HELP! I need to ditch the jeans and fleece but no idea what to buy instead.

[Rugbylovingmum]

Hi,

I need help! I am 32 and in need of a serious makeover. I have been spending all my time in jeans and a fleece (which I know looks awful but it's easy), no make-up and my hair dragged up into a ponytail. I have no confidence and hate the way I look and the fact that I am at my heaviest weight ever isn't helping. I have started to lose weight but don't want to wait until I am slim to smarten up. I've made a start with a new haircut and some nice tinted moisturiser and lipgloss but the clothes are a huge problem.

I am a size 16/18 but I'm probably an apple (big belly) but I have quite big boobs too - DD. I went out at the weekend and my SIl lent me a shortish denim skirt (mid thigh, not bum skimming), thick tights, long boots and a loose sleeveless top and I felt really good and got some compliments. I live in jeans or boring trousers and I'd love to go for skirts/dresses with boots and cardis but I can't pick out things that suit me. I just think I look awful in everything and I have no confidence in my own sense of style. All the skirts I try seem to either highlight my big belly or come out from my hips and make me look really wide. Even my jeans don't fit properly and I'm not sure what type of shoes to buy that are comfy (after years in trainers I can't do heels) withut looking frumpy. I need some advice - if SIL lived closer or had weekends off she would shop with me but it's difficult to arrange so I'm hoping some of you can help.

If I could buy a few outfits to start with I'm sure I could gradually build up a wardrobe but I don't know where to start. Please help!!!

This could be handy:

www.dummies.com/how-to/content/what-to-wear-if-you-have-an-appleshaped-figure.html

A size 16/18 isn't especially large. Have a think about what colours and clothes you like and go from there.

Wrap dresses or jesrsey dresses are back in, very comfortable and easy to wear. Wear knee length skirts or dresses with boots until you get used to the feel of wearing skirts and having your legs on show.

Just buy stuff that you like. You could even do the whole lot online. Most shops have a return policy so if you make a mistake you can return it.

I think every new mum goes through the jeans/trainers/fleece thing. It's hard when your body changes into something we don't recognise.

And regarding jeans; I don't think anyone's jeans fit them properly!

xxxxx

A bit of an expensive tip but worth every penny of it.

Get a style/colour/make up consultation pack with Colour Me Beautiful. It makes an instant difference, makes shopping for clothes quick and easy, and once you know what colours/style suits you, you end up saving money because you wear (often) everything you buy.

Thats great that you knwo where you want to start, a few knee length skirts like this or this can be worn with tights and boots now or bare legs in summer

Maybe a few jersey or wrap type dresses (I find you need control pants under these btw), maybe like this These also look great with knee high boots during the day or heels at night.

I wouldnt give up on jeans altogether though, just get yourself a lovely smart pair in a dark wash like these and wear them with a stylish knit rather than a fleece maybe like this?

If there is a Debenhams near you, you could book a free session with the personal shopper. They will bring a selection of stuff for you to try and there's no pressure to buy. They can also measure your bra size correctly, as wearing the right size bra can make a huge difference.

How tall are you?

Love your suggestions Gilly

Sympatico - thank u!

Thanks for all the tips and ideas . I really am useless when it comes to clothing. My poor DD won't get any help from me.

Moongirl - thanks for the link. I'll have a read through in my lunch break. I've seen loads of lovely wrap and jersey dresses but always thought that they would cling to my big tummy and make it look worse.

Maelstrom - that would be lovely but we are VERY short of money just now. I have £400 in my savings account to spend on clothes but that is it. I am 5'4".

Gillybobs - I love the first skirt and the dress. I probably wouldn't have looked at them as I always drawn to loose baggy clothes but I'll give them a go. I need to find some boots to wear with skirts now. I've seen a nice brown pair but maybe black would be better, especially if I like that grey dress.

Columbia999 - are those Debenhams shoppers any good?

Brown boots better than black imho - they actually go better with more things.

And it might be worth looking at Clarks for shoes with a very small wedge - much easier than heels.

that has also helped me I am a size 14 but have big thighs and I really realy struggle on what to buy. I struggle as well on long boots as my calfs are big ,

Or you could aso try House of Fraser for the same type of personal shopper type thing. Completely free and no obligation to buy anything but i've been twice now and they've been brilliant both times. I went once to get a party dress and the other time was to revamp my work wardrobe.

They are really good for making you try on things that you wouldn't naturally pick yourself, plus their knowledge of stock and brand sizing is excellent, so are able to very quickly pick lots of different items that would take you or I an age to search for, plus we probably wouldn;t even pick half of them!

Seriously, for what you're after, this kind of free service is the first place I would go. House of fraser also have a really good range of concesssions - from expensive stuff through to Kookai, Warehouse, Oasis, etc. So you wouldn't have to spend to earth either.

Clarks boots seem to be made for big calves, as they are all too big for my skinny ones! :)

Re: wrap dresses - get some decent underwear before you go trying them on, otherwise you'll think they make you look bigger than you are.

Try somewhere like Phase Eight (although you have to pick and choose as a lot of it is awful and a lot of it will be too long for you) for jersey dresses with a bit more substance than the ones from Gap/Topshop etc.

