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Frugal Follow-up

593 replies

FrugalFashionista · 20/04/2013 18:44

We've hopelessly lost the old thread. How are you doing ladies?

I need to reawaken the thread as I need to get back on the wagon. I decided to temporarily suspend my shopping ban - it's summery here and I've started wearing summer clothes and I decided to make some purchases now so that I can wear them all season long (in low 20s it's still a bit too cool for my routine sleeveless dress/bare legs summer look). Most of my old summer clothes are in great shape but this is what I needed to update them -

  1. white jeans (have lots of denim shirts and blue tops) - straight-leg, non see-through Wink
  2. colorful printed cigarette pants (my wardrobe is mostly solid colors - I want to wear prints but not near my face) - found a pair in my favorite colors from MSMG
  3. sandals (bored of ballet flats and Havaianas) - black cage wedges, low-rent child-friendly version of the Altuzarra look
  4. slingbacks (found a lovely two-tone white/taupe pair on sale)
  5. a few bracelets to liven things up

I'm still looking for a couple of high-quality white or cream tops, scoop neck if possible. They seem to be the hardest item to find, but my refound Zara poly-viscose top is surprisingly versatile. Still thinking about a long and narrow snakeprint silk scarf in my best blues and also need to make a decision regarding nude/taupe courts (to go with my summer cocktail dresses).

Spring lasted for 3-4 weeks here and coincided with my 1-month shopping ban. By thinking a bit harder and digging a bit deeper I was able to find all spring outfits I ever needed without any spending! Summer will be around until the end of October so I hope that I will get quite a lot of wear out of my mix of old and new. But I think I'm almost done with wardrobe updates and might go back to tight-fist mode very soon Wink

OP posts:
mothermirth · 23/05/2013 12:06

Yoni love the looks you linked to. Shame about the price tags Smile

When I next make a purchase, hopefully not until next year, I'm planning to stick to classic pieces because I'm old, possibly the oldest person on this thread they will last. I'll mix them up with more funky second-head stuff.

Is it just me, or has the sunshine made everyone's wardrobe feel lacking?

teta · 23/05/2013 13:02

Its not sunny here,its hailstoning- big hard ones and its cold.I am feeling completely uninspired fashionwise and am still in my gymkit.Love the clothes on your Aussi link Yoni.Have you looked at the Me and Em website?.they have lots of jersey drapey dresses that you might like- in non-black colours of course.It was sunny here yesterday so i decided to risk flipflops on the school run.My feet were freezing!.Consequently my one concession to summer today is wearing a rose perfume.

libertychick · 24/05/2013 23:19

DON'T LOSE THIS THREAD Grin

Some feedback on a week of having minimal clothing - I packed what in my opinion was v little for a week away and have not worn it all - partly down to the weather, it was too cold for my denim jacket. What I wore all week was 2 pairs skinnies (grey and blue), 1 straight leg jeans (blue), 2 long sleeve T's (black and navy/white stripe), 2 short sleeve t's (both plain white), 1 cardi (oatmeal), 1 linen sweater (navy), 1 cashmere sweater (Olive), pink superga and a pink polka dot scarf and black parka.

I also brought and used PJ's and swimsuit and obvs underwear.

Not needed was the DJ, black and white stripe s/s t, green and white scarf, multiblue pashmina and black biker boots.

FrugalFashionista · 25/05/2013 09:02

Freezing in Italy too, after days of thunder and downpours it was clear yesterday and I tried to spend time in the garden yesterday but it was too windy (my plants flew around).

Liberty your capsule wardrobe sounds fab! Too bad it's so cold, but it's just the reality right now. I'm from the extreme north so I'm used to wearing sweaters and waterproofs in June. Summer clothes are the most redundant part in my wardrobe and I'll probably need to have a lifetime moratorium on buying more Sad.

I continue to have very mixed feelings about shopping. Reading 'To buy or not to buy' seems to bring along both serene days and really, really dark days. Dealing with the underlying issues is the pitch-black part, lots of insights but also lots of pain. Will probably have to start a journal to deal with it all, but very difficult to incorporate those thoughts into posts here Sad RecShop handles it really well, some of her recent posts have been really great.

