I'm 43. Desperately need new clothes. Where should I shop and what should I wear.

[mumat39]

Hello

I'm a pathetic 43 year old mum of 2. I have never been very good at shopping and have now got to the stage where I hate it. I just don't know what to wear or wear I should be shopping. I'd love to have a 'capsule' wardrobe of a few things that I could throw together and feel confident in.

I currently have 2 pairs of jeans, one for the house and one for wearing out. The one for home doesn't fit and the zip keeps coming down. I also have a couple of tops that I wear and then my pyjamas. That's it apart from underwear.

I used to be more of an hourglass shape with big thighs and legs but a lovely flat tummy.

After 2 kids and 2 emergency c-sections, I think I might be a big busted pear. My boobs have dropped and I have a horrible pouch. My thighs and legs are still big. I'm a 14 on top and 16 on my hips. 16 trousers usually are too big for my waist.

I feel so depressed sometimes about how I look. If I ever find something that 'will do' I buy it and wear it to death. I notice holes in one of my current top.

I also wash my clothes at night so they can dry overnight so that I can wear them again the next day.

I really don't know where to shop or what to buy. If I go out I only see black trousers, or black jumpers. I sometimes take a few things in from whichever shop and try things on and mostly hate how i look and leave feeling more sorry for myself.

I have also tried online shopping. I recently ordered £700 worthh of stuff from one place and only kept a pair of jeans. not because I was wowed by them, but because they 'would do'

Can anyone help point me in the right direction please?

Many Thanks

Hello again.

I hope this finds you all well.

MsLucy, you made me laugh out loud! thank you. I think you're right about the personal shopper, but at the moment I really need to start from somewhere and I do think it's probably a good place to start. I am apprehensive about it as I feel that maybe dept store staff may be swayed by certain things and with the colour me beautiful session it was billed as giving me help with me and finding my style and a personal plan, but the reality, for me anyway, was that it prescribed a formula to dress to and it reminded me of margaret thatcher's style, not what mine might be. Also, the personal plan booklet was a book of black line sketches of various styles including gathered elastic waisted skirts which I didn't think anyone wears. A few of the pictures were ticked, and those were supposedly my style. I didn't find that very useful at all and felt that it was a waste of not only a day of my time but also of money. So I do think you're right but I am SO stuck at the moment maybe it's worth giving it another go. BUT, when I do grow up and finally figure out my 'style', I hope I have as much fun with it as you do. You asked what's the worst that can happen, and I think the answer would be I might get too much attention or just noticed. I've always been more of a background person. I'll notice people maybe like you and think how cool they look and how cool it would be to have their confidence and sense of self and be oozing with confidence and personality. I really hope one day I'll be able to put on whatever the hell I like and not be looking for some sort of approval from my partner, my kids, my sister, or whoever. My goal is to not give a second thought to anyone else and for it to be about me and how it makes me feel. Sorry if that sounds heavy. I hear myself and think 'it's only clothes'. I really need to get over this. Sorry.
You sound brilliant and I want to be like you! Thank you!

Time4tea, thanks for your post. I'll look up the lady you mentioned. I'll also have a look at the Caryn Franklyn stuff again. I downloaded the e book a while ago so will have a look at those again, if I can find them.

Take care everyone, and if you get snow on Friday I hope it's fun and not too stressful

Also, I have a couple of Trinny and Susannah books. I do love them both. My problem is that I'm more a susannah in real life but I wish that I was more a trinny. If that makes sense.

I looked up Cristina Hendricks. All I found was loads of pics of her and that amazing cleavage. I'll try and find an episode of Madmen. I am not ever in a million years going to be comfortable about having my boobs out like that. I always worry too much about what my mum and dad might think .
I even feel really awkward in tight tops and thats the look that seems most recommended for curvy girls so I think that's maybe why the books haven't helped me. Also empire line tops, make me look like I'm pregnant. I think they're another recommended style. And skinny jeans don't work for me. at all.

Sorry for rambling on and on and on.

Hi again mumat39 I'm the same.

I used to be a 'Trinny' but am now definitely a 'Susannah' and for the first few years of my changed shape I still tried to dress in the kind of things that used to suit me.

I am much more aware now, I don't wear tight tops but do wear clothes that skim, as wide loose things just make me look bigger

Have looked for a few links to my staple type of clothes, used Dorothy Perkins as their jeans/trousers are good for curvy girls

For casual, I like this sort of top with a patterned scarf. Think the pintucks down the front would be slimming and its not tight but not hugely wide either.

Think for dressy this is pretty.

I like slim or straight jeans so that I can tuck into boots, they are more forgiving than 'skinnies'. Trousers like these are good too.

Hello again

Matthew2002smum, I quite like the look of leggings with dresses or tunics but would want something that came down past my bum and hips, but have never known what to do about shoes. The boots sound like a great idea. I have big thighs and big calves so does anyone know of a reasonably priced place that does boots for wider calves like mine? Also is it ok to wear leggings if I've got larger legs?

I could probably manage finding leggings myself but for the top half that's where I struggle.

MrsHankey, Thanks for the links to the clothes you sent. I liked all of them. The dressy top is pretty. I'll give the straight leg jeans a go. I usually tend to go for bootcut. The pleat top looks nice too. I think it's jersey.

I think I have a problem with that sort of materialas it tends to cling to me in all the wrong places. Esp on my bottom.

I steered clear of jersey for anything other than tops to wear under things for such a long while. I thought I'd give it a try and got a few of the things that TapselteerieO suggested. They arrived yesterday and I hesitated to open the parcel. I tried on the shirt but think I got the srong size as it felt too big. The length was good but it really did cling to my bum and not in a good way. I've always found that with long jersey tops/dresses. I also tried the dress and that made me look pregnant and also like I have a triangular bottom. The dress is like a thicker weight jersey and it isn't very flattering on me, the way it clings in some places. The pleats at the front are also

I think that's the reason I've always avoided that sort of thin wool/jersey. It's good to have tried it though as I guess it's confirmed my reasons for not wearing that sort material :(

It's a shame as it could have been a good option.

I might try and get to Dorothy Perkins tomorrow to have a look. I do tend to shop there the most as that's where I usually get my annual top replacements from. I feel reassured that so many of you have mentioned that shop as sometimes I wonder if I'm too old for it. Yay, I'm doing something right. :)

Anyway, thank you all AGAIN.

xxx

Sorry I forgot to finish my sentence.

I was saying that the pleats on the dress are lovely but as the material is a little thicker they seemed to accentuate my big tummy area.

Whistles is your friend and they have their fab sale on now - only just started!

Just read this thread and wanted to say Mslucy I love your post. Yes, exactly! Brilliant attitide.