Feel so down about my looks

[SourSweets]

I can't talk to anyone in RL about this as they either tell me I look fine, tell me it'll naturally get better in time or just don't get it.

I've posted about this in chat but only got 2 replies so hoping to get a bit more help here.

I had a baby 3 months ago. Pre-pregnancy I was a size 8, had a 28" waist and was quite "waif like". I'm now a size 12, have a 32" waist, wear an F-cup and generally have a totally different body. I don't think my stomach muscled have knitted back together properly and I still have a very rounded belly. None of my old clothes fit me and I have no money to buy new ones, even if I did I'd have no idea how to dress my new body.

I just feel so down about it I could cry. I struggled with anorexia up until my early twenties and now I'm 27 I'm feeling those impulses creep back. I've started a diet but my baby is exclusively breast fed and obviously I don't want him to suffer because of it.

I don't know what I'm asking really, I just needed to talk to someone who won't say "oh you don't look like you've put anything on" or "well you have to give it at least a year". I need it gone now! I can't bear looking like this.

Thank you, so true about the ribcage being pushed out, I've gone from a 32 to a 36 back, good to know it's not all fat.

A year seems like such a long time. The poster above though who said I won't want to look back on this time with nothing but misery about my body, you're so right. I want to look back and think what a wonderful time it was, and it is, but sometimes I say things to my baby like "before you ruined mummy's body". I think that I'm joking around but recently I've realised I'm deadly serious, I do think of him that way sometimes which is awful, I feel horrible just writing it down.

I feel so shallow considering what a gorgeous, healthy baby I have and I know I'm so lucky to have him. I'm just used to having so much control over my body, and it hasn't been mine now for over a year. And I'd finally got my eating disorder under control after suffering with it for near on 10 years, I feel like in some (very big, amazing) ways I've gone forward but in other (trivial it might seem, but important to me) ways I've taken a huge step backwards.

I do feel better though, after reading all your helpful comments, I feel more normal and less like I have to justify my looks to strangers in case they judge me for it. Awful, I'm not even fat FFS.

Op when I say a year. I don't mean that as the clock strikes 12 on your dc birthday. But over that first year, your busy will change and return to where it should be.

The first 6 months you will look your worst, but as cabh us weaned and breastfeeding reduced or stopped, your body will speed up and you'll start noticing subtle changes which motivate you.
I started Pilates after dc4 was about 2 months, my teacher said my ribs were totally flared out after pregnancy etc. recently she has said they've returned to normal. And yes my chest and torso looks loads better for it.
Very difficult to find time I know, but focus on things you can do. I drink loads if hot water with lemon throughout the day for my skin. I walk lots and tone up by carrying dc4.
3 months us a very difficult time, energy levels are low, patience low and everything feels crap.
If you can treat yourself to a few things. A facial? Body scrub etc? Arrange for dh to take you out and let him give you an hour in peace to get ready.
Women have too much pressure to Iook good and be perfect. It's a bad state of affairs and makes me sad and angry for us.

3 months is still early days...my tummy pp came as a complete shock to me, my tummy muscles were about 2 to 3 cm apart, my Dr referred me to a physio and a lot of the exercises she gave me could be done while I was doing other stuff. Meanwhile I bought some spanx, primark do a great rip off version and the sainsburys ones are pretty good to. I also cut out foods that bloated (all the white refined stuff) and ate stuff that keeps you fuller longer (brown rice, oat cakes, low fat protein). If by chance you can get out for a walk every day, even a short one you will start to feel fitter and better about your body.

On the bright side...Aug/Sept is a good time to give birth because you can wear slightly baggier stuff and hide under nice layers until the spring time when you will be getting more sleep and be feeling much better...

OP - Please take a moment to listen to this poem. It is called Wow and was written by Hollie McNish after the birth of her first child. I hope it will make you feel more positive about your body.

Dd is nearly 1 and I'm just about back to pre-pregnancy. I put on tons of weight when pregnant through no exercising at all (spd) and comfort eating cake. I've done a lot of walking with the buggy and made friends with the local yoga centre attempting 2 Pilates or yoga sessions a week. Stopping breast feeding helped, as did a quiet word I had with myself at 6 months to lose the final stone and start getting stronger and it actually wasn't that hard because my appetite went once I stopped breast feeding. No one judges you when you have a small baby you know, just you. It does get easier.

Bit early for the physical overhaul. I advise primark for quick cheap new uniform - jusr a few bits that fit and flatter. Good scarf then focus on good bits- Nails hair bit of make up. If you have any more cash go for a personal shopper im a department store to help you figure out what to wear for new body shape. This weight is not forever but the damage you could do flirting with Ana could be. Stay healthy and sane

MrsCakes thank you for directing me to that poem, it's wonderful. I love that she feels that way about her body and I really really hope that one day I will too. I'll keep it to listen to again when I need it.

Meanwhile I'll do the spanx!

Thank you all.

I don't post much, but I couldn't read and run. I have been where you are, and it's bloody soul destroying!
With DD1 (and at 29) I went from size 8 to 12. Put 4 stone on, lost 2 in the first 24 hours, then another in a few weeks. Then I just felt like I was stuck.
Breastfeeding made me feel like a milking machine! I was wearing strange clothes so feeding was accessible, and I was in someone else's body! The hormones take your powers of reasoning away too. I felt like a fat, shapeless blob that was leaking dairy products.
12 months on, I had snapped right back, boobs and all! I BF for 12 months, and nothing was ruined. You couldn't tell I'd had a baby (without inspecting my fecking pelvic floor)!!
I exercised, crunched like mad, and my 6 pack was awesome.

