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Original poster

My DD's hair is truly awful

41 replies

TwoInTheMourning · 07/08/2014 06:49

My DD now aged 7 used to have amazing hair. Blonde and thick with tight ringlets. It was a pain to style but would look good after doing so.

In the past year or so it has changed dramatically. It has turned really really dark to the point that it is now mousy brown, which is fine. The problem is that the curls have disappeared, giving way to straggly fine limp hair that it is neither here not there. Whilst it looks fine and thin, if I brush it straight it takes me forever, so there's actually quite a lot of hair there, and the slightest bit of moisture, even her own night sweat, makes the front go curly.

If I prep it for leaving it 'curly', I just use a very small amount of a very light curl creme and diffuse it ever so gently, but all I get is a couple of curls right at the front whilst the back looks straight, but not dead straight, kind of wavy, but still straggly and limp.

I once half-heartedly tried the no poo method and started washing her hair only with conditioner (TIGI's oatmeal and honey), but her hair just looked greasy all the time and I gave up.

Her hair also gets unbelievable knotted in parts. After refusing to have a haircut for 2 years, I recently took her to the hairdressers. I was hoping a good haircut would make the curls bounce back. The hairdresser simply took the hair up by about 8 cm but didn't shape it or layer it, so my DD's hair looks the same, just shorter. Curls haven't appeared.

Her hair ALWAYS looks messy but not in a good way messy. I have to plat it or do pig tails every day and after an hour or so the front already looks messy with stray hairs and flyaway hair all over the place.

So, I need advice here please. What shall I try next, bearing in mind that her hair does need to be detangled and that chances are she's going to wear pigtails all the time so as not to look too messy?

OP posts:
Hurr1cane · 07/08/2014 06:55

Can you try actually curling it? Putting rags in overnight?

Flushedwithsomething · 07/08/2014 06:59

Look for the curly girl method on here and Google, there is also a great book by lorraine someone on amazon of the same name. Sounds like your DD has hair like mine - it needs to be treated as curly...with tender loving care. In fact the book is a must, just remembered it has

Flushedwithsomething · 07/08/2014 07:00

Sorry, bloomin phone. I remembered the book has an excellent section on kids with curly hair. I think the title is The Curly Girl handbook - it changed my life!

2dads2kids · 07/08/2014 07:01

She is 7!!! Let's not give her image issues already!

Her hair will change so much over the coming years I don't think giving it this much stress and attention will help you or her.

She must be able to tell you are not happy with her hair, how do you think that makes her feel?

Original poster
TwoInTheMourning · 07/08/2014 07:04

Thanks Hurr1. Perhaps I could do that now and again like maybe on weekends, but when I go back to work in September and she goes back to school, there will simply be no time before bed to put her hair in rags or in the morning to take them off and style hair accordingly. Ideally I would like to learn how to handle my DD's hair but it needs to be low maintenance or it won't stick. I don't want to get into a situation where I'm trying to get her hair to do something is not meant to.

OP posts:
Original poster
TwoInTheMourning · 07/08/2014 07:07

Steady on 2dads2kids!!!! Quite a few assumptions there wouldn't you say???!!!!

I'm just recognising that my DD's hair has changed and I am not looking after it appropriately and I'm here looking for tips!!!

OP posts:
cathyandclaire · 07/08/2014 07:12

When DD's curls started falling out we had some long layers cut in, which helped them bounce up again.
Also she's found that only combing/brushing when soaking wet, not towel drying just leaving it to dry naturally and jet separating the curls with her fingers helps.
She also has all sorts of lotions and potions now (teenager), If I dare to venture into her bedroom I'll try and find out what they are Grin

Original poster
TwoInTheMourning · 07/08/2014 07:15

Thanks cathy. I do think that the hairdresser wasn't confident about cutting my DD's hair so just trimmed it shorter but yes, perhaps a few layers would have given it a bit of bounce.

OP posts:
whattheseithakasmean · 07/08/2014 07:20

I'm with 2dads. My DD2's hair sounds just the same, but she doesn't care & neither do I. I am delighted that she is not hung up on how she looks (she is nearly 12) - long may it continue.

She is scruffy, noisy, outgoing girl, with mad, messy hair & I adore her and wouldn't change a thing.

Flushedwithsomething · 07/08/2014 07:23

Honestly, curly girl method will fix this!!

AuditAngel · 07/08/2014 07:28

DD1 has very thin fine hair, but similar issues. Her top layer needs a serious cut to get the curls to bounce back, hopefully in a couple of weeks time.

She recently did a show and her naturally curly hair wasn't curly enough, so I had to curl it! In fact, all but the top layer was REALLY curly.

MollyBdenum · 07/08/2014 07:37

Seriously? She's 7. Wash her hair. Plait it. Possibly avoid sls and silicones in the shampoo and conditioner you use on her. When she is older (or possibly for special occasions) if her hair stays this way, she can try the curly girl method for wavy hair, which will probably lead to tousled waves but will be a pain to keep tangle-free and not really great for tying back to do sport etc, and won't look very neat for school.

