Odd question but does anyone else feel their looks have really deteriorated?

[prettymuchapixiegirl]

I don't know if it's me imagining it or my lack of confidence that's making me feel like this :-(

I am 34 and up until about 2 years ago I was quite pretty/attractive really and photographed well. I had my third child 17 months ago and since I've had him I'm about 2 stone heavier than I used to be. I'm only 5ft 4ish so it is noticeable.

I am now doing Slimming World and the weight is coming off albeit slowly, but I just feel so ugly. My face looks awful in photos now, really quite ugly. I almost feel that it looks masculine rather than pretty like it used to be. I think it must be because of the weight gain. My face just looks really "flabby" IYKWIM. Awful. I tried to take some photos of myself this morning on my phone to use as my profile picture on FB and the lighting was crap so I looked like a witch (have dark hair), and just so, so ugly.

Lots of larger people, I am thinking one of my friends in particular, still have beautiful faces. I know I'm in my 30s now but I'm only 34 and I just feel so ugly.

Is it just that being a bit larger than normal doesn't suit some faces (am a size 14 now, was 8-10 before)? Or have I gone through some change that has made me ugly? My mum is in her 60s and still has a very pretty face, I used to look like her.....

I don't know if it might be my lack of confidence making me feel this way too; I am currently having CBT for a variety of issues, including a very low self-esteem :-(

I would say it is a lack of self esteem, if you are feeling negative and down then that will affect how you perceive yourself.

You probably not confident because of the weight gain, although a size 14 is hardly massive it is bigger for you so by going to slimming world hopefully you regain some of your confidence.

I know it sounds cliche but maybe a new haircut and some new make up would cheer you up until you get your confidence back

I agree that it's likely to be the self esteem thing. Also, it's really hard work (I found) to spend time on yourself/your looks when you have children. I only have one - you have three. I can't imagine how you would find the time for yourself. I look in the mirror some mornings and can't believe the haggard old bat that's staring back at me. If I'm going into the office, I'll get smartened up and then look pretty good. If I'm working from home I don't generally bother but I avoid all mirrors

You're addressing the weight issue (which is only an issue if it's making you unhappy) and you're also looking at the psychological issues behind this. I think you sound like a pretty together person who's addressing things in the best way.

I agree, I think your issues are self-esteem related... keep on with the CBT, it will really help you but it will take time. It would be worth keeping those 'awful' photos somewhere (nowhere you can easily look at them) so that you can look at them in a few months time - i BET you see a completely different face looking back at you (I'm a fellow sufferer, I recognise what you describe SO well).

Do you do anything meditative? Yoga, or pilates, or just focusing on a candle or something? That could really help you - sometimes yoga is the only thing that keeps me sane (plus constant reassurance from DH).

I really feel for you, I hope the CBT goes well

i could have wrote this post. i cant believe how much my face has changed with having kids and weight fluctuations. people have commented on this when they have seen photos from a few years ago and one person said "you used to be pretty" i'm only 28 and feel i've lost my looks already

So ugly, really quite ugly, really flabby, masculine, awful, so,so ugly, witch.

Those are the words you use to describe yourself in just one paragraph of your post!!!! Of course you'll look and feel ugly with that constant assault going on. Honestly, I really wanted to be able to stop you attacking yourself that way. Because even if you were ugly, which I doubt, saying it all the time won't make you feel good.

You need a massive dose of confidence. Whether you believe it or not, start saying the opposite of what you said here. Look in the mirror and say, 'Nice eyes' or nice smile. Find bits you like or quite like and accentuate them - if it's your hands, do your nails and get rings, and tell yourself you have lovely hands. Get your eyebrows done, get your hair cut, put on the lippy. You need to start treating yourself far better. You wouldn't (I hope) give time to any man who attacked you like that all day long, so you have to teach yourself to stop being so aggressive.

