Does the way we dress influence peoples first impression of us?

[OnePeiceOfCakeInEachHand]

Just want opinions really. I dress in jeans, trainers and a hoody most of the time. My hair is always in a ponytail as i cant be bothered to straughten it everyday. To be honest i must look like a chav. Im 21 with a small child and when im out i automatically think people look down on me. Maybe they dont but im just self conscious. The truth is though my partner earns alot of money and hes a policeman. We rent a big property in London. I shop at Waitrose as i like their stuff, nothing to do with price. None of this is relevant but i just think people would expect me to be a bad mother who was stupid enough to get pregnant as a teenager when in fact ive been with my partner for 5 years and our child was planned. When i see a woman in Clarks shoes, Dorothy Perkins trousers and Debenhams smart jacket i just assume that they have a good job and own a house etc. So if i can judge them then surely they are judging me back. What do you think?

Oh don't be scared OnePeice - its just clothes and its ultimately fun.

I wear jackets with jeans a lot and always wear some type of heel albeit not 6 inches and am a SAHM.

Dress for the life you lead but that doesn't have to mean trainers and a fleece.

Thanks girls :) and thanks for not pointing out the spelling mistake that was in my name

Yes, the way we dress does influence first impressions, but only influences, it isn't the whole of the first impression IYSWIM?
As others have mentioned, it is the way you carry yourself too - if you're feeling a bit down / scruffy that will change the way you are responded to.
As long as I'm in the right mood when shopping in expensive places I am treated the same way whether I've dragged myself through a hedge backwards that morning, or am suited and booted up to the nines.

OnePieceOfCake - let your alter ego out! It's fun to play and to surprise people - you might find that after a while, you don't need the clothes to do it either
For practice - take a deep breath, catch people's eyes, nod at them in the street, say 'morning', 'evening', 'nice day' etc. Yes, you will get a few who look at you oddly, but most people respond positively and, the more that do, the more you feel comfortable.

Skinnies or sharply tailored, this season's length trousers with heels and a sharp shirt / blazer is always a good start to feeling confident.

Also, if you have time - get your hair and nails done.

Finally - do you want to give an idea of size / budget and we can see about pulling together some outfit suggestions?

I know how you feel OnePiece, I have the same dilemma most of the time, I regularly feel judged for being a young mum in comfy, convenient clothes, when I know that in reality I have good values and am dedicated to being a good parent and "scrub up well" when DD isn't around!

But it's worse for me right now as I'm in the process of colouring my hair - I've had a horrible faded red for a few weeks and decided I want to strip it and be a dark blonde for the summer - but I've always believed in spreading out colouring to lower the drastic impact on my hair, so I've been having a weakly lightening regime and I'm now a very tacky yellow blonde colour - tres chav!

Like you, I assume people in high street clothes are well off, they could infact have less money than DP and I, you can get so much cheap clothing from eBay or charity shops nowadays, even designer stuff is affordable...

You just never know, do you? But yet I still feel like older mums, particularly those who do "make the effort" to dress smart even just for a walk to the shop with their DC, look down on me.

Budget £100 to start me off. Im deff going to get my hair done now. Its so strange how some nice words from some strangers can give you a boost in the right direction!

- will wander off and do some digging. Also, roughly what size / shape are you?

Sorry for all the questions just want to try and come up with ideas that might work.

babylann - definitely don't assume they have more cash than you. In my current wardrobe resides a Versace suit that cost £80 in TK Maxx four years ago and a Boden dress that cost £7 in a charity shop...

Im a 12 and not sure about shape. Have quite big jubblys if that helps

Hmm, let's go for slightly less fitted in the jacket then! - anything along the AllSaints / Westwood lines might be rather too, ahem, exciting, for daywear...

Tosho had some nice ponte boyfriend blazers in a thick jersey fabric so the comfort of a cardigan but a smarter look.

