No matter what I buy, and I buy a lot, I always think other peoples clothes choices are better than mine

[netty36]

Why am I so insecure regarding my own clothes. I buy some great stuff, work hard at putting it together but never really feel I get it right. Is it just me? I've just turned 40 am perhaps having a style crisis.

Style crisis? I guess like me your taste has evolved but you haven't sort of caught up when dressing.

I don't know my style any more. Much is pre kids. My taste and budget tbh have altered dramatically. I see pics in mags but never quite manage to match all up.... :(

Actually I do know my style. It's called clean and what fits/close to hand. Not chosen anymore :(

I'm exactly the same! It's a nightmare.

Same here.

I used to look great prekids: better body, more time and money to buy good clothes. I was never fashion conscious but wore quirky things that suited me and liked a lot of Mod and punk things.

I'm late thirties now and feel I swing between old frump and desperately trying to hang on to my youth. Never seem to get it right and can't seem to even get sizes right. I keep buying cheap clothes from the supermarket in blend-in-to the background colours and I hate most things I own.

I don't know where the confident well-dressed me has gone. :(

Oh it's so reassuring to hear it's not just me. I am trying to hang onto my youth... But then I have moments when I think how ridiculous that is. Today for example I wore trendy combat skinnies, a cashmere hoody and boots which felt great this morning then on going into town after work I felt like I looked old with young clothes.
I rarely feel the effort I make is worth the results these days.

Me too.

Hitting 40 this year.

Too fat and wobbly, too stuck in a rut, not trendy enough.

I'm having a style crisis for sure.

How do we fix it?!

What about a new hair cut? The outfit you chose sounds good - was it the colours that didn't quite work with your skin tone, did the shapes not flatter? Was it just a mutton moment?

Oh me too. So glad I'm not the only one. No matter what I buy or wear, I never seem to feel I've got it quite right. Always nearly right but then I look round and see everyone wearing stuff I think looks much better.

I think I have the overall style right but I am never quite happy with the individual items I'm wearing. The problem is that if you stop taking any risks for fear of getting it wrong then you end up playing it too safe and buying 20 versions of the same long-sleeved grey top (as a personal example).

I agree, lack of cash, time to shop, more mummy figure= clothes/outfits that don't reflect/feel like me. Too depressing!

People often tell me I have a really funky style of dressing and that I have my own style (stealth boast? or are they telling me I never match?!)

I'm just not feeling it! LURKING... my clothes are all the same colour pallete..grey, dark grey, light grey, blue grey, denim and black. every outfit has the same combo of long sleeved skinny top, cobered by long tunicy dressy type thing, scarf, cardi, jeans, boots/birkis, all year round.

If I wear anything a bit different, or even put lippie on instead of colourless gloss, I feel really self conscious and change at the last second!

I was stuck in that rut until I took up jogging. Now I feel I've got the old me back. I'm looking, feeling and dressing younger. I'd highly recommend it.

I went through this a few years ago. Some of it was linked to pnd and I constantly compared myself to how others looked and felt not good enough. The we moved cities and was socialising with dh senior colleagues so I constantly felt not good enough still.

Now at 40 I'd say I'm more confident than ever. Not sure exactly why but a combination of things I guess. Spending time on here discussing clothes, looking at images on pin have all helped. Also becoming a sahm mum has helped because now I only have one wardrobe to buy for ie at home clothes as opposed to at home clothes and work clothes iyswim. I then have about 3 or 4 outfits for evenings out that I feel great in and I don't have that panic if we get invited out of feeling I have nothing to wear.

Over the past year I've also had my colours done and style analysed which isn't for everyone but has helped me greatly. I feel great in my new colours and now I know that my style choices reflect me and suit my shape. Nothing too out there but I like girly details on things and often worried I looked frumpy but now I feel confident instead.

All this is combined with regular exercise to helped keep me toned (still have the jelly belly though!) and regular haircuts, plucking eyebrows etc. I think to feel good it does take a certain amount of time to invest in yourself. Yes, I spend hours looking a pin, on here etc but I don't watch tv so I just treat it like a hobby and it makes me happy. It obviously helps also if you have some money to spend on yourself but you can have all the money in the world and still look and feel shit. Supermarkets have some fab stuff in (loving sainsburys at the moment) and I use birthdays and Christmas as times to get nice jewellery/bags that make any outfit look better.

Sorry for the essay .....

but....million dollar question I suppose, HOW do you begin to embrace yourself instead of nit picking at all the wrong bits?

