Frugal Follow-up

[FrugalFashionista]

We've hopelessly lost the old thread. How are you doing ladies?

I need to reawaken the thread as I need to get back on the wagon. I decided to temporarily suspend my shopping ban - it's summery here and I've started wearing summer clothes and I decided to make some purchases now so that I can wear them all season long (in low 20s it's still a bit too cool for my routine sleeveless dress/bare legs summer look). Most of my old summer clothes are in great shape but this is what I needed to update them -

1. white jeans (have lots of denim shirts and blue tops) - straight-leg, non see-through
2. colorful printed cigarette pants (my wardrobe is mostly solid colors - I want to wear prints but not near my face) - found a pair in my favorite colors from MSMG
3. sandals (bored of ballet flats and Havaianas) - black cage wedges, low-rent child-friendly version of the Altuzarra look
4. slingbacks (found a lovely two-tone white/taupe pair on sale)
5. a few bracelets to liven things up

I'm still looking for a couple of high-quality white or cream tops, scoop neck if possible. They seem to be the hardest item to find, but my refound Zara poly-viscose top is surprisingly versatile. Still thinking about a long and narrow snakeprint silk scarf in my best blues and also need to make a decision regarding nude/taupe courts (to go with my summer cocktail dresses).

Spring lasted for 3-4 weeks here and coincided with my 1-month shopping ban. By thinking a bit harder and digging a bit deeper I was able to find all spring outfits I ever needed without any spending! Summer will be around until the end of October so I hope that I will get quite a lot of wear out of my mix of old and new. But I think I'm almost done with wardrobe updates and might go back to tight-fist mode very soon

Morning all. I've obviously moved a step forward as I looked at some blogs again last night ( was absolutely brain dead after a busy weekend and couldn't do anything other than play on my iPad) and I didn't enjoy them. Now I don't want this to turn into a blog bashing thread and I mean no disrespect as each to their own, but goodness, I was shocked by one of them and how much one woman can buy in a week. There really are only a certain amount of clothes shoes one needs, however much we try and convince ourselves otherwise. So anyway, I'm cured of my blog addiction .

I've also been trying to think of whether my childhood has had influence on my spending habits now. My mum loves clothes too (dad is typical bloke and will buy something when it needs replacing!) and buys fairly frequently (but always within budget) so I guess I am pretty much the same. I've always loved clothes and magazines but I would say it got worse after dc2 when I had pnd and lost a lot of confidence. All other mums suddenly seemed so well put together and impossibly glamorous and although I was never a scruff, I just always thought that I didn't match up. I did have counselling which helped but I always felt inferior somehow to others. Moving out of London definitely helped!

QueenCadbury I was just about to post the same thing about blogs. I have become very disenchanted with them lately. I think we might have read the same one this week!

Two weeks in to my shopping ban and I haven't bought anything or really felt tempted. The only thing I've considered is a new rain jacket/trenchcoat but I won't need it for a while as I need to be revising. If I"m not going out places then I don't need a new coat! Will wait until after my exams end.

Just an aside - I'm following this thread closely & quietly! - but Frugal, have you ever thought of blogging? Your life sounds utterly fascinating and all your responses to other posters are so very thoughtful and analytical.

Splat thanks for the vote of confidence I've had a couple of moderately successful blogs in the past, but I've given up. Blogging can be incredibly self-absorbed. There are lots of other negative aspects too (people don't often talk about them) - many bloggers become obsessed with their reader statistics. It's competitive and often quite lonely: writing is always a very solitary thing anyway. And when the blog becomes popular, there is pressure to update it frequently, provide novel and interesting content, and at that point blogging can take over your personal life and even disrupt your work. My best experience was when the comment section of the blog became incredibly active and we were able to start a small forum (the blog died soon after). I love forums, I love the interaction and incredible variety of people here.

Aphra and QC Fashion blogs are tricky too. I love the visual stimuli and the best of them are much better than any magazines. But I'm growing increasingly skeptical of the inherent consumerism and the disclosed and undisclosed product endorsements. Fast fashion is bad for us and the planet. Remember when there were just two season in the fashion calendar - SS and FW? Then we got monthy fashion magazines, and later weeklies. Fashion cycles sped up and now some SS13 runway trends seem ancient history - and the summer hasn't even properly started yet! Many fashion blogs update daily, and my current favorite Le Catch updates twice a day, five days a week. Reading Le Catch for a year will expose me to well over 500 'buy' messages tailored for my tastes and wallet. Is it any wonder that I have ended up with about 30 new items in my wardrobe this year - this would happen if I acted on just 1 of 10 'buy' messages. So even if I am able to say 'no' most of the time, I will still accumulate a mountain of unnecessary clutter. Like TBONTB puts it, you can never get enough of what you don't really need.

