Feel so down about my looks

[SourSweets]

I can't talk to anyone in RL about this as they either tell me I look fine, tell me it'll naturally get better in time or just don't get it.

I've posted about this in chat but only got 2 replies so hoping to get a bit more help here.

I had a baby 3 months ago. Pre-pregnancy I was a size 8, had a 28" waist and was quite "waif like". I'm now a size 12, have a 32" waist, wear an F-cup and generally have a totally different body. I don't think my stomach muscled have knitted back together properly and I still have a very rounded belly. None of my old clothes fit me and I have no money to buy new ones, even if I did I'd have no idea how to dress my new body.

I just feel so down about it I could cry. I struggled with anorexia up until my early twenties and now I'm 27 I'm feeling those impulses creep back. I've started a diet but my baby is exclusively breast fed and obviously I don't want him to suffer because of it.

I don't know what I'm asking really, I just needed to talk to someone who won't say "oh you don't look like you've put anything on" or "well you have to give it at least a year". I need it gone now! I can't bear looking like this.

God, I don't know what to say with out it sounding like more platitudes.

But they are all right, you know. And your baby gave you this beautiful body. And your F busy is helping you to give your baby wonderful nutrients.

Is there any way you can get to a pool to do some gentle exercise to help you feel more toned?

I'm feeling the same! My baby is 8 weeks old and I've gone from a pre pregnant 10 to a 12 and a 32GG.
I put most of my effort into my hair and make up and that makes me feel lots better. I tend to stick to leggings and dress combos. Dresses that nip in at the waist seem to be best at hiding my post c section tum.
In this cold weather a nice coat, handbag and boots can hide a lot

Send you a hug. It's awful to feel that your body isn't your own. Could you possibly bring yourself to talk to your health visitor? She might be able to advise you on the best forms of exercise. Sorry I can't be of any real help.

Hey OP, we've all been there, to one degree or another. There is light at the end of the tunnel! It sounds to me like you had a great figure before and a great figure now, but my opinionis not important. Yours is.

How about setting some short term achievable goals? How about right now making sure that everyday your hair looks great for a week like the poster upthread says... then building in a new goal eg a brisk walk every day with the baby in the buggy (quite seriously my upper arms are much better than they were pre pregnancy solely because of that). Then maybe when the baby is a bit older you can build in swimming or aerobics, lots of leisure centres have crèches with two hour slots.

I've been there, it's not fun. Pre children I was a slim size 8, weighed around 8 stone, could wear what I wanted without giving it too much thought (and could more or less eat what I wanted too).

I put on a tonne of weight with DC1 - about 3.5 stone in total (including baby!). I lost some, but never got under 9 stone. I got pregnant again, was far more careful not to put in so much weight, but in the process my tummy muscles were wrecked.

DC2 is now 2.5, and I finally feel like me again. I'm back to a size 8, and weigh pretty much what I did pre children, a little less actually. I suspect that my stomach will never be quite the same, but it's fine under clothes. MuTu system helped, along with general healthy eating - I haven't consciously dieted.

Your baby is still tiny. It can take a long time to get back to where you were. Dont put too much pressure in yourself. Maybe think about an exercise and diet regime that is gentle and consistent with having a young child. And avoid all of your friends who just 'snapped back'!

No real sensible advice, but wanted toaster that you're not alone in your body feeling not 'yours'. I have a quite angular athletic shape (although not that slim - normally size 12 at 5'6") and it really struggle to dress all my curves, never mind lumps and bumps, when pregnant and post natal. I'm on number three pregnancy now and I think knowing that I've slimmed down (actually to smaller than original pre-preg size) makes me less stressed, but rest assured you will become you again! A few things might shift around (my boobs are never going to be what they were!) but actually I've slimmed down from about a 16 and G cup boobs to a 10-12 within a year both times. 3 months is still such early days, give it a few months of gentle exercise while you recover and then go onto something like Shred to tone up if you're still not happy.

