather than the formal work wear style of clothes. I guess I also want to discover a bit of the old me along the way. I never was 'one of them' exactly, but I definitely had my own style and wasn't ashamed to be around them.

I was just thinking, would anyone mind if when I get the clothes I could put photos up here and you could help me decide if any look ok? Would that be too much to ask?

Also... Where do you get gorgeous statement jewelry from these days? I could definitely do with some fabulous necklace/ ear ring/ bags, and could save some of my existing black dress 'uniform' by wearing them together?

Thanks again.

Sorry I realised just after I'd written it

So doing it online you will need to reassure yourself that is absolutely OK to send >50% of it back. It isn't you, that item just isn't cut OK for you. The first time I shopped with a personal shopper I would have given up after the second pair of trousers. I walked out with items ranging in size on the label from 16 to 24, and yet they all fit me. Masses of stuff was discarded though.

You need to make a leap and start ordering - even if you send everything back first time round, you'll be more knowledgeable about what suits you, what sizes are like in that brand etc. When you first hit on something, your confidence will grow and grow

Quick post from me, Miscellanous ... Have you looked at Cos and & Other Stories? Both are "hip" (feel like a nanna saying that), but actually have affordable, wearable and great quality clothes.

Also, a fashion icon for you - Suzy Menkes. A larger lady who wears what she pleases, and smiles whilst moving amongst supermodels. I love her confidence.

Re statement jewellery, look at Zara, Cos and J Crew (sale section). Also, look for J Crew and Shourouk on eBay.

Fist bump to you, mighty lady - you battle through a lot.

Re bags - I'd look at & Other Stories - their leather goods are top quality and elegant, but edgy.

i've got far too much in my shopping basket! trying to cut down, and also been staring at things until my brains gone fuzzy...

tell me - is this nice or really really nasty?! i can no longer tell, its definitely one or the other!

kimono thingy

in blue or black...

Have a look at Navabi online as well perhaps.

Get the most fabulous necklaces and keep clothing streamlined and simple eg cos zara etc
Neutral colours odd block bright accent
Simple shapes and easy shapes but clean lines and not mumsy

The kimono is not good, to be honest.

i rather like the kimono thingy in the black - here, right?

i think i actually like it as a home garment, i'm in bed so kind fits with my mood. For floating around the house versus the street :-)

anyway, i currently have £2000+ in my house of fraser basket, as it has almost every brand mentioned on here, so need to take a hatchet to it before either i, or my computer has a break down

... so kimono goes (except in dreams of house wearing... versus the stained vest top and baggy knickers currently on display)

anyone still awake?

what about this? i don't wear white ever, but i think the shape might be good to try? star blouse

Ok then, I took the plunge and just bought 21 items from house of Fraser!!!

I can only keep a few even if they all fit, but that's unlikely as I'm trying all new styles and brands and very much stepping out into unknown territory... With you lovely mumsnetters holding my hands

They are due to arrive on Monday, will report back then, if that's ok?

Thanks so much, I was (being a wuss) crying when I wrote that first post, but how I'm wobbly but determined. Let's hope something fits on Monday...

Could you have someone come to your house to do your hair if going to a salon is too much effort for you. I find having my hair styled helps me feel better. You can find sone fab stylists who will do this. Plus its much cheaper than going to a salon.

Loving the MP clothes. Good luck trying on.

Also Stella and Dot for fab jewellery.

OP well done for being proactive. It's all to easy to give up isn't it.

I echo posters about the hair. Could you find someone to come and cut/colour/just blowdry your hair at home? For me, it's my eyebrows and feet/toenails that make me feel groomed. I mostly feel horrible about myself, especially I find when I've been inside the house alot. Could having a manicure/pedicure/eyebrow treatment make you feel more confident?

Well done for treating yourself, I bet you've brought some lovely things. Look forward to seeing them.

Hi OP, I am not one of the style gurus (at all , ) so I don't have any great advice, I just wanted to say that House of Fraser will do returns but they have to be returned within 14 days, I missed that with a Christmas present as I assumed it was 28 days (most are) and didn't read the blurb! So I just got a credit note. I am sure you wouldn't miss the small print as I did but just wanted to say in case.

I ordered something else from them recently and they forgot to put in the despatch note I needed for returns, it took them several days to email a copy but they didn't extend the return period. So worth checking that is there too!

Good luck, I'm sure you'll get lots of good feedback on here!

Oh my god, I completely missed that. Thank you so much for telling me... I've spent a fortune and need to get alot of that back!

Do you happen to know if they'd accept someone returning to a actual store? I could get someone to do that to ensure no problems with post...

Your post has struck horror into my heart, but I'm very very glad you told me.

I've ordered online, and returned online purchases to the House of Fraser at Westfield.

Have been thinking - I think it might be a good idea to consider fabric composition. If your mobility is limited, you could get v sweaty and uncomfortable in polyester and other synthetics? Just a thought.