Frugal Follow-up

[FrugalFashionista]

We've hopelessly lost the old thread. How are you doing ladies?

I need to reawaken the thread as I need to get back on the wagon. I decided to temporarily suspend my shopping ban - it's summery here and I've started wearing summer clothes and I decided to make some purchases now so that I can wear them all season long (in low 20s it's still a bit too cool for my routine sleeveless dress/bare legs summer look). Most of my old summer clothes are in great shape but this is what I needed to update them -

1. white jeans (have lots of denim shirts and blue tops) - straight-leg, non see-through
2. colorful printed cigarette pants (my wardrobe is mostly solid colors - I want to wear prints but not near my face) - found a pair in my favorite colors from MSMG
3. sandals (bored of ballet flats and Havaianas) - black cage wedges, low-rent child-friendly version of the Altuzarra look
4. slingbacks (found a lovely two-tone white/taupe pair on sale)
5. a few bracelets to liven things up

I'm still looking for a couple of high-quality white or cream tops, scoop neck if possible. They seem to be the hardest item to find, but my refound Zara poly-viscose top is surprisingly versatile. Still thinking about a long and narrow snakeprint silk scarf in my best blues and also need to make a decision regarding nude/taupe courts (to go with my summer cocktail dresses).

Spring lasted for 3-4 weeks here and coincided with my 1-month shopping ban. By thinking a bit harder and digging a bit deeper I was able to find all spring outfits I ever needed without any spending! Summer will be around until the end of October so I hope that I will get quite a lot of wear out of my mix of old and new. But I think I'm almost done with wardrobe updates and might go back to tight-fist mode very soon

QC sending you resolve-strengthening vibes!!! Do something that really requires your attention - paint your nails? (Toenails if you don't do fingernails?) Or is it possible to go outdoors for a bit?

Reading is a good distraction technique for me, for some unknown reason Kindle works better than traditional books (closer to online-shopping experience? ). Try chick lit but not one of the Shopaholics

Would reading RecShop or 'To buy or not to buy' help or are they too hardcore?

I use women's mags of the trashiest type and chocolate to overcome the occasional wave of homesickness, but both are tricky strategies repeated on a daily basis

Thanks for the suggested distractions Yoni! I overshop when I feel low, bored or stressed-out (but also when I'm exceptionally happy). The ideal displacement activity would be something that gives me a break. I'm experimenting with stepping outdoors and watering the plants (might not work as well in the UK ) or maybe making a cup of some exotic and fragranced tea instead of the regular strong black. Oh, and this is an old trick for me, but applying perfume is often calming and soothing. If I have a longer period of time, I always enjoy long walks and podcasts. But overshopping for me is often a repressed stuck-at-home behavior - waiting for DH to arrive or taking a sneaky break from work when I don't feel that a proper pause (=coffee or a walk outdoors) is justified. Or waiting for my turn to go out (often in vain).

Also, tinkering with Polyvore (building and sharing an outfit board) can help. It's playing with fire though as you are never very far from clicking 'buy'

It is good that you recognise your trigger point Queen, that will really help you and is something to be pleased about! I hope you find something to distract you from the urge and that you feel better soon .

I have recognised a combination of trigger points in the next couple of weeks.

1. It is now two weeks since I bought anything (a dress, cardigan and scarf, all good purchases but adding up to about £170), and I am feeling the itch again. Like Frugal says, itis like needing a 'fix' of something new. I can afford it but it seems greedy and wasteful.
2. DH is away this week so it would be easy to spend the evenings browsing online, and convincing myself that I 'deserve' a treat.
3. I have time off during half term, which makes RL shopping easier!

I have started a couple of projects which I am hoping will help. I have got my old dress form down from the attic and dusted off my sewing machine. I have ordered a dress pattern from ebay and will buy some inexpensive material and see if I can make myself something new. I didn't watch any of the Great British Sewing Bee, but I'll see if it is still around and watch some to see if it inspires me.

Also, I have dug out some beautiful mohair/silk yarn that I bought a couple of years ago intending to knit a scarf, but never got round to. I can't browse online and knit at the same time!

Hopefully these projects will keep me busy and give me a more meaningful 'fix'. Do you think anything like that could work for you Queen?

everyone.

topaz I know what you mean about feeling you 'deserve' it. I do that too. And sewing definately wouldn't calm me down. Sewing on brownie badges ths morning gave me the rage and actually had me in tears .

