Please help me - am gross

[QueenKong]

Ok, so following on from my previous thread, hereafter referred to as hideousstarryskirtgate, I need help. I am 7 months pp and have honestly never felt so unattractive and lacking in confidence. Here are my woes, please help and be kind, sniffff...

I have a stone to lose but also have an incredibly High Needs baby who won't let me leave him at night or drink from a bottle. I miss exercise but have no chance to do it.

I have horrid stretch marks all over my tum and one boob noticeably bigger than the other, thanks to DS's feeding preferences.

I have lost quite a lot of hair so have a bit of a James Nesbitt (pre-transplant) style M-head going on. DH swears its not noticeable but I know it is. Also have dandruff. No idea why, never suffered with it before. My hair needs a lot of styling (thick and frizzy) which I obviously don't have time to do - do it ends up in a bun on top if my head, nicely emphasising the M-head.

I also have crusty little red, dry patches in the corner of my mouth which make me look like I've been at the red wine. No idea why .

Clothes-wise, I refer you to my other thread.

I've got very little cash to splash on clothes and products. But tbh, it's more finding the time to do anything for myself. I feel so gross and don't want to go out (but have to today to return hideousstarryskirt). I know I must sound shallow, and I am loving being a mum. I just don't feel like me at all. Thanks for reading!

Not sure what advice I'm hoping to get -

Sorry, posted too soon...

Not sure what advice I'm hoping to get. Just sympathy mainly. Am interested to hear how everyone else finds the time to look human.

Oh and also have bags and lines under my eyes, but am assuming those are standard issue with a new baby and that everyone else on here has them too!

Can't do advice as I feel the same way about myself. Scratching at scalp psoriasis has lead to hair loss around my temples but have no idea what to do with my hair so it goes up in a ponytail regardless. Facial psoriasis means I have a choice between flaky scales or red raw skin - foundation makes it look worse, which is a shame as I really need it to cover my broken veins on my cheeks.

I'm 6 stone overweight. I've no idea what suits me. I'm going grey.

So, bucket loads of empathy from me. I'm going to lurk for ideas to start improving myself.

OK, so... if you are BF then you can eat quite a lot and still lose weight (WW gives you 14 extra points if EBF and 7 if baby weaned, from a start pnt of 29, in my case). Have you got 20 mins to do the shred. It will kill you but if you do it it will work, and fast. Costs about a fiver.

Have you tried 'no poo' for the hair? When pg my hair dried out totally and the nice ladies here told me just to use conditioner, and it made my hair much better :)

The stretch marks will fade, and the boobs will sort themselves out, and if they don't then a strudy bra will hide the discrepancy :)

Are you drinking enough water? re the dry skin.

Also, I didn't hate the skirt. I saw where you were coming from

Sorry to hear you're in the same KDKK. Hope you get some advice on here too.

Thanks Nagoo. I had been wondering if I'm dehydrated. I drink a lot of caffeine do perhaps I should cut back and drink more water. Am interested in the shred - can fine 20 minutes a day. Is it a fitness DVD? And does 20 mins make a difference?

(And thanks for your support on skirt-gate. I tried it on and didn't think it looked too bad. But as my confidence is at a low I can't bring myself to wear it after the strong reaction it got. I'm pathetic, I know! )

I liked the skirt.

Your hairloss, dandruff and dry patches could be could caused by a lack of good fats in your diet. Pregnancy takes a lot out of your body. I would suggest an Omega 3 fish oil supplement and a good multi vitamin. Doesn't have to be expensive, Holland and Barrett have a sale on at the moment.

I'm not a trustworthy judge of skirt though.

I'm also in a big state and have vowed to make some changes.

1. You are 7 months pp. Be kind to yourself.

2. Go steady with Shred. I went to the gym 6 months after I had DS and was told by a trainer that you have to be very careful with strength training for a year after birth as the chemical that relaxes your muscles in pregnancy is still there and you can injure yourself much more easily. Shred can be quite intense. I would recommend a combination of pilates which is excellent and very effective for toning and some regular cardio. Even going for a brisk walk with the pram would help?

I am not an expert, but I am an expert yo-yo dieter who has tried everything. I know what works well, I just need to get off my fat arse and actually do something about it.

Right.

First of all, I can guarantee that you do not look as bad as you think you do, or your description suggests.