DD2 came along after a few years, and I was back in my jeans within 4 months. No idea how, I just was! After this pregnancy I became more toned than ever before. I worked for it, but it was no harder to get results.

DD3, and I was a stone lighter than pre-pregnancy within 12 weeks. I also felt anxious and hyper, and was eating madly. Eventually diagnosed hyperthyroid, and am struggling with medication and my weight has gone up, BUT my body is great. It's fine, really!
I'm 40 now. I have body issues, but am reasonably happy - regardless of 3 pregnancies.

It takes longer than you expect, but you will honestly get there. It's so frustrating though.
I wish I could reassure you!

That's exactly how I feel Becka, strange clothes, strange body and strange stuff coming out of me all the time.

I think it was such a big shock because I didn't put that much on during my pregnancy, I wore bodycon non - maternity dresses the whole way through, and thought I'd managed to escape this whole thing. But suddenly my belly is totally different, when my milk came in I had really excessive amounts of it so my boobs ballooned literally overnight leaving me with stretch marks, and for the first 2 months I craved fatty sugary things like you wouldn't believe. I never used to eat chocolate and suddenly I'm buying huge bars of it.

I am reassured to know that I will get my body back, and it is possible for normal women if you just give it time and work. I'm also strangely more confident in public now, knowing that other women won't be looking at me thinking "well with a 3 month old what's her excuse?"

You could try a bit of gentle exercise but not many peoples bodies go back to what they were before birth so you need to explore ways you can come to terms with what you have. Perhaps a word with your gp mentioning the anorexia would be a good first step.

Op I think you need to set yourself small targets to give you motivation. Find quality time fur yourself.
The drudge, boredom and sometimes loneliness of being a mother if a baby can make everything feel worse.
My assurance for you is that if you take care of yourself, your body will return to good form. Maybe never like it was entirely (I have a wrinkly tummy which I hate!), but I am slim, clothes look good on me again and I have moments if feeling sexy again.

Pilates is great. I would recommend it.
How you feel is normal. How does dh make you feel?

Also give yourself a budget each month for vanity treats. And spend a Saturday afternoon without the baby so ending it. Even if its just buying a nice lipstick, spend time trying it on and choosing one. Get dressed up (in a casual sort if way) and mooch around the shops, have a coffee while reading a magazine in a nice coffee shop. I did all these things and they really helped.

All women feel the same at your stage. And it's good for women to be open and supportive about it. There us nothing shallow about wanting to feel good about yourself after birth. Yes baby comes first (well done for breastfeeding), but that doesn't mean other things aren't important too. If mum feels good, everything is much easier.

OP please be kind to yourself. I have beaten myself up about not being able to lose my baby weight - my 'baby' is 5 in March! And it has done me no good. I'm a size 16 pushing an 18 I'd say I weigh over 14stone but my pre preggers weight was 11 stone with a dress size 12.

People come in all shapes and sizes and beyond health reasons it doesn't matter what you weigh or your clothes size. The most important thing is that you and your baby are well and that you try to enjoy this time with your little one.

Can you buy some cheap basics from Primark/ Tesco / Asda? Thinking black skinny jeans and longer looser tops to disguise your tummy at this time? Tesco black skinnies are £14 and a longer dress like top might be around £12-£15. Until you lose a little bit more.

Another one chiming in here to say be kind to yourself. I was a size 8 pre preg and found both times I didn't return to my shape and size until a year post baby. Dc 1 only napped in the pram so I walked the legs of myself and still felt unlike myself until nearly over a year later. Breast feeding made me hungry. I really didn't loose weight until a couple of months after I finished bf ...and I fed both dc for 10 months and 13 months respectively. As baby gets older you ll find it s easier to slot in time for yourself too.
I look back on photo s now and remember feeling that I was a long way off my pre preg weight but in reality I looked lovely - (tired but lovely) and not at all big ! . I think after all the changes your body goes through I lost a sense of proportion too and it took a while for me to know myself. So give yourself a break, eat healthily. Don't go starving yourself and please please speak to someone if you feel anorexic urges, your baby needs you around and present, now distracted and food obsessed. (I mean that kindly ).
Try a few little treats - baby moisturiser is lovely on adult skin too:) stretch marks will fade too don't worry. A new hair cut / colour if you can afford it.

I saw this today and thought of this tread :) here it is hope it helps somewhat

Your body has gone through a massive, natural "trauma" and what has happened in that process has taken a full 9 months to occur. Your pre-pregnancy body will take longer to get back to and, like many women, it may never fully return to its pre-pregnancy shape. Breast feeding is a huge help. There are photos of me and ds on his first birthday and I hardly recognise myself.... I was slimmer than I'd started out before I got pregnant! It DOES happen but S L O W L Y. . Some women don't gain much weight during pregnancy and then lose it very quickly but most don't. Take comfort I this.... You are NOT alone.

I think all these photos/articles about celebrities having returned to their pre-preg shape in just 6 weeks have a lot to answer for. Victoria Beckham is NOT a role model for ordinary women without the benefit of celebrity lifestyle and a nanny/mothers help/personal assistant/personal trainer.

Do see your GP/HV and discuss how you feel. Especially as you have had anorexic tendencies in the past.