I definately need to find something more constructive to do with my spare time other than just living on s&b and obsessing over clothes. It's just such a ligjt relief from real life though and I'm so mentally exhausted by the evening (I don't mind admitting that I'm finding dc3 who's nearly 2 rather challenging at the moment!).

Sorry for the whingeing

I sympathise over the brownie badges. I was a 'bad mother' whose son's cub badges were all in a drawer waiting to be sewn on and then he moved up to scouts......
I remember how exhausting young dc can be, so don't be too hard on yourself! And it's ok to come on here for a moan - we've all been there! Another distraction I've found is watching foreign language TV or DVDs e.g. The Killing. Because I have to read the subtitles, I can't surf the net at the same time. I get properly absorbed and find it much more relaxing than Eng language TV.

Thanks for the warm welcome. It is great to have a thread like this which can encourage some self reflection.

QueenC (hello) and FF I think displacement activities are key, though I am not sure what displacement activities will work for me at the moment. I am a bit like QueenC in that I have young DC and the day is so relentless with little "me" time that by the evening I only have the energy to surf the net. Even reading is beyond my attention span at the moment. I think there is some suggestion that reading on screens can inhibit your attention span too, perhaps a kindle would be a good middle ground for me (I am still in the night time breastfeeding stage) and there have been some great book suggestions on here.

I also find bans don't really work for me as I binge before the ban starts (same if dieting!) and then have lapses that are quite disastrous.

Topaz your projects sound great. I can't sew at all though think it must be great to be able to get creative in this way. I do have some items I need to get altered or repaired, so could focus on getting them sorted for the meantime. And the Killing is great!

QC (hug), I hear you, feeling low too and I'm also having daily battles too with DD2 and the tyranny of other people's schedules often seems too rigid and constricting. And this -
"I need to find something more constructive to do with my spare time other than just living on s&b and obsessing over clothes." - you managed to express something I've been trying to find words for. I used to do interesting and absorbing things in my spare time: learn languages, write, volunteer in organizations, travel, cook and bake for friends. And now, I'm spending weeks, months, years of my life filling virtual shopping baskets and obsessing over necklines and shades of blue???

Chapter 5 of 'To buy or not to buy' directly addresses all this (and also some of the underlying issues, like feeling trapped and lonely) - I reread it and although it felt quite painful, there were lots of suggestions how to move forward. Some of them actually quite applicable

Advice please! I've been lurking but now I have a decision to make.
I have a 50% off Zatchels code that has to be used by the end of the month (due to the problems with the site during the sale & my order not going through).
I have have been toying with a 13" red satchel (£45), plus a 14.5/16" in either chestnut or dark brown (£48).
I usually stick to classic, natural colours but thought the red would look lovely against my navy winter coat and taupe/khaki jackets.
BUT!
Does this count as buying 'multiples' (just 'cos they are cheap?)

Should I just delete the email with the code and think "actually, I don't need 2 new bags"
Are they good enough quality and classic enough to give me years worth of wear or are they too 'trend'-y? Would you recommend any other colours instead? (satchels only - have a lovely pale Orla Kiely saddle bag already)

Evening all. Thanks again for the hugs/advice. I'm so up and down at the moment with my hormones. I may only be 39 but things are definately changing!

frugal I need to go back and read those books. Or just any book. How did we all become so obsessed with clothes? Instead of a shopping ban, I should have an iPad ban . Dd starts nursery for 2 days a week in June so I'm hoping that having a bit more free time will allow me to develop other interests and not spend the time shopping or on MN.

topaz surely by now someone could invent badges that don't need sewing

MrsR < waves hello>

half if you have to ask then I think you know the answer....

Queen, I think the secret is to get them to earn the sewing badge by learning how to do it themselves! (never worked for me tho).

HalfSpam I have two Zatchels from last year, in green and cream. They are rainproof and I wore mine a lot last summer. The bright green is a great accent color, but have found new favorite bags in boring neutrals - taupe is my current favorite! I am hoping to wear the green one more later in the summer, but at the moment it's underused. I would not recommend purchasing multiples. I love bright bags, but tend to get bored quite quickly (I currently own at least 3 bright bags that I'm not using a lot). I also found myself wondering why I had purchased a cream bag (trickier to combine than you'd think) instead of one in distressed brown leather (which would go with most things and get better with age).