Secondly, it might be worth getting your thyroid checked. I was very tired, lethargic, had thinning hair etc. after DD- yes, they are common post pg symptoms, but get your thyroid checked just to rule out an underactive thyroid, which it turned out I had. When I got treated, it was like everything went from black and white to colour.

Then; clothes. Do not wait to lose weight before taking time for yourself; if you feel good about yourself, it is easier to lose weight IMO. Besides, a stone overweight is nothing really.

Buy yourself some sort of sculpting underwear/all-in-one. Takes inches off, and instantly makes you feel more shapely.

I can't remember how old you are...?

Can you describe your pre-pg style, or a style you like? I know you said you used to wear dresses, but any details would be great.

Stretchmarks: palmer's coco butter or bio oil. Pilates will help lots with tone.

You poor soul, Queenkong - first thing, you are most definitely NOT gross, apart from anything else - 5' 10", I long to be leggy but got shortchanged and have a pair of pit pony pins.

I'm speaking as someone who learnt to put make up on whilst breast feeding - I am THAT shallow.I bought an eyeshadow pen from Tesco the other day, their own brand, a very pretty moonstoney grey - goes on in seconds, bit of mascara and a smidge of cream blush - you will instantly feel and look better. Second the fitness DVDs - can be done with the baby next to you in case of crying ( yours or theirs ) and will boost your endorphin levels leading to a happy self perpetuating cycle of feeling and looking better.

I'm sure an awful lot of us have felt exactly the same way, you're not alone, you will feel better.

I think those little cracks at the side of your mouth can be a sign of vitamin c deficiency. How about starting off with taking a really good multi vitamin pill every day? At least then you'll feel you're doing something.

I am going to the gp this week about my thyroid. I am finding it impossible to lose weight, have ridged fingernails and thinning hair. Of course it could just be that I am menopausal. Gah!

I also had hideous stretch marks and thought that was it but 18 months ago bought bio oil and used after every shower/bath (not twice a day as it says). I didn't take much notice on a daily basis but after 6 months the stretch marks are not noticable at all. By the way I had my DS 16 years ago and thought I was scarred for ever! I bought it first in Boots when it was third off and now get it from Amazon.

It does sound like you are dehaydrated you could everytime you have a coffee have cup/glass of water too. It will help with your skin and hair. HAve you asked the doctor about the red marks by your mouth?

If you not exercising at the moment then 20 mins is better than none - 30 day shred will be hard to begin with but keep going and it does get easier. My
friend and I even have a star chart to track the days but we are sad people :)

Good luck

ILove I like a nice star chart. You are not alone .

do you live anywhere near hills and will dc be carried/pushed? Bloody dd would only sleep when being pushed (and it's very hilly near me!) so I lost baby weight sweating up and down hills with a double buggy! Somehow the fresh air made me less knackered too.
I second the bio oil and I promise they will fade with time....The post baby hair loss eases with time too, and although it feels like you are loosing you hair apparently you are just shedding the 'extra' that came with the pregnancy. Do you think getting some layers cut into it/a really good cut would help you? I have some aragan oil and it's great for taming locks, lasts ages and is a doddle to apply (it was a gift so its from Kheils, but there are cheaper options). Talking of oils, how about vit e oil for face (superdrug and body shop do one) and oil cleansing method/hot cloth cleansing? I would also take a multi vitamin with omega fats (breastfeeding- I found these really helped). ermmm I'll think of other things in a bit...

Have a vitamin C with zinc tablet every day, zinc helps skin heal! You can find a tube with 30tablets at boots for about 2quid.

On patches of extremely dry skin, pure vaseline really helps. It protects the skin and gives it time to heal. Costs 99p

Eating oily fish once or twice a week, and a few nuts like brzail nuts occasionally also realy help skin and complexion.

Getting some fresh air every day is essential for mind and body. Baby can go in sling or pram.

Also, you have my sympathie! I had a high need baby once and it is draining, but it WILL get better, really.

Be kind to yourself, buy a new mascara when you are at boots, and a nice conditioner too. Looking after yourself needn't cost much.

First of all, lots of sympathy.

Secondly, I agree with everyone who says it's important to remember you are only 7 months pp. I remember my GP telling me it takes a year to feel back to your old self, and that's exactly how it was for me.

