Wedding panic, middle aged bridesmaid!

[celestialbows]

Hi all
Please help. I'm a bridesmaid next weekend, the wedding is early in the morning and I'm between 10& 20 years older than all the other bridesmaids as well as being the mum of the youngest toddler bridesmaids .

Everyone is having their make up done professionally as well as mani/pedis and expensive hairstyling. I have neither the time nor money for any of this, clothing me and the family for the wedding has cost an arm and a leg, my husband's a photographer and doing the day for free so we're losing out there too.

I'm no spring chicken and am perimenopausal so I am drained with dried out hair and skin! I'm also working up until the eve of the wedding.
I'm going to feel so rough against the other girls, I'm naturally low maintenance and can't face all the false bits they're adding on plus I don't really know how to do make up!
Due to location and sorting out the kids I can't go off to town for a make up trial and I've been scouring Groupon for nail packages to no avail.

Please tell me how to make the best of myself so that I don't look a complete Disaster all day.

Mini sunshine I've never found a curl cream that doesn't leave it crispy I can't wait to try some Trevor sortie thanks, I really want to start embracing my curls again.

Ok so I have dyed my hair and it looks shiny, hopefully that will last. I have dug out a tooth whitening kit which was a Groupon deal I never got around to using, I'm pretty sure I have a face mask and I know I have exfoliators and nail varnishes, what about face bases? I never know what to put where and in which order?
I have bb creams one botanical and one L'Oréal, benefit tinted moisturiser and benefit dr feelgood. I always got compliments when I wore bb plus dr feelgood but I can't remember which order I wore them in and would tinted moisturiser go on before, after or mixed in with bb?
I don't think I trust myself to do tricky eyeshadow so am thinking a dark bronzey eyeshadow cream plus highlighter in the usual places.
What about blusher tho? I don't know how I'd apply it on top of all the other gunk, I'm guessing cream blush is better? I haven't got any but could double up with lippy?
Gosh I'm back to overthinking this!

what a palaver, all the bridesmaids are talking about carrying effing bags and reapplying slap throughout the day as well, I've been to a lot of weddings lately I don't remember any bridesmaids sneaking off to do their faces!
I'm so glad grunge was in when I was that age!

I have no advice but your cousin is a bitch.
And so is the bride IMO. Clothes & shoes for you and the little bridesmaids??? Should have been paid for by the BRIDE.

Smile lots & you will be lovely. So will the smaller ones- take the credit for them and smile more!

Seriously inkle? I have no effing idea as have never been a bridesmaid before, we eloped to save everyone and ourselves all this wedding related stress. I'm a sort of unofficial godmother to the bride so I just felt proud to be asked, there's no way she'd have splashed out on us!
My shoes and dress I will definitely wear a lot afterwards with some dress alterations it should last years and the shoes are classics so it's a long term investment, hopefully I can sell the little girl bits depending on how filthy they get.
Reading back my posts it sounds like I'm really vain, I promise I'm not I just don't want to turn up looking like Liz Jones and everyone pitying the angel of death with the old hag hair and hands!

I definitely recommend it, just don't put too much on, literally tiny amounts and build up.
Face I would go:
BB cream (mixed on back of hand) with tinted moisturiser
[Do your hair a bit]
Dr Feelgood
[Do your hair a bit more]
Bronzer (if you have / like it)
[hair again, even if you don't need any more curl cream just scrunch]
Blusher - really don't use actual lippy - smile with lips closed, sweep on the full cheeks and then up the cheek bone to the eye level, use a tissue to blend in if it looks too much.
Eyeshadow - cream coloured eyeshadow over the whole eye (lash line to brow), bronze colour: sweep along lash line to socket from eye outer edge in so that its darker on the outside edge of eye. Close eye, dap highlighter in corner of inner eye. Line lashes with eye liner then mascara
[hair final scrunch]
Add slightly tinted lip balm / gloss. Or thin layer of lipstick and clear lip balm over top.

Wow Mimi! Are you a make up artist or just a proper woman?! I will print that off and keep to keep me calm, so I just need to find cream coloured shadow and we're quids in!
Thanks so much all for your advice and kindness, I'll be back in 8 days to tell you how it went xx

Nails = shellac, it's a nail polish that will last at least 10 days it is truly fantastic shop around and you should be able to find it for < £15. It is also really shiny.

I am a fan of fake tan, many are not on here though. The secret is to smooth of rather than rub in.

Hair = if you can get a blow dry of your own style you would still feel natural and like you but look a little more polished than normal. You could even wash your hair at home and get dried in a salon, home hairdresser or could you take DC with you. I went one recently with a play room!

Lots of water and few carbs into the run up.

Nice perfume & underwear.

You will look fantastic I'm sure and hey DH is in charge of the photos

No problem, I have always just loved playing around with make up, (not always to good affect lol). And had a couple of mac make up lessons. Any old cream (powered) eye shadow will do, it's just to create a neutral base.

