Please help me - am gross

[QueenKong]

Ok, so following on from my previous thread, hereafter referred to as hideousstarryskirtgate, I need help. I am 7 months pp and have honestly never felt so unattractive and lacking in confidence. Here are my woes, please help and be kind, sniffff...

I have a stone to lose but also have an incredibly High Needs baby who won't let me leave him at night or drink from a bottle. I miss exercise but have no chance to do it.

I have horrid stretch marks all over my tum and one boob noticeably bigger than the other, thanks to DS's feeding preferences.

I have lost quite a lot of hair so have a bit of a James Nesbitt (pre-transplant) style M-head going on. DH swears its not noticeable but I know it is. Also have dandruff. No idea why, never suffered with it before. My hair needs a lot of styling (thick and frizzy) which I obviously don't have time to do - do it ends up in a bun on top if my head, nicely emphasising the M-head.

I also have crusty little red, dry patches in the corner of my mouth which make me look like I've been at the red wine. No idea why .

Clothes-wise, I refer you to my other thread.

I've got very little cash to splash on clothes and products. But tbh, it's more finding the time to do anything for myself. I feel so gross and don't want to go out (but have to today to return hideousstarryskirt). I know I must sound shallow, and I am loving being a mum. I just don't feel like me at all. Thanks for reading!

Not sure what advice I'm hoping to get -

refined sugar will lead to the fungal overgrowth in the body which might account for the sore areas at the side of the mouth.

Don't be too hard on yourself!

I was recommended folic acid when I got similar patches around my mouth years ago. Maybe worth finding some in the cupboard, or at least starting some multi vitamins. My hair really thinned out after my son was born, but now 9 months on, it's thickened up again, although unfortunately I do still suffer from dandruff, which I never did before pregnancy. The hairdresser said he'd never heard of that, but did helpfully point out the fluffy hairs around the front to prove that my hair was growing back again. Grim.

I walked lots and lots, I know it's winter but it made me feel a lot better about myself. I did also do weightwatchers online and start swimming but if you can't get out alone, a healthy diet and lots of walking will make you feel a lot better I@m sure.

Maybe you could manage an hour away every now and again for a relaxing massage or facial, whatever you enjoy, just to get some 'me' time. Or DIY at home. I used to have quite a few aromatherapy baths when my son was in bed.

You'll feel better soon I hope.

Try silica tablets,ones that contain horsetail herb,from a health food shop.THis is for the thinning hair/hairloss problem,my hairdresser told me about it after my last ds as mine came out by the bucket load,I was sceptical but I have to say it did work.

As for the high needs baby that thinks you're an attachment to themselves,I had one of them that refused to give me any time to exercise,from 4 weeks he catnapped a couple of times a day for 10-15 mins,I used to stick him in pram/pushchair and walk to get some exercise and to get me out the house

We sound like we are in the same boat! I am 10 months PP and also have a stone to lose. I'm doing the Shred but any excercise DVD that takes your fancy is worth it, They aren't £££ compared to the gym and as soon as DS is napping I bang it on, get it done and then get on with the rest of my day. 20 mins a day and its over. WW online is also really good as others have said.

Do take a multivit. I take the Wellwoman one with the fish oil capsule. I'm usually slightly dubious about that kind of thing but I swear it makes me feel better.

On the hair thing, mine has only just started to be more like it was before hand. As well as thinning, it had changed texture but I now use a deep conditioner once a week which makes it a bit more shiny (Frizzease Miraculous Recovery - if only it wasn't just for hair).

On the biscuit front, it helped me to have fruit around the house. Yes its still sugary but its definitely better than a custard cream.

Its taken me much longer than I thought I would to get back to feeling like me. Hopefully your DH can be supportive and help you get a bit of time for yourself for these things. But as others have said, be kind to yourself.

I am in the same boat QueenKong. 7 months pp with DD2. About two stone to lose . Nothing fits, have a fat face, sideburns and tufty fringe bits (where my hairloss from around 4 months pp is growing back), huge bags under eyes. I could go on...

I'm on a lovely thread for the weight loss - just trying to eat healthily really in my case. I'm not someone who loses weight easily whilst breastfeeding, so it's only now DD2 is having solids it's even worth trying.

I too never get a chance to exercise. And, quite frankly, at 8pm when both the kids are in bed, you are lucky if I have the energy to make a cup of tea, let alone go to the gym. The Shred sounds great, but I wouldn't have a chance in the day with the older one and since our house has one living area, it would mean shuffling DH and his chair into a corner to do it at night. I'd rather not frankly! I just try and walk a lot.