I might get flamed on here for this, but I looked and felt SHIT all the time I was breastfeeding. I'm still glad I did it (for 8 months), and I'll do it again if I have another baby, but I'm not going to pretend I loved how I felt. I couldn't shift the last bit of weight for love nor money, my skin was rank, and I looked about 5 years older.

Looking back, I don't think I took the time to eat properly, and I didn't even bother to take a multi-vitamin. I'm sure I was dehydrated as well. Stopped BF in July, still felt fat and ugly until about November, when DD turned one.

I'd give yourself a bit longer to recover from having a baby, to be honest! All my mates said they felt different after a year. My only tips to get you through in the meantime are:

• vitamins and better diet (don't know if it works, as I never did it, but can't hurt!)
• if you can afford ONE beauty treatment, have your eyebrows shaped and tinted. Make a huge difference to your overall look, quick way to look groomed, imo.
• try a brighter lipstick - sounds silly, but I found a slick of a brighter than usual lipstick lifted me up a bit

Will think on...

Another thought re the boob imbalance a 'friend' of mine has always had a slight complex on the boob front and has been known to pad out the other cup with a bit of kitchen roll to balance the the boobies out in the cups and enhance the old cleavage (ensure the kitchen roll is placed in the arm bit of the cup)

I get sore patches round my mouth in the winter if I don't take a multi-vitamin so I would DEFINITELY start taking one if you aren't already. If you're still BF-ing then you basically still have a "parasite" Eg your body will be leaching whatever it needs out of your bones etc to make good nutritious milk so a good diet is really essential.

Long walks pushing the pram - made a real difference to me at that stage.

I definitely think that 6 months PP is about the worst that gets, it will get better!

Canestan and a 1% hydrocortisone cream can help the sore patches at the side of the mouth. I had this problem for about two years once and tried anything and everything to get rid of it, including vitamins, but the canestan worked best. Don't use it day after day because the hydrocortisone isn't good for the face, but just in tiny amounts for a few days it's fine.

When my first was little I used to go to the salon with the baby. I had a friendly local salon, I used to go in a quiet time (just me there often) and get my hair done while feeding under the cape thingy. Or get my eyebrows done (makes a huge difference) while the baby slept, and if he woke up it was no drama, I'd just stop whatever I was doing and sort him out and no one minded.

Eat a spoon or two of marmite- really helps the cracks. Don't do shred yet but walk as much as possible. Try wrapping hair in olive oil and cling film for a while before washing, olive oil good for skin too. Sleep as much as possible.

Thanks all. Good to hear I'm not alone in feeling so rubbish.

I'll take the vitamin advice on board. Was beginning to think my refined sugar diet might be taking it's toll. I crave biscuits and cakes, even though I never really had a sweet tooth pre-baby. I'll blame BF again!

tethers - I am 31. My previous style is kind of 'edgy'. I like things that are cut a bit differently and stuff that's a bit boyish I suppose (biker boots, bomber jackets etc). I also like prints and patterns. I was quite sartorially adventurous and hate the thought of wearing something everyone else has got. I can't do pretty, flouncy gitly stuff like tea dresses etc, I just don't feel right in them although I love them on others.

Girly, not gitly. Not sure anyone suits being dressed as a git...

I don't really get this whole "baby won't LET me leave him" thing. You are the adult here! It's different with a demand-feeding newborn but at 7 months... unless you are a single parent with no back-up childcare, you can leave the baby - just go. You mention a DH, let him have the baby for a couple of hours on days when he's not at work and use that time to LEAVE THE HOUSE - go for a walk, do an exercise class or go swimming. The 30 day shred is great - get the DVD and some handweights and do it on days when you can't get out - but it sounds like you would also benefit from a psychological break from being mummy... you will get your old self back!

Regarding the wonky boobs, could you pump the less popular breast to even out their sizes? Or put a chcken fillet in your bra on the smaller side? Have you posted on the feeding forum for advice on getting baby to switch sides/drink EBM from a bottle?

It's probably easier to say that than to do it though wellwisher. I wouldn't really have understood it when I only had my daughter because she was an easy baby. My son at 7 months was a completely different story - sure, I could have walked out of the house and left dh to it, but I would know that the whole time I was out my baby would be screaming to the point of vomiting, and my husband would be pacing up and down completely helpless to do anything. It tends to make your walk that bit less enjoyable.