approaching 40 - style crisis, please help!

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

I always used to shop in places like Top Shop or H&M, I could generally go down a high street and find something to buy. Now I'm nearly 40 and I just need some new shops/brands to browse. Something that isn't like a fancy dress costume or frumpy or really smart.

If I go in TopShop, everything looks like it's for "young people". I definitely don't feel young anymore. I tried something on in Zara a couple of years ago and it was so depressing I can't go in there anymore.

I like dresses but need something that goes in at the waist and in under the bust. I also can't wear dresses /skirts above the knee anymore

If you're around the same age, where do you shop without buying frumpy stuff?

I still do H&M. At 41 and a lot of New look and for nice stuff/going out, Phase Eight. I'm stuck with Next for trousers as they're the only ones I can get the right length in my size.

I'm 39 and mostly shop in Warehouse and Oasis.

How about a personal shopper session at Debenhams? They'll help you update your wardrobe and you can find your 'new style'.

I currently seem to live in:

'Jeggings' from M&S with either sandals or heeled ankle boots
A fairly figure fitting maxi skirt with draped pockets
A black jersey dress from The White Company
A denim shirt dress
A denim shirt
Slightly cowl neck drapey t-shirts
Plain camisoles

That's about it!

I can highly recommend the personal shopper service at Debenhams to help you out and find your style. It is a free service and they have loads of ranges to choose from.

When I went I asked for tops/tunics to go with basics I already had such as jeans, leggings and plain trousers. She pottered off for about 20 mis while I had a cuppa and flick through a magazine. She came back with a wide selection for me to try, tops, bottoms, knits etc. Some were in the sale and others were full price.

There was no obligation to buy although that would be challenging when faced with all the things she brought back. I ended up with 3 casual/work tops from Wallis & Warehouse and an evening tunic from Phase 8 plus a pendant & ear rings set. It came to about £110 for eveything.

thanks everyone, chica Debenhams personal shopper sounds good, I went to a Top Shop one a few years ago and she was absolutely brilliant. Debenhams will probably have a good range of outlets (or whatever you call them).

I am feeling old now though! Warehouse, New Look. I think if I can lose a bit of weight, I might feel less awful and ancient about clothes.

debenhams stuff is great. Have a nosey on their website and check out red herring and the like, it's current enough without being tarty too teenage.

French Connection is the place, trendy but not too young, I luff their clothes!

Yy to the m&s jeggings, fabulous alternative to skinny jeans. Buy 6 pairs and you'll never be stuck, had 25%off this week.
Also I like Mint Velvet, Great Plains and Kew159 (all online) I think they really cater for our age group. Don't dismiss topshop Zara etc, still some gems to be had but agree we are probably not their target market so lots that does feel a bit young.

I've just booked a personal shopper at Debenhams for October, gives me time to lose 10 pounds! Thanks for the inspiration!

Well done! I love my personal shopper sessions there. They keep you up to date and she always chooses things I wouldn't pick up myself, which stops me getting into a rut. They have good concessions in there as they bought Principles too.

nice one :) Enjoy!
get nice nails and check out your make up bag and you'll feel a million dollars!

Well done on booking the appointment :)

I just wanted to add that I felt something similar as I approached 40. However, a couple of weeks beforehand I became ridiculously excited about it all and totally embraced it. I think I dress better now at 41 than at 39. I still shop at Top Shop, Zara, All Saints and H&M but I also mix it up with Maxmara, Malene Birger, Toast and vintage. I have found turning 40 a very liberating experience because it suddenly dawned on me that it really isn't that old and that if I don't wear it now I never will!! It has re-awakened my love of fashion and made me focus more on creating my personal style rather than simply following trends.

Take a deep breath, relax and you'll have a great run up to 40, lose the weight you want to and find your stride style-wise :)

ujjayi, it was similar for me.

I have just become more "true" to my own style.

I don't really like jeans, so hardly wear them now (though like skinnies-boots combo). I prefer to wear a dress, so wear mostly dresses and skirts now.

I alsonlike Maxmara, Birger and Toast (though all very $$$, but investment pieces) and also Marilyn Moore, White Company (for classy dresses/tunics) and have a few LK Bennett pieces (sale!). Jigsaw good too (after not having shopped there for 10 years)

Mix it up with cheaper H&M tops (can be surprisingly good)

Beware of the so called age related 'rules'.
Many of them are not suited to everyone, as they are not entirely suited to me.
My figure still looks best wearing shorter length skirts, although I tortured myself for a while thinking I ought not to wear them any more. Everything depends upon how you carry it, or style it, etc.

