Wedding panic, middle aged bridesmaid!

[celestialbows]

Hi all
Please help. I'm a bridesmaid next weekend, the wedding is early in the morning and I'm between 10& 20 years older than all the other bridesmaids as well as being the mum of the youngest toddler bridesmaids .

Everyone is having their make up done professionally as well as mani/pedis and expensive hairstyling. I have neither the time nor money for any of this, clothing me and the family for the wedding has cost an arm and a leg, my husband's a photographer and doing the day for free so we're losing out there too.

I'm no spring chicken and am perimenopausal so I am drained with dried out hair and skin! I'm also working up until the eve of the wedding.
I'm going to feel so rough against the other girls, I'm naturally low maintenance and can't face all the false bits they're adding on plus I don't really know how to do make up!
Due to location and sorting out the kids I can't go off to town for a make up trial and I've been scouring Groupon for nail packages to no avail.

Please tell me how to make the best of myself so that I don't look a complete Disaster all day.

Thanks in advance
:-)

Can you dye your hair today? It should have settled by next weekend.

What makeup do you have?

Do you have any friends who are good at manicures or hair or make up etc who might be able to come round? Other than that do one thing a day. exfoliate, face pack one night, manicure pedicure. practice hairstyle, practice makeup etc.

Also remember that no one except you is holding you up to scrutiny against women 10 and 20 years younger than you. Well not unless they're an arsehole.

Stay off the booze and drinks tones of water between now and then to resydreate your face as much as possible. Get your hari done nicely but don't feel obliged to go OTT on the make-up if youa re not used to it - it will just feel odd. Make sure you have a decent primer for your face, then some nice light foundation that doesn't look to heavy or cakey, and stick to soft natural colours.

There are some great 'how to' videos on Youtube for doing make up. Have a few practice sessions yourself.

tons.

rehydrate.

hair.

you are.

Thanks for the tips, drink water is a good one! All my friends are hippy chicks and wear make up like me: barely ever, lip gloss and a bit of fairy sparkle for special occasions!
One of the bridesmaids (cousin) is an arsehole and always puts me down frowning at my hair and clothes and making faux sad faces about my appearance either on a normal day or a special occasion, about my skin, clothes and my greys etc. It doesn't help that she's stunning and uber popular and funny and if I ever tell people what she's done they say 'oh that's just x' s sense of humour, she doesn't mean it' and when I confront her she denies it and it makes me feel like a moany twat!
Also she loves the camera and follows dh around to photo bomb every pic at every occasion.
Cor typing all this makes me realise there's is always more to the story!
She asked the other day :does your dh ever complain about how you look since having kids? '

I will check YouTube, I have primer, bb cream and some benefit tinted moisturiser. I cannot bear false eyelashes though and will try to do all the pamper tips you have mentioned.

I have some dye which I never got around to using, I will try it tonight
I also have a nice liquid eyeliner which is dark brown so quite subtle as well as benefit dr feelgood but I don't know how to put all the elements together. I have done it and felt quite beautiful then got out to be told 'you're such an earth mother' or somesuch nonsense (not just from the cousin)
Also I have naturally curly long hair which can look fabulous but it is only ever through luck, I never know from our end day to the next whether to expect good or bad so I just straighten it or have a ponytail so it just looks flat and lifeless.
When I told the bride I wanted my hair natural she looked absolutely horrified!

*one day to the next not one end day...

You sound lovely. The cousin is vile. Don't listen to her. She obviously has self esteem issues otherwise she wouldn't need to put you down so much to make her feel better about herself.

See if you can borrow a babyliss big hair from anyone you know? It does make your hair come out lovely! But some nice nail varnish too :-)

Oh I have a babyliss big hair bought postnatally in desperation after reading threads on here a couple of years ago, I never have time to use it properly so I rush and it just looks like pap. Maybe I need to practice when I'm not actually going anywhere? I was so excited about being a middle aged bridesmaid but I didn't anticipate it being so 'TOWIE' I am pretty short too and everyone is wearing those weird hidden platform skyscrapers and I can't walk in heels.
I'm a frigging disaster! Honestly on a daily basis I'm not unhappy with my image, S&B has really helped me to rework My wardrobe and feel like myself but better but this being on display with a load of showponies is making me feel nervous, especially as I'll be managing kids at the same time!

Shouldn't the bride be arranging hair and make up for bridesmaids?

I don't know what the tradition is tbh. the bride offered her stylist for the morning but it was fifty quid and I'm sorry but if it doesn't include cut, colour and dry I'm not forking out fifty squids! The clothes and shoes for me and the kids has been a nightmare both financially and timewise, and the makeup artist is something like 75 quid & I just don't have the time on the morning. The wedding is pretty early, I'm the only one with kids and I don't think anyone realises how mental it all is for me to organise.
The bride has a laissez faire attitude which is great in terms of not having to risk bridezilla wrath but at the same time I've been left to sort out everything for my own family who are quite a big part of the day.
Sorry I'm not really posting in a stylish or beautiful way, it has just hit me how hard it's all become!

Ask a friend to come round to help with your children in the morning. I was MH for my sister, my 3 girls were bridesmaids, and my lovely, lovely friend came and sorted the girls out while my sister and I got ready, helped me get into my dress etc etc.