Keep telling yourself that you think you're gorgeous - keep saying it, even when you don't believe it. Once you start believing it, you'll look gorgeous. With CBT and Slimming World, sounds like you're starting to look after yourself well, but tell that harridan in your head to can it.

Sorry - my last post sounds really bossy and opinionated. Didn't mean it like that, and yes, I've felt like that in the past. Really piled on the weight horribly - hair all lank, boring clothes. But all it needed was to give a bit of attention to my looks after years of neglecting them. I bought new clothes, get regular haircuts, always wear make up, always moisturise before bed. Am gradually starting on the weight loss and fitness.

It's so easy to stop caring about yourself when you have children to care about instead, but it's a mistake. When we feel good about ourselves, we're nicer mums and better role models. And weirdly, kids really notice if you make an effort to look good, and they appreciate it.

From your post, it sounds like you've had a rough time recently, and stress really shows in our faces. Even if the stress is still there, try to compensate for it a bit, every day, by reading stuff, or watching films of comedies, or phoning friends that make you feel brighter. Anything that gives you a giggle and lifts your spirits. Sorry, I'm getting bossy again. Your post really touched me. Not sure why.

Self esteem aside, its amazing what 2 stone can do to your face.

I suggest you continue with your diet because its a very healthy way to live, buy the magazine which comes out each month, read the success stories, see what its done for everyone else and think of it as a nice positive side effect of living this healthy lifestyle.

I think you do have a bit of a self esteem issue because of how you describe yourself but its also fair to acknowledge that you possibly do look different than you did and that you prefered the way you looked before. THat is okay. There is nothing wrong with that and there is nothing wrong with seeking to get back there.

Best of luck

Prettymuch - I am 34, have 2 DC and am around 1.5 stone heavier than I was when I got married. I am also short so feel that the weight is more noticeable.

I will have been married 10 years this July and have set myself a goal - that when we have our garden party to celebrate, I will be back to the same weight

I think that healthy eating, exercise and good sleep is the key to looking and feeling better.

However, I think we all need to remember that aging is a process and we can't expect to look the same at 34 as we did at 24. The media seem to think that beauty and youth are inextricably linked and this is not the case!

Good luck!

It is definitely the weight. Just lose it and you'll feel like a new person.

How much water do you drink?

Try drinking 2-3 litres of water every day and within 10 days you'll look younger/better. Won't solve everything of course, but will give you a boost. It's easy and worth setting your mind to.

Thank you all :-) Quick post as just putting the children to bed but much appreciated, will reply properly later

I think its a combination of the weight gain plus all the usual stress and tiredness of being a mum.

I am about 10 pounds heavier after having DS2 last year and although it dosnt sound much it really shows in my face,I have a very slim face normally so any weight gain totally changes my faceshape and I do look different and older.

Also if you were used to being very slim being larger can be difficult to accept,I have found.Keep going with all the positive stuff you are doing with regards to cbt and healthy diet.x

Hello, just spotted your post and have to say I feel the same way - i.e. that my looks have massively deteriorated in the last couple of years (I am 35 so similar to you).

I also have 3DC (youngest 6 months) and am a good stone overweight.

Self esteem issues are bound to affect your perception of yourself, and well done you for taking action (CBT) to address them.

However, I'm sure that extra weight, disturbed sleep and chasing 3 little kids round all day, are big factors, plus winter weather doesn't help.

Hope when the summer comes we'll all look and feel a little better.

Thanks again everyone

I think that fundamentally it's my weight gain that is causing me to not like how I look. I am really going for it with the SW and also have started back at the gym every day so hopefully I'll see some results very soon.

A few years ago a "friend" said to me that she thought I "wasn't very pretty but had a nice personality so that's ok". She is a very jealous person and not very nice at all and I've since stopped having any contact with her, but what she said has always played on my mind.

Then last night I went for a drink with some (girl) friends from school and one of my friends invited a bloke along that I vaguely know. He is quite tactless, and kept saying I was a "very robust woman" and he "likes bigger women not thin ones". I know he was only trying to be nice but honestly, talk about kicking someone where it hurts lol. He has tried to add me as a friend on FB today and I've declined.

