If you spend a lot of time and/or money on your appearance

[Department]

can you explain why or who you do it for?

I like to look nice(ish) it makes me feel better and I'd like to say, like lots of others, I do it for myself. But that's not true really is it? It makes me feel better because I think I look better to other people, it really doesn't matter to me what I look like, I can't see myself, the only difference it makes to me is the way other people see me, isn't it?

If it was truly for me, I'd have clean comfortable clothes and clean hair, because it itches otherwise, but the blowdry/cut/colour would be completely unnecessary.

If you take care of the way you look, for yourself, rather than for others, can you explain it to me please?

For me. If I woke up and everyone in the world had perished, I would still wear make up, do my hair and dress to look nice.

I wear make up because I have had in the past, bad skin. By disguising flaws with foundation etc, it makes the rest of my face look odd so I wear lipstick, blusher, eye make up etc.

If I feel good about myself and don't have to worry about looking spotty or rough then in turn I radiate a positive and happy outlook.

Call it vain, call it shallow, I don't care. I am a nice person at heart and kind to others and my feeling good about myself means I am more friendly and not withdrawn feeling crap.

See I agree with everything you say, but really, if you had a whole weekend to yourself, guaranteed to see no-one go nowhere would you still do it all? If that turned into weeks on end, would you still?

If there was no-one to see your bad skin why would it matter?

I'm not saying you're wrong (or vain) I'd like to understand the whole I do it for myself thing better.

I think looking good makes me feel better in myself.

Yes, I do. If I feel I look good then I feel good.

Even when I'm at home alone all day working, I feel shit if I'm wearing horrible clothes. I slob out, but it has to be in something nice and flattering. I guess it's just vanity, wanting to look like the ideal image of yourself that you have in your head?

I absolutely agree, looking good makes you feel better, but I don't understand why?

Also, I think wearing something flattering/smart/stylish makes me feel like I'm looking after myself and like I'm in control of my life, in a small way.

Part and part I think.

I like to shower and wash my hair every day. I'm quite sweaty and much prefer to smell clean, that really is just for me!

I like putting my make up on every morning, I find it really relaxing for some reason! So again, just for me.

I stay slim, not for my health, but because it seems to please the world around me I get treat a lot better by people (strangers and people I know) as a size 10/12 than I ever did as a size 16/18. DH loves me whatever size (he really really does) but everyone else doesn't seem to.

I do it because it allows me stop thinking about myself and focus on other people. When I feel I look awful, I become more insular and definitely don't engage with people as much. Knowing I look good means I can forget about it the minute I've got dressed and done my make up, and go about my day focusing on other things. So it's for myself, to enable me to get on with life.

I always wear light makeup, even when I am at home.
I couldn't stay in pjs all day...would feel skanky.

I look nice for me.

That's a really good point by Hopefully - when you feel good you actually care less about your appearance, in a strange kind of way. You stop thinking about it so much and just feel confident. Well, I do anyway. I feel immeasurably better if I feel I'm having a good hair/skin/body/clothes day, whatever. And cannot stand to feel grubby. Make up is less important but I wear it for pleasure and mainly to please myself...

I'm so glad I'm not mad/alone in thinking that grey!

I also really like beautiful clothes/jewellery, but that is an appreciation of beautifully constructed garments and jewellery as almost arty things as much as it is about wanting to put them on my body.

Left to my own devices I wouldn't shower never mind wear make-up or even get dressed and eat properly. I like to get really grubby then emerge from the bath/shower like a phoenix - all shiny and clean.

Hopefully makes an excellent point and one I will do well to consider.

Yep have never really articulated it before but for me Hopefully is bang on.
I do feel better when I look better. And sometimes as well I just want to look foxy of course .

Excallant point from hopefully. I am pg at the mo and have had horrendous spots. My eldest dc has just started school and every time I talk to the mums I feel self concisous and can't relax and concentrate as all I'm thinking is how crap I look!

It has to do with how other people look at me. People judge others from how they look and behave. If I'm well-dressed, have makeup on and smell good, I get treated better. If I go out with greasy hair, dirty old clothes and old mascara down my cheeks, I get treated differently.
It shouldn't be like that - but it is like that, and I like to be treated nicely.
I've experienced this in some shops - if I'm not wearing makeup, I don't get the same kind of help and don't get free samples (makeup/skincare counters and stores). If I'm dressed nicely and wearing makeup, I get several samples and the staff are falling over themselves to help me.

But I also like looking pretty. I like playing around with makeup and clothes and accessories.

I think I am quite low maintenance compared to my friends.

Unlike them, I don't get my nails done or my hair done very often. I get my hair cut and coloured about 4 times a year and do my own nails.

But I have just spent quite a lot on Botox which I do entirely for me, about once a year.

No-one notices it (although I get many compliments about my skin), but I do and it makes me feel really good.

The clinic where I have it is newish and small. They have 800 women on their books now - so I am not alone!

Because I was very ill, have recovered, and then lost the stone and a half I put on during it through a complete revision of my diet and exercise. And I'm proud of how far my poor bugger of a body has come, so I want to show it off. Shame about the face, but that's nature for you :)

I take a lot of care of myself now because it gives me some confidence , I've always struggled with very low self esteem and taking the time to dress nicely and look good really helps me.

I don't try to be very trendy or anything, but I try to look reasonably in fashion, in clothes that suit and flatter my shape, with neat hair and make up on and non-chipped nail varnish. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I rarely leave the house without doing my make up first , it is just part of my getting ready routine now and feel odd without it.

I wish I did! I've always wished I had the impetus/organisational skills to make the best of myself everyday. Since I've had DC I've gotten even worse at it. And weirdly its only when I feel sad or very stressed in another area of my life that I manage to look like I've got myself together. When I'm happy I'm like a pig in muck. In the morning I don't give it too much thought (no time I guess, and would rather have the 15 mins extra sleep!) But mid morning when the school runs done and I've finally woken up I often look down at myself and think 'oh shiiiiiiiiit!'.

That is the downside, it does seem to take ages to build it all into your routine. It takes me longer to get ready and once a week I sit and do my nails which takes ages.
The plus side is that I have lots more confidence in myself and I find that people treat me better now. In general, people are friendlier to me now I'm slim and well put together than when I was overweight and more slap dash about my appearance.

I don't colour or highlight my hair, though I'm sure it would look better if I did, because it costs quite a bit to keep it maintained. I spend much more on clothes, make up, accessories and things now but it does make me happier in myself and I think that makes me a happier wife and mum so worth it for the cost.

I only started to take care over my appearance after my counsellor said I needed to value myself more and set me the task of eating well and doing my hair and make up every day for a month. It really made me feel good about myself and I've kept it up.

I feel much more confident when I feel I look nice. And that changes how I interact with the world around me. When I feel more confident, my behaviour is more open and enthusiastic, other people respond more positively towards me, which makes me feel better, which makes people respond more positively, and so on and so on. It's like a virtuous circle.

I've said this before on Mumsnet (and taken a right flaming for it) but I'll say it again because it's what I think. Taking care of our appearances is a sign that we care for ourselves. It's one indicator of a healthy self esteem.

It's simple. I just like to look my (in my eyes) best. It's self respect to me. Nobody else involved.

I agree with Fuckuit, I feel better when I look after myself. I work from home a lot so I can wear what I want. However, I don't feel professional and 'together ' if I don't make a little effort.. Obviously I don't get all dressed up, but it makes a difference if eg I wear something coordinated and neater, rather than sloppy clothing - somehow feel more positive and ready to tackle the day - don't know why!