I am late thirties, although a fair bit younger looking - that said I don't want to appear younger in general, or for people to mistake me as a 20 something, if you see what I mean. So I prefer 'youthful' to 'young'.

I love:
Aubin&Wills
Zara
Massimo Dutti
Apc
Isabel Marant (but can't afford!)
Whistles

If wearing shorter lengths, team with flat shoes or boots and tights. Also cover up more on the top half to balance out, like a nice cashmere or well fitting slouch tee.
Seek out which cuts suit your figure most of all, and enjoy the process as you move forward with a new sense of style.

I strongly believe that growing older should never be an excuse to perceive clothes and style as things which are only for the young. It is a depressing and destructive mindset. There are tons of stores out there, so make sure to enjoy yourself!

Things I personally would avoid?

*Overtly trend driven styles which are only designed to last a season, unless you are wearing for a special occasion, in which case just sod it and throw caution to the wind!

*Insane colours, like neons.

*Hotpants, micro-anything, or styles which are predominantly identifiable with certain youth cultures (emo, younger goth, etc)

*Fast fashion for the most part, not just because it seems to aim at the teen demographic but because the clothing itself is horrendously made. That said, I do own some decent stuff from Topshop, H&M and the likes, such as knee length pencil skirts, a tweed mini and various basic tees.

*Don't subscribe to any store or style merely because other women your age gravitate to it. It may not be 'you', or suit your needs. (ie, Boden and Toast make style which don't work well with my own figure).

good advice, teacakes.

You have to dress what suits you not what your age is. Within reason.

I know women in their 50s and 60s who buy the occasional item in Top Shop, H&M etc- the mistake would be to dress from head to toe in it like a 14 yr old.

Great thread. Just wondering if skinny jeans are also a no no for the over 40s (Please say they are ok as have just lost weight and have bought 2 pairs of size 10 Primark super skinnys and am amazed they fit. Damn this over 40s stuff as have a better shape now than for last 20 years and sounds like I'll have to cover up.)

Skinny jeans are fine for the over 40s. Well they had better be because I own so many pairs in almost every colour of the rainbow :o

Thanks Ujjayi, what tops and shoes do you wear with them. I seem to live in ballet flats and have limited tops so uniform is a bit tired.

Ballet flats, flat sandals, tan or black ankle boots with heel, high heel shoes (does anyone call them court shoes any more? Or are we all calling them "heeled pumps" a la Wintour et al? ), biker boots and flat brown leather boots. Oh and flip flops :). Think that covers it on the footwear front :o

Tops: again, pretty much anything goes. Vintage blouses, All Saints style tunics and vests, loose fit v neck tees (H&M do an excellent range of slub cotton ones). Cami's in warmer weather with either a cardi or cotton scarf. Fine knit merino or linen jumpers are a current favourite (resurrected from my "potential charity shop" pile......I rarely throw stuff out - thank god for vacu packs!

I tend to layer my tops: a fitted cami style vest beneath a loose fit vest (in either same or contrasting colours) and in winter I have a heap of long sleeve tees to do the same job beneath tops, dresses and knitwear.

OP I am a little younger but still the wrong side of 35. Know exactly what you mean about Topshop!
My main shops are French Connection, Kew159, Next, M&S, John Lewis, Zara and Whistles.
Fail proof options for me are skinny jeans or jeggings with leather sandals or flip flops. In winter I go for heeled tan ankle boots instead. I wear with breton tops, casual plain Ts or pretty vintage style blouses. As an alternative, I also like chinos. I wear a lot of French Connection Jersey dresses with flip flops or with opaques and heels. I use scarves and unusual beaded necklaces to add colour and interest.

My Dm is 64 and wears skinnies-she looks fab and she wears them with tunics and so on-they are perfect for her fabulous legs... She's also wearing a tshirt dress from topshop in the sunshine today-we worked out it was from circa 1985-the print is bang on trend!
I on the other hand am 38 and wouldn't go near skinnies because it's straight leg all the way for a tall pear like me. Empire line maxis are a godsend for me-bought 5 in the sales.
Know your shape-you sound like you do- much more important than your age.

definitely a yes to the skinny jeans. I tend to wear slouchy tees and converse with them, and have only just noticed that this could also describe the younger generation However, many differences. I tend to wear black converse for a start, whereas "young uns" wear brights. And my black tees are not tarty have a vest under

Watching this with interest, I am also 40! Some great tips, thanks.