Mumy's who used to be stylish/pretty/groomed

[Ishani]

How did you get back your spark, what motivated you ?

I used to be slim and neat and made the most of what I had, this time around I cannot seem to get out a size 14, scoffing food all the time does not help, my own fault.

What got you back on the straight and narrow, DC 4 is 11 months old this cannot go on much longer :(

I didn't! I used to be fit and glam, now I'm a mess. I feel I look old and fat, live in baggy tops, Jazz Pants and Trainers and can't seem to find my Mojo. Like you Ishani, I scoff food all the time and also can't get out of a 14 sometimes 16. I was a size 10 and it's really getting me down.

I was talking to someone at the Gym and she said it took her 3 years to get herself back together after she had her son. She said something just clicked and she pulled herself back. My DS is 22 months and I'm struggling to feel enthused or motivated.

Ishani my first thought is that perhaps you might consider getting thyroid function checked. You say you can't stop eating - it's one of the indicators of under active thyroid which apparently becomes more common in women after giving birth (I had same experience).

I was motivated by the fact that I weighed 15 stone and looked appalling :(. I didnt actually recognise myself, iyswim. It took me a year to get back to my pre-DC weight (I was a size 8). I didn't diet, ate healthily and exercised every day by loads of walking with the pushchair. I couldn't afford to keep buying clothes so I bought a few basics for each size as I dropped the weight. To keep me motivated (as sartorially I wasn't exactly setting the world alight) I gave myself regular manis and pedis, facials, and had my hair highlighted. Also sorted out a basic make up routine of tinted moisturiser, mascara, blusher and gloss. Less than 5 mins but makes a difference.

It comes back with time. I have three children quite close in age, and for years I was just too tired and busy to take care of myself. Wasn't until the youngest was two ( and he was and is a very undemanding child ) that it all started to click back into place. Once the children were all sleeping well and independant enough to feed, dress and go to the toilet, that's when I found the energy and motivation.

I had lots of very expensive clothes and the motivation lay in wanting to get into them again because I couldn't afford to buy new. I did lose the weight eventually with weight watchers, and I went back to work and had to be groomed for that.

I'm pregnant now and have given up work so don't know if this trick will work again.

DS is 11 weeks old, and I think I've got most of my "spark" back.

I've been lucky with my weight tbh - haven't had a massive appetite while BF so have been able to eat small, healthy portions and am now a size 10. I plan to introduce exercise once back at work (when DS is 6 months) so I can do it in my lunch hour.

I did wear baggy jeans and jumpers for a bit but now back in war paint and shopping again! I was motivated by the fact that I am still young, and had started to feel dowdy and frumpy - I just wanted to regain the ME that once was iyswim. It feels really good to take a little bit of time to put on make-up or do your nails.

Also, tbh, didn't want my family/friends to be horrified by the change in me!

I take it this is your first then ? I think time is what's lacking here rather than anything else its much faster to have a biscuit than a meal which I could get away with in my twenties but with number four in my mid thirties I'm struggling.

It is really difficult to get back into shape for many of us after pregnancy. I'm a Personal Trainer and can't seem to take control of myself, especially when I know what I'm doing regarding nutrition and exercise.

I'm now in my early 40's and I know where you are coming from Ishani. I think you first really need to take time for yourself so you can do what you need to do. I've put my DS into Nursey two half days per week, this is when I dedicate a couple of hours to doing exercise. I still need to get the food thing under control now.

Ishani - no not my first. I have more than 1 DC.

If eating biscuits is the issue, could I state the obvious and say don't have them in the house then?

It is just as quick to snack on a handful of almonds or chopped pepper. Both of those will give you more long-lasting benefits than a biscuit.

Sorry but I think your reply was a bit terse.

I don't have masses of time for "personal grooming" but I make time. Filing nails or plucking eyebrows whilst DCs in the bath etc.

Yours was a bit patronising so shall we call it quits ?

Sorry I am in a grumpy mood and being told how easy it all is by a gorgeous 22 year old was just too much, sorry again

I think it is easier when you are young as your body tends to ping back faster. I had my dd at 24 and within a few weeks I was back to normal with no effort. Now at 38 though, if I so much as look at a slice of cake I put weight on. I do have to make an effort to watch what I eat and I go to the gym 3 times a week, which is fairly boring but needs must!
Maybe try swapping the biscuits for oat cakes or ryvita. or keep some cooked chicken in the fridge to grab if you are hungry.