Hope someone else has some more upbeat things to share...

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teta · 25/05/2013 10:12

Sounds like a well thought-out wardrobe Liberty.I always pack extra scarves though to change the look of an outfit[and extra t's due to vomiting dc's etc].Its a really beautiful sunny day today.Gardening and reading a book in the sun is the order of the day.I have a purple and pink clematis bedecked patio with numerous pots of Sarah Raven tulips and a beautiful view[shame about the rather musty smell due to the dog cocking its leg against said pots and the demon wood cutter who always seems to fire up his saw at 8am on a saturday morning].

MrsRadicchio · 25/05/2013 18:54

Hello all, this thread has been quiet. The displacement activities must have been working for some.

I've still been surfing the net and reading blocks, but totalling my spend so far this year has helped me to abstain from any new purchases.

I did look through pin and decided to recreate some of the looks using stuff in my wardrobe. Has made me feel more stylish without having to think about it in the morning, and have worn a few golden oldies too.

What I need to do is wear the many clothes I've bought this year and not worn yet.

Envious of all of you with gardens. Gardening seems like such a lovely meditative activity.

I think my displacement activity needs to be either reading or tv, to replace evening surfing. If I keep tempting myself, I will buy something!

Frugal, I have the "to buy.." book, but haven't made much headway with it. Need to get back to it.

Yoni, I go through phases with ethical fashion. I aspire to dress ethically though often lapse. Where have you been buying? I do like people tree though it seems to get a bashing on S&B. I liked the blog you linked to, v dramatic style.

MrsRadicchio · 25/05/2013 18:56

Liberty, meant to say well done on the capsule holiday wardrobe. I love planning my holiday wardrobes too, and trying to pare it down as much as possible. Did you consider doing project 333?

DigWeedSow · 25/05/2013 18:56

Great capsule wardrobe liberty I've got to pack for a week away tomorrow so I shall be taking notes Grin Sorry to hear that you're feeling Sad Frugal I've been finding that this week I've been trying to focus on anything other than clothes (mainly gardening) and that has helped distract me from wanting to make any purchases.

teta your garden sounds lovely, thankfully the change in weather has meant that I've managed to spend a full day out in the garden today catching up on jobs, I did have a trip to the garden centre though and may have purchased a few plants!

FrugalFashionista · 25/05/2013 19:57

Thanks for keeping the thread alive! It's great to hear about everyone's activities. Dig what are you growing this season?

MrsR well done unearthing unworn clothes - restyling is much more satisfying than shopping but I always forget that that is the case. I'm wearing an old Armani-style Zara sweater today, shades of gray mixed with subtle silver strands. Almost got rid of this because it contains acrylic and feels scratchy but the color and neckline are both über flattering.

I faced a difficult day - simultaneously shopping urges and hungover feeling and self-remorse about past shopping binges. The weather did not co-operate either, windy and rainy, but somehow I managed to turn the day around.

I did some organizing in the morning - weeded out a few items from my wardrobe (I can offer them to someone who might wear them better) and washed a few wool sweaters. I also organized my bra and knickers drawers. Not something I normally do, but quite satisfying.

But I'm really trying to turn the focus elsewhere and return to activities I enjoyed before becoming obsessed with shopping. So although the weather was really bad (=needed to wear a raincoat), I took a bus to city center, tried a perfume at Dior (no purchases, but enjoyed the milieu) and then went to an arts supply shop to buy a notebook (for my shopping journal), a sketchbook and a good soft graphite pen. Don't laugh but once upon a time I actually enjoyed sketching in museums - I picked a work I liked and made a quick sketch in my notebook. It's a zen type activity that enables you to see and understand a lot more than a quick scan (I read somewhere that an average gallery visitors gives each work an average of 10 seconds of attention). Museums and galleries are dime a dozen here, so I might try to get out to one. My obsession with clothes is related to enjoying their colors and textures (yes there is a frustrated ex art student inside me), so I might try to find a more direct way to express these urges.

In the evening, I cooked something I've never tried before, listening to opera. Two forgotten hobbies - I've always loved classical music and been a foodie, food just became a chore after the children were born. The results were superbly delicious, everyone loved them and I felt very satisfied. (If you want to spice up a boring stew, chop a handful of parsley and a clove of garlic, taking out the stinky sprout first, zest a lemon and sprinkle it over the meat. It's called gremolata and it's one of the tastiest things out there.)