And it gets worse: many fashion blogs have become full time occupations. There has to be money in it somewhere. The product endorsements work: we talk about brands and click those link and buy the items that our peers and role models recommend. Reading blogs is not 'free' actually. I've started to think that I'm personally footing the bill. Anyone else feeling slightly ripped off?

But of course there are other types of blogs. I love travel and food and perfume blogs - and Recovering Shopaholic is great too.

Today's small good things - moments in the garden, a delicious lunch, some repairs completed, a brief but good workday and a long conversation with a fascinating new acquaintance. Things like these make my heart sing

My parents are not good with money and constantly feel they don't have enough. From them I have inherited a sense of unease with money but I am getting better with that. My mother has been a major influence as she has the worst taste known to womankind (floral dress teamed with ankle socks and MBTs anyone???). I have been determined since quite young to make sure I dress better than she does.

She also judges on cost - if it's expensive it must be good. She wore the most hideous dress and jacket I have ever seen to my brother's wedding but was delighted with herself as it cost £1k. I used to feel really uncomfortable with the way my mum talked about the price of clothes and tended to go to the other extreme delighting in having her say an outfit of mine was nice and then revealing it had only cost £50!

I am finally at 40 getting better at being comfortable at spending a little more on myself and feeling comfortable with having money and managing it well.

Liberty it's so hard when parents are clueless too. But you sound really clearheaded and usually having some direction and goals helps! I've been thinking about these things for some time now and it seems that everyone in my family has had good reasons for their behaviors - but I've picked up a mishmash that simply doesn't make sense. For me, overshopping is a relatively recent thing, it's been going on for less than five years. Maybe this is my midlife crisis

I wrote a short one-page shopping/dressing autobiography today. I could identify six very distinct phases. It was highly informative; for most of my life, things have been in balance, but there are two big upheavals, puberty and perimenopause right now. I think I'm starting to understand what the overshopping urges are trying to tell me... And I think I will be able to sort them out

Continuing with small good things: some garden time and a delicious home-cooked lunch today, and I continue to restrict my online time and blog exposure - I've found quite a few great alternative ways to relax. Have scheduled several outings with friends to offset trapped-at-home feelings. This weekend will be very difficult though (DH away a lot).

Wearing a simple wild rose red cashmere V-neck with white jeans today. I think I've figured out summer dressing for the current non-summer : wool and full-length jeans in summery, juicy colors. Stubbornly wearing flipflops, but sheepskin boots wouldn't be a bad choice

Garance Dore has gone frugal - yay!

Please don't read those blogs if all you are doing is sneering at them Foxy.Maybe those people like buying cheap clothes because they don't actually have much money.I actually find your tone totally distasteful especially as you are posting this on the frugal thread[disclaimer:I really hate bitchiness]

oh goodness, i'm sorry teta. i really didn't mean it to come across so horribly and can see your point.

jsut to explain myself a bit more - I'm not a bitch, I promise, and am not sneering at cheap clothes at all. hell I love a bargain! i just find the absolutely constant consumerism displayed in some cases really distasteful.

weirdo - I actually feel sorry for the clothes. I mean, if you have SO many when do they get worn? i like all mine to be in regular rotation so they aren't left out!

some blogs are excellent and i get great ideas from them.

really sorry again if i have come across badly on here

Foxy I understand how you feel about the excess; but totally see Teta's point too. I wonder whether this is such a difficult area because the messages are so mixed? Blogs are a lovely and democratic form of expression, but they can also unwittingly promote overconsumption. I'm torn - I love great blogs, but they are also dangerous triggers for me. So limiting my exposure as much as I am able to. Many others there don't have such needs, so do enjoy blogs!

Kindle users, lots of classic books on Amazon are free! I downloaded some childhood favorites for comfort blanket reading. I also found Thorstein Veblen's 'Theory of the leisure class' for 0?. He coined terms like conspicuous consumption and trophy wives - highly stimulating reading.

Small nice things: I visited the cobbler downstairs and he shortened a belt for me (in many belts, you can unscrew the buckle part to customize the belt length). Now it's perfect. Handmade, Italian, suede-lined, and perfectly proportioned for my waist. True luxury. Cost of alteration: 1?.