I think you need to buy some new clothes even if you don't intend being size 14 for long. Maybe 2 nice summer outfits would cheer you up a bit.I bought a book called 'postnatal exercise' by Whiteford and Holden (cheap from amazon) and I'm doing about 4 mins of the 6 week postnatal level a day (dc3 is 10m) but it's helping a little. I look almost ok in clothes but my mummy tum is like something off one of those C4 documentarys.

Ishani - I am a not very gorgeous 40 year old. Not sure why you think I am 22 (unless I am getting confused about who you are talking to )

I do understand where you are coming from. Feeling like you are not yourself - the woman who you know yourself to be not being the woman reflected back in the mirror. Feeling crap but not having the energy to do anything about it. I do get it because I have felt like that many times.

You asked for advice on what got others back on the straight and narrow and I hope I had given that to you.

I do appreciate the apology though. My last post wasn't patronising. It was an attempt at a kick up the backside having already been supportive and saying I knew where you were coming from in my first post.

Little steps is the way forward IMO. Don't look at the sum total of what you have to lose weight-wise. A healthy weight loss programme should only having you lose a couple of pounds a week anyway. I found that doing small things in the interim - making time for myself where apparently there was none - made a big difference to me and kept me going. I felt better about myself if my nails were neat or I had a bare minimum of make up on.

I think it was Mahraih she was refering too, who indeed is very lovely.Not everyone has such a great foundation to work with.

I think you should give yourself a massive break.You have FOUR kids.As they get older things will improve,the very fact that you care proves that.

The intention is there, once you have full enrgy back,kids at nursery/school etc it will fall back into place again.

I'm 40 curvy and have a healthy :) appetite. Running only thing that helps me - good for my mood, sleep and burns the cals. M £ s lunches make me eat more veg. Good haircut. Still look bit dodge but better than 3 years ago

Hi Ishani, wondering if you'd like to team up on a mission to start looking a bit more together. My babygirl is now 15 months, I still look terrible. I was hoping the pounds would fall away after breastfeeding but no such luck. I stopped about 6 weeks ago...and still no improvement really
Basic stats: 36 yo, size 12/14 (but size 16 around the belly), I have tried to get fit but the pregnancy has buggered up my knees so cant run, cant go to classes.
So I have taken a deep breath and just decided to take it slow but steady.

I will start going to the gym 3 times a week for 30 mins low impact cardio/pilates class.

I am also doing a (kind of) dukan diet for May.
I have also decided that, despite serious budget difficulties, I cannot walk around like this anymore. So there has to be a bit of shopping (new shoes, jeans and a bag)
I am also going to re-start skin care routine - ie washing and moisturing face -and washing it off in the evening! If I manage that I might graduate to basic make up in a week or so
I need a haircut, and need to start doing hands and feet again.

I have never really bothered much about looks, but I always looked alright. I am/was fundamentally good looking, but now its all gone to pot. I sometimes feel so ashamed about how I have let myself go. Its really difficult to face up to. But....if I dont do something now I will resurface near my 40 b-day looking like gilbert grapes mum and I will have been embarrassed and miserable about it.

So join me? We could make weekly resolutions and check in that we stick to them?
With 4 I know you must be incredibly busy, so I dont know what you can fit in. But at least you have an excuse. I keep looking at mothers with younger babies than me wondering how come I am the only one who can't get it together? Fine some have the advantage of youth, but even among my friends everyone is moving on with life and I seem to be forever stuck in post baby haze and biscuits.

If it makes you feel better, I stayed in shape all through my pregnancy, got back down to pre-baby weight in 2 weeks.......then I put a stone and a half back on eating crap at baby play dates. I am so dumb I really amaze myself sometimes. DS is 7mo and I weigh more than I did when I was 6 months pregnant - gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Anyway, today I decided I have to try to get it back off by summer. Today I ate carrot sticks whilst everyone else was eating cupcakes. Sigh.

I'm mid thirties with three DDs. With clothes on I sort of look like I'm back to my normal size but god help you when the clothes come off!! Ugh! You could get lost in the folds of my stomach. Make up and some pretty jewellery will instantly make you feel and look better. Also get your hair done. You will then start feeling better about yourself and will power is much stronger when you feel better about yourself, feel positive that if you put your mind to something you can do it. People won't notice a few extra pounds. As your confidence grows so will your ability to say no to the biscuits and yes to a jog round the park.