It's also good to know that the Zatchel is actually a small cross-body bag, as it's quite shallow. Mine will fit an iPad or my Kindle, but not both, my keys, my phone, my wallet, and nothing else.

Queen I'm a couple of years older than you and for the past 6 months I've been on a roller coaster ride of hormones, sending you An iPad ban is also probably needed to curb my shopping habit as it makes online shopping sooo easy.

QC hormonal here as well. (Almost in tears during the day, now back to normal. Chapter 5 in TBONTB restored my good spirits - some great straight talk and very positive long-term goals there. What helped immediately was a long walk and a hot bath with a few drops of ylang ylang essential oil.)

Love this thread and perfumistas - wish I could have a reverse-blocking button on S&B and keep just these two threads spending the rest of my time reading feminist classics and The Economist, naturally

Oh and an iPad is the devil's work - it's a serious timesucker - I've actually considered uninstalling the browser and just keeping the newspaper app. Haven't gotten around to it yet so currently just letting the battery run out, not recharging for weeks I do control surfing on my work laptop (LeechBlock on Firefox is fantastic - excellent for blocking access to online shops) but Apple devices are much harder to turn partially off

I hope everyone's who's down today feels better tomorrow. Maybe it will be sunny?

I have young DC too. Before I had them I'd correctly imagined the physical exhaustion that might come with sleep deprivation (although not, sad to say, just how blimmin' bad it could be) but I just had no idea what a...a... mental flattening can occur when you spend so much time with such relentless, demanding and, at least until late toddlerhood, totally unempathetic little beings. Don't get me wrong, I love mine more that I could have believed was possible, as you must all do yours, but boy oh boy has it taken some readjustment to accept life as it is now. I'm definitely most often to be found in the slumped, slack jawed on the sofa over the iPad club; it's usually all I'm fit for in the evenings - and I reckon it's partly why online shopping is so beguiling. (1) it's easy and (2) there's a siren call of "this is who I once was/could be again" or "what a bloody awful day - can't go out and get p*ssed but could just click buy on this, and maybe this...."

I particularly hate how I read so much less than I ever used to. I sort of let it go by when I was still working in the City (long hours, long commute) but now I'm not and, moreover, am doing something very different, with a strong literary bent, it seems even more absurd. A Kindle has helped - I recommend them, MrsR. The basic ones are pretty cheap now although if you'd be using them during night feeds maybe you'd want one of the attachable lights.

Anyway, enough maudlin musings from me. I am burning the dinner so had better go!

(((()))) for QueenC - my hormones are awful too and same age as you. Try to remind yourself that when you shop when you are down it really doesn't fix things - just adds a bit of extra guilt onto everything. Well done for spotting the signs and asking for help here - that's an achievement in itself!

If you ladies ever start a book club, I'm happy to join!
Totally agree with what Violet is saying. I'm an active, social, extroverted person feeling super frustrated at home... I know this will pass and I've already regained a lot of freedom (travel frequently for work sans family) but yy to a saddo hunched over work laptop

Most of my friends are exactly like me - professionally successful, quite happily married, with children - but zombie-like staring the wall in empty moments between the school run and carpools, or prisoners of their own home watching over sleeping children or waiting for the spouse to arrive. Alarmingly, I'm starting to really understand Betty Draper...

Hi all. A quick question for any 'make do and menders' if I may.

H bought some jeans recently, distressed style. On the first wear he has put his foot through the threadbare knee and now it's a holey knee which is a bit scruffy looking as well as odd as they hole is a rectangle. I had the idea of putting something like bandana (not banana as I just typed!) fabric behind it then also behind another hole on the front pocket and maybe a inch long strip of the fabric on the top of the back pocket so hopefully it looks like a design feature rather than a repair job. H thinks it sounds crap. What do you think and any better ideas?

CeeCee Nudie have a repairs booklet for their jeans, maybe look at the pics for ideas? I wouldn't use the bandanna, but might use a swatch of plain denim under the hole to patch it up. Maybe let your H pick a suitable style from the pics?

Thanks for the Zatchel advice Frugal. Think I'll definitely get the larger one in the dark brown, and proably hold off the red one... I'm leaving it to the weekend to order though so will probably talk myself into and out off the red one a few times more.

And sympathy with the hormones too - I'm 41 and pure evil for part of the month now. AND I have suddenly got a spotty face which is just really, really annoying after having had clear skin for the past 40 years.

