Frugal Follow-up

[FrugalFashionista]

We've hopelessly lost the old thread. How are you doing ladies?

I need to reawaken the thread as I need to get back on the wagon. I decided to temporarily suspend my shopping ban - it's summery here and I've started wearing summer clothes and I decided to make some purchases now so that I can wear them all season long (in low 20s it's still a bit too cool for my routine sleeveless dress/bare legs summer look). Most of my old summer clothes are in great shape but this is what I needed to update them -

1. white jeans (have lots of denim shirts and blue tops) - straight-leg, non see-through
2. colorful printed cigarette pants (my wardrobe is mostly solid colors - I want to wear prints but not near my face) - found a pair in my favorite colors from MSMG
3. sandals (bored of ballet flats and Havaianas) - black cage wedges, low-rent child-friendly version of the Altuzarra look
4. slingbacks (found a lovely two-tone white/taupe pair on sale)
5. a few bracelets to liven things up

I'm still looking for a couple of high-quality white or cream tops, scoop neck if possible. They seem to be the hardest item to find, but my refound Zara poly-viscose top is surprisingly versatile. Still thinking about a long and narrow snakeprint silk scarf in my best blues and also need to make a decision regarding nude/taupe courts (to go with my summer cocktail dresses).

Spring lasted for 3-4 weeks here and coincided with my 1-month shopping ban. By thinking a bit harder and digging a bit deeper I was able to find all spring outfits I ever needed without any spending! Summer will be around until the end of October so I hope that I will get quite a lot of wear out of my mix of old and new. But I think I'm almost done with wardrobe updates and might go back to tight-fist mode very soon

Frugal I have come to the same conclusion in that bans don't work for me whether they are shopping or diet related. I find that when I am dieting if I am over strict shortly down the line I'll soon go for a full out binge and the same applies for clothes shopping.

I think that mindful shopping is definitely the way to go and might adopt your idea of the index card, I think that placing it right next to my credit/debit cards will prompt me to carefully consider any purchases before buying.

I know that one of the reasons I have been shopping a lot in the past year is partly to do with hitting 40. I really didn't think that it would bother me in the slightest however when I look in the mirror now and see the grey hairs and fine lines I feel old. I'm not sure if buying new clothes is me reinventing myself or compensating for the fact that I'm past my best

I'd mostly forgotten what 'To buy or not to buy' was all about. We always think about being stricter and getting back on track is the way to go but that does not always work. I kept procrastinating getting back to the book because the underlying issues are not particularly stylish and glamorous (growing older and more invisible, feeling trapped, exhausted and lonely; wanting to belong and feel accepted) and because thinking about them can be so painful. But I had also forgotten how much I need the 'be kind to yourself' type reinforcement and the book is full of it CeeCee your situation sounds super stressful but tiny good things can help:

A list of small good things I could do

• get a pedicure
• eat fresh cherries (the season has just started)
• buy fresh figs and eat them with chunks of parmigiano cheese
• try to find a 2nd hand garden table
• read 'Americah' by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (loved her previous novels)
• buy some multivitamins (ran out a month ago )
• go see a film (Gatsby maybe)
• take a break from work in the cafe down the street
• lie on a spike mat (strange relaxing feeling) and listen to an audiobook
• visit a museum or gallery
• have a workday lunch in the nearby restaurant with DH
• make rose petal vinegar to be used as a hair rinse Feel free to contribute ideas...

Dig please let me know if the card actually works! The mantras helped me earlier but I've been so stressed out in the meantime that had actually forgotten them

OLL sounds like you are onto something - I think one of the problems quite a few of us share is that we feel that our life is on hold somehow ("I'll do that when..."): I think that type of 'radical acceptance' can be a real turning point!

Right... after a weekend bidding on ebay (and winning more than I was expecting, good stuff but 'scattergun' rather than considered purchases) I am setting up a spreadsheet. I may be some time...

Love the list of alternatives Frugal
Sadly my timefiller at the moment is fear of imminent Ofsted. Which is all the more reason why I should probably be doing small good things. Argh.