Feeling isolated is one of my overshopping triggers. I've seen my friends quite a bit over the past days and will have a very social summer. Visitors and trips non-stop - and my big goal this year is to give a miss to the sales. Let's see how it goes

I know you are not like that Foxy and thank you for withdrawing the post.Yes,i know all about conspicuous consumption[this is why most of us are on the frugal thread].I used to buy lots because things were cheap[in Asia mostly].Now i realise i don't have the cupboard space.
Feeling isolated is also a trigger point for me Frugal.I have bought one denim skirt this month so all is well.I sent a big BrandAlley parcel[full of Charli stuff] back last thursday though and have had no confirmation that the parcel has actually arrived yet.I am never going to shop at BrandAlley again.Actually,am totally off internet shopping after Zatchels satchel[for dd1's birthday] took 6 weeks to arrive.

Teta -still not had my Zatchels order and find that absence has not made the heart grow fonder!

Had another ruthless clear out-shoes this time. I have SO many similar pairs, i'm ashamed. Donating 3 pairs of blue ballet pumps, two pairs of black flats... What they all have in common is none of them are quite right (although they do fit and have been worn -at least once !).

Have purchased something this week and realised something else about my spending habits. I rarely buy expensive items or at least, rarely keep them (by expensive I mean high end high street or very low end designer) because on some level I don't think I'm worth it or deserve it. I then buy lots of cheap stuff to make me feel better. This has been something of a revelation for me and I'm pretty upset. What brought it into relief for me was I found a beautiful dress on a rack of dregs in a department store and it was love at first sight. Steel grey, heavy viscose jersey Max Mara dress, my size, great length etc. it was vastly reduced and I practically ran to the till with it as I know I can wear it styled in several ways for weddings and parties etc. I would never have bought it at full price even though it is a perfect dress for me. Ridiculous as I would spend the equivalent on 5 dresses that weren't quite right.
Sorry to use this thread as a therapy session and I am more than aware that there are far, far worse problems to have!

Teta for the returns (very difficult for me!) and Bleeding for the clearout.

Bleeding that sounds like a great discovery! These are the deep-rooted insecurities that really drive our behavior. The advertising and fashion industries really seem to know how to exploit them. You definitely deserve the beautiful Maxmara! (BTW, I've always been a little offended by the L'Oreal catchphrase 'You are worth it' - trying to equate someone's worth a 3.99 bottle of hair conditioner )

Nothing major going on here. I have just survived DH's absence and although there was a small slip - a bid on an eBay item - on the whole I'm quite happy about how I spent my time. I had planned how to celebrate Friday night trapped at home alone with kids (while DH had a great time with friends in another city). I made a special cocktail for myself and watched two episodes of The Girls (a lot of it takes place in Brooklyn in locations that I know quite well, so I quite enjoyed it). No online shopping that night, but I bid on that eBay item the following morning when it was raining hard outdoors and our planned outing didn't happen. I also realized the idea of that purchase originated in a blog post I read sometime last week.

The shopping journal really seems to work. I'm starting to understand what overshopping is all about for me. I completed all the work for chapter 1 (inherited patterns, underpinnings) last week and will work on Ch 2 (immediate shopping triggers) this week. Bad weather and feeling trapped and procrastination and negative feelings are big triggers but there are also others. Sales, blogs, magazines and direct e-mails are problematic, and I'm drastically cutting down my exposure. But the ones that really seem to get me are 'limited availability' (only a few items left!), 'this item will update my outfit and make the rest of what I already have look infinitely more cool'. The murkiest reasons for overshopping are those explored by Thorstein Veblen, communicating status (particularly insider status and belonging) via conspicuous consumption.

I'm clearly trying to belong via overshopping. It really doesn't work - in fact it does alienate me from my friends: most of them are really smart and successful women who are not at all interested in clothes. (In fact, I'm starting to understand that dressing well does not equate success - during my professionally and financially most successful and satisfying years, I didn't overshop - it's really a 'repressed housewife' behavior for me, fed by insecurities and feelings of not belonging.) Ironically, I don't need shopping any more. I've established a good social network in a new country and returned to work (very fulfilling although at times really difficult); I have time alone and I get to travel quite a bit, so I'm not really trapped any more. and I'm generally quite happy. So shopping as a coping mechanism is even more dysfunctional now.

Small good things: pedicures, gardening (fertilized with coffee grounds), delicious food (made a bread and butter pudding last night - très frugal), light TV, a dinner with friends, some visitors scheduled for June, stimulating books, reading with children (it's enjoyable when I pick books I enjoy too).

Lots of interesting thoughts and chat as usual.

It's interesting to think how family affects our views on shopping. My parents were quite into buying clothes (always within budget though) and with my mum some of it seemed to be about being "rewarded", more in the context of being bought for. So she often mentions, with regards to my dad who has not been v kind to her - but he was always generous. By which she means financially.