I don't have many tips. Mineral foundation is a good one because it can be put on one handed and without a mirror once you get the knack. And no need to wash hands afterwards. That, bit of brow gel, bit of blusher, mascara. Looks quite pulled together.

Also, work out tomorrow's clothing before you go to bed. Doesn't need to be laid out, but it gives you the time to also think of a piece of jewellery, or scarf, or nice pumps, or whatever to add to make yourself feel a bit smarter.

Finally, can you leave your baby with your DH just for an hour or so once a week? Retreat to the bedroom. Put some deep conditioner on your hair, earplugs in if you need to (or music on a battery operated radio somewhere safe), a big soak in the bath. Buff hard skin, wax or shave any bits you wish to, rub in loads of body lotion. If you want, go mad and paint your toenails. If your hair is thick it probably doesn't need washing all that often, so you could also take the chance to style it?

"My previous style is kind of 'edgy'. I like things that are cut a bit differently and stuff that's a bit boyish I suppose (biker boots, bomber jackets etc). I also like prints and patterns. I was quite sartorially adventurous and hate the thought of wearing something everyone else has got."

It sounds as if you have a really strong idea of what you like- what's stopping you from dressing in the clothes you like?

BTW, did you see the jacket southeastastra linked to on another thread? Again, divided opinion, but I loved it- here. Also, if you listen to MN S&B consensus, you'll end up in a tunic, leggings, MN scarf and fly boots. And no-one wants that

Good God no to tunic, leggings and Fly boots.

M&S do fantastic, 100 denier, tummy control tights - I swear they make me look half a stone lighter!

Do get a denim mini but make it a plain one and wear it with tights not leggings (grey or navy better than black with denim imho) with brown boots.

Go to Gap or Oasis or somewhere like that and try on loads and loads of pairs of jeans until you find some you like and then buy two pairs.

Are you feeling tired and a bit flat too? If so, I totally rec Floradix from Holland and Barratt (iron and vitamins).

Buy a nice coat/jacket - it will make anything you wear under it look/feel better.

Buy some scarves (French Connection sale, Warehouse, H&M maybe) to dress up your coat/jacket and change its look.

Have you got some nice boots?

Agree with other posters, I'm sure you don't look anywhere near as bad as you think you do. Honestly. I'm no expert but..

For stretch marks, have you tried bio oil? I've found that stuff works wonders. I have the same problem with hair in that mine needs a lot of styling, but I've just discovered Morrocan oil. It is quite expensive, but the bottle lasts for ages and I find that my hair needs less styling when I use it. That would probably help with dandruff and hair loss too, I think. For dry corners of the mouth, I highly recommend Blistex relief cream, that stuff is my saviour! :)

Broken skin at the corners of the mouth can be a sign of anaemia, so it might be worthwhile having the GP check your red cell count.

I used to get really dry sore cracks at the corners of my mouth. It can be a riboflavic deficiency which I think is the b2 vitamin. I dont get them any more but have been helped by vit b suplpplements in the past.

Broken skin at mouth corners may be a mixed candida / staph aureus infection. Try daktocort cream from a chemist. More likely if very run down and lacking in vitamins, so a good multi vit too. Have you thought about cutting back on caffeine? If its coming out in your milk it could make baby more hyper and hard work.

I would recommend Floradix too. Splits in by the corner of your mouth is often a sign of B vit deficiency.

Hmmm, I might get myself checked out with the doctor after reading this. But will try a vitamin from this evening!

Tethers - I think it's a combination of having no time to find stuff I love, BFing and being worried about looking 'muttony' now I have a baby.

SilentBoob - that's exactly it. I could leave DS and go out but I know he'd get distressed after a couple of hours. DH is very hands on, but works all week and at the weekend we like to do stuff together.

Having said that, he did give me a few hours off today. I had a long bath, did my make up and hair and went into town to return the horrorskirt. I managed to get a flattering pair of skinnies from Oasis and a dress from fc. It doesn't appear to be on their website but it's quite plain and well cut so looks flattering. Spent too much money but at least I feel a bit better .

Maybe have a look at these two blog posts to reboot yourself a bit?

Basic grooming regime

Getting nice outfits together, amongst other things

There are other beauty and fashion posts if you pootle around the blog a bit.

Sod 'muttony'- you're only 31

I think as you get more and more of your life back as the baby gets older, it get easier to find your style again. Having time is what counts.