And I started to write down thoughts and feelings like TBONTB suggests. No idea whether it works, but it was quite relieving to write down dark and broody thoughts.

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OneLittleLady · 25/05/2013 20:10

I'm a little sad that this weeks events (can't discuss, will out me) have given way into a shopping ban. I really do need new clothes but I will have to make do with what I have for the time being until finances are in better shape. It's such a hard pill to swallow as I was just getting back on my feet financially and now it's like I've been pushed over by the playground bully. Still, I managed to get a leather jacket I've been waiting and waiting for that fits perfectly into my wardrobe so that's a ray of sunshine in an otherwise very dark week.

VioletGoesVintage · 25/05/2013 20:18

Oh yes, I like writing down dark and broody thoughts. It can be a wonderful release....

Warm, sun-filled day here but, oh my, the DC have been hideous. Which is why I'm just finishing a solo drink in the pub while DH, my hero of the night, baths them and puts them to bed. I was so desperate to be A.L.O.N.E. that I didn't even contemplate calling a friend to join me. And found myself hoping fervently there wouldn't be anyone I knew in the pub; there wasn't.

Feeling a bit better now (hence this post) but finding myself wishing I could have a drink with my Dad, who died some years ago. Ho hum. Time to go home, before the sun goes down and I freeze in my cotton dress (which I love even though it's been trashed on another thread).

Sorry for the me me me post. Hope everyone else is enjoying their evening - well away from blogs, online stores and, indeed, perhaps also MN!

VioletGoesVintage · 25/05/2013 20:21

X post with OLL: hope you're ok. Sounds hard. But, if it's not too trite, here's a favourite saying of mine: keep buggering onwards.

QueenofWhatever · 25/05/2013 20:28

I've been feeling pretty good about all this stuff in the last few days. I've bought some clothes - two long sleeved tops, a cashmere jumper and a Brora cashmere cardigan. These were all identified holes in my wardrobe and all from eBay with a total cost of just over £60.

And suddenly I feel ...done. I'm sure it won't last forever, but filling those holes with things I really like which are well made is very calming somehow. I've also taken on boardsome of the tips here, in particular unsubscribing from a bunch of blogs.

I've been lurking again on the decluttering/minimalist thread in Good Housekeeping, which in turn has motivated me to sort some stuff out. I've listed 17 items of clothing on eBay this week, as I've been lusting after this handbag for some time and want to 'earn' the money for it. Also that thread reminds me to ditch the guilt about stuff and bad buying decisions. My focus is on getting it out of my wardrobe and out of my house now.

I spent today sorting through lots of old letters and photos. I believe many of our feelings abut clothes and shopping come from our childhood, especially our mothers and other female role models. My mother was very glamorous, but also very unhappy and a terrible spendthrift. I'm sure many of my (often subconscious) beliefs about shopping and how much I spend come from that.

teta · 25/05/2013 21:40

Dig,what plants did you buy?I also planned to go to the garden centre but instead read my book from cover to cover.One little lady i'm sorry you have had such a difficult week.Next week will be much better i'm sure.
Frugal your day sounds lovely.My dh and eldest dd love art galleries and would be so envious.Sketching sounds a really relaxing activity as does cooking.I think cooking for kids can often be a bit of a thankless task.Its lovely that you have found something that you all like.
Queen i can't believe you managed to buy a Brora item-well done i'm very jealous.Yes,i'm another one who thinks their Mother has
very much influenced my shopping habits[she buys multiples,so do i].

libertychick · 25/05/2013 22:49

MrsR I did consider doing Project 333 and spent a couple of weeks trying to pare down my wardrobe but I found it too difficult especially as I have to look quite smart at work, cope with 'dress down' days and cover weekend options. I decided instead to aim to wear more of my current clothes and aim to style them differently instead of sticking with the same combinations all the time.

