Mumy's who used to be stylish/pretty/groomed

[Ishani]

How did you get back your spark, what motivated you ?

I used to be slim and neat and made the most of what I had, this time around I cannot seem to get out a size 14, scoffing food all the time does not help, my own fault.

What got you back on the straight and narrow, DC 4 is 11 months old this cannot go on much longer :(

Just got back here, and feeling quite red-faced at the thought I might have come across as boastful, or that I think it's all so easy.

As I said, I have been lucky weight-wise (and yes, DS is my first so I could be a lot busier!), but I genuinely don't think it's about weight, which is why I was perhaps a bit flippant and short with that bit. I know new mothers who look great and dress brilliantly at size 14/16 so OP shouldn't worry about not losing the weight 'fast enough'.

Because I'm younger and none of my friends have kids, I suppose I feel I have to 'keep up' with them which is why I make it a priority. If it wasn't, and if I felt more comfortable just being 'me', it would probably have taken me a lot longer to even begin caring, and in a way I am sad that I didn't give myself a lovely, caccooned period of simply feeding/snuggling/not caring. So please don't think that I'm gloating.

I understand that any suggestions I make will be coloured by my original post and the reactions to it, so I'll just say that sorky's post was what I really should have said. Sorry for hijacking!

thaigreencurry Please don't be so hard on yourself. Looking at photos is so misleading. Having children will not have made you ugly, I'm sure your DH will agree. Going from a 6-8 to 14-16 is quite significant and I'm not surprised it has knocked your confidence. I don't believe for one minute that you are a panto ugly sister, you are obviously unhappy with the weight gain so do something about it and I'll bet the pretty you will re-appear. Little steps, don't expect to get back to your original size quickly, that will take a while.

op I feel the same way, and I am pregnant with my second now, so have the overwhelming feeling of "whats the point" with my appearance. Anyway, some things that helped me post pregnancy after no. one.

Good shape underwear- you say your jeans dig in, until you shift the weight you want, by some good body sculpting underwear. Really helps with the tummy flattening thing!

Show your wrists- the skinniest part of your body, wear 3/4 length tops

Wear cardigans that are longer length and leave them open- the create a long thin column.

Even a small heel will give you better posture and a more shapely leg- wedges are comfy.

Find some exercise that you love.

I am getting my hair cut on Wednesday. Am changing hairdressers. I have fine hair which can't really carry length without just looking flat, but my current bob makes me look really mumsy and about 50. Needs less length and more layers. Will let you know how it goes.

Also bought myself a new top in Zara today. One benefit of my pregnancy and bf is that my boobs have gone from an E to a C so I'm not confined to V-necks anymore.

That's a really good idea, you can get stuck in a rut with the same hairdresser.
Mine used to be quite snappy and funky ear length but sticky outty around the jaw but this trend for shoulder length hair and longer I wonder if it does me any favors.

I know exactly how you are feeling Ishani, I went through it with each of 3 DC's, like others, after bf I ended up heavier than I was days after giving birth - I consciously allowed myself that time though, to eat whatever and take it easy exercise wise. It's not necessarily the best approach but I regarded it as time for me to make sure focus and energy was spent on the baby and not put extra demands on myself IYSWIM. I did try to stay well groomed and nicely dressed in (baggy) clothes though .

After I stopped feeding them I was almost sick of eating constantly and felt uncomfortable, so focussed each time on exercising. After DS1 was 9m I didn't diet, other than cutting back a few nights a week on wine, resisting the obvious cakes and choc and trying to avoid carbs after 5pm. What I did do was exercise hard and I lost nearly 2st over about a year. After DD I just started back exercising when she was 10m but got pregnant (unexpectedly) so started 2nd pg 1st overweight.

I stopped feeding DS2 in January, just after his 1st birthday and have been exercising almost every day since, also, I didn't want to take ages to lose the weight this time, just wanted to get back to weight/clothes/fitness I got to before DD quickly, so I also watched what I ate very carefully (I wasn't calorie counting as such but intake was maybe 1800 cals a day with 400 cals burned through gym) for 3 months during which time I lost 1.5st. I would still like to lose up to 1/2st more but I am a size 10 again and toned and I feel great. What kicked me into action? That sense of feeling uncomfortable in clothes, unfit, unattractive and so generally dissatisfied even though every other part of my life was great....the result of changing all that is more energy, a much better sex life (DH didn't criticise before but is definitely more attracted to the smaller version of me and I am more enthusiastic too now I don't feel self-conscious about being overweight ). My time exercising is also time for me and taking that every day makes a big difference psychologically, makes the relentlessness of looking after young DC's less so.