I lost a whopping 2 stone the first time by dint of having a baby that only napped in the pram

You are being very hard on yourself you know. The vast majority of new mums don't just spring back into shape, three months is very early to be comparing your old body to the one you have now . Nobody (except DM journos really expects you to be back to size 8 so soon!

I agree with p&p who said to take time and pride over hair, nails and make up. Buy yourself a few lovely items of clothing that fit and flatter, maternity clothes or your old clothes that don't fit again yet will both make you feel rubbish. Try and do some exercise every day, just a half hour or more walking with baby in a papoose will be great, if you can manage to squeeze in something else once or twice, either pushy mums or baby and mum yoga, or something where you can leave little one with someone for a bit, then even better. If/when you can, treat yourself to a facial/massage/mani/pedi.

The period with a new baby, especially your first, is so special, and it really does fly by, before you know it your little baby will be running around. It's such a very short space of time in the scheme if your life, try and enjoy it, don't spoil it fretting about the size of your waist! It would be a shame to look back and remember it like that. Try and remember that your body is amazing, it grew and gave birth to your baby and now it is feeding him/her! Don't diet and deprive it, feed it well, nourish and love it as you do your baby (by extension you will be loving your baby this way too). If you eat well, lots of veggies, whole foods, avoid sugar and processed stuff, you will be back to your normal self before you know it.

Its so very hard, especially when the stupid media bombards us eith images of 'snapped back' celebs etc. its just not real, i dont believe the 'oh its all breastfeeding' hype. I hated my body at the stage you are at. It felt ruined for good, and i felt quite low. The weight was coming off but the shape of me looked so weird.

However my son is now thirteen months and after finishing BF my body did start changing... Now back in 8-10 size and i have a shape again. Tummy skin a bit fecked but ive still worn a bikini! It will all be okay, i promise.

You will get there - it really is early days. It is a huge adjustment - in addition to the fact you're a parent and the lack of sleep and the hormone wobbles and all the rest of it, you also have this whole new body - it's an awful lot to deal with at once.

I know you want the weight gone NOW, I do understand, especially if you're used to being waif like. But be kind on yourself because it is pretty soon to expect so much.
Why not get yourself out and about, walking your baby in the buggy? The gentle exercise will help with both your weight and your low mood.
I know that you don't have funds for clothes straight away, but I remember what I bought in the in-between stage: a long drapey black cardigan which works for every size as you slim down, and covers you up until you feel body-confident again.
I learnt at ante-natal classes that the fat gained in pregnancy is a different type to usual fat, as it is designed for quick release to provide energy for breast feeding. So, given that you're exclusively breastfeeding, you should lose the weight more quickly than you would under normal circs!

Well you were growing a lovely baby inside you for 9 months, stands to reason that it will take another 9 months to get back into shape (so to speak)
Start slowly with some gentle swimming once a week maybe?
My dm put on 5 stone with every pregnancy! And she did lose it with minimal exercise, just weightwatchers and walking with us as kids to the park.

You will feel different but not look so different. Your waist is just slightly bigger & I bet people don't see this and that's why they say you look the same as before you were pregnant. I would say it's about your own perception of yourself which is usual to consider. Be kind to yourself and dress yourself nice. Put your pre preg clothes away and get some that fit now. The feeling of not fitting trousers and skirts is best avoided. You will fit them in the future - it will happen & possibily just by bf, walking, all the work of looking after a little one. Best wishes

It is early days. Many celebrities have surgery after giving birth so please don't compare yourselves to them.

www.babycentre.co.uk/a1152/exercises-for-six-weeks-and-beyond

If you are eating healthy and breastfeeding then look to incorporate gentle exercise rather than dieting.

Yoga perhaps?

It's only natural to feel a bit down sometimes about your appearance when you've had a baby because for nine months your body hasn't been your own and now it is, there are differences to compare what you were like pre pregnancy.