Frugal it sounds like you are being terribly hard on yourself. I am feeling a bit cautious here as I don't want to judge or make assumptions about whatever personal journey you are on, but I have had a 'difficult' past and have lots of behaviours that I know originate in past experiences. I had a lot of counselling at various times and my personal conclusion is that understanding the causes can just make you feel bad and can lead to getting stuck in a mental loop of constantly reliving negative experiences i.e. you do the behaviour, recognise it's because of x, y or z issue, relive the memory or revive those feelings and then feel awful. It's like picking a scab on a wound - sometimes you just need to leave it be. I would recommend looking at books about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) as that approach recognises that behaviours may be caused by previous experience but focuses on helping to recognise thought processes and change them in the here and now rather than trying to find the 'answer'.

Apologies if the above misses the point - I debated whether to comment or not but really felt for you as your posts sounded like things are rough.

DigWeedSow · 26/05/2013 09:02

Hope that all of you that are having a tough time are feeling better today. Frugal sketching is an activity that I would really love to get back into (another ex art student) I remember when I was studying I could loose whole days while drawing and I would love to get that feeling back.

QoW I agree wholeheartedly about our shopping habits being influenced by our mothers, well mine are anyway but in a slightly different way. My DM has for as long as I can remember been a clothes shopping addict and is on first name terms with the ladies in our local charity shop due to the amount of clothing she donates(most of it unworn). Although seeing this pattern hasn't stopped me completely from adopting some of her habits it has made me more aware of the problem, we've talked about it and I know that her shopping is to do with self confidence issues. I think that Liberty has raised some very valid points about understanding causes.

teta I bought a clematis armandii to cover some trellis fencing and a tray of white sweet peas. We bought a wreck of a house a few years ago with half an acre of brambles, the house is now renovated but the garden still needs taming! We are slowly dividing it into areas and tackling one at a time, as you can imagine its easy to distract myself by spending a few hours out there as there is always something that needs doing.

FrugalFashionista · 26/05/2013 09:14

OLL sounds very tough, sending positive vibes your way...
Violet I completely understand your solo drink Sounds lovely, and the dress too!

Liberty I feel the same about Project 333 - while minimalism is great my lifestyle requires quite a variety of clothes (I divide my time between two countries with very different climates; our lifestyle requires both very formal clothes, work/travel clothes and casual home clothes). For me the right choice would be stopping purchasing new items and slowly reducing my wardrobe by weeding out things that I am not wearing. We have quite a bit of storage space, so rotating things in and out is feasible. But QoW your posts are always very inspiring and motivating so will start lurking Good Housekeeping threads. I'm trying to reduce clutter in other areas of my life too, slowly emptying kitchen cupboards. Tackling DDs' room will be the ultimate challenge Wink We move frequently so I've done major downsizings quite a few times now - they are really exhausting and a bit sad, but I know how to do them...

And Liberty, thanks for the very direct feedback, I appreciate it! Yes, I have a tendency to be too harsh on myself. Overshopping has been a project I've been working on for almost a year now. The project has had many phases - first realizing that I overshop, then trying to change (first via setting budgets and evolving other areas of my life, then via shopping bans, now by trying to understand what the behavior is trying to tell me). TBONTB is a CBT based program. I've never had formal CBT, but I had quite severe PND (needed meds) and did a self-help CBT program for depression at that time. It was very useful for neutralizing automatic negative thoughts (my main symptom) so I do believe in the approach.

TBONTB explains that overshopping is common among people who have difficulty tolerating negative moods and who are trying to satisfy social, psychological and spiritual needs with material things. I think understanding this has been very helpful and I'm learning to give words to those needs now. I don't usually see myself as a 'needy' person - I'm usually the opposite, quite resourceful and trying to change things if I can. So seeing myself from this new perspective is quite painful. There have been very big changes in my life over the past years, and overshopping has clearly been a coping mechanism. But I think I've been able to pinpoint quite a few underlying needs that I could address directly - and that's the positive, empowering part Grin The list of small good things is really expanding, it's almost a full page now

Teta and QoW my mother is an overshopper too. So it's partially a learned behavior. I have two daughters, and am trying not to pass this on Wink

Oh and feel free to do outfit posts and everything fun and frivolous. Still in my dressing gown (which I absolutely love, incidentally) so nothing to report yet...