Love hearing of confident women doing their thing and feeling good about themselves. It seems a long way off for me. I'm full of self loathing, body dismorphia, lack of confidence and a longing to look like someone I'm not.

I have come to the conclusion that style is 10% about knowing what suits you and 90% attitude.

Young people have lots of body insecurities too and, on the whole, they don't dress that brilliantly. The difference is that they don't care what we think and they're certainly not constantly comparing themselves to older women! I think you have to try and recreate that 'don't care' state of mind. There isn't one right way to do it because we're all different but there are some good suggestions on here.

You're clothes sound absolutely fine by the way!

Your

Have you tried adding some colour to your wardrobe? I always feel a bit lost style-wise at this time of year - I never manage the transition between seasons very well.

I've recently bought a couple a bright tops from Dorothy Perkins, and wear them with jeans and brightly coloured cardigans. I've also bought some pink ballet pumps, practical, comfy and right on trend.

Banish the though of being 'appropriate'. As in 'I'm xx years old and so must dress this way because its appropriate". It's much better to wear what you love regardless of your age etc.
Tasteful, thats another one to lose! People get so hung up on not offending they don't dress in a way they like. Clothes are meant to be fun!

chimchar I still have days when I focus on the bad bits (I loathe my tummy) but as long as I do a bit of exercise and eat relatively healthy most of the time then I'm happy. It's the realisation that this is as good as it'll get for me. Unless I give up wine not likely and get up at 5 every morning to exercise even more unlikely then I'm not going to look any better than I do.

In the last couple of years, I have decided only to buy things I really like. I don't have that much money to spend on clothes, and I used to buy a lot of things that were 'useful' or cheap.

I then think about outfits. I rarely buy anything now if I don't know what I am going to wear it with. I find shopping a lot more fun this way and feel a lot more in control.

Omg netty36 I feel exactly the same way as you do. Uncanny.

All my friends think I have lovely clothes and am naturally stylish, in fact, I'm always the one they come to for clothing advice and putting outfits together. I've long suspected I'm better at dressing other people than myself.

I rarely think I've got it right or that I look good. Mostly, I think I always get it wrong, and spend much of my time looking at other people's outfit and wishing I could get it as right as they do.

chimchar - yes! my entire wardrobe is made up of grey, black, navy & white, with a little bit of khaki green for whenever I'm feeling especially daring

I'm happy enough with the overall style but it's all a bit predictable (skinnies, ankle boots, wedge trainers, converse, tube skirts, tea dresses, coloured tights, knee boots, ballet pumps, chunky jumpers, sweatshirts, hoodies, Breton tops, parka, a million scarves, blah blah blah).

I think the problem is that I like wearing all of these but tend to go for the safe options of each of them (grey! navy!) instead of breaking out and trying something a bit unexpected and eye-catching. I kind of look like I'm wearing the uniform of the 40something woman who shops in Zara... then I see someone wearing a fabulous pair of bright yellow shoes and think why can't I bring myself to buy something like that instead of the inevitable black ones.

I saw a woman wearing black skinnies, a neutral chiffon shirt (in that style that has a longer back than front), black ankle boots and a bright corally orange blazer. She looked fantastic so when I got home I tracked down a bright coloured, a shirt and black skinnies but I never bought them and I don't know why.

Also in my head I'd like to be small chested, lightly tanned with long blonde hair in beachy waves. In reality I'm very pale, hourglass shaped with dark brown wild wavy hair that I straighten into submission.

Maybe it's about being comfortable in your own skin first?

Should say 'bright coloured blazer'.

For me, I finally figured what shape I am, which helped with the sizing. Then the colour scheme thing. It really works.

Now I am throwing out all my clothes that do not fit, and do not look "quite right", but I never knew why they were not right.

This used to be me. Lol. Yes, I have been stopped a few times at airport and supermarket too for looking under age.
www.extrapetite.com/2010/05/finding-your-ideal-skirt-length.html
www.extrapetite.com/2010/05/reader-request-how-to-look-older-in.html

I agree with this one. I use less amount of colours now and just stick with a few. More "streamline" look.
lifestyle.howstuffworks.com/style/fashion/style-life-changes/fashion-tips-for-women-in-30s4.htm

Colour scheme that matches your hair and skin tone. :)
www.kettlewellcolours.co.uk/colour-club-127/colour-stories-124

I also think I have pretty much no idea what I look like!

Coumarin - your post made me laugh.

I would love to look like the red head on that link Maisie. Lovely.

Nice blog Maisie I look younger than I am too and it's actually really annoying isn't it? I think sometimes that confuses me when buying clothes too.