Absolutely, OP, how someone is dressed will influence my first impression of them - but, "the way they are dressed" is more than just the articles of clothing. You dismiss your clothes as "jeans, trainers and a hoody " but that's not necessarily what I'd be subconsciously noticing. I'd be noticing if they were clean or grubby, whether they fitted or not, whether they looked comfortable in them or not. So someone who was dressed in well-fitting and clean jeans/trainers/hoody/ponytail who looked comfortable in their own skin would strike me more favourably than someone in an ill-fitting stained suit, scuffed heels and make-up that had been applied with a trowel. I doubt very much that you look like a chav , you sound to me as if you would look like a busy mother dressed for practicality.

Ok - jackets to start with - I've been fairly conservative with these, just as I think it's easier to start 'classic' and then work up to the styles you really want a bit later.

blue blazer would look good with paler or coloured jeans
very this season, you would prob have to retire it at the end of the summer, but inexpensive!
classic black cropped blazer
boater
more casual, but still smart

Will be back with some tops shortly

Tops

J.Crew T-shirt
white shirt with a touch of colour
lighthearted for summer
chiffon print
simple white shirt
basic stripy T-shirt
another classic white shirt

Also, Warehouse, Dotty P's and Oasis have some great prints in - only thing is most of them seem to be relatively high necked so think you would have to try them on.

Right - what's your shoe size?

OP, rather than being a slave to fashion, try to think of yourself in terms of a brand. Products are packaged in a certain way to convey certain characteristics. For example, wording on premium products will be words like premium, special, luxury. The packaging will made of a higher quality material and of course the price will be higher. The product inside might be exactly the same but we are lulled into believing we are getting a better product for our money.

Think about who you are and how you would like people to describe you. From what I can gather, you want to be seen as a confident young Mum who knows where she's headed. You have a supportive partner with well paid professional job and you value quality (after all, you do shop in Waitrose!). When you are out and about, keep your eye out for other women who look like that person. Look in lots of magazines and online for images. If you can find some blogs too that can be really helpful. They don't even have to be fashion blogs.

Many moons ago, I used to think that the likes of Gok Wan and Trinny & Susanna were shallow and superficial. Having studied them a bit closer, it's much more about self esteem and letting the world know who you are with confidence. I have been known to cry at some of their success stories...

There's a very country town here and I admit if I'm shopping there (some lovely little shops) I always feel wrong - think people look down on me because I'm not wearing Joules or Barbour. It is, however, probably entirely in my head. Probably because I see so many others there in tweed and Barbour.

I think it's because deep down I am insecure and don't know where I fit in socially so I always wear what I think will fit in with the people I'm around. Obviously not for work where I am confident, or with good friends.

And I'm 48. How sad. Actually, maybe that's it. I don't want to dress old but don't want to look like mutton.

I do judge people (when they are dressed up, not when out and about in jeans and hoodies) but mainly because of my silly obsession with how they'll be judging me.

Yes grooming a salient point. Yesterday I noticed a girl straight away because she had beautiful shiny hair, nice styled, lovely make up and sparkly earrings. She actually had on a pretty gopping outfit (shiny, black faux-satin blouse, anyone?) on closer inspection, but what hit me first was how sleek and pretty she looked. Can say I made any assumptions about her character based on any of this though!

You don't have to straighten your hair every day you know. It's not 2003. Wavy or curly hair is not verboten.

Forgot to put a :) on the end of that.

Orangeandlemons that's very interesting. Sometimes people on MN say that their outfit doesn't say anything about them except "I put on the first thing that was clean this morning" and I always tell them that someone had to have bought those clothes and put them in their house in the first place so it says a bit more than that.

Well if they put on the first clean thing this morning, I would say, that they are probably disinterested in clothes, so projecting a fashionable or stylish way of dressing is unimportant to them.