(Now if only I could practice what I preach...)

I think this is a tricky one. As the OP pointed out, the key is the personal motivation. And as Tulpe pointed out, being really fed up with how you look is a good motivation. However, the problem then (apart from all the time issues etc) can be that you feel so fed up that you eat for comfort and then get into a catch 22 situation.

I hope this doesn't sound corny or patronising, but I have found that sticking a picture of someone you admire / would like to look like on your fridge door can help - in that it can remind you why you are eating healthily / wanting to lose weight etc.

From my experience, you just have to sort of go into 'lockdown' mode for a few days to start with, and grit your teeth and stick to a plan (i.e don't expect anything to change for a while, but keep looking at the pic!)
Then after a few days - when you will hopefully start to see a few benefits -the results themselves will then be a spur and motivate you to keep going.

Sorry if this sounds over-simplistic / doesn't make any sense - but I've just tried to distil the mentality which seems to work for me.

Good luck.

I think tulpe's advice is spot on. I am struggling to lose my baby weight x 2, and I think it's just a lack of motivation. Once the dc have finally gone to sleep, the last thing I want to do is nibble on a lettuce leaf. Oh no, I want wine and chocolate. This is my problem.

Oh, and I can highly recommend OLAY total effects stretching cloth masks. They really work, make you look very radiant. Getting my face sorted sometimes helps me to start work on the rest :)

Well have booked haircut
I think you have it dead on MrsSeanBean and toast. I find I eat now because I feel bad that I look so awful and it feels like the only thing I can do with so little time, money and energy...Comforting myself with biscuits and icecream is always possible. Its bizarre when I am fit and healthy I just eat well, its no big deal. I just say no and I am fine. Now I ave issues!

Reporting in sounds like a great idea, thank you oncemorewithfeeling, some accountability will help i'd imagine.

I've had my hair cut and coloured blonde again but if i'm honest it hasn't done much for my spirits.
I think until my jeans aren't digging into my hips when I sit down I'm going to be fed up.
So I've eaten a good breakfast, had lunch which I usually skip and am going to have a sensible dinner too.
H is away so we often egg each other on to eat crap which is awful isn't it ?
No time for exercise but am with you in spirit at the gym.

I wish I knew the answer.

My weight is a huge issue for me being a size 14-16 when I used to be a size 6-8 has knocked my confidence and I must do something about it.

I also worry that looks wise I'm just past it now. I never have my photo taken but I let dh include me in a family photo the other day and I was shocked. I think having children has made me ugly. I was never a stunner but I was quite pretty. I haven't turned into a plain Jane its more like I'm now a panto ugly sister. I don't really understand how I have changed so dramatically. I can't even bear to look in the mirror to put on makeup.

I have 4 kids, am 37.

I wasn't massively different in terms of weight/size, but felt like I'd lost who I was, if that makes sense?

I started by cleansing, toning and moisturising in the morning and evening (shamefully my routine consisted of brushing my teeth).

THEN, I took a shower or bath everyday, with smellies & decent shampoo, (good god I can't believe I'm admitting to this!) I didn't realise how much I had let things slip.

I started to get my haircut again, every 8 weeks (hadn't had it done in over a year)

I then needed to exercise, so I bought Jillian Michaels 30 day shred dvd (20 mins each day) and toned up in a month.

Lastly, I went to get my 'colours done' & this changed me significantly. I had the confidence to go shopping for a new wardrobe (hadn't bought anything other than jeans in 7 years).

I've been where you are and it is horrible .

It took small changes for me. Going back to the way I was just wasn't possible in one go. I also had a DH who understood how/why I was unhappy, which I think was half the battle too.

I needed to change back slowly, so that the change could be permanent and something that fitted with my life.

My last hurdle was my boobs, which were ok after 4 kids, but were empty and smaller than I was after my 3rd child, so I had a boob job.

I'm not suggesting surgery and a whole lot of cash is the answer btw, just giving you my route back to myself.
It took 8 months in total & I couldn't even have begun, whilst I was still breastfeeding/cosleeping/up in the night.

hth