Does the way we dress influence peoples first impression of us?

[OnePeiceOfCakeInEachHand]

Just want opinions really. I dress in jeans, trainers and a hoody most of the time. My hair is always in a ponytail as i cant be bothered to straughten it everyday. To be honest i must look like a chav. Im 21 with a small child and when im out i automatically think people look down on me. Maybe they dont but im just self conscious. The truth is though my partner earns alot of money and hes a policeman. We rent a big property in London. I shop at Waitrose as i like their stuff, nothing to do with price. None of this is relevant but i just think people would expect me to be a bad mother who was stupid enough to get pregnant as a teenager when in fact ive been with my partner for 5 years and our child was planned. When i see a woman in Clarks shoes, Dorothy Perkins trousers and Debenhams smart jacket i just assume that they have a good job and own a house etc. So if i can judge them then surely they are judging me back. What do you think?

It's strange, but interesting. I have recently been taking note of how I assess other people via their appearance, and I have this feeling that I amm not very good at reading them! There are extremes, surely - like those who seem to be the epitome of a 'stereotype', but I would have considered your description of yourself to be pretty much 'normal', as in 'busy mother doing day to day stuff'.

I always thought the word chav applied mostly to behaviour, a kind of obvious loutishness/attitude or something, rather than a class thing. To be working class, for example, does not make one automatically a chav, iyswim?

I also can't imagine anyone making such assumptions about you based on your described appearance! Do you know people who do? Perhaps it has more to do with how we compose ourselves (I am certain that at 38 I still hunch around like a sulky teen sometimes), and how confident we are with ourselves. I find that when I cheerily approach strangers (whilst shopping, etc), they do tend to treat me better than when I am distracted or feeling a little grouchy or low. And when we expect to be treated poorly, for some reason we often are. Almost like a self fulfilling prophecy.

Watch those who seem to command respect and polite responses - they are not all adorned with designer clothing, expensive haircuts and nor surrounded with the aura of privilege.

Spelling AND grammar trauma, sorry!

Thanks toastedteacakes! I juat think too much really. I dont have any friends and no one really tries to talk to me when im at nursery in a supermarket and i can juat assume its because im young and chav looking. I assumed that if i was in different clothes it may be different.

At nursery or in a supermarket. The nursery isnt in the supermarket

Anyone else have an opinion?

Yes I think people do. (I am not saying it's right that they do). Also I think people look for others similar to themselves. Amongst strangers that thing that differentiates us/ makes us similar is our clothes. I notice people treating me differently according to how I dress. Until we get to know each other... and then it makes no difference.

You seem a little defensive tbh. You don't just think you must look like a chav but have dreamt up a whole other life where you're a silly teenage mum!

Is it possible that you give of a defensive vibe and appear stand offish because of it? Could that be the real reason you've struggled to make friends?

Sorry for not answering your question exactly but it just sounds like your confidence is low. Try talking to people first and see how they respond - people will like you no matter what you've got on.

I think we all instinctively do make judgements when we first see/meet people. I think it's inevitable. what matters though is what you do with those initial reactions.
When I'm in the school playground, it's because it's not a working day, so am usually in trainers, tracky bottoms, and a fleece. I've never encountered people not talking to me because of it though, and if they are that shallow then it's probably no loss.
If I went to work looking scruffy, I would expect peope to judge that though, and I think that's quite right, same as I'd judge people dressed as the photographed females at Aintree on "Ladies Day" if they tipped up at work or in the playground looking like that. I wouldn't turn my back and not speak to them though, even though I'd be inwardly raising an eyebrow whilst similtaneously hoisting my judgy pants

My sister is the same. Her kids go to a nice catholic school but she has told me that theres one woman in particular who looks down at her. The posh woman even went as far to walk on the other side if the road so the children couldnt interact. Her child literally startes talking to my nephew and her mum just gave a dirty look and pulled her child across the road to stop it.

Honestly, I can't imagine anyone worth their proverbial salt overlooking you because you are young - nor because you dress casually. Does anyone dress perfectly to run to the supermarket? I just wear jeans, occasional hoodie, sometimes a nice skirt and shirt, but I don't find the responses to vary unless my attitude is different.

Chav truly is about a behaviour though, something that is immediately obvious and difficult to describe without sounding offensive.....I can't say I've ever presumed someone was chavvy based on their clothing alone.

For example, my taxi driver this afternoon wore one of those chav style Burberry check peaked caps, wore a ton of bling and and a tracksuit top. My eyes kind of noted this but his attitude was sweet and polite so the C word never crossed my mind. Hope that makes sense!

Are you making eye contact and being open/friendly towards people? Sometimes, even with the best will in the world we can unconsciously project vibes that tell people to bugger off. I've done this, it has been a slow and agonizing learning process! Like you, I am currently a bit socially at sea (end of a 20 year LTR, no kiddies, most of my old friends either moved away or super busy with children) so I appreciate where you are coming from. I also work from home so it gets even worse!
Sometimes, we simply need to throw ourselves in headfirst, take the risks and approach people.