Invest in good supportive underwear, make sure you have good posture and stand tall.

Focus on the things that haven't changed, such as your nails, skin, hair and pamper those areas and before long you will see that your body is more like how it used to be.

9 months on, 9 months off!

If you're breastfeeding the weight will probably come off quite easily. It's very early days and just adjusting to being a mum is overwhelming. The fact that you don't recognise your own body is so tough (I know, I was the same).

Good luck - having your first baby is like having the rug pulled out from under you. It all gets easier.

What worked for me was breastfeeding and lots of long walks with the buggy or sling. My body isn't quite the same shape as before but I got back to my normal weight in less than a year.

Sorry that you're feeling so low about your body. I know you don't want to hear it but it is completely normal after 3 months to be like this. It took me about 3-4 months each time (have 3dc) to get back into pre pregnancy clothes but a further few months before they fitted properly. As someone else said you gain the weight over 9 months so can't expect it to go overnight. I understand that you feel low as I hated feeling big too but there is no magic solution.

Your boobs will be big if you're breast feeding but they will go down in time.

Please do not go back to being anorexic. If you really feel like that then I urge you to speak to your GP/hv. They can also check your stomach muscles and if they haven't come back together can refer you to physio. After dc3 I had at least a 5cm gap and with exercise it gradually did go back to normal.

Congratulate yourself on getting through pregnancy and exclusively bf your baby. In the meantime stick to a healthy diet and do try and get out in the fresh air each day for a walk.

I second the advice about speaking to your health visitor/gp about exercises which are suitable post-pregnancy but which will also help you get your figure back. After I had DD1 my doctor recommended pilates to help strengthen my core and slowly get my stomach back to something resembling pre-pregnancy state. You can actually find specific classes for new mums. I've also seen loads of ads recently on local noticeboards for things like post-pregnancy ballet, buggy exercise classes (where you do exercises whilst pushing your buggy) and yoga for new mothers - so perhaps looking into whether there's anything local to you. And a friend of mine found an exercise class where she could take her baby. Just starting an exercise regime may help you feel better about yourself as exercise puts in a better mood generally. And you will also meet other mums who may understand how you feel.

Once DD3 was 7 months, I also took up Zumba and now I do dance. Absolutely love it, and it is helping me keep my weight down.... AND - shock, horror - it is fun (even for someone like me who is allergic to exercise!).

You may not want to hear this, but three months really is too soon to expect to be back to your old shape. It took 9 months to make your baby, it will take at least that for your body to fully recover.

I am a waif like size 8, so I do understand that feeling of being used to feeling petite, then feeling all lumbering and bovine after having a child.

I have had three children and I was not a waif like size 8 within 3 months of having any of them, you need to give yourself time. My children are school age and I am back to my normal teeny self. It happened gradually, as I went back to work, then had more time to exercise etc.

Do not despair and think your body will be like this forever, it really won't.

Please be careful if you do decide to diet while breast feeding as the baby will take everything it needs and leave you without much of the goodnees your body needs to stay healthy and by that I mean healthy skin, nails and especially teeth as well as everything else.

The weight will come off slowly and as others have said a walk to the shops/ park most days will be good for both you and the baby.

You may never have excatly the same perfect, pert body as you had before but what you do have is an amazing body that has brought a wonderful new person in to this world. You and your body are amazing, celebrate it.

I totally understand what you're feeling. I was the same with DC1 and I'm terrified of what will happen this time. I put on weight throughout bf and weighed more 6 months post birth than I did 2 weeks post birth - because for me, bf did weird things to my appetite and weight. As soon as I stopped, I started returning to normal, and although it took me a year few more months to get my motivation back, once I'd decided that I could take control of my diet and fitness, I snapped back to pre-pg weight.