Having said that I don't see either of them as dysfunctional shoppers which I think I can be.

I've enjoyed recovering shopaholics recent posts. Am trying to follow the rule of buy for the life you're in. I haven't done this before, to a ridiculous extent eg buying non pregnancy clothes while pregnant, most of which have now been moved on to the charity shop as I wasn't able to try them on.

A more unsettling post was the one about how you can "hide" your purchases, I buy from charity shops and don't consider the £ spent on clothes as its for charity. Also bunging something in for me when I buy the dc clothes.

haven't been doing many nice things for self as currently ill with a bad cold. But my recent audit for this thread has still slowed d own my spending and am trying to enjoy what I've bought.

Bleeding, i am a little similar. When i see and like expensive things i feel i could never afford it - but my yearly spend so far would have been enough to buy myself a couple of coveted items rather than lots of cheaper things, some of which have already headed to the charity shop.

(frugal, am feeling v guilty about my overuse of charity shops for hiding my fashion mistakes. I think you posted some detailed info about what happens to clothes given away. )

Planning some alterations instead.

I'm another influenced to buy by blogs. I wonder if having a blog also makes you shop more as you have to keep your viewers interested. I'd also love to read a blog by frugal but totally understand why you don't want to go there!

Bleeding, i ended up cancelling my zatchels order. So pleased i did - i think they're lovely bags but i have so many bags i really don't need a new one. Me buying it was classic me feeling i was getting a bargain (which it is if you need one which i didn't!)

MrsRadicchio, I think feeling smug about a charity bag full of donations can sustain the vicious cycle of fast fashion. (People think they are 'doing good' by overshopping - unaware that the purges and donations can actually be problematic in many ways.) It certainly did for me until I started realizing what a fraught issue dumping clothes in Africa is. But I'd say that you are allowed to do it one more time - but committing to the full life cycle of a garment is an effective way to curb overshopping. I have a small pile of clothing I will definitely never personally use, but I'm trying to find takers for them. (Had some success with that approach earlier, and know quite a few ecologically oriented people who are open to swapping and reusing.) I find there are some takers for high quality clothes - but nobody wants the tat. That's what charity shops are saying too - fast fashion is often already a bit tatty when it's donated, and so of lesser reuse and resale value: it's often near the end of its lifecycle when it's donated and will end up at the landfill either here or elsewhere.

But don't get too depressed - your mindset is changing already, you are taking steps to using your clothes more mindfully. Change is not easy, and it's not instantaneous, but it's on its way And well done canceling the order you didn't really need!

frugal I totally get the belonging aspect of overshopping. I did that when I had pnd and when we relocated. Now I'm happy with where I belong but overshopping for other reasons .

bleeding you're so right about the expensive stuff. My worry is though if I buy expensive I'll get bored and still want more of it. Or that I'll make expensive mistakes. Although I only buy stuff that I love I find that I can then wear something a few times and not love it anymore. Either I realise it's not actually as flattering as I initially thought or it loses that newness about it once it's been washed. However careful I am with washing and ironing, some things just never look quite the same as they I'd when you bought them. I must just like stuff to look box-fresh. Not sure how I can overcome that addiction though?!

Both Infant School & nursery are having Bag2school collections, so I've weeded out the children's wardrobes.

DH has lost an insane amt of weight over the past 18 months (I've become a running widow), so I've managed to persuade him to have a realistic look at what fits him and clear masses out.

So... Just me to go! Will try to start today

Hi Frugalistas -- with the brief sun in London I have to remind myself NOT to buy summer clothes. I love sun, but in truth I was hot for 2 hours this week. On Friday I decided to go bare legged with a wrap dress and I was cold. So no summer sales for me.

I see the allure of maxis but tend to feel frumpy in them. I am tempted because my legs will be warm. (I'm not a fan of trousers). But do to frump factor I will hold off. I'm opening to hearing styling tips.

My other temptation is shoes -- I wore 3 different pairs of sandals this week and realised they were not comfortable. I am going to get rid of them. But which new ones to buy? The Skecher go walk are comfortable but so unstylish.