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QueenCadbury · 27/05/2013 07:08

Hello, great to catchup with you all. I've been fairly good at cutting down on my iPad usage and haven't looked at any blogs all week although can't quite cut the pinterest addiction. I have bought though as I needed a white tee. I bought one recently but it was linen and it looks awful now after a few wears and wash. I am NEVER buying linen again.

This week will be a testing time. It's alf term and dh is working. MN is my sanity in a world of arguing children and constant tidying up. I often get caught in the trap of convincing myself that I deserve something new as a treat for my 'hard' work. I'm hoping that the weather continues to be nice so I can be outside with them and keep away from the iPad Grin

QueenCadbury · 27/05/2013 07:08

Half term obv. Not alf term.

FrugalFashionista · 27/05/2013 16:50

QC Thanks well done but don't disappear altogether! And Pin doesn't count Sending you lots of extra energy and patience... MN serves a similar function for me.

I've decided to use TBONTB as a workbook and slowly work my way through the excercises. Today has been a good day, lots of things accomplished: I'm trying to do some small good things every day. The best part was pruning a half-dead plant - sorry if this sounds like a bad metaphor Shock

I've realized that I used to be a person with really many interests and projects. In my case, overshopping is clearly associated with feeling trapped at home. The children are growing, I've much more freedom now, so rediversifying will help. I'm quite optimistic actually Grin

I'm wearing the most unimaginative and dull outfit, all black - and that's fine too Wink

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libertychick · 27/05/2013 23:03

Today I wore a Fat Face purple and pink flared skirt DH bought for me a few years ago as part of the ongoing mission to wear all my wardrobe - wore it with plain grey crew neck T, denim jacket and grey flip flops - absolutely hated it Smile. So decision made, it's off to the charity shop - I have been clinging on not wanting to hurt DH's feelings.

Small good things - I had a half hour thai massage today and it was fantastic. And on the way back home popped into a little art shop I hadn't noticed before and bought a framed copy of this Sam Toft print for a friend who got married almost two years ago and I hadn't yet managed to get her a gift Blush. I know she'll like it so I am now excited about giving it to her and very relieved to finally have this task off my 'to do' list.

Totally get the 'trapped' feeling - getting out for a massage felt like liberation from the house!!

libertychick · 27/05/2013 23:05

Another observation - I get much more joy out of buying for others than I do for myself.

bleedingheart · 28/05/2013 07:15

libertychick I much prefer buying for others too.

It's interesting what people have said about the influence of their mothers. When I was a child we had very little money and my parents hardly ever bought clothes, although both liked clothes and were fashionable. I actually think that is what drives me to stock up and buy multiples- In case the opportunity to do so is taken away from me!

FrugalFashionista · 28/05/2013 07:51

Bleeding that's quite an insight and yes I have a similar background!

Actually, my exercise today in TBONTB is to think about what I learned about money and shopping in my childhood. My mother was very good at bargain shopping and a shoeaholic long before Sex and the City - she was one of the best-dressed women around. My grandmother was a SAHM and an expert seamstress and she too loved clothes, hats and shoes. I remember finding a mountain of hat boxes after her death. But my parents also really emphasised frugality and saving and my grandparents were massive hoarders. So I guess I got this almost impossible ideal of dressing really well on a shoestring. And got a lot of very conflicting messages. Mother: 'Buy buy buy' (I learned about outlets when I was about four). Father: 'It's good to have money but it's not really important - personal freedom matters much more'. Grandparents 'Save, buy in bulk and stockpile'. DH: 'There will always be money, focus on quality.'

My multiples shopping is exactly what my mother and grandmother always did. They had very good reasons to do so - they lost almost everything in the war (borders were redrawn, their homes were left on the wrong side). But their expert shopping skills allowed them both really to look very good and to become financially independent. So their bargain shopping and hoarding tendencies made sense financially. Mine do not.

I had more than enough things in my childhood, my mother was very good about that, but I couldn't really choose what I wore. My mother was very opinionated and had very strong personal tastes - maybe I'm compensating now.

Ladies, does your background/childhood influence how you shop and what you wear?

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FrugalFashionista · 28/05/2013 07:52

Oh and Liberty what a thoughtful gift,
Small good things can be very good Grin

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