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Original poster

Am I a victim of childhood abuse ?

1 reply

emzylou76 · 26/04/2022 10:15

So when I was 2 years old my mum left my Spanish father in Barcelona and moved to England to live with my grandma her mum. My father was a violent man, and it was affecting me too so she left. I had my mum to myself and my grandma till I was 4 when my mum introduce me to her new partner, I dont have any happy memories of my childhood just that her new man wasn't keen on kids and I was always told to leave them alone and go to my room. I had only my grandma to spend time with so I did . I didn't spend time with my mum and new man because I didn't feel welcome, my grandma would be my life ! We all lived in the same house my parents upstairs and my grandma downstairs. I would get Into bed withy grandma because I was afraid of the dark but my mum just told me I was silly. My mum used to pick fault about my size saying I was too skinny for a dress and that my ears would stick out. I grew up having no confidence, my grandma died when I was 9 and my world ended I was left with my mum and this man who I felt didn't want me and then they had a new baby which I resented because they felt like a family and I wasn't part of it, I got bullied at school and I went off the rails when my best friend died, I ran away from home I don't know why I did but I think I was just so confused and bereaved. I was severely punished for my actions and this made me feel crap again nobody understood. I was an off the rails teenager as mum mum labelled me .I'm now 45 and my step dad has acknowledged that they were not there for me enough, but my mum is in denial and thinks I was an awful person as a child still it was all my fault, she acts like a child when I bring up the past, gaslighting me. I have been through lots more in my life without the support of her, IE... rape case where he was found not guilty I did it all alone because I never felt supported. My step sister was always the golden child but I am labelled as the trouble. I have a family of my own now amd I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and my parents refuse to accept it. IS THIS ABUSE? indeed to accept it and move on but I can't I'm sure this is why I have fibromyalgia now from childhood trauma ?

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MNHQ

MichaelMumsnet · 27/04/2022 10:42

Hi OP, there's a duplicate thread of this one so we've removed it now - it had a reply which I've copied below.

MardyOldGoth ยท 26/04/2022 10:28
Sounds like emotional abuse to me. Your mum wasn't meeting your emotional needs and was putting her own needs above yours, and I suspect she knows this but can't face it, so she denies it and puts the blame onto you. Whatever her side of the story is, if you feel that parts of your childhood have damaged you, those feelings are valid. Losing your grandma must have been very hard for you as she was a mother figure in your life and a big part of your upbringing.

Have you had any counselling at all? It sounds like you've been through a lot, much of it when you were too young to know how to process it. It could be helpful to work through some things and ease the burden. I say this as a fellow ME/CFS person who also had trauma in early life. I'm sure these experiences are linked to our illnesses!

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