BTW, I didn't want to depress you further about weight gain when bf, but I found it really unhelpful when everyone said "oh, I lost LOADS of weight breastfeeding" because it made me think that I stuck with my new body shape, and that I was a failure for not losing weight. Its just the way my body reacted.

Gutted for post-natal women the world over that Kate M managed to go back to pre-pg weight within 3 months. But then I console myself thinking she must have been wearing monster spanx under that dress, maybe she's not BF and that she has a stylist, hairdresser, personal trainer and full time nanny/granny to look after HRH DS1 !!!

After my first I was about 3 stone over weight...I was a size 12 to start and was a size 16...huge boobs, big thighs and a wide arse :( I was distraught. I'd say it took 6 months for me to be back to a 12 and feeling toned. I used to go walking every day...pushing a pram is great exercise. I'd stop for a coffee at my destination then walk home. It made me feel good too.

I know this probably didn't help but please know that others have been there and got their figures back. Don't expect your body to be exactly the same though, no woman goes back exactly...unless you're Heidi Klum!

Thank you so much everyone, I really really appreciate all the advice and the sharing of your own experiences, it has brought a tear to my eye.

You are all right, my body has done an amazing thing and I love my little boy more than I ever loved my old boobs. It's just so hard having this alien body, I look down at myself and think "where did YOU come from?"

I have no time to exercise at the moment as I'm working freelance around the baby, but as soon as this job is over I will take up your suggestions of walking and swimming. Just being proactive will make me feel a lot better I think.

And yes, breast feeding has been an issue for me because everyone told me the weight would fall off but it makes me so hungry I think I've l actually gained instead.

I will take the advice of talking to a HV, I know logically my body is not awful, it's just my mind that needs to catch up to the change.

OP, I gained weight when I breastfed. I breastfed my 3, happy I did it, no regrets, but I did not come close to feeling I had 'my' body back until they were weaned.

Again, it just takes time. I breastfed for a year and I remember my oldest girls 2nd birthday vividly because I was finally back into my old clothes and feeling like myself.

I honestly don't think you can rush it. I know it is a cliche, but you will look back on this time and it will have been over in the blink of an eye. Not much help at the moment, I know, except for you to realise that many of us have been where you are and have come out the other end with our bodies relatively unscathed in the end.

Do you know what OP, I bet half of this is because you simply don't know the tricks us chubbier mums have up our sleeves! I have never been thin, my healthy weight is a size 12 (16 post preg so I do know that sinking feeling, however). All the women in my family have a big tum. Pregnancy was in some ways a bit easier for me as I didn't have to hide my tummy any more! Get yourself to John Lewis and buy some Spanx - don't skimp on the cost btw, the cheap ones aren't as good - straight away you will see your posture and figure improve (and you will know how I have been faking to make it for all these years!) and then over time the pounds will fall off, you'll get more sleep, and you'll look back at this time as a bit of an anomaly.

Having had 4 children, it takes a year for your body to return to anywhere near its old self. And I don't mean just weight. Your rib cage expands in pregnancy and I think along with post baby breast feeding, many women look 'matronly' as their ribs push their boobs out even more. Hormones take a while settle down and everything has to naturally work it's way back to place in its own time.
After breastfeeding, it takes time for your boobs to settle and have any plumpness return.
Eat well, drink water and regular gentle exercise is the key.
That first year is so tough. All that pressure. Expectation. Baby stresses. And we're expected to look great too!
My youngest is 13 months and I'm just starting to feel sexy again. I have allowed my body to return back at its own pace.
Hang in there op. just as your body was amazing carrying a baby and giving birth. Let it do its thing and give it time to recover.

I agree with the year time frame...by both my dd's 1st birthdays I was feeling 'normal'.

In fact, by the time you're in the swing of motherhood and chasing after your ds when he starts toddling about you'll not have to worry about the weight!!! A) you don't have time to eat and b) you burn it off chasing them!!!

Good luck op...just remember you're not the first to feel this way and you'll not be the last
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