Frugal I love that list. Mine could include:

Choose apple tree variety for new orchard (sounds swankier than it is)
Research wild flower mixes for meadow (ditto)
Make some dolly clothes for the zillion naked barbies we have somehow acquired
Start on the babygro patchwork quilt (or at least get out the babygros and stroke them, wine in hand and get all broody) Actually maybe not!

Had a very rare child and work free day today. Got my bra strap length hair chopped off - I now believe I look like this Sadly not.

Then went bricks and mortar shopping ON MY OWN for the first time in about 3 years I think. It was ok, but not as good as I thought it might be. Bought some sandals and a top (both on the list), tried on lots and kept a note of two things for the sales.

I know it's been done to death on S & B but honestly, the amount of polyester about is hideous. Shops also very empty, lots of bored looking assistants with nothing to do.

Crossed off a few items on my pin wish list as no good in RL - always satisfying!

So interesting to read the food/shopping diet comments. I've been thinking about this recently - why did I have my Toast sale splurge (sent all but 2 things back, and knew I would when I clicked submit) and why on earth have I been fantasising about a blow-out shopping trip to All Saints? I do wonder if it's a reaction to intentionally trying to spend less, rather than just...spending less.

Also, whole-heartedly agree with the depressing thought that I'm sitting at the laptop filling online shopping carts instead of living life.

I gave up smoking a few years ago and suspect the strategies I employed then (essentially living entirely in the moment, i.e. right now, I won't smoke) may be useful again for me. Feels odd likening smoking to shopping but perhaps I just have one of those personalities.

LOVE the small good things list! This has given me some fab ideas, thank you :)

BillStickers -I also had my bra length hair cut to chin length today and found the latest offerings a bit of a let down!

I need to find something else to enjoy or reward myself with than shopping. The 15 mins of me-time surfing resonates with me, as does the shopping when you're happy that you describe Frugal.
I am not more likely to browse than purchase but I like the 'new' and get bored so easily. Very little has been in my wardrobe for years.

I AM more likely to browse, not 'am not!'

Gosh,this thread has moved fast this weekend.Have returned all recent clothes to TK Maxx and Charli ones to BrandAlley.Unfortunately had dd2 in tow [and Grandma]. In TK Maxx they fell in love with a Cacherel jacket,2 pairs of Ralph Lauren shorts and white skinnies[all for dd2].Myself and grandma came out much poorer[note to self-leave dd 2 at home next time].Can definitely identify with hormonal changes[am 49-probably the oldest on this thread].I am awaiting blood test results from a comprehensive medical check up[due to a foggy forgetful brain] and breathlessness[maybe purely due to asthma].The only shopping i have kept is a 5 pound kettle bell!

Actually Teta, I'm just a bit older than you! As I get older I have got a better sense of my style and my taste has got more expensive, but I think that I have better quality clothes that help me to look good. Not having to run round after young dc helps too (I loved those years but also love the freedom that comes with them growing up).
Now that I have acquired a reasonably good wardrobe, it is time to slow down and be more considered in my purchases. This thread is really helping with this!

Two quick comments:

For those of you struggling with the 40 thing, I'll be 44 later this year and am really enjoying my age. Your children are that bit older, you can start thinking about what you want (career, relationships, lifestyle) a bit more and you also know yourself a bit better. True, my 30s were pretty shit for a number of reasons, but my 40s are good. Part of that taking stock and reinvention can lead to a bit of wardrobe angst, but it does all come good. Have faith!

The other thing was regarding hormone surges. I have a Nexplanon implant and am pretty even tempered throughout the month (I'm sure DP would agree ). Another bonus is not having periods.

I really appreciate the way you have talked so honestly about the drudgery of having young children and being stuck at home. I can relate to so much of it and usually it's such a taboo subject.

BillStickers interested to hear which apple varieties you choose, after loosing our old apple trees last year I'm planning on planting a small orchard in the Autumn. I'm going to make gardening one of my online shopping distraction activities, I've just spent a couple of hours weeding the veggie beds instead I'd idly browsing online shops.

Teta hope the tests come back ok

QoW thanks for letting us know that it gets better, I think that I found turning 40 hard as DS started secondary school at the same time so I also became semi redundant as mum too!

Thank you Dig.I renovated my garden last year.I developed a very expensive Sarah Raven and Crocus habit.My shopping habits just swapped genres.

