I don't think I can do this anymore

[LetsStartAgain]

I think, in the new year I am going to seriously consider throwing in the towel. I just can't do it anymore. Every day is like walking on egg shells. I find myself stressing out about the smallest thing because I know, although small, I'm absolutely POWERLESS to do anything about it because in this house, my opinion means nothing.

DSD lives with us, she's almost 13 and although deep down she's a good kid, I just find her so difficult to live with. I'm a very solitary person, as are my kids. So when my own kids come home from school, we have a chat, they do their homework, we have dinner and then they disapear upstairs for a few hours. DSD doesn't. She sits in the living room sprawled out on the sofa from the minute she gets in from school until she goes up to bed at 9pm.

I find that very difficult to live with. I know she's not actually doing anything wrong but it clashes with my personality. I just can't stand someone clinging 24/7.

DP is just as bad. If I go upstairs, he follows. If I go in the kitchen, he follows. If I'm going out, he insists on coming with me. I just get no time to myself.

Personal hygiene is a massive issue too. Dsd goes for days and days without showering so often stinks of sweat and stale urine. She leaves all her dirty clothes in massive piles in her bedroom for weeks and then brings them down and chucks them onto everyone elses washing. I recently found a used sanitary towel lying on DS's new pyjamas. DP doesn't think its a big deal but it makes me bolk and I find it so hard to deal with.

Then there's DP and his hypocritical stance on everything. He tells me I shouldn't be tidying my kids bedrooms yet tidies his daughters despite her being older than my kids. He tells me my son is cheeky yet stands there whilst his daughter screams at him "DO IT NOW!! I CAN'T WAIT!!! IT NEEDS DOING NOW!!! HELLO??? NOW!!!" etc

He's so petty too. A few days before christmas, the kids were told to get a biscuit each out of the bicuit barrel. Turns out there were only half biscuits in there but DS1 and DSD got a few anyway. When it came to DS2 going in, there were none left so I opened up a new packet. THEY ALL HAD THE SAME AMMOUNT, just that DS1 and DSD got halfs.

Anyway, despite none of the kids being bothered by this, DP ran to the kitchen and got the packet of biscuits out, handed DSD another whole biscuit and said "there, now its fair". She just stood there all confused. I said "what are you on about?" so he said "well, if DS2 is getting full biscuit, why should she have halfs?" ??? wtf and he argued his point until even his own daughter walked off in embarrassment, giving my kids some of her own personal sweets to make up for it.

Another example, christmas day. All the kids got new slippers. DS2 was stood there in his so I said "here DS, let me have a photo of your funny slippers"

DP then panicked and said "DD stand over there and lets have a photo of YOUR slippers too". He said it as if I was displaying another of my wicked step mother moments but I was only taking a fucking photo of a pair of slippers.

Well, I've just had enough. I'm not cut out for all this compromise and sacrifice and understanding and whatever else. I've tried and its just not working. I admire those of you that can stick it out. I'm holding up the white flag

I remember watching your earlier post.

Find your own space - doesnt have to mean the end of your relationship, lots of couples still maintain relationships living apart.

Has this girl always lived in the house and the OP moved in recently (didn't see earlier thread). In that case, she probably thinks she has more right than the OP to occupy the living area!!!

Why do you always change your name when posting? As it means that no-one can build a dialogue with you.

I also remember your thread/s when you were moving in together and everyone said don't.

As for the DSD hanging out in the living room. Different families have different ways of doing things. With my parents growing up and with DH and the kids I have always been an "all on top of each other" type person, people hardly ever (never?) go and hang around in their bedrooms here in the daytime.

While you may not like DSDs behaviour in that respect, it is normal.

All previous advice and on this thread ie the partner is the problem and get rid, is still the correct advice.

I really want to know why you always namechange though.

Certainly not you KaPe! As ImSoNotTelling says, she posts the same story again and again, always under a different name

Can you imagine your DSD's side? You move into "her" house, then start changing the rules she and her dad had before you moved in, none of which, tbh sound that bad! She lives in the house too-why shouldn't she be in the living room? You've been given some sensible advice about ensuring she helps tidy up and attends to her personal hygine, other than that perhaps you could spend time in your room when you need some personal space, and make it clear that you are taking some time on your own, or have a bath and lock the door!

The boundaries of personal space necessarily have to change when there are more people living in a house.

I live this all the time, in that the DSSs are here half the time and when they are here it often feels as if they are everywhere, simultaneously. This is partly due to the fact that at their mother's house there are never more than three people (the DSSs and their mother), and their mother is often not around, so the DSSs have the roam of the place (historically with a nanny, who just followed them around clearing up their mess). DSS1, who is the much greater culprit when it comes to invading other people's space, complains sometimes that we don't let him do things (ie leave his homework-in-progress on our dining table all weekend) that he does at his mother's. And we explain that we are five people in this apartment and that he has fewer square metres for his own use here than he does there.