I sympathise, I'm a similar age and I'm a size bigger now (which doesn't bother me at all) but my skin looks so different and tired I don't know what to do

good on you for getting motivated and doing something to make yourself feel better!

I have photo's of me when DD3 was aged 4 years and I look better/younger in those at 32 than I did when DD1 was 4 years old and I was 28, it's lack of sleep, time and inclination.
You'll look great again but now it's the baby's time, your time comes later.
DS is 7 months and I look shit again, stop having babies is the answer.

Something that sounds a bit daft but is totally true for me is that digital photos are 100x worse than trad ones. I have a very "mobile" face and digital just doesn't tend to produce very good shots of me. I always get a shock (in a good way) when I see videos of me as I'm miles prettier in those and therefore IRL than in photos! Over xmas my dad filmed a bit of us chatting and I was so pleased, despite being 2st heavier than I used to be, I thought I looked nice :)

Sounds like you're feeling low and our looks are always a good thing to get hung up on when that's the case. I'm sure you don't look even a quarter as bad as you think, and even if you did who cares really, you have three children who will think you're the best mummy, you are eating well if you're doing SW, do try to be nice to yourself, put some perfume on and remember you deserve to be happy and enjoy your family, even if you look like...erm...John Prescott. One of the nicest people I have ever met looks like Alfred Hitchcock, but she is a truly lovely person and it shows in her expression, people want to be her friend and her husband adores her.
Good luck with your CBT, I hope you feel better very very soon.

Instead of beating yourself up, do something nice for yourself.

I find doing sport or exercise is AMAZING for how it makes you feel afterwards. If you can find something you like (tennis, swimming, running whatever)it will make a world of difference.

I found my self esteem and idea of how I look really changed when I started doing regular exercise (not sure my figure changed all that much, but my mind did!). It changes the chemicals in your brain to feel good. It is also a great way to keep depression at bay.

Really, go for it.

Looking at photos, it is obvious that my looks have badly deteriorated. It must be something to do with years of sleep deprivation, being older, not having time to tend to my appearance. I had PTSD, following my daughter's birth, and the trauma has left its mark on my face.

There is good evidence that exercise will help with psychological issues. I intend to run my first ever race in 8 weeks' time, following this plan:

www.bupa.co.uk/running/training/training-programmes/beginner-5km/

It looks easy, I thought even I could manage to run for just a minute, at intervals, but I had not realised how incredibly unfit I actually am!

I agree with just doing something for yourself.

I look ROUGH these days, bags, bad skin...

When I make an effort i can look ok.

Yesterday I asked DH to have the girls for an hour and went and got my toenails done and it sounds stupid but made me feel a bit more groomed and good about myself.

Keep going with the weight loss.

I have had CBT for both anxiety and depression and it really helped me so good luck with that.

YES YES YES I FUCKING DO

I face time my husband and it shows me and I am shocked at how ugly I now look, mine too is the weight gain for sure. I look like a fuckin man !!

No amount of facials or make up will sort this one out

Just got to loose weight.

When I was pregnant a few months ago I didn't look ugly, I think it might be to do with tiredness.

Sleep is the key. I look 5 years younger and considerably prettier after a good night's sleep. I'm 33 and pregnant with DC2.

Apparently 17 January is the most depressing day of the year ( it was on radio 4 this morning ) so don't be too worried about negative feelings at this time of year. There is a real morale boost in losing weight and being able to tuck in your top and
like what you see, so do go with the weight loss, you will feel so much better, and I'd second running/exercise too as it was only through the runners high I got with my "couch to 5k" programme last year that I managed to have the self discipline to lose 3 stone.

I feel I look a bit ropey at present, but I always feel that in Jan/Feb.

Thanks higgle I have been in tears already this morning which is out of character, now I can blame it on the 17th (and not not my Grumpy Dad)