Thanks again everyone for your support. It's a relief to know that others so young are suffering with hormones too. I seem to tick all the boxes to be peri-menopausal and although I know it has to happen I didn't quite expect it to happen at 39!

ceccee I totally relate with you and I also have a 7yo dd going on 17. The 'teenage' angst is unbearable. Between her and the nearly 2yo dd it's a wonder I'm still sane! Luckily ds is happy as long as he is regularly fed and exercised .

I can imagine that life does get easier once they're older. I love dc3 to bits and would never be without her but I can see how you move onto a totally different phase when they're older.

dig I like your comment about hitting 40! It doesn't bother me as such but it does feel like a landmark.

teta hope you're ok.

This thread is inspiring me to do other things with my time. I've been trying to think what I did with my life before iPad but I think I just used to watch TV instead! Pre dc I read, went to the gym or went out. I'm a great believer in everything in moderation so like many others I don't diet as such but if needs be I do cut back on portions and exercise more but never deny myself anything. I do want to not buy new clothes until July (although need something pink for dm birthday!) as I just want to try and enjoy what I have. It's not like buying anything else truly makes me happier. I'm not going to give up s&b but I am going to cut down on Pinterest and blogs at least for this week.

My list:
-get off the iPad and finish my jigsaw that I started months ago. I lurve jigsaws
-take the shred DVD out of it's wrapper!
-read one of the many books on my bedside table
-put together a flat pack bedside table that I bought for dd last week.

The small good things (esp the roof garden!) have been so effective that I'm not MNing at all Loving all your ideas! Apple trees and jigsaws in particular!

Have decided to follow the advice in TBONTB and drastically reduce my exposures (goodbye blogs, estores, and most of S&B) - will try this for at least for a week. Instead, garden, great books, other small good things and doing things we all enjoy with DC (we made popcorn yesterday). Zero shopping impulses, but have repaired one ripped seam today and done a record amount of work

Quite a few of us have tough things going on but feel free to be frivolous too

It's a rainy day here so I've really enjoyed wearing an old cashmere v-neck (such a tactile pleasure, and watermelon red is probably my best color) with even older slim bootcuts. Someone on MN recommended shoe stretchers a while ago and they have made a too-snug pair of jewelled flats really comfortable.

I?m glad that?s working for you Frugal. Yes doing nice things offline is definitely the best medicine!

I?m actually feeling a bit depressed over my style and wardrobe. I used to buy trendy fast fashion but then I decided to buy mostly ethical or high quality, classic items that would last a long time. And the result is that?I feel like a super frumpy old lady. I?m so displeased with my summer wardrobe and want to buy an entirely new one?full of Zara and similar but at least I won?t look like a much older than I am frump.
Ughhhhhh /vent

Yoni tell a bit more about your wardrobe - maybe we can help? I have an übercool friend who only wears ethical fashion (she started doing this years ago), she really rates Kuyichi and she always looks effortlessly cool (think media worker). Lots of niche labels and indie designers too, but not always easy to find them!

Try to resist Zara if you can - I've bought two items from them this year and both are really shoddy workmanship - one has a lining that causes creasing on the outside (ugh) and another, although 100% cotton, is made from such poor quality fabric that it looks frightful after two wears! I have lots of vintage Zara - pure silk and cotton dresses - that I will probably have forever, but their standards are really slipping at the moment.

Don't worry I don't actually plan on buying fom Zara et al, the quality of their clothes is just too crappy now and the Bangladesh tragedy really put me off from buying from fast fashion brands even more.

The problem is that I went overboard with the "classic" thinking and bought a lot of safe and boring things in safe and boring colours. Lots of navy. This combined with old low quality items I've kept, some wacky fair trade stuff (think People Tree) and some stuff from Seasalt and Seasalt is apparantly for 85 yo's according to S&B. Just kidding but yes they're a little frumpy. I'd like clothing that is fresher and younger and still a bit elegant.

Thanks for the link, a bit dangerous...!

Yoni could you accessorise your classics? A statement necklace or a scarf could maybe add the interest that you are looking for.