I did invest in a Maxi this week.Its very flattering and easy to wear.Its been really beautiful weather most of this week and have lived in my high wedge gold Ipanemas[flip flops].Most sandals are uncomfortable on me so i live in variants of toe post flip flops including high leather ones.I refuse to wear the Skecher go Walk ones but do wear the narrower fitflop sandals.Have had a bit of a splurge and bought some Boyfriend jeans[as current ones are about to expire],roll-up denim shorts and Chinos.We are going to Canada this summer and are staying in a variety of places.From really nice hotels to camping on a fossil beach.So i need a variety of casual attire and smart items[none of which needs ironing].Also part of it involves driving for 12 hours and fitting all our luggage[for 6 people] in the car [plus sleeping bags] for camping trip,So there are major packing constraints[for me :packing 4 lots of kids clothes].Should be fun for the kids but i am a bit apprehensive about the actual camping[not having been camping for the last 30 years].Any tips from experienced campers?

Hi ladies, sorry about being AWOL, I've taken a break from MN and may continue to do so. I've had a superb week. The Shopping Journal is really helping, reading TBONTB and doing the exercises has really made it clear for me what I am really shopping for.

This week, I received a few packages of past overshopping binges, but have not experienced new serious urges. I've been very social, several outings and restaurant meals, and a visit from a family member. I've realized that when I have enough going on in my life, shopping doesn't interest me at all. I have done really many small good things, they are mostly really enjoyable, and I feel that things are really changing. Maybe I'm experiencing an midlife crisis and really addressing it now.

I've also read Anna Wintour's unauthorized biography. She was very unhappy in her childhood (and does not seem a very balanced or happy adult) - so was Diana Vreeland (both of them developed amazing personal style and went on to become editors-in-chief of Vogue). I've realized that these überfashionistas have had experiences of being an outsider - maybe their careers have been attempts to compensate by becoming arbiters of taste.

So the big discovery is that I'm letting go of fashion. None of the people who made it on the top there seem to feel especially happy or fulfilled. Although I love beautiful things, I can satisfy my needs more directly. I don't enjoy the competitive and catty aspects of fashion; I don't like the overt materialistic vibe and the pressure to keep changing.

I crave sensory and intellectual stimulation, and have thought of various ways of making my life more interesting in those areas. That really is helping. Recovering Shopaholic seems to have had similar insights and impulses. Her posts are extremely motivating for me.

Teta I'm sure the maxi looks fab! Your vacation sounds great too, but yes, quite challenging to pack for.
Mir Maybe maxi dresses are inherently boho and romantic? (=great for anyone whose personal style leans that way). They do nothing for me

Splat fantastic clearouts! I should do the mother of all clearouts, get rid of my DCs extra stuff... I'm a gym/swimming widow, but DH seems a lot more energetic and in a better mood, so cannot complain. Except I'd like to get out more

QC your posts are always so encouraging... I've examined this 'not belonging' feeling all week. I think the key for me is to strengthen relations with both old and new friends. Oh, and I've overshopped expensive stuff - "you can never get enough of what you don't need".

Hello all. frugal you sound so happy which is great. I agree if you're busy and have stimulation from elsewhere you just don't think about shopping.

I'm spending less time on MN too which is good. I'm trying to limit myself to twice a day rather than obsessively checking for replies to posts. I'm still avoiding blogs and I'm not missing them at all. I have been shopping though . It has been really hot and sunny though and I feel as if I've worn my summer clothes far more already this year than I did last year. My Birkenstocks are years old and although still comfortable keep slipping off my feet now which is not good when chasing dd so I've ordered some saltwaters (admittedly I was introduced to them by s&b!). But as long as the sun continues, they will be a good investment purchase. I also bought some denim shorts. For years I've wanted some and every year I cut up a pair of jeans, but I like shorts rolled up and they're always then too tight on the thighs. So I just thought, sod it, and bought some. Again, a good investment purchase though as they will never date. Also a new tote bag which again I've wanted for absolutely ages but never found one quite right to part with my money with until the other day. It's perfect and I love it.

So although I said that I was not going to buy anything else I don't feel guilty at all as they were all good purchases that will last for years.

Hi everyone,
Just checking in and catching up, after a week on a boat with no internet access followed by a week of great gardening weather I have spent very little time on MN. It's good to see that there have been many wise purchases rather that impulse buys

I've not bought any clothing for 4 weeks now (polishes halo) and have been reinventing last years summer clothing, I've also been wearing this years purchases rather than saving them for best which is something I have been guilty of in the past. I did treat myself to some perfume though!

Frugal it sounds like you have really made some progress and completely agree that when you're engrossed in other things shopping and fashion don't seem to matter half as much.

Teta sounds like a fab holiday! I'm not a camper but a slightly more wussy caravaner, what will the weather be like? Depending on the weather I would take jeans or shorts and t's with lots of layers (only experience is in the uk though so need to be prepared for 4 seasons in one day!)