SS with drug/mental health problems...Any advice?

[squirrel3]

Don't really know how to get this all into words but here goes...

SS has had a drug problem for a while now, he was going to come to live with us for a while but he seemed to be slowly sorting himself out so his mother said he could stay at home.

This morning DP had a frantic phone call from BM because SS had smashed her home up (again) but then he collapsed in a heap and started sobbing and screaming that he needs help and begging for someone to help him, DP has (of course) rushed over to see what he can do, I told him that he needs to take him to the GP and ask for some emergency counselling.

DP texted me and told me that he has phoned a hospital and SS is being admitted this afternoon, my worry is that this hospital is for people with serious mental health problems, I don't think that SS's problem is that serious, I feel that he needs drug rehab not this kind of hospital, (then again I haven't seen him today) I?ve known off people who have gone onto this hospital with one problem and come out with several more. I've tried to phone DP to find out more but he has switched his phone off and I'm sitting here imagining the worst. I feel so useless; I don't know what to do.

Surfermum, I could use your sensible approach and advice right now

Thank you surfermum, I really hope I can use my past ex to help SS.

Thank you giraffeski for the comment to Safron.

Well today is 'D-day'...Blimey I hope it works out...

DP and I have made up and we are strong again (think we were just having 'last minute nerves' and we were panicking a bit. We are back on track now.

Just popping in to say I'm thinking of you Squirrel. How's it going?

Blimey I missed a BFF (bitch fit fight) how gutted am I? Go Squirrel, go Squirrel, go Squirrel Lol

Morning Hope it went well at the weekend Squirrel

Thank you for thinking of me.

The weekend was rather odd. DP picked up SS Fri evening, his BM had asked us to talk to SS about visiting his grandad in the Hospice because he was avoiding it. We has a little chat about it before dinner and SS decided that he would go after the meal (he didn't need a lot of persuading, we just suggested that he should).

During the meal he brought up the subject of drugs, he said that "it was a good thing that he was giving up because it has made his 'mates' think twice about them", we asked what he meant and he said that they had offered him some during the week and he turned it down and it was making them think about giving up too. Don't know how true that is but...

He then started to talk about the friends that he'd had since he was a small child and how they want nothing to do with him anymore. We was then able to talk about what he has lost (friends etc) and what he has gained out of taking drugs (the high but then there is the low afterwards), then right on cue (it couldn't have been timed better) he got a txt from an old friend saying that he had heard that he was in rehab, well done and maybe they could get together again when he was clean!!!! I think it started to sink in with SS.

DP then took SS to the Hospice to see his grandad, he stayed for a few hours. The next day they went fishing all day and SS had the choice to go to the pub with a few (clean) mates or go to the Hospice again, he chose the Hospice. The following day his grandad died

SS went home to be with his mother/family, they all got drunk and toasted the granddad and grieved together.

I?m not sure what?s happening today, I don?t know if he is coming back here or staying with his Mum, I suppose its completely up to his Mum if she needs him there of course he will stay there, if she just wants him out of the way so that there is one less thing for her to worry about that?s ok too.

Hi Squirrel So sorry to hear about SS's granddad. Must be a very tough time for him and his mum. So glad he went to the hospice to see him before he died. I think that things will probably be up the air for the next few weeks as grief takes it toll. I hope that ss doesnt turn to drugs to get through this time. I know how difficult. Im really glad that his mates are contacting him tho (clean ones I mean) as I reckon thatll really help him to turn the corner. Think youre doing a great job not sure I could do it in your place.

Thank you Tarantula, I'm only doing what I think is right, I just hope that I get it right and don't mess up with SS.

We have thought of the fact that he may turn to drugs to get through this but we are keeping in contact with him as much as we can to 'keep an eye' on things without invading on his grief too much. Its very difficult trying to get the balance right, but its early days yet.

I visited my grandad saturday and he was very confused and got really angry with me because I 'wouldn't take him downstairs', the home that he is in is all on one floor and there are no stairs. I tried to explain that to him but he didn't believe me and got angry with me. I know it was just because he was confused but it did upset me. I hope when I visit him later he has forgotten all about it.

So sorry to hear that your granddad is so confused. My granddad was like that after Granny died. It was heartbreaking as he kept forgetting that she was dead and asked about her all the time. He used to get angry about things too. Im sure hell have forgotten all about it when you go to see him next and will be glad to see you.
As for SS all you can do is your best and saints cant do more (as mammy used to say).

Thought I'd up-date, maybe have a moan...

SS had been spending some his time here and some of his time at his mum's. He wont move in permanently, which to be honest suits me because we have to think about my children, DD is about to give birth any day and the pregnancy is taking its toll on her spine etc so I'm looking after her and DGS. We also have to think about DP's younger children. I think SS enjoys his time with us though and it gives his mum a break (she knows she doesn't have to worry about him and drugs while he is with us).

I'm doing my best so why do I feel so selfish sometimes?

DP and I haven't spent any quality time together for ages and this weekend DD went away for the weekend so her DP had to look after her, (not me for a change). It was an ideal opportunity for DP and I to spend sometime together but NO SS was there and he had all of DP's attention and I'm ashamed to admit I really started to resent SS taking up all of the bank holiday weekend. I spent most of the weekend on my own because DP had taken SS out shooting and fishing (thing's we usually do together). I must admit I got really upset, now I feel like I'm a selfish B!tch and I feel bad because of that.

My DS passed his driving test and we bought him a car which needs a little bit of work. We did this on purpose so that DD an DP can work on it together and ?bond? a bit as they don?t really have much in common. This weekend DS was doing all of the work on the car by himself because DP was with SS. I was a bit annoyed and mentioned to DP that he had promised he would help DS but DP just said ?I can?t see us really bonding anyway, do you?? I was livid; I try so hard with his children. Why can?t he do the same with mine? I wish we had bought a car that DS could just insure, get in and drive now!

I hope that his weekend was just a hic-cup and things will get better in the next week, sorry this has been long, I just feel?. Well, you know?.