My small things this week have been gardening, yoga and researching an up coming holiday. I've also downloaded a card game app on my ipad and instead of browsing online shops have become addicted to patience

No purchases so far this week and have rescued the white lace up pumps by soaking them in bleach, very happy about this as I was about to buy a pair of Superga to replace them.

yoni that is part of the problem isn't it? Trends change so quickly that it's easy to look old fashioned/frumpy. Luckily I like the classic look but it can feel quite boring and unadventurous when you see some of the on-trend stuff in the shops.

dig that's one reason I haven't downloaded any games onto my iPad. It's just swapping one obsession for another .

YY Queen you speaketh the truth. Agree with what you said about trends and that it's easy swap on obsession/addiction for another.

My wardrobe is probably fine, might just add some accessories like you suggest Dig and try not to worry and shop more until the sales

Yoni when I started redoing my wardrobe I did the same thing, going slightly overboard with classics and buying things I ought to like and wear (or things that I happened to find that 'would do') instead of clothes that I truly love.

I have a difficult relationship with navy - I think it truly looks good on Italian men and women with flaming red hair a la Taylor Tomasi Hill. On the rest of us, it's often a slightly shabby option. (If anyone wants a navy slim pencil skirt in Sz 10, lined, pure polyester for free, please pm me.)

My advice would be to try to slowly accumulate clothes that you love. You can storage some of the too-safes, bring out a few every season and mix with something bolder and less safe. I've had amazing success rotating - pairings such as a chambray shirt, cutoff shorts, a leather skirt, the right bag, or an edgy bracelet have given new life to some of the duller items. Often, an outfit needs to have a 'flaw' (something out of proportion, striking, conflicting, contrasting, mismatching) to really create visual interest.

Also, don't listen too closely to advice on S&B - not even mine Adhering too closely to the consensus opinions will just result in a cookie-cutter look - you are allowed to look different! Quirky personal style is much more interesting, granny chic or not

But I also think that exploring your personal style in greater detail might help - have you already done this quiz?. I'm a classic dresser, but I need to have bold color and big jewelry in my outfits. (For me it was a big realization that anything 'natural' will make me look and feel undone, and that I need some drama and focus in my clothes.) A style icon can help too - you can look at her outfits and try to recreate them with what you already have.

Small good things done today: 40 min out in the sun reading TBONTB (Chapter 8 is terrific!) and Where I Am Wearing (great book - tells about the lives of garment workers in various countries).

Acts of self-care: made a pending DHL return I've been postponing; went through some of my bank statements, paid some bills, increased my regular monthly contribution to my personal savings account.

No shopping urges, things are going well

Thanks for the reply Frugal - I wonder if it's a common thing to do, to start buy too "classic" for your own taste when you tire of fast fashion.
Haha granny chic is not what I'm aiming for! This is really my kind of style but I look terrible in black. Dilemma!
I will def try to "slowly accumulate clothes" now instead of going on badly thought out shopping sprees again. It's probably the best way.

So that To buy...book is really helpful huh? Might have to you know, buy it

Yoni your personal style is fantastic, edgy/urban, don't go more classic!
But it's really easy to do a capsule approach with those clothes. I have a friend (ex fashion editor) who dresses that way. She's very much into good workmanship and finds well-made items both at niche/indie designers, thrift shops and occasionally chain stores (quite a few Scandi brands go for that esthetic too and ime many of them are doing real work to make their supply chain more socially responsible).

The weather is bad, I'm low on energy and going outdoors is not an option. Got stuck online last night and broke my resolution and visited some of my favorite blogs and etailers (bought nothing). I'm starting to see how it works - I browse during tired/bored/empty moments and although I'm too listless to make decisions in that state, seeds and desires are planted. Then later, often during brief/stolen/rushed pauses, I return and complete the shopping trip. I really think limiting the exposures is the key. Last night, the correct course of action would have been to close the browser and go and do something else - watch an episode of light tv or read a little or finish my herbal tea. But I remember feeling both hungry and resentful (we had no proper dinner because DH was going out for a work do). So my night of browsing was really passive-aggressive trapped housewife behavior I should have eaten something to boost my energy levels and to improve my decision-making skills...

Wearing again my favorite at-home outfit, blue men's shirt with white jeans. It's funny how a totally overlooked and forgotten shirt has become my new favorite. Rotating clothes may really work...

How are you ladies doing?