Is there really, really no time for exercise? Just 20 minutes a day? If not a gym with a creche then could you find a slot to get out and start walking/jogging (with DC's in buggy if necessary) but if not then doing a dvd such as Shred while DC's nap/play? Could you do a class like pushy mums in a local park? Do you have a friend in a similar situation that you could have each others DC's for half an hour each while you get out? You have to think of it as time for yourself, which is really important and an investment for all of your family - nobody benefits when you are feeling frumpy and fed up and conversely you will be much more fun when you have a bit more energy and feel better about yourself.

I firmly believe that if you start exercising and paying a bit of attention to hair/make up/nails, (even just making sure they are clean/cut/etc) then more interest in your body in terms of what you are sticking in it will follow...if you can commit to 20mins a day of something it will become a habit after a couple of months, you will see and feel the benefits and crave that space for yourself - you won't want to skip more than a day.

Just to add - I also think part of my motivation is reclaiming me IYSWIM -I feel like after being pg or breastfeeding for the biggest part of 6 years, enough is enough of my body being for babies! I also admit that I am vain enough for the thought of being fat at 40 (don't know why that 40 thing is a big marker but it is, I am 38 now) to be really offputting!

Making a little time for yourself will work wonders - your family is important but you are too! Changing how you look and feel will not happen overnight: baby steps and some constructive advice from someone you trust! We are all unique and everyone has their own qualities - that's what makes us special!!

Hi, when I read Ishani's original post, the thoughts of myself in the same position came flooding back. My heart goes out to you because I've been there, but I've also managed to get out of it as well.

Ultimately I made the change when I couldn't take any more of the low confidence and self-esteem...I'd felt enough pain and had had enough! I couldn't afford and didn't like the idea of a gym and I didn't want to exercise with anyone else, so I bought some resistance bands and found some workouts on youtube and started there. Of course there were some days when I talked myself out of it, but as I say, when you've REALLY reached rock bottom, there's nothing left to do but pick yourself up and try again with 110% effort.

In terms of styling and grooming, I hated how nothing looked good on me anymore and I hated even more having to buy larger sizes to feel comfortable. I ended up shopping with one of my younger sisters who encouraged me to get some trendier styled clothes from places like Mataland and Primark to help rebuild my confidence and not feel frumpy anymore. It helped IMMENSELY and I didn't break the bank either.

I also put a picture of me in my prime in the kitchen so I could see it when I was washing up. This helped a lot but only use this idea if it's going to motivate you rather than depress you...there were many days when I used to put the picture flat on the windowsill so I didn't have to look at it lol!

Finally, the biggest issue is being stuck at home with the kids bored and loads of junk food in the house. I'm not going to tell you to not buy the stuff because I LOVE crisps and so do my kids and hubby, so why should everybody else go without. What I will say though is you have to learn to break the habit of eating just because you can. This is the hardest bit of all, but I would drink/gulp a pint of water everytime I felt like snacking to curb my appetite. You could also pour water or fairy liquid over any of the kid's leftovers to prevent you from eating it...wasteful I know, but sometime extreme measures are needed in the beginning.

I really hope this has helped a bit and please be kind if it hasn't. This is the first time I've ever posted as I'm a new member, but I just felt compelled to comment as I know what it feels like.

Thank you for the post Brownskin, I'm more sad that others have felt like I do now than anything else, it's not a great place to be.
Well I've been quite good on the food front, one normal sized chocolate bar this week and that is about a third of the amount I would have consumed by now
I've book a PT for Saturday morning I am going to run Forrest run lol
It's a start eh

Fantastic Ishani, good luck and don't be too tough on yourself...baby steps first, you will get there! X

Could you do a class like pushy mums in a local park?

That's such a great name! I go to Boogie Babies- a salsa style class for mums with the baby in a sling facing out.

Ishani, I really sympathise, I am still on the journey. first things, I agree with the poster who suggested having your thyroid checked, mine was underactive and it made a huge difference. Secondly, are you tired, or are you getting enough rest? I remained a good 3 stone over weight despite eating healtily because I was eating too much - getting tired, having a healthy snack of muesli, but eating to keep going. Recently I've read the James Guigan book, which is basically a GI diet/low refined carb diet, and he said it is important to assess if you are tired if you are craving food, and rest if you are tired and hungry, not just eat. I've just done his 14 day kickstart and do feel much better. (Nigel Slater, Elle Macpherson, Hugh Grant use his gym/nutrition service and endorse him... book available on amazon)

In terms of motivation, a decent haircut/colour makes your general look a million times better (Professor Lesley Regan proved this scientifically on her telly programme, to show that it is better to spend money at the hairdresser than on posh facecream).

I went to a makeup counter that I liked the look of (laura mercier at Liberty) and got some advice about basics, and some nice smellies for bathtime. flicked through trinny and suzanna, Gok etc books for some ideas for covering the mummy tummy etc while I was "in transition"

first of all though, don't make yourself miserable. think of it as making yourself healthy, and treating yourself as you do an important job of being the mamma. Happy mummy = loving mummy.

Good luck.