would this be just about OK for a wedding?

[newbrunette]

Going to a wedding (dp's ex, whom I really do not like) and don't want to spend much on a new outfit. Also feeling too fat for a dress. So would I look ridiculous/would it be obvious I'd made no effort if I wore: a floaty, fitted, silky, duksy pink tunic top (from Baby Ceylon if that means anything to anyone) with black wide leg trousers? I can't link to photos as it's stuff I've owned for years. Feel free to ask for more details/tell me I'd look ridiculous....

'fraid not. Sorry.

This is 16 quid. That in any of the colours (except black) with some black shoes and a black bag you've probably got or whatever. That do?

if newb is feeling too fat for a dress, i don't think that would cut it. i certainly wouldn't wear it.

newb i think your outfit sounds good. big jewellery, good bag (tkmaxx)?

No, indeed. Missed that bit. Sorry.

It is very cheap and vaguely presentable though and of no use what so ever to the op.

I love that dress Mrs L, but not for a wedding.

OP are you invited to the whole thing?

If you could find a fascinator/handbag/shoes to match the pink. For a wedding you can get away with regular clothes but it's all about the matching accessories - you need at least 2 things that match, and not just the black ones.

What have you got that makes you feel great in?

You could buy a cheap casual dress that you could wear again over leggings anytime. This hides a tummy, gives a waist and if you're lumpy at the back well you don't have to look at it. If you got the blue or red you then could just have black or brown accessories.

Eeek, I knew you'd say no! Really like the DP dress but chunky calves rule it out I think. And the Tesco one too short as well. Hmmm.

I'd be up for a dress if I could find a wrap-style, mid-calf length one (preferably not sleeveless). Does that sound horrendous?

Also... what would actually happen if I was underdressed/unaccessorised? Will anyone reallly care? Will people judge me? And should I care??

What about floaty linen trousers and a nice top? I don't think it's the law to wear a dress to a wedding.

this with some white linen trousers and a fancy clutch bag would be good?

Like this one? It's a tough list of requirements you have there! But, I've only looked under 50 pounds and maybe there would be a bit more choice for a wee bit more cash.

To be brutally honest, yes, people would judge and compare. They shouldn't but people do. You shouldn't give a fuck care - but I fear you will. Would hate to think of you feeling crap while she's swanning about in a wedding dress.

But as long as you feel really good in what you're wearing then you'll be able to keep your confidence up and style it out, even if it's an unorthodox choice. So, yeah, if the tunic outfit does that for you please just wear it!

I meant to say, thank you Mrs Cornish for your support! And, yes, Wips, we are invited to the whole, tedious thing. With 2 and 4 year old in tow - so any handbag will have to be big enough for nappies etc. It's not sounding promising, is it?

Mrs Lettuce, I hadn't even begun to think about people comparing me with the bride, if that's what you meant. She is DP's ex from a very long time ago (college days) so I don't think anyone will be going "oh look, he should have stuck with her". God help me if they do. I'm sure she'll look a million times better than me, whatever I wear ... which is why I'd really rather not make much of an effort if you know what I mean.

Can't work out whether to spend lots on something I'll still only feel halfway decent in or just to not make any effort at all and save the cash.

The Fenn Wright Mason dress is exactly what I described, isn't it, and I now realise it looks a bit old lady.... Maybe I should find an excuse and avoid the whole thing...

In my experience, when a woman says she has chunky calves it is usually not true, they just think they do or they have a hypercritical DP who doesn't like them wearing short skirts or feeling too good about themselves. If you truly don't care what people think about you, get your legs out and say F&^% 'em. You'll find absolutely nobody is sneering at your calves but perhaps they might sneer if you just wore office clothes.

Trousers are fine for a wedding (can be more stylish than a dress) and if you feel good in the outfit that is the most important thing. Style it up a bit with something in your hair, nice jewellery and good shoes and you will be fine.

And I don't agree with those who say others will be judging you.

Go for it, you will look fab.

YES! Just avoid the whole damn thing. It doesn't sound like you're looking forward to going to at all.

TBH I just assumed you'd already exhausted that avenue and had to go.

MrsL- That FWM is an amazing dress and
excellent price, not old lady, more sophisticated, I think..

It maybe an idea to switch your mindset from agh! I have to find something purely to wear to something I don't want to go to..

To

I have an excuse to look at some fab clothes of which I can wear again and again and look fantastic too

Oh yes, I've done that loads since having kids, he has far more fun catching up with old pals without me in tow. DH also uses me and the kids as an excuse not to have to go on stag do's. Grab a pal and her kids and go book a caravan that weekend.

OK - don't take a huge handbag - get a nice clutch and take a separate bag for the children's stuff.

How about a maxi dress? Something like this with metallic sandals and clutch? DP good for cheaper versions.

or silk from warehouse

wrap?

I thought it was a good dress too! Very good TBH. They've done their best to make it look awful in the photos but I think it'd look rather elegant on. flattering too.

What about the green version if this Gok-at-Sainsburys one HERE - it's got built-in shape wear. No idea what it'd look like on but could be ok?

Poor you. You'll feel better if you make more effort though because if you look rubbish and feel rubbish it'll stand out a mile at a wedding. You don't want to look sulky if you know what I mean.

I think the top would be OK but black trousers are't special enough. White would be good maybe? Go on get a nice dress - getting something new at least means you get something out of this !

No, you need to dress up a bit

the FWM dress is stunning irl

how old are you? dress size/height/colouring?
you need to make an effort for you, but also because it is a bit rude not to make any effort.

^^ what Nothing said.

^ and Meryl too, sound advice.

Thanks so much for all your input. Now I know I've got to make an effort it's all a bit scary. Dresses! White trousers! I'm just not comfy dressing up, especially at current size (size 14, maybe even 16 on bottom half). I'm 5ft 8 and happy to wear something fitted on top half, to make most of boobs and waist. But legs should really be hidden I think. I promise I wasn't exaggerating re. chunky calves (not to mention hips and thighs).

On the rare occasions I do wear skirts, something a bit longer and flared seems to work best - ie anything that hides knees and thighs. And flared rather than fitted round the calves seems to make them appear less chunky. I like the Sainsbury's knot dress but I think it would be too clingy on legs.

Thanks for the maxi dress suggestion, Mrs Campbell Black. What about this?

Also, if it was longer (or I could wear trousers underneath!), I like the shape of this.

I wonder if a separate top and skirt/trousers might be better as then I could wear fitted top and less fitted bottoms.

Thanks again for suggestions - I'm still toying with the idea of not going but have kind of promised dp that I will - though I'm sure he'd have more fun without me and my outfit neuroses and bitching about the bride (I won't really, I promise).

Like that blue warehouse dress, really nice.