This may be because theyare maybe trying to say, I am too intellectual/intelligent to be interested in clothes (which is rubbish because clothing is essentially anthropology), but they just may not get turned on by textures or colours like others do

Or in my dp's case he is not interested in what he looks like because he truly is scruffy! Howver he has little interest in anything aethetical pleasing and doesn't notice subtle colour differences. Someone who is interested in these things may have some sense or interest in fashion, because colour, shape etc will be important to them

Women tend to me interetsed in clothing, because they as a species want to pick a suitable mate, so need to attract one using these sort of symbols and signs. Men are less interested because they don't need to keep a mate, they just need to inseminate. However, the male peacock does exist( think David Bowie, any other well dressed star beacuse they need to strut and pose)

Now before I get flamed I am a staunch feminist, and agree that women do not NEED a mate, but they may want one.

As I said, clothing and adornmnet issues essentially come down to anthropology. All civilistains use dress and adornment to say something about their society. It is not about being empty headed, and therefore interested in fashion. In fact it could be argued, that someone who is more "empty headed" may need to havea higher interest inpersonal adornment to attract a better mate. A more intelligent person could look after themselves, so maybe less interested. However, I love fashion and am super intelligent

Sorry.. just on my hobby horsey.

FWIW, I cannotstand to go out uncoordinated, itmakes me feel ill, and uncomfortable all day. What I particularly can't stand is wearing black socks in slightly different shades of black. But I am a very sad and misguided person, probabaly with OCD tendancies

Yes, sadly. How I dress also affects ME and how I feel about MYSELF. On a day when I've made no effort I feel a bit "off", generally. On days when I look how I want to, I find the day goes better and I'm more receptive to others. It's a confidence thing I guess.

In fact if super intelliegnt and super fashionable/stylish, you may attract the best mate there is!

< ponders scruffy dh > Then again I could be talking bollocks

In fact if super intelliegnt and super fashionable/stylish, you may attract the best mate there is!

< ponders scruffy dh > Then again I could be talking bollocks

i think people do. I know I do. Not necessarily in a bad way, but sometimes i decide whether someone looks interesting and cool depending on how they are dressed, or whether id be interested in getting to know them.

Its not the only thing i care about ofc, but someone dressed rubbishly or without any sense of style (doesnt have to be my style) would make me think they werent very creatively minded

Yes, I think we base a lot on first impressions and those first impressions generally come from what we see - how they look, how they wear their hair, what clothes they are wearing. Ultimately we all feel more comfortable with people we consider to be like us so we will look for similarities. I guess we think it gives us common ground.

OP you say you feel judged when out and about... not sure I pay that much attention to random strangers on the street who I am probably never going to have any real contact with. Unless they are wearing something exceptionally outlandish that captures my attention!!

I think once you get to know people though, these superficial things matter far less. I like my clothes and shoes and bags and tend to shop at places like Topshop, Next, French Connection, Gap, Hobbs NW3 etc... I'm very good friends with a mum I met at the school who I doubt would even have heard of some of the shops I mentioned. But we are firm friends and I couldn't care less if she chooses to buy her clothes in Asda. And I'm sure she would say the same vice versa.

As for 'chavs' - I think its become over used. So anybody wearing a hoody, or hair in a pony, or branded wear, or with a tattoo, or wearing lots of bling or basically anything else that another may not necessarily like, gets branded a chav.

I work in the public sector and I know that at work I have been judged on how I look. In the past looking young and being petite was a real curse as theose who didn't know me didn't take me seriously professionally. I'm now 12 years into my career and established so this is less of a problem. But I still get people who say that they are surprised by what I do for a living as apparently I don't look the part. Again it's about judgements and expectations. I quite like being individual, surprising people and proving that we shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

DH and I recently got a tattoo each - I have seen people flamed on here about tattoos!! But it was something that we wanted to do, probably pushed us a little out of our comfort zones which I think is no bad thing once in a while and probably surprised a few people who know us. I suppose the point that I'm trying to make is that we can make all kinds of judgements but that's all they are and we can often find out that we have 'misjudged' others. Interesting post OP. I will stop ranting now!!