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Original poster

Can I get some style advice from you luffly lot if I post pics please?

57 replies

FlipFlapFly · 22/07/2014 19:44

I've Nc'd so my other posts aren't identifiable to me.

I have huge esteem and body issues- mainly I hate my body and I end up wearing unflattering clothing when I go out because I never find anything that suits me. When ever I look in the mirror I look shit.

I can't afford a style advisor and there isn't one in my un stylish hell local area but I'd love to see if anyone could suggest clothes that may look nice on me so I can start working on my body confidence when I'm clothed.

I know I'm in short shorts here but they're for in house only and you can see how bad everything is.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlipFlapFly · 22/07/2014 21:02

Oh lots of x-posts. I've not had counselling but have had some CBT and have got a load of stuff on the negative thought cycle, it feels so ingrained to be self deprecating as I felt that awful at primary school as I was head and shoulders above the boys and I could never shake it.

I love the Cos skirt, it's really pretty.

I shall take a look at Mint Velvet and those other websites. Smile The quote is lovely too.

I also find it extremely difficult to find lovely shoes that fit me. Most high street store shoes are too narrow in the sole and my feet spread like dough over the sides. I own one pair of Golddigga flip flops as that's all I can find to fit

OP posts:
Safmellow · 22/07/2014 21:04

Hi, agree with most of the others. You have a great figure. The second thing I noticed was that you are standing like you want to disappear into the background. Definitely work on your posture and self esteem, you have a lot to be happy about! Way more good points than bad.

Original poster
FlipFlapFly · 22/07/2014 21:16

I think I would feel more confident if my legs had more tone to them my calves are toned due to hill walking but my calves have more wobble than jelly. Even in jeans I can see the ripple when I walk and I feel self conscious. I know that most people can't see it or care, but I can't unsee it IYSWIM?

I will have a look around for some links to maintaining good posture too

OP posts:
Fairylea · 22/07/2014 21:19

You have an amazing figure. Plenty of people would kill to look like you :)

Your legs are a brilliant shape. Make sure you get them out as much as you can.

Original poster
FlipFlapFly · 22/07/2014 22:23

I've been having a look at some websites but a lot of clothing looking into A/W is black and I'm quite bored of constantly wearing dark colours. Plus should I look towards more skirts and dresses as opposed to jeans and trousers?

OP posts:
Pastperfect · 22/07/2014 22:33

gretchen that is a very mean spirited post

OP, I get it. I often feel the same. I wear rubbish clothes (despite having a wardrobe full of beautiful stuff) because I don't feel good enough. Honestly, getting to the bottom of those feelings will be far more valuable than spending on yet another outfit

Original poster
FlipFlapFly · 22/07/2014 22:38

Smile I don't have many clothes any more, I have a poor relation to a capsule wardrobe as I kind of got a stuck while Bfing DS2 last year and never left the clothing rut.

Wear your beautiful clothes Past I have a dress in a size 12 that I am desperate to fit into again. I wore it for an event at DHs work and I felt beautiful. Don't waste the clothes!

OP posts:
Pastperfect · 22/07/2014 22:51

Easier said than done Smile

I have found I have got better since going back to work - I have a couple of nice work outfits that feel a bit contrived are well planned and I know suit me, although its taken me a while to feel stylish in them and not an idiot. I tend to revert to jeans at weekend though

Original poster
FlipFlapFly · 22/07/2014 23:19

It certainly is easier said than the done especially with a casual wardrobe, it's difficult to change from what feels comfortable rather than stylish.

I've been a SAHM for so long that I feel a charlatan if I dress up a little too smartly, I always have to find a default item to wear instead, and I wish I could go more for fashion

OP posts:
Redoubtable · 22/07/2014 23:21

FFF what strikes me about your posts is the language you use speaking about yourself.
This is not a clothes issue. You have a good figure, but no amount of strangers on the internet are going to help you believe that...you have to give yourself permission to think that way about yourself.

You would not speak to one of your DC that way, dont do it to yourself.

I liked the book Gravitas for body language and posture.

Beautifulmonster · 22/07/2014 23:31

Your legs are great. I could never wear shorts (flabby knees.)

Kormachameleon · 22/07/2014 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elletorrito · 22/07/2014 23:55

Hi FFf. You look great! Good legs and arms. And nice waist definition. What you've got on is practical and maybe not the most flattering and you still look good.

For inspiration I like Imogen lamport's blog. She has some really good capsule wardrobe prototypes for different lifestyles.