I probably said this on the other thread, but do you look at stuff on Cos? Can be pricy, but good discounts in the sale.

I often think if someone opened up a beauty/fashion/hair emporium specifically aimed at the worried postnatal woman, then surely they would make their million.

This was a really good thread with lots of advice on style & finding style again post DC's.

(was MrsHankey at that time)

What helped me find my 'style' (I was a bit like you pre-DC and into 'alternative' fashion but then became very 'mumsy' & felt it was just not 'me' at all) was to either look at fashion mags/catalogues & see what is my kind of 'look' & keep it in mind when shopping.

My style icon at the moment is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=whowhatwear.com/website/admin/uploads/sp-charlotte-gainsbourg.jpg&imgrefurl=www.whowhatwear.com/website/full-article/style-spotlight-charlotte-gainsbourg/&h=622&w=628&sz=500&tbnid=_K_krEtHT-EdpM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=91&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dcharlotte%2Bgainsbourg%2Bstyle%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=charlotte+gainsbourg+style&docid=dHmVav7sQwRd-M&hl=en&sa=X&ei=-fwaT6j0FsSYhQel79GyDA&sqi=2&ved=0CCMQ9QEwAA&dur=1658" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Charlotte Gainsbourg. Wouldn't follow slavishly but good to keep in mind when I'm in debenhams/next & tempted by another floral mumsy top

I've just looked on the cos website and there are some great things in the sale. Some really nice, shaped t-shirts and dresses in particular. Very me! Thanks tethers, am going to get ordering tomorrow!

I could leave DS and go out but I know he'd get distressed after a couple of hours.

So go home after a couple of hours! That's long enough for a swim/exercise class and a nice steam/shower. Think of it as quality time for DH and DS if it helps - they will get used to each other and DS will become happier at being left with him - worth establishing this and building their bond now before the clasic 8-10 month separation anxiety kicks in in a month or two...

The new things sound nice, by the way :)

Sorry if repeating what has already been said but here goes, in no particular order.

Take a vitamin. It'll boost you up and make you feel less guilty about the caffeine intake.

Find a pair of jeans, favourite skirt, something you used to love to wear and make it your goal to get back in it.

Go and buy one pair of jeans, h&m do good skinny stretchy ones and a couple of tops and a nice scarf so you can have a few 'nice' outfits to choose from

Maybe cut yourself a fringe? I had the hair loss at my temples too, my hair sounds similar to yours and it looks less severe tied back with a fringe. I straighten mine, literally takes one minute and look much more groomed.

Go for 3 20 min walks a day carrying your baby, I lugged ds3 around for 6 weeks and lost a stone! Combined with less carb more veg.

Swap to skimmed milk and sweetener in your tea and coffee

My make up takes as long to put on as boiling the kettle and I can do it onehanded holding ds3. Concealer under eyes, blusher on cheeks, then mineral foundation over the top. Mascara. Lip gloss.

I hated the way I looked in October and I'm pretty happy with myself now.

Now can someone come up with the answer to the patch of wrinkly skin just above my knicker line? Would bio oil make any difference to that?

I know it's been said a few times, but do go to your GP for bloods especially to rule out a under active thyroid and the splits on your mouth. That could be Cheilitis, which is a symptom of anemia.

One tip that I have found so helpful since having DS is to use his bath time to do some basic grooming. While he is splashing around I file my nails, paint toenails, tidy my eyebrows. I also take all my make up off then too, so its done for the evening, and I don't end up sleeping in it if I am too knackered later.

I don't know what I'm doing on S&B, but I read this on active convos and re the clingy baby, I wanted to say that my second child was like this and couldn't be left for almost a year. Take heart that it WILL improve eventually and then escaping will be much easier. My first and third children are totally different too btw, and with only DC1 it would have been hard to imagine being unable to leave him, until I experienced DC2 that is!!

I used to go for a swim even when DC2 was little. We all would go to the pool in the car at DC1's nap time. I would feed DC2 and then DH would cuddle baby in the car for the 35 mins it took me to swim and change back (no shower, went with costume under clothes). When I returned she'd be stirring and I'd feed her again. That was about as long as she could manage, but with supportive DH it was possible. The alternative was he put her in a sling and walked for 35 mins whilst pushing DC1 in the buggy. Tbh I got most of my exercise that first year by walking loads with baby in sling and toddler in buggy, carring a rucksack on my back.

Is there a pram exercise class near you? Thu seem to be springing up in parks everywhere! Designed for mothers, take baby in pram, exercise and fresh air in one go