Can I be stylish if I am fat?

[Renovatinghouse]

A bit depressed at the moment due to inability to lose baby weight -baby is older than 6 months by the way. Gained a massive amount of weight during pregnancy so none of my clothes fit and have unsuccessfully tried to diet several times, lost a bit and then gained it all back.

So now I have decided to leave the diet for later and concentrate to look good as I am now. The problem is that being size 20 (tight) nothing fits well and I still look 7 months pregnant. Is it a waste of time to try to find flattering clothes and looking good while I am this big and have this shape (huge wobbly tummy)?

I have colored my hair, trying to wear make up and use perfume but it all feels useless. Worse of all, I am embarrassed to go out and meet friends because I am self conscious of how I look. Have just bought a pretty top and jeans online but I am almost sure they will look bad but wanted to try anyway.

I wish I had the will power. I have an important work meeting in a couple of months and I am already dreading it....

Any tips that can make miracles happen?

Thanks!!

Of course you can! Start by buying clothes that fit, not ones that you are squeezing into or that swamp you - neither will do you any favours. Buy a small selection of clothes that fit in a palette that goes together, and add a few accessories/scarves.

However, if you are that miserable about your weight, it might be worth trying something new to solve it, long term, rather than having a short term diet aim that doesn't seem to be working for you. Maybe think of gradually reducing portions/refined carbs, rather than deciding 'this week I am on a diet and need to lose 2lbs per week' or whatever.

A good friend once said to me that your weight 'is what it is'. So you're overweight at the moment. It's not a crime. Accept that you are fat and decide to do something about it, for YOU. Because you care about yourself and you want to be healthy.

As for style, keep doing stuff to make yourself look and feel your very best. If you don't, you're sending your subconscious the message that you are worthless, so why not overeat?

I have no magic secret to impart about weightloss other than do out of love for yourself, not disgust. You're still the same person you were before you gained weight. Good luck.

There is a woman at my gym who is probably your size and always looks amazing. She is tall, which is helpful, but wears good quality, well-cut clothes, often dark-coloured trousers and a simple top. Her make-up is invariably immaculate.
She is always looking happy and confident and this is the biggest factor, I think, in how good she looks.

There is no law saying that within x months you should revert to your pre-baby size - your head needs to be in the right place, and beating yourself up won't help. (I suddenly found the motivation to lose the 2.5 stones that I'd acquired, and hated myself for, when DS started school.)

When you're ready, you will do it - in the meantime you need to feel proud of yourself, recognise that you might be a slightly different shape than you were before, so might suit slightly differently shaped clothes - maybe a session with a personal shopper might be an idea?

Good luck with it

If you gained a massive amount of weight during pregnancy OP it may be worth asking your GP for thyroid blood tests. It was pregnancy that triggered my underactive thyroid.

Hiya Renovating
You could have been me 6 months ago. My baby is now 20 months! And I'm still carrying 3 stone of "baby weight" I joined slimming world about 1 month ago and have lost almost a stone. In the mean time I have smartened myself up and try to make an effort with my makeup and hair plus and this is the important bit I am walking proud! I am working on my confidence and every night I try to reflect on what is good in my life. It sounds arty fatty but man it so works.
Sending u lots of warm friendly thoughts. Good luck x

Yes you can be stylish and fat-absolutely!
But it's hard to be stylish if you don't feel confident.

BE confident-you've had a baby! Look after yourself and love your body and treat it well. Diets don't seem to be the right thing for you.

The best advice I heard when I was trying to lose weight was;

'Okay if I magicked your weight off now, and you were the size you wanted to be, what would you behave like toward your body?'
I said 'Oh that would be amazing, I would be so careful, I'd make sure I exercised and ate healthily and make sure I NEVER became overweight again!'
And she said to me, 'Okay behave like that NOW'.

Act like a slim person, treat your body as if you love it and want to give it quality fuel, and the weight will drop off.

Walk tall and keep your posture good, and act confident, and no matter what you're wearing , you'll look a lot better in it than if you're acting the opposite.

I just started the 5:2 diet yesterday OP, and though my first fast day felt a bit brutal this is a diet I could see myself sticking with longterm, because anything you want to eat you can have, as long as it's not on one of your two fasting days.

The forum is here if you want to have a look www.mumsnet.com/Talk/fasting_diet

Thank you so much for the kind words!! They made me cry a bit : ) I agree that it has a lot to do with confidence. I used to be a very confident person and would like to bring that back. Apart from the extra weight, I am surrounded by wonderful things in my life: loving husband, really beautiful children, good prospects in my professional life, close family, nice house.... But somehow I feel I cannot enjoy it because I feel ugly and out of control.

Thank you for the good advice. I hope that when I am ready I will lose the baby weight, it happened last time. I know very well what caused it: lots of food and chocolates : ( meanwhile, I will get some nice clothes. I was resisting to spend money in big clothes but it is true that my weight is what it is. I have always been a yo yo dieter and my closet is like a shop: clothes from size 10 to 20.

Will try the scarves and other accessories that I can keep regardless of size. Thanks again for replying so kindly and for the good wishes!

I'm in the same situation as you, except that my youngest son is 20!! I have put on loads of weight in the last six months and it is making me miserable. I'm an ever expanding size 18. I feel that being this size has sucked all the joy out of my life.
So, I have decided to love my body, very hard thing to start doing, and eat 3 healthy meals a day. I refuse to get stressed about it as that makes me dive into the chocolate.
Good luck. It will come off. Meanwhile dress the best you can, it will make you feel much better.

