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Original poster

can I wear ivory to a wedding?

82 replies

grolier · 24/01/2012 12:17

Can I wear an ivory lace dress, chic, flattering, discreet, and perfect in every way - except possibly (probably) colour - to a spring wedding? I am part of the family inner circle, not a random guest. LOVE the bride and would never do anything to spoil things for her, so there's no question of "up-stagy-ness".

OP posts:
Optimism · 24/01/2012 14:21

I really didn't mind one jot what people wore to my wedding - I was just happy that all my favourite people had gone to the bother of being there and had made the effort to dress up for the occasion.

I imagine I would have thought your outfit was lovely but it seems some people have strong feelings on the subject. Perhaps you could ask the bride - and in person so that you can tell her real feelings on the subject by facial expression, tone of voice etc - just in case she hates the idea but is too polite to say so.

gregssausageroll · 24/01/2012 15:53

I would never dream of dictating to someone what they could and could not wear.

ENormaSnob · 24/01/2012 16:15

I wouldn't dream of wearing ivory lace to a wedding unless I was the bride.

I would be Hmm at any guest that did.

MissWooWoo · 24/01/2012 18:13

neither would you "dictate" to people how they should behave but it would go without saying that trying to get off with the bridge/groom was a definite no no. Wearing white lace is in the same category.

TheScarlettPimpernel · 24/01/2012 18:18

Wearing dress that happens to be white and lace is in the same category as inducing infidelity in the bride or groom?!?!? Confused

I really do have to work out where my home planet is, and head there ASAP...

MissWooWoo · 24/01/2012 18:22

in the same category referring to "things best not to do at a wedding"

why would you even want to? I don't get that at all

TheScarlettPimpernel · 24/01/2012 18:27

I wouldn't want to! I think my point is that reacting as if it's akin to pulling your undercrackers down and farting on Great Aunt Isobel's smoked salmon starter is bonkers, and that any bride who actually takes time to notice what a guest is wearing and get in a strop about it wants slapping. That's all.

MissWooWoo · 24/01/2012 18:37

right pimpers you and me, outside. Now! Grin

look I'm just saying that I think it's rude and not the done thing. you think what you like.

as a bride to be I very much plan to take great interest in my guests but then again I'm having a very small an intimate wedding so highly likely that anyone else in white would stand out like a sore thumb.

TheScarlettPimpernel · 24/01/2012 18:46
Grin

I ain't fighting no bride. Terrifying species!

Original poster
grolier · 24/01/2012 19:10

Thanks for all the comments.
In answer to some of the various items of speculation:

  • it's a big white wedding
  • full meringue :)
  • 3 bridesmaids, 3 groomsmen
  • lots of guests
  • church and fancy sit down dinner
Although I am a "key relative" (don't want to say what) I am sure all eyes will be on the lovely bride. My only reason for persuing this question is really austerity crisis territory. Right now I really can't afford a suitable new outfit. I could afford to get it dyed. But I've never done this before - not sure if it would look amateurish, ruin it. BTW when I say lace I actually mean that kind of lace made with ribbons, you see it quite a lot on Phase 8 clothes.
OP posts:
dexter73 · 24/01/2012 19:13

It's called tapework.

AllPastYears · 24/01/2012 19:34

When you look at a group wedding photo where the bride is wearing ivory or white, she stands out visually - not just because she's in the middle. If you're a guest wearing ivory/white you will stand out too, and you shouldn't - you're a guest, not the main attraction.

ThePoorMansBeckySharp · 24/01/2012 19:55

Dear God no. Please don't even consider this.

SerenityUndercover · 24/01/2012 19:58

Definitely NOT.

It matters not if the bride is wearing a meringue whilst yours is a pencil dress, or even if the bride breaks with tradition and wears red, or black, or blue. She may still be miffed if someone else wears ivory.

White/Ivory/Cream Dress = Bride Only.

Ithankyou.

elvisaintdead · 24/01/2012 20:03

I would say it's absolutely fine. I really don't get this idea that it will upstage the bride - pretty sure everyone knows who the bride is so unless it's a merangue (sp?) then you can wear it.

I have seen all sorts at weddings these days including people in jeans/in black/in white...etc and I don't think most brides would be too worried.

If you know the bride, is she likely to have bridezilla tendencies? If not then go for it.

When I got married I let people know they should feel comfortable and happy. Many of my friends have kids and I didn't want them to be put off coming because they'd have to buy outfits for their dc to wear once for example and equally didn't want men to feel obligated to wear a suit/tie if they would prefer not to having worn it at work all week.

So if it was me I'd say it's fine - many brides don't even wear ivory anyway - last wedding I went to bride wore red dress!

If you ar still not sure ask the bride and see what she says

elvisaintdead · 24/01/2012 20:07

sorry didn't read whole thread - seems there are more bridezillas out there than I realised! Shock

ThePoorMansBeckySharp · 24/01/2012 20:12

I think it's just about courtesy, elvis. If you think there's a chance you could give offence then don't do it. And I was definitely no bridezilla! Grin

mamalovesmojitos · 24/01/2012 20:24

No. Never.

elvisaintdead · 24/01/2012 20:56

You see I think a wedding is about a celebration of love as opposed to what guests are wearing...

AllPastYears · 24/01/2012 21:04

A guest at my wedding wore jeans. I didn't notice on the day (he was the husband of a friend of DH's) but when I saw him in the pictures I was Hmm. Not very thoughtful of him. It's not about being a bridezilla, but really...

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 24/01/2012 21:06

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if a guest had worn ivory or white to my wedding, but I'd never wear those colours to a wedding as a guest myself.

The same way that I hated asking for wedding gifts (and so didn't have a gift list at all), but would never turn up at a wedding empty-handed myself.

I'm all about the double standards, me.

OP - you know the bride better than any of us, and chances are she would be absolutely fine about it. Knowing your luck though, the other guests will be a load of Mnetters, tsking you and your ghastly faux pas to high heaven. Wink. Is it worth it?

anon80 · 24/01/2012 22:03

You dont wear white/ivory/cream/lace out of 'respect' really - its not about what looks good on you or what you like. For people to even think its ok to go to a wedding dressed like this shows that respect for other people is just going down the drain in this country.

But why cant you wear a cream/ivory dress to a wedding???........

................Why DO you wear black to a funeral?

RedwingWinter · 24/01/2012 22:06

I would have said no anyway, but since you are a 'key relative', then definitely not. Especially if you are a 'key relative' from the other side of the family, as it will look like you are trying to upstage the bride.

A wedding day is about the couple getting married. Although the bride can't dictate what guests choose to wear, I do think guests should be respectful. The white dress is for the bride and everyone else has to wear a different colour.

Even if the bride doesn't care, there will likely be other people there who do, and who assume that you are deliberately being rude or disrespectful to the bride. You don't want that.

It's just one of the rules of weddings. If you don't like convention, don't go to the wedding. Otherwise, find a more suitable dress.

RedwingWinter · 24/01/2012 22:10

Elvis, it is about a celebration of love. Out of respect for that love, guests shouldn't look like they are trying to upstage it or undermine it. Someone else wearing a white dress looks like they are trying to make a point; it may not be intended to be rude, but it will be perceived that way.

yellowraincoat · 24/01/2012 22:13

People make such a massive fuss of weddings these days, I find it all quite surreal.

I love reading the Mitfords, they'll just get married and then mention it fourth paragraph into a letter to their sister.

At the same time, I wouldn't wear white or anything like it. Why risk having people chat shit about you?

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