Thanks for this thread - I'm the same size but shorter and I'm stuck in a jeans, vest and cardi rut. I'm honestly probably an hourglass because there's a waist in there somewhere but have a huge belly.

Haven't got £40 to spend let alone £400 so I'm looking for eBay equivalents!

i am the same doricpatter a bit skint but still need to change , the skirt looks good from matalan and a good price , just need some cheaper boots

Gillybobs- you have a good knowledge of fashion would those skirts be ok for large thighs or do you have nay other ideas , I am 5ft 2 a size 14

Start small - with one or two outfits that make you feel good - and build a new wardrobe as you gain confidence.

Personally, I think fitted black trousers or black jeans (straight leg) with a tunic-style top is a flattering look on most shapes. M&S are good for trousers if you aren't a skinny minnie. Most high street shops will have suitable tops, although New Look, Primark, peacocks and Matalan will be the cheapest (Dorothy Perkins, Wallis, Evans also good).

Have you tried some of the more supportive, comfy type ballet flats? Clarks do a good range. In fact, have a look at Clarks online for shoes which are flat/comfy but not grannyfied. Flat boots can be worn with any style - skirts, trousers, jeans or dresses - but may be edging into the wrong time of year for them. Barrattas has had a sale online recently and has had some surprisingly cheap, decent flat boots.

I would also advise the following, as a confidence booster:

Get a good haircut.

Invest in a few accessories that can dress up plain clothes. You can make a couple of pairs of dark trousers and plain tunics go a long way if you have a few nice scarves, necklaces, bracelets etc.

Totally agree with the recommendation for Colour Me Beautiful. Expect to pay about £60-70, but it is SO worth it, it stops you buying too many things the same or things you won't wear. Do you have any friends who are a similar shape? You could go to the consultant and get a good price on a group workshop?? (Just trying to think laterally about getting the best value for your budget).

I also think the recommendations about personal shoppers for Debenhams and House of Fraser are very good (as the second thing to do).I think Debenhams often cater better for the young at heart - Red Herring things are often really nice. It could stop you getting disheartened, and help you put together a greater variety of colours that would work all year round and create more variety in your outfits. (Sounds like you're bored of the same kind of things.)

Boots are just fantastic for stopping you feeling frumpy. Have a look at Fly London for some great ones. (I too have the apple figure going on, it often means you've got nice legs?? Focus on your assets.)

Jeans are a toughie. Go for a waistline high enough that your stomach doesn't rest over the top of them, and also with robust enough denim and enough stretch. I found some nice ones in Gap. (good sales). You may spend more on a couple of pairs of jeans, then less to have skirts and tops.

But before you do anything else, go through everything you've got now, and bin bag anything you feel horrible or frumpy in. Notice what colours you like. Organise a date with Colour Me Beautiful, sort some childcare, then go shopping!!!

Do let us know how you get on. I'm envious...

Thanks again, please keep the ideas coming. If anyone would like to post some links to suggestions that would also be great - e.g. flat shoes that aren't grannified as I'm never sure where the line between comfy and mumsy falls. Same thing with tunic tops.

Stupid question - I have some ballet pump type shoes which I sometimes wear with trousers but I wear them without socks or tights and by the end of the day they smell sweaty . What's the solution?

Boots sell packs of shoe insoles quite cheaply: you wear them for a bit and then change them once they start being smelly! Or putting crumpled up newspaper in them over night is meant to help but I can't speak from experience!

You can buy a spray foot deoderant/anti-perspirent.

Be careful not to spray it on your clothes - I once ruined a skirt.

I decided to ditch jeans a couple of years ago - they were my everyday default choice, never that comfortable, and it felt like a tyranny. I had to build up my confidence with skirts and dresses 'though (which was strange as I have always worn them in summer). I did it with empire line jersey dresses and thick tights (don't worry, they cover the post-baby belly as much as anything else if the fabric is good quality and thick). With skirts ( I've got a cord and denim one - on/slighty above the knee), I've always worn them with longer, hip length tops to cover any bumps - make sure the tops are slim fitting not loose though. I tend to go for chunky soled/wedge boots and shoes to balance out the "girly-ness" of dresses/skirts. I now rarely wear jeans or trousers and feel more confident in skirts!

you are all giving me some hope

this sounds like me (except I'm 5' 8") - but I'm also skint and trying to lose weight (difficult when we have just had 4 family birthdays in 2 weeks - lots of cake, no willpower!!)

I daren't wear skirts, my legs are just too awful, but would love to not be living in supermarket jeans and t-shirts. I have a fat tummy, enormous thighs and calves, and a bosom that requires scaffolding

My haircut is awful just now, but I've no idea what to do with it. There's only so long I can get away with the pony tail (I've been told pony tails are forbidden once you reach 30, so I have just under a year to get my hair sorted), but with a toddler in the house, I need something VERY low maintenance.

I did the hair last week had that cut into an easy bob , just need to sort the rest of me out, make up I am fine with its just the clothes

You can always wear a long line waistcoat over a dress if you feel it's too tight across the tummy.