Are you mad? Andre Leon talley is fat and a man and he is possibly one of the most stylish people on the planet!

Style is about the way you wear your clothes not just the clothes on thei own. Confidence, originality and how you carry yourself. Head high and walk like the pavement is your cat walk!

I'm feeling the same way, OP! I've put on about 8lb since April and have gone up from a 12 to a 14 (I was a size 6/8 10 years ago...sob), I'm the biggest I've ever been and need to nip it in the bud before I put more on. I'm constantly on the verge of tears and somebody stopped me in the street yesterday and asked if I was pregnant!! (My b/f was not happy!!) Today, for the first time ever, I've bought some big tummy-holdy-in knickers. Not a solution, but gives me a little bit more confidence until my diet starts taking effect. I agree with another poster...don't wear a "tight" anything, get clothes that fit nice and it will help loads to add to the overall stylish look, no matter what size you are, ill fitting clothes make anybody look worse

Oh ArtDeco, that happened to me recently. Went out with my sister who is 8 month pregnant and the shop assistant trying to be friendly said "how lovely that you are both pregnant" I just nodded and smiled but could have cried!

Who is Andre Leon? I need to find out!!

Of course you can, you just need to work on your confidence!

Google "honorcurves", she's an Instagram poster who is so inspiring. And also "tessmunster", a plus plus size model and creator of "effyourbeautystandards". These women have given me so much confidence in my own skin to see that no matter what number is on the inside of your clothes, everyone is beautiful. Sounds cheesy but whatever

I'm more stylish now at a size 16 as I rock with confidence than I ever was a size 12. I lived in black baggy clothes, now I wear dresses, skirts, fitted tops etc. one thing that helped massively was getting a fab fitting bra, once your boobs are in the right place clothes look a lot better. Bravissimo nailed it for me. :)

I'm stylish and I'm definitely fat! Don't beat yourself up over not losing weight the way you think you should. If you're really unhappy, it shows so the most sensible thing for you to do is remember, you are the same person you've always been, a stone or more extra doesn't change that and you will lose the weight when you are ready to, which will be when you are in a positive state of mind and are ready to commit to a sensible eating and exercise plan that is sustainable. fad diets will do you more harm than you realise as they are unhealthy and not sustainable. Chin up, you can be the size of a house and still look fab. Focus on your best bits, show em off and hold your head up high.

Oh, Renovating...it's just so...demoralising! And rude/embarrassing. When we're both looking glam and gorgeous, we'll bump into these same people and show them a thing or two

Andre is a wonderful man. In a bitchy cut throat industry he rises above everyone and nurtures and supports new talent. Google him, he is an amazing man.

Anyway, op, diets are usually rubbish as anyone can lose weight on a diet at first but then find it hard to stick to or pile on the weight afterwards.

We are creatures of habit. Try eating less of what you normally eat, reducing portion size as you go along for a few weeks. We are raised not to waste food but once you've eaten it where does food go? Exactly, down the toilet. So cut out the middleman- you.

If you have a meal in front of you, aim to eat half or if at hone, cook half the amount you would usually eat. By doing this you are getting the taste of the foods you usually eat but are reducing calorific intake.

As you lose weight you are now psychologically and emotionally in a better place and can now think about what you are eating and why. Now you can start swapping unhealthy food with healthy foods.

You can do it, but lack of instant results are what make most people losing weight give up. Don't look at yourself and think you must be slim by next week. Start now and think about what you will look like at Christmas.

Don't obsessively weigh yourself but do write down what you eat, it helps you be honest with yourself.

You are in charge, not your fridge. X

Hasn' t hurt Beth Ditto

One of my work colleagues is the most gorgeous woman. Beautifully dressed, perfect make up and the most fabulous shiny, swishy hair in the world. You don't notice her weight, just her.
She's on her third husband, gorgeous younger man and I've seen grown men do the doe eyed sappy face when she notices them.
She is in every way fabulous.

As long as you wear good fitting clothes im sure you will look lovely and dont be so hard on your self about the baby weight i went from a size 10 to an 18 with 2nd pregnancy i tane me a year a half to get back to a size 10 and i did really struggle clothes shopping for bigger sizes

I am size 16 and I never let that get in the way of being fabulous. I wear a lot of vintage/retro style clothing which make the most of my figure-so nipped in waists,swing or wiggle dresses,seamed stockings etc. This is a look that can look great on any size.

I am fat and 45 and dating a very hot 29 year-old. My secret? A decent bra, moisturised skin and daily scent and a dash of eyeliner and mascara.

Honestly, you'd be amazed how little people (men) care about weight. Women are the bad ones, and your inner self is probably the Queen Bitch. Get a few bits of clothing that fit, a couple of bright tops, non-painful shoes, brush hair and go.

Never made Adele unattractive did it? She was and still is gorgeous bigger or smaller....she's stylish and loads of men fancy her...my DH for one and he's never indicated a penchant for larger women before...it's just her "aura" he says.

Thank you for all the very inspiring tips. I agree that state of mind is important and I just feel overwhelmed at the moment with broken nights and a very demanding job. I thought that by now I would be much lighter, but since I am not, I will do my best to lift my confidence. Starting with some nice clothes. I hope I can find things that fit me : )

Wow Cory, good for you!! I will buy eyeliner as well!

Onelittlelady, that is so true about fad diets, I have tried them all!