I've seen people wearing a style of dress I like. What on earth is it (dubious description contained within)?

[ShowOfHands]

Okay, so I'm not allowed to post on s&b as I am a fashion pariah. Undoubtedly, there is an alarm going off at hq and later I'll be taken round the back and shot. But, can you help me first?

I see the Great British Public looking effortlessly stylish as I plod past them in a state that can only be described as 'clothed at least'. I keep seeing the same dress. Well not the same dress. I'm certain they're just similar dresses or there's some kind of rent a dress shop near my house and this is in the popular range. Either way, I like it/them.

I'm babbling. I don't belong here you see.

It's a maxi dress. That much I know. But long. Really long. Like touch the floor long. And generally it's dark in colour. Usually black, sometimes grey. And it's not all flowy and billowy like a game gal in a sanitary product advert. It's clingy but not. It sort of looks like it's made of a heavier/thicker material than the cotton/silk maxi dresses. It sort of pools at your feet and calves. You can see people have legs when they're wearing them.

Does anybody know what I'm talking about? I see them all over the place.

I'm probably not describing it very well. I am aware that what I am essentially asking is if you can distinguish one long black dress from another. I can't. Clearly.

I've got a New Look striped jersey maxi dress - it's the most flattering maxi I've tried on and only 15 quid i think.

I'm with Rockbird

I have to admit I haven't seen anyone like that here in Norfolk.
They're still on gorgeous school ru dresses being at least 5 years behind.

I of course am about 15 years behind and haven't bought new clothes for about that length of time.

The dress you describe sounds lovely though so shout when you find it

Oh, sorry, I see that everythingiseverything has already pointed you towards the New Look maxi dress page.

Umm does the wearer of this dress normally have headscarf as well? Or indeed a wimple. Perhaps you are thinking of penguins nuns

Well Walsingham is in Norfolk, so it probably was a nun on her annual pilgrimage. My mistake. I thought I was looking for a dress and what I really wanted was a lifestyle change.

New Look sounds promising. Won't load though. We have a New Look in Norfolk. It's sandwiched between the twin hells of Argos and the ELC. Perhaps it is the hellmouth. Good, shall pop in later.

That Boohoo site chooses its models on a sliding scale of slightly needing a wee to it's trickling down my leg. What are they doing?

I've got Drusilla's one and I live in Norfolk. It's me, isn't it? That gorgeous woman you've seen?

House of Fraser have got a dark brown one in their swimwear department that is only £25. However, the matching swimsuit is nearly £100. Does this make any sense?

The Oasis one is on-line only but you can get it on ASOS and probably find a discount code. I did have to shorten it (I'm 5'5").

The very catalogue have got one with 3-quarter sleeves in black. I'll try a link.

And to give you an idea of when I last bought clothes... I was pregnant. DD is currently drawing a picture of an elephant climbing a tree. It was a very long time ago. Probably circa the Industrial Revolution. Twas easy then. Everything was dingy. You couldn't see what people were wearing through the haze of industrial emphysema and/or cholera.

link

Did it work?

www.newlook.com/shop/womens/dresses/vest-jersey-maxi-dress_192720001
these are everywhere and a nice lenght too!

Dorothy Perkins has a good reasonably priced selection.

Their tiered jersey ones puddle at the floor and thats actually a very 'fashion' term

I think you're definitely talking about jersey and either an elongated vest style or a very softly tiered style to get the clingy puddle effect.

ROFL at nun!

Was she accessorising with a long bead necklace with a cross?

Oh don't go to nasty Castle Mall New Look, SOH. Go to the big one next to M&S.

Isn't there one in Dereham?

Here, look Have linked already, but this is easier to see. Not bothered by the bandeau (did I get that right?) feature, in fact I probably avoid that feature but that type of material and hanginess (I know, I know) is exactly it.

I'm going to go into some shops later. I'm expecting a good degree of anxiety and possibly some mild panic attacks.

CheapHawaiian, must be you. I'm 99% sure. Was it a magic swimsuit?

Never fear, I'm here to help, namesake here you go.

There is Outfit on Riverside. They have Dorothy Perkins, Miss Selfridge, Warehouse and others all in one place and you can park right outside.

Matalan is supposed to be opening next door too (don't know when). They're good if you don't want to spend too much.

I am NOT going to Dereham. Did you not hear I'm being shot later? There's a New Look next to M&S? Well, well. There's a Superdrug there (aka Shoplifter's Heaven) and I vaguely recall a snobby kitchen shop Lakeland. There somewhere?

The New Look one has finally loaded. I like. Looks a wee bit short to me, but I'm only 5'3" so shouldn't be a problem.

If I go into a shop and say elongated vest style or anything about tiers they'll treat me like I know what I'm doing, which I blatantly don't or I'll spend so long memorising what it is I'm asking for that I'll end up in B&Q by mistake, clutching some extra long 2 by 4 and a nail gun. I do not shop well.

No, very ordinary swimsuit!

I can't do the bandeau thing because my bosom needs to be controlled.

I love Chapelfield. If that's where you are going, try the teenage shop on the first floor. (Don't know what it is called, it's on the left as you come out of HofF, about 3 shops down). They had a lovely navy/white stripy one.

Yes, big New Look. Entrance on St Stephen's or back of M&S, behind Office and Dune.

Can I come with you?

I have this one which looks much nicer irl It drapes nicely around the ankles and legs too - looks rather full on the photo but I can promise you it isn't

SOH you do realise you've got to report back now.

This could well be the highlight of my day

cocolepew, you know for somebody with same name as me, you're not funny at all. That model looks like me though, only less frightening.

CH, you are quite welcome to come with me. I warn you... I am NOT going into any teenage shops, I'll send you in while I stand outside breathing into a paper bag; shopping turns me into a complex mix of sarcastic, bored, confused and hungry; I don't even know what Office and/or Dune are; my 3yr old talks. A lot. It's less shopping, more survival. In your face Ray Mears.

That TK Maxx one's okay actually. Do they have them in their shops? I worked in one 100yrs ago when studying. Back then it was chuck the stuff somewhere in the direction of the rails a la a jumble sale and stand well back. Times have probably changed. I haven't much though.

Have told dh we're going shopping later. He is ashen.

Ah but dh will be fine in New Look that is sandwiched between Lakeland (my pal works in there and gets me discount so not all is lost) and Superdrug as get this they have a mens seating area with earphones it is beside the stairs about a hundred miles though from the changing room, so you will need to come out and parade around. What time you going? I might hang around........

Really? I'm astonished. I'm also slightly perturbed that I am aware of Superdrug and Lakeland, but have missed a whole other shop entirely. This is how unaware I am of fashion.

A men's seating area? Are you winding me up? I'm very out of touch and gullible where shops are concerned.

We're leaving in 20 minutes or so. If you leave now, you'll arrive around the same time iirc. You're somewhere near dh's big hq (police hq in Wymondham) aren't you? DH takes me out there driving sometimes (Hethersett/Wymondham area) as it's quiet. You might want to stay in at all times after all.

SOH, I have NO idea where you're going to get your dress but please come onto S&B more often!

And, er, parading round the shop? No. I may run bodily towards dh screaming 'look, quick' and be mistaken for a shoplifter. Or just locked up. And I'm short so will probably fall over the dress in question.

Maybe you should bring a camcorder and put it on MNTV for everybody to deride enjoy.