I think you might suit a "dramatic natural kibbe" style of dressing. Look at pinterest. It's a bit painting by numbers but basically, drape cardigans, cowl,scoop, soft v necks, define your waist, arm lengths that stop around waist height and un fussy bottoms.

"Already pretty" is a great style blog that also addresses body issues. Particularly good on Fridays.

Elletorrito · 23/07/2014 00:03

Sorry I think I meant a "soft natural kibbe" type. It's been a while since I looked this stuff up. It really helped me when my body shape completely changed on me and I had no idea what would work. I can totally relate to not knowing where to start!

Scarletohello · 23/07/2014 00:14

God I would love to take you shopping! So many things would look great on you. Have you considered a personal shopper at a big department store? They can help find things that would suit you.

However I agree with others that it's more about your own self esteem than how you actually look. Give yourself permission to be beautiful, stylish and womanly.

Cos you are! :)

Scarletohello · 23/07/2014 00:15

This is for you OP

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

GretchenWiener · 23/07/2014 07:02

Lol at child of god

Or not.

GretchenWiener · 23/07/2014 07:05

Don't look at Imogen thingy. I've never seen such a soulless or unstylish blog. Go shopping with a blunt mate. Have a laugh

stilllearnin · 23/07/2014 07:24

Scarlet! I think there's a lot of truth there - although it takes quite a lot to get to a point where you get that inkling that your fear is not about being inadequate. (god can mean lots of things to me as I lost my faith a long time ago- I usually take it to mean humanity- so in other words, op, you are one of us - enjoy it!!)

GretchenWiener · 23/07/2014 07:33

Once god gets onto s&b we are fucked

stilllearnin · 23/07/2014 09:57

Grin sorry Gretchen!! I only mentioned it as some people get freaked out by the mention and I though I had a handy hint to take what helps from these quote thingys without worrying about the goddy bit! I had thought this thread was as much about body image as styling as others have pointed out. Off to derail elsewhere with me om shanti-antics (the om-ing was for you Gretchen and I was only kidding)

Oh op is there anyway you could feel comfortable using your body. I have had poor body image and it was helped when I started exercising regularly - it helped me realise that my body worked well even if i didnt like the look of it. but it could be anything physical like gardening, yoga, running perhaps? Dancing would be fantastic. It may help a bit while you are sorting your wardrobe?

Scarletohello · 23/07/2014 13:06

I don't believe in God myself but I do like the sentiment of that quote which is essentially, own your fabulousness! :)

Nancy66 · 23/07/2014 14:57

Firstly you have a sensational figure. Seriously.

I think you'd look great in a jumpsuit, pulled in at the waist.

You'd really suit long shorts with sleeveless shirts to show off your fabulous arms.

How do you feel about a palazzo pant? I can see you in those with vest tops

Although with a flat stomach, good arms and shapely legs you can pretty much wear anything.

Maxi dresses also look fab on tall people

Original poster
FlipFlapFly · 23/07/2014 22:28

Thanks for all the responses, I really appreciate all the input. So many of you are right, my image of myself is completely skewed and has been for a long time. I know my DH gets frustrated because I cannot take a compliment but I can't see why. I'm a size 14/16 so not slim by any stretch and am still overweight- I am working on it.

Exercise definitely helps as I felt better when I started to try to run and do some workouts on the Xbox. As does wine. Grin I can't get to a personal shopper as I'll always have DC with me.

Scarlet that does hold a lot of truth. Thank you.

Love the idea of a jumpsuit but bi can't find the shoes to go with. I have extra wide feet and apparently only older people have a similar size foot to me Hmm
Have you any links to long shorts Nancy? I keep thinking of the long shorts of DC and I can't get past them. Would love Palazzo pants if they didn't cling to my thighs, they make me so self conscious

OP posts:
Coumarin · 24/07/2014 00:23

You're the slimmest size 14/16 I've ever seen. Are you sure that's what you still are? Not that 14-16 is big in any way but I'd have guessed a size 10-12.

I keep coming back to this thread to zoom in on your pics, shake my head in bafflement and then click off as I can't think of what to add that others haven't already said. But just to add my voice, in case in makes anything click for you, you look good. Really good. Whatever it is you're seeing in the mirror, it is not what everyone else can see.

Some new things, a hair cut, a new lipstick etc will give you a temporary boost and that's great but I think it goes deeper than that. Can you apply some of what you learnt at CBT to this situation now you realise your body image is out if kilter?

Find some things you like about your body instead of zoning in on the bits you don't like.

Thanks