Thanks FF. He's out following the last match of the season so will ask him later in the week when he can see straight again lol. That's a fab link, loads of ideas and although I can't get to my aged hand turned singer at the moment I can hand sew well.

QC I feel very similar much of the time. I'm nearly 37, my hair is almost totally grey (under the dye) and I'm desperately clawing back my identity after 7 years or breeding and breastfeeding. My youngest (2.5) still doesn't sleep through and my eldest (6.5) is a huge argumentative pre-teenage challenge. Work is not going well due to my job and hours changing for the worse in the near future although I don't yet know the details which is stressing me out. I'm not looking after myself well and keep getting ill. Online shopping is something I do to assert the 15 minutes I get a day to be ME. Gosh sorry that became a bit me, me, me whereas I meant to offer solidarity!

Anyway, less of me and back to topic, I have bought quite a bit for myself and the children lately but all funded by sales of their old clothes. Lot's of bargains in the true sense - good quality basics in the sales which are needed. DD1 put the knees through on her school sports trousers on Friday then turned her nose up at the replacements I found in her wardrobe so I've darned the original ones which she is happy with and at the same time put a few stitches in a top of mine that had developed a hole. I'm mending as soon as things fail to avoid a pile up which will then be a chore. I also cut down and hemmed the damaged long sleeves on one of DD1's tops so they are now 3/4 length and the top is perfectly wearable again.

Have just been to see The Great Gatsby. OMG THE CLOTHES!!!!!!!

Has completely deterred me from shopping though, unless you look like Daisy Buchanan (and I definately don't) then what's the point? .

Oh, I can't wait to see that film, Aphra. The Great Gatsby is one of my favourite novels (so I do hope Baz and co haven't massacred it.....).

And the 20s is one of my favourite historical eras. Wish I'd lived through it actually. The clothes! The parties! The decadence! Although, as DH so helpfully pointed out when I said as much to him the other day, if I'd been alive then I'd probably have been a factory or farm worker and just as far from being a flapper as I am now.

Okay, shopping bans are clearly not working for me (no new relapses, but have taken a closer look at my stats). I stay on them for a while, but relapses are destructive and building up the motivation for a new ban after a relapse is harder each time. I overshop for reasons CeeCee explained - online shopping is a tiny oasis of calm on a stressful day. The dieting analogy is also right on the money, MrsRadicchio - they very rarely work in the long run either. But I've lost weight by eating mindfully for the past year, so maybe an analogous mindful non-ban could actually work.

The mindful no-ban shopping plan in a nutshell: no ban, no limits, no budget, just a general goal to keep purchases to a minimum, a commitment to tracking them (the Excels many of you have talked about) and to use the positive reinforcement strategies to meet the underlying, shopping-triggering needs outlined in TBONTB: acts of self care (like taking care of all kinds of unattended health and other needs) and acts of self love (small daily and week feel-good moments to replace the shopping-induced highs). I've started today, let's see how it goes!

Acts of self love: I spent about an hour in the morning on the terrace watering my plants (zen garden ), reading Chapter 6 of TBONTB, sipping jasmine tea and mending clothes (4 items - 3 of them brand new ). Wearing cutoffs and a vest top to get some Vitamin D It felt great!

Acts of self care: I scheduled a pap smear and updated my computer virus protection software (these are not supposed to feel nice).

I also made a small index card with the six overshopping reminder rules and put it in my wallet. Six questions are too clearly many for my pigeon brain , so I'm trying to pick the three most important. I think they are the following:

1. Why am I here?
2. How do I feel?
3. Where will I put it?

Not sure whether the no-ban will work in the long run but today I've felt miraculously relaxed, calm, focused and free of overshopping urges Haven't checked any blogs, browsed any stores or clicked any links! I spent my brief work pauses outdoors and completed work in record time

Aphra and Violet Gatsby sounds lovely - a trip to the cinema could be one of the rewards...

I've realised that I do need some new clothes. I've been hanging onto old things in the hope that I will lose enough weight to fit in them again but it isn't going to happen. My meds keep me from losing any weight which I have to accept and I need to dress what I have instead of wishfully thinking I'll look like I used to again. I'm going to go through my wardrobe and ebay or give away anything that doesn't fit and almost totally start over. The things I've bought this year I will keep as they fit and suit so I have some stuff to start with. It almost feels like giving in but I can't keep deluding myself that I'm magically going to become a size ten overnight!