I don't normally wear makeup, and only had a dusting of face powder (to avoid looking red and shiny) and lipstick. I did get my hair done, though, which made a huge difference to how I felt, and how I looked in the photos (I normally hate photos of myself). My sister paid for that though, we went together. Personally I wouldn't be that fussed about a manicure - if you're holding flowers no-one will see your nails anyway.
If the other bridesmaids are going to look like something out of TOWIE, you'd stand out to me as the nice, natural, un-plasticised one. And I wouldn't care how tall you are. You need shoes you can run after toddlers with, if necessary...
(Does DH know what the catty cousin is like? He can keep her out of photos she's not supposed to be in, and might manage to take the odd unflattering shot of her??)

Bunbaker: thank you :-) I have two cousins exactly the same,, it's a frigging pita when they are together flicking their hair, photo bombing and outdoing everyone. They are true narcissists of the Facebook generation. No offence to any fb fans out there but if you saw their profiles you'd know what I mean.
The other thing that makes it weird for me is the botox and boob jobs although I've followed bra intervention threads and am happy with how my pancakes are stored for the big day!

Parachutesarefab dh only knows what I tell him , she's sweetness and light to him and very flattering about his work asking lots of questions about the cameras and she has practiced every conceivable facial and body position and is super aware of her looks and how she appears to others .
I have warned dh that I don't want to be alone with the kiddies all day and want his help, I've asked him to limit the photos to the necessary and unexpected!
On a positive note the dress is lovely, coral which is my colour, lucky for everyone else it's cuz' colour too as she vetoed about fifty choices before we could all settle on this.

Would people wear neutral lips and nails with coral or for coral nails? I tend to wear orangey lips/nails whenever I dress up (autumn person) but not sure if it's too matchy?

Your cousin is a disgusting bitch.

Women who feel the need to put other women down are often excused by people thinking they do it because they are insecure themselves.

I believe that in many instances these women are just nasty pieces of work, end of.

Anyway, you have something that cow may long for, the love of a good man and lovely children.

Next time she approaches you, before she gets a chance to put you down, tell her she has spinach in her teeth or something hanging out of her nose! She'll quickly clear off!

I am sure your proud smile on your face as you watch your girls be bridesmaids will outshine any fake eyelashes, nails or tans etc!

Hope you enjoy the day. X

Aww Sunday : harsh words but definitely a bit of truth, she is sooooo insecure, and very cunning. she has an amazing boyfriend and he has all the connections she wants loads of dosh as well as a fabulous home, and she treats him like dirt.

But yes I will be very proud of my littlies as well as very busy and I will try and follow the tips on here. I'm so bleddy knackered once the kids are in bed it's almost impossible to consider pampering myself!

you will look fine. Wash hair the night before. Clean nails, filed tidily - pale nail varnish if you want. Style it how you want. No need for pedicure, again just tidy toes.

lick of mascara if you don't have dark lashes. Otherwise don't wear slap if you don't normally. Don't worry about competing with kids. Competition is for sport.

bitchy bridesmaid - use the great line 'do you mean to be so rude?' If she is really that popular it will only be with sheep-like followers or men who want sex with her.

If your hair is long what about leaving it wavy but putting the top half up, or all of it?

like this

similar

not the loose bits

This blog is brilliant www.thesmallthingsblog.com/p/hair_17.html

Where do you live OP? Perhaps there are some Mumsnetters near you who could help you with your nails and hair, if that would make you feel better.

Have you tried this for taming the curls? (Im sure boots sell travel sized ones) www.trevorsorbie.com/shop/best-sellers/beautiful-curls-curl-cream.html
It's really good, you just use teeny tiny amounts (literally less than a pea sized) on wet brushed hair, put your head on an angle and scrunch. Keep using a tiny bit more as you go.
I tend to do a bit whilst putting make up on so its drying at the same time. Once its dry or pretty much dry, put your fingers to the root and "zhuzh" it up and spray (well) with hair spray.

It doesn't make your hair Krispy but gives a nice "wanton" kind of look, plus if your hair starts to fall flat in the day you just give another "zhuzh". Then you could twist a small section back from each side of your face and pin with grips or a sparkly clip if you think it'll make you feel a bit like its been done.

For make up, wear what you feel comfortable with but I think mascara and shimmery lipgloss will enough to look 'done'.

specialsubject: I have used the classic MN line on her before she just looks puzzled and says 'what do you mean?' In a really confrontational way and then when I explain it makes me sound really babyish so I've just stopped saying anything at all!
Your tips sound good I think neutral fingers so I don't have to worry about chipping I have mega short nails and coral toes?
I really don't want to egg into that competitive mindset, women in their forties shouldn't have to try and compete with young things, it's just that dressing up is sooooo different now, it's quite intimidating, I always feel like I need more on!

Primallass those pics are lovely, my 'go-to' going out hairstyle is normally a side sweep with a bit of bouff on top and a sort of half pony with long wavy underneath, always gets compliments if it's done nicely.
Mimisunshine I like the idea of a quick zhuzh during the day but I think my DH will be too busy being the photographer ;@)

Primrose I'm a bit wary of giving my location because I haven't Nc for this but that's such a lovely idea. I love mumsnet! X