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Original poster

The Crepe Papers

999 replies

motherinferior · 05/10/2013 18:40

Did it!

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Spookerella · 26/10/2013 13:14

We have this all the time here. And I do mean ALL the time. And dd adds all sorts of unpleasantness into the mix. There is no alternative to keeping on keeping on, as far as I can see. I frequently compromise more than I would like to, but ime as soon as you retire hurt and just let them get on with it, they think they've won and it will be worse next time. Wearing does not quite cover it.

Spookerella · 26/10/2013 13:18

We are currently waiting to leave to do something that has been planned for a month. Ds and I are packed and ready to go. Dd is cleaning out the hamster. And dh is sorting out a work problem. Angry And who set the alarm to get up early and take the dog to kennels, clean the house, blah blah blah? You're right, it wasn't them. Angry Angry And has anyone checked the car tyres or done any of that stuff? Oh no. Angry
Every bloody time...

herbaceous · 26/10/2013 13:30

Christ you two. That sounds buggering awful. And seems par for the course with yer teens. I'm not looking forward to it.

Can you play them at their own game, and 'not be bothered' to do anything on time for them, or cook/clean/slave etc? Would that have any effect, other than a visit from social services?

We're just waiting for the (Addison Lee, ooohhh) taxi to the airport, then to Gay Portugal. Due to going Ryan Air, I'm obsessively weighing my suitcase to keep it under 15kg. Currently 14.7, as far as I can tell. Fingers crossed!

bigTillyMint · 26/10/2013 14:18

Oh, I feel your pain, I do. Including the being the only one ready to leave - will no doubt be the case tomorrow,

You have to choose your times to ask for chores, etc to be done. And expect nothing.

I am trying my best to do my professional persona at home - calm, placating, sympathising.... DD has been a LOT better for a couple of weeks. But it is probably just coincidence.

In other news, DS got a good grade for the science test he revised for, has had a good short report has had no calls home this half-term and avoided an hour's detention yesterday which his mates did not. I think the ruckus last term was due to a massive hormone surge when he grew 6" and 3 shoe sizes. But it will, no doubt, happen again!

Happy hols HerbsEnvy

Cremolafoam · 26/10/2013 15:08

Mi I'd be inclined to leave the pair of them with a list of jobs.
Lock thyself in office. Order online for delivery tomorrow . Give them beans on toast for tea. Order yourself a delicious takeaway to have with wine and a DVD of your choosing .
And say fuckit. Bet your do is I the land of zen so why should you miss out.

Original poster
motherinferior · 26/10/2013 15:17

We have survived Aldi. It's the variability that does my head in: Alison Pearson refers to 'the moods that arrive like tanks' with toddlers and the same thing happens now. When Dd1 is on form she is an utter delight l.

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bigTillyMint · 26/10/2013 15:19

Yes, Yes, CremoSmile

And sadly, yes, the variability is difficult to say the least.

Spookerella · 26/10/2013 15:20

Jekyll and Hyde had nothing on dd.

QueenQueenie · 26/10/2013 15:30

Treat them like almost adults most of the time, when they are charming, and like enormous toddlers when they are foul... or resort to screaming like a deranged banshee and hearing yourself channeling your crazed mother if you want to fel really bad about yourself
Gin helps!

Original poster
motherinferior · 26/10/2013 15:50

The toddler element is particularly related to food and sleep.

Dd1 is really capable of being one of the nicest people I know. If fed.

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QueenQueenie · 26/10/2013 16:07

God yes MI. I think 90% of the grief ds1 and I get into is food / hunger related... tis very odd but I suppose it's a pretty fundamental thing and represents a whole load of stuff about being cared for etc etc.

ds1 "Wah! Grrrr! Wah! There's no food in this house! I'm STARVING!"
Me "Of course there is. Have some toast / fruit / cereal..."
ds1 "I don't want any of that. I want.... porridge! Why isn't there any porridge?"
Me "Because no-one eats porridge usually?"
ds1 "Like I said, there's no food in this house. I'm starving!"

Me "go and buy some porridge from the shop [2 mins away] if you really want some then..."
ds1"Why should I? It's not my job to buy food... I'll just starve then."
Me "Grrrr. Wah. Grrr."

Etc. Etc.
God it's wearing...
Courage mes amies.