Original poster
TwoInTheMourning · 07/08/2014 07:43

Right, curly girl method for wavy hair it is then. So in a nutshell, avoid shampoo with parabens and silicones and wash with shampoo no more than once a week, and use only water and a little conditioner on the ends in between? If any of us have any specific recommendations for products, I'm going shopping today. Thank you.

OP posts:
Flushedwithsomething · 07/08/2014 07:49

That sounds right, I ve eventually ditched shampoo altogether and wash my hair with conditioner, rinse then condition again. I used to have mad bushy frizzy hair, with some curls here and there. No I have lovely ringlets! I use either the body shop rainforest range or tresemme naturals with boots pink curl cream as a styling product. I always take my products to the hairdresser as I find that even one wash/condition with silicone and sulphates really effects your hair. See if you can get your hairdresser to read the book if you decide to get it. I think it should be mandatory!

ILoveYouBaby · 07/08/2014 07:53

I'm sorry, I'm with those who think that she's just seven and not too much fuss should be made. My hair was/is like that and it didn't bother me until secondary school. Ponytails and plaits for everyday and a bit of extra curling of the top layer for fun/parties.

ILoveYouBaby · 07/08/2014 07:54

Also, for combing, try using a tangle teezer brush when it's wet. That'll make it much easier than a normal brush or comb.

Logarhythm · 07/08/2014 07:57

Think I'm with 2dads too - she's 7, get a detangler brush and tie it up, seriously messy hair, aged 7 - this is not a problem!

AyMamita · 07/08/2014 08:01

I'm with 2dads as well. Thought this was going to be a post asking for advice on behalf of a teenager! Poor DD, she's not a doll Sad

Original poster
TwoInTheMourning · 07/08/2014 08:01

I actually agree that as little fuss as possible should be made about a little girls hair, which is precisely the reason why I want to know exactly how to look after it, so I can take care of things in the best way possible and with minimum fuss!! I don't care if the end result is straight, curly or wavy (I have had all three and everything in between in my lifetime), but it needs to be right and not end up looking a flat greasy straggly knotted matted mess, whatever her age.

OP posts:
evertonmint · 07/08/2014 08:02

A friend recently took her 6yo DD to a trichologist - her curly hair had suddenly started going limp, breaking, very dry etc. She was recommended specific shampoo and conditioner and a couple of suggestions of cuts. Her hair is now so much better.

It wasn't about vanity or looks. It was about something that had changed which my friend didn't know how best to care for. Morning brushing and hair washing was a nightmare etc. and her DD was upset with the changes. Her DD has not taken it as a comment on her image because no comment was made - it's been treated in the same way a medical complaint would really. And now she just has her hair shampooed and away she goes - it takes much less time, energy and heartache to deal with than before so is much less of a focus/image issue than it was.

SunnyRandall · 07/08/2014 08:03

She is 7!!! Let's not give her image issues already!

Her hair will change so much over the coming years I don't think giving it this much stress and attention will help you or her.

She must be able to tell you are not happy with her hair, how do you think that makes her feel?

^ this ^

burnishedsilver · 07/08/2014 08:06

She has her whole adult life to be fussing over and worrying about her hair. You're making way too much effort.

It sounds like shes going to have straight brown hair but the last of her baby blonde curls havent grown out yet. Just keep it trimmed.

ohtheholidays · 07/08/2014 08:25

I completely understand why your worried.

Our youngest DD6 and asd had hardly any hair when she was born unlike her 4 siblings that all had a mop of hair from day one.

It took quite a while for her hair to grow but when it did it was lovely.
Two years ago it turned really strange,she'd wake up in the morning with the worst knots you could ever see,so bad you could not wash,condition or brush them out even though we have several different types of tangle teaser.
She hates having her hair brushed bless her because of the autism,so her getting these awful knots in it makes it even worse.

We've tried lots of different types of products but nothing has sorted the problems so far and she gets her hair trimmed every 6 weeks so were going to try a trichologist

I think with our little one it may be some kind of protein that's missing in her body.No matter what it ends up costing were going to make sure it gets sorted for her.

She's getting to that age now that she notices other little girls hair bless her and myself and her older DS11 don't have any problems with our hair and she does notice that.

I hope you find a solution for your little one.

Taffeta · 07/08/2014 08:30

My DDs (8) hair is always tangly and rats taily looking when down. It's fine, there's a lot of it etc. She tangle teezes it in the bath when it's still very wet. But then it needs it doing again a few times as it dries too.

It's just much better in a ponytail. I am hopeless at any other kind of hair dressing, so ponytails it is for now. But that's for sport and school, summer holidays it's, erm, freeform.

Ladymoods · 07/08/2014 08:33

But when she's a teenager she possibly will be concerned about how to deal with it and by asking now, op will be able to help her. Stop getting your knickers in a twist over a simple question.