And people rarely try to talk to strangers in supermarkets, do they? Nobody has ever approached me, unless their attentions were unwanted

Yes of course.

Though it may not be the judgement you think.

I notice smartly dressed people, and I always think ; "she looks nice, I must try a bit harder myself", or scruffy dressed one might make me think : "She looks scruffy"...I am not sure I would write either the well dressed person or the scruffy one off as a potential friend IYSWIM.

So, yes, I notice clothes, I like it when people dress well, I always think they must have a good amount of self respect. but that is it really. IMO, if you are young (20s) you get away with looking a bit scruffy, as you can look scruffy and young and nice at the same time! On older people track suits can be a bit grim.

I don't know, I do think people make assumptions based on appearance, but I doubt that's the reason behind you lack of friends. More likely you lack common ground with your peers (as you are so young, therefore they are less likely to have children) and sadly, people don't tend to bowl right up to others and solicit a friendship, you often have to put yourself out there.

In the area where I live, the demographic is such that I (a mother of two at 27) am one of the younger parents in the area. This was even commented on by the health visitor. I find other mums naturally gravitate towards people of similar age, therefore I have to make a bit more effort to strike up a conversation. I don't think this is a looks thing as we live in an affluent area and I have all the same trappings of relative wealth they do. Is it the same where you are?

That woman did your sister a favour, I think. Better the devil you know...

Thanks everyone. Maybe people can sense my shyness. I am very shy and i have no idea why!

Yes Amber it the same. Ive seen a few mums on my road with children the same age (around 2) stand outside and chat while the kids play. They all look about 30. I can only assume theyve never said hi to me because ive never said hello to them either.

Rightly or wrongly - people do make assumptions based on appearance.

If I go into somewhere like Harvey Nichols or Selfridges when I am dressed smartly for work - I notice that the sales assistants are attentive and will approach me.

If I go in at weekend when I am "dressed down", I am usually ignored.

I am still the same person, with the same cash to spend, but it can only be the way I am dressed which explains why I am treated differently.

Oh that explains why the security guard follows me around the isles of supermarkets then!

I always get followed round the supermarket. I think I must resemble somebody on Crimewatch.

Yes, we all judge on appearance, whether we are aware of it or not. Your style of dress sounds casual rather than chavvy to me though.

But, does anyone talk to a stranger in a supermarket? Apart from the old ladies who ask you to get something from a high shelf. Or sometimes, "What a beautiful/horrible day" at the checkout. As for nursery, maybe everyone's just busy rushing in and out. Or are they all older than you and just assume you won't have anything in common with them?

The word is Semiotics. Codes and symbols in fashion and clothing.

www.fashion-era.com/what_is_fashion.htm Theories of fashion box.

I teach this. I think it is naive and unrealistic to say peole don't make judgements on what people wear, and what people wear deosn't matter. Even stridently anti-fashionistas are still saying something about themselves, and anthropologists are quite interesting about it too.

....and the history of fashion is a fascinating study in the changing role of women's role in society. Men as well, but predominately women

Yes definitely.

I was recently discussing this with a friend who is a senior director about a PA he employed on a temp contract. She was young, apparently had a good CV and for the interview she turned up suited and boot. He was really impressed and offered her the job pretty much on the spot. Fast forward a couple of months and she was wearing the highest of heels, low cut tops, short skirts and items of clothing that revealed her various tattoos. She couldn't do the job and he said he felt embarrassed that he had employed her to represent him. She got the boot after three months.

To be honest, you don't sound like a typical Waitrose customer. That doesn't actually matter if you don't care what people think about you. If, on the other hand, you are wanting to create an impression for a positive outcome in a business meeting or an interview then you do need to look the part. You are conveying a message that says I am smart, organised, professional and I will fit into your business and do a great job. Unless of course, you are dealing with a design agency in which case flip flops and beach attire are probably the order of the day.

I'm just about to change approach to clothes as having taken an honest look at myself in the mirror recently have decided that I don't want people looking at me thinking I am a frumpy middle aged woman who shops in BHS. I don't have the greatest look either at the mo...

I also want to change the way i dress. To make me feel good about myself and thats the only reason. Thing is though i wonder what people will think of me after seeing me in hoodys for a long time to then see me in suit jackets and skinny jeans with heels. Its kinda like i have an alter ego thats scared to come out!

People do judge I think and it works both ways. I recall having a conversation with someone when my youngest was a baby (I have 3 dc's) - she commented on how 'glam' I looked and believe me it wasn't meant as a compliment

I like fashion - its my hobby really and who knows perhaps one day it will be my job.

But I do think that for a lot of people if they feel comfortable and confident in what they're wearing it makes their life a bit easier as its just one less thing to worry about. I also know that when I've been down at various points in my life I've definitely let myself go - but I know some people just aren't interested in fashion and of course that's fine also.

I don't judge but I do notice if people are wearing nice things and always compliment - even strangers.

Sorry have waffled on but seriously people who only judge on appearances are very silly.

But if you are looking after small dc all day are heels and a suit jacket suitable?

Dressing appropriately is the key. You can still look good when looking casual.