You'll look fab I'm sure. And a trick for the posed group shots, turn your face slightly off centre and your chin slightly down. It's very subtle but means you are ever so slightly looking up, meaning your eyes look bigger. That'll give the bitchy cousin a run for her money ;-) but you won't look 'posed' haha

.

You don't sound vain, you sound like a perfectly normal women who will actually enjoy catching up with family and friends at the wedding and being out with your husband and children and not spending the day/evening primping and fussing every ten minutes over your appearance, looking every other woman up and down and making snide remarks!

Another idea with Cousin Bitch is to feign disinterest when she talks to you as that will really piss her off. You know that look when someone is talking to you but your mind has drifted to thinking about what you are making for tea tonight et? Stare into the middle distance or through her then after she has said something, shake your head and say, "sorry I wasn't listening, I have to go and ....." And just walk off.

Hey sundaysimmons thanks for your message. Funny that Cousin also does 'that look when someone is talking to you but your mind has drifted to thinking about what you are making for tea tonight' when I talk to her, then she might just reply 'what?' In an irritated voice.
I wonder if she's like this with me because I have no purpose for her, I'm just a middle aged mum with no cool connections!

Miconiumhappens: what a lovely name...I have heard of shellac, I thought it was a salon only thing, can you just buy it in normal shops or would I have to travel further afield? There is a Sally in the nearest town but I don't know if they open Sundays, I guess I could find out!

Honestly I will enjoy the day especially after reading all your posts and I will follow all the steps. Just got to hope the babysitter doesn't bail and we can enjoy the evening!

I have very dry hair too. Argan oil is your friend - Superdrug and Boots sell it. Use sparingly - helps combat frizz, gives some sleekness too.

Freya I have never used a hair mask are they different form leaving in conditioner? I often leave in oil overnight.

Today I have re-started a supplement regime, possibly a bit stable door horse bolty but nothing to lose, I have some fish and flax oils plus some collagen supplements and a multivitamin . Wish I had started earlier but I've just been too knackered! Every little helps I'm sure!
I've been drinking loads water and eating my greens.

Also thanks for the tip re bright colours and brows.

"Everyone is having their make up done professionally as well as mani/pedis and expensive hairstyling. I have neither the time nor money for any of this, clothing me and the family for the wedding has cost an arm and a leg, my husband's a photographer and doing the day for free so we're losing out there too."

I'm pretty shocked at this tbh. Not only is she not paying to have your hair done, but she is seriously expecting you to fork out for several bridesmaids outfits while simultaneously losing a fee for photography?! That's absolutely appalling IMO.

Flowery, if you knew the bride you wouldn't be surprised. There's a complex history which is why I always make allowances. I could have done more for them when they were kids but I was young and had my own shit going on. I have more than made up for it a hundred times over but my guilt and their expectations still prevail.
But I have been running around like crazy hemorrhaging money, using a whole lot of precious time sorting things for the bride, my own family plus all the hen stuff and I don't expect any thanks.
I have been hinted at by other bms and the bride that I could be doing more to help with decorations, crafts etc while gorgeous cousin is doing nothing more than prepping herself.
I'm the busiest out of the whole wedding party with small children plus work etc and other commitments. It's kind of a given that poor dh does loved one's weddings, some give a 'token' of thanks, many don't, this will be one of the occasions when they don't, I guarantee. But I draw the line at buying wedding presents!
I do love these people no matter how much I rant on here.

After researching shellac and deciding it's too expensive and time consuming I have found a supplier locally who sells vinylux weekly nail polish, I have ordered a neutral for fingers and a corally colour for the toes. Traditionally I'm crap at nails but reading reviews it sounds like it should be fine as long as I follow instructions to the letter and take my time.

Hi all so I'm nearly there but just come up with another sartorial stressor: where do mum bridesmaids keep the nappies, wipes and bribes????

,Ok post wedding report :
I printed off your make up instructions, started the hair, body and nail prep in the preceeding days so I didn't have to rush anything.
I felt prepared and confident thanks to you guys. I wasn't the slimmest and definitely not the youngest but I felt good.
The cousin fear was a non issue, the other girls were so focused on how they looked that I was left alone! The dcs did really well and dh takes a lovely photo
Thanks so much for all your words of kindness and the practical advice.
I am commiting the cardinal sins of not removing my make up before bed and not spellchecker my post. Night all xx

So glad you had a great day. The loving way you mention your children and husband speaks volumes about you.

Yay! I do love my family, we did a bleddy good job yesterday. I cried a lot and I think I lost some make up along the way but I didn't have time to think about it .
The bride was stunning too of course!

It's interesting how beauty is so tied up with emotions.
I am keeping the print out of hair and make up tips and it will become second nature in no time! I never learned how to properly do my own before and now I know I can look good on my own. I already had all the tools and coupled with my new found knowledge It's a revelation!