MrsSchadenfreude · 26/10/2013 16:14

Your DDs always seem to be utterly charming to me, MI. So it's a bit of a relief to see that they're not always like that. Grin DH and I just went up to Wholefoods Market. In our absence, someone has tidied the sitting room and hoovered it. Unasked. This has never happened before. Ever. Shock

I went to Brighton with DD1 on Friday. Hadn't been for years. There were people swimming in the sea! I used to go a lot, as a child. I was very disappointed with the Lanes - they seem to be full of chain restaurants now - Zizzi (which always makes us smirk), Starbucks, Caffe Nero, Costa, Pizza Express. Very few interesting little shops. Where else is a nice seaside place to go that is within easy reach of London? We had a long walk on the beach, had fish and chips for lunch, on the front, went on the pier. So we did have quite a nice day.

MrsSchadenfreude · 26/10/2013 16:16

DD2 is always utterly foul if she is hungry as well. I wonder if she has low blood pressure like me. I get utterly crabby for no real reason, then realise my BP is probably dipping, have a banana or some full fat Coke and I am fine again. Then again it could be hormones. For both of us.

Spookerella · 26/10/2013 16:19

Hmm, if only it were as simple as food and sleep here. Anyway, my dd is a sweet girl underneath it all, but it's all very tricky here these days and I find booze makes it worse. I should probably go quiet here as I think I'm digging myself into a bit of a hole, one way and another. I'm feeling as though I should never have any children, with another Camhs appmt in a couple of weeks and nothing but a sense of utter despair about everything.

QueenQueenie · 26/10/2013 16:29

Stropps / Spooks, the very fact you are so concerned for and about her speaks volumes about your parenting. Really. Teenagers are bloody hard work. If she's having a terrible time of it for whatever reason it's NOT your fault and you can't magically make everything all right for her. You can only do what you are doing and try to help her, get her appropriate support and stick in there with her. And look after yourself too.. Have a hug.

addle · 26/10/2013 16:33

Stropps, completely second QQ - more hugs from me. some days the sweetness of my dd was so far hidden that i completely despaired. look after yourself. x

Original poster
motherinferior · 26/10/2013 16:34

Agree totally, QQ. And also about the feeding/nurture thing.

MrsS, Whitstable has charm.

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Original poster
motherinferior · 26/10/2013 16:47

And we are now stocked to the brim with Aldi crumpets and choc chip brioches to prevent those moments of no food at all and that just shows how much you CARE which I can do without thank you.

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bigTillyMint · 26/10/2013 16:47

Stropps, totally agree with the others. Big hugs.

Whitstable is just like my corner of London-on-sea. In fact several people moved down there when the DC were small. I do like all of that stretch of coast, and Broadstairs in particular. Or is it just the 1930's ice-cream parlour that I love?Smile

Auriga · 26/10/2013 16:55

Stropps, when I see what DM can still reduce me to, it helps to remember that dd is getting a better start than I had. She doesn't appreciate it but that's partly because I allow her to be a child.

Sometimes I need to treat myself like a toddler, never mind dd, and catch myself doing something right Smile

Blackduck · 26/10/2013 17:08

All those with teens big {{ }}
I'm not there yet, and am dreading it....

I am tired by the fact that no single room in my house is 'finished'. - it's getting me down.

Spookerella · 26/10/2013 17:10

If I weren't sitting the car with all the family, I would probably lying face-down on the bed blubbing self I indulgently. The BIG trouble is that the violent raging and smashing stuff up etc is reminding me so much of her father - who never grew out of it. I find her using the same bullying tactics as he did and that really scares me.

MrsSchadenfreude · 26/10/2013 17:15

Stropps - what QQ, MI and Auriga have said. So sorry you're going through this.

Spookerella · 26/10/2013 17:32

Thanks for being so kind, everyone and sorry for being a whingebag. Must pull self together for long weekend with extended family

Original poster
motherinferior · 26/10/2013 17:33

Darling S, that must be v tough; is it also possible that you are conflating the two of them disproportionately, given your own personal involvement?

I know that for me, as for one of my good mates, the terror is that my DDs will not come back to me; that their relationship with me will be as utterly f@cked as mine with my own parents. I do also remember (sometimes) that I do at least try to do parenting differently...

She is his daughter but not his clone. And you are a fab mum.

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