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Original poster

SS with drug/mental health problems...Any advice?

59 replies

squirrel3 · 03/05/2005 11:51

Don't really know how to get this all into words but here goes...

SS has had a drug problem for a while now, he was going to come to live with us for a while but he seemed to be slowly sorting himself out so his mother said he could stay at home.

This morning DP had a frantic phone call from BM because SS had smashed her home up (again) but then he collapsed in a heap and started sobbing and screaming that he needs help and begging for someone to help him, DP has (of course) rushed over to see what he can do, I told him that he needs to take him to the GP and ask for some emergency counselling.

DP texted me and told me that he has phoned a hospital and SS is being admitted this afternoon, my worry is that this hospital is for people with serious mental health problems, I don't think that SS's problem is that serious, I feel that he needs drug rehab not this kind of hospital, (then again I haven't seen him today) I?ve known off people who have gone onto this hospital with one problem and come out with several more. I've tried to phone DP to find out more but he has switched his phone off and I'm sitting here imagining the worst. I feel so useless; I don't know what to do.

Surfermum, I could use your sensible approach and advice right now

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Original poster
squirrel3 · 05/05/2005 17:23

So much for not having to worry about my Grandfather, he's just been diagnosed as having MRSA!

Don't quite know what this has got to do with this thread but...

OP posts:
SadSam · 06/05/2005 08:14

Hi Squirrel, just read your thread. So sorry to hear about ss problems. It must be so awful for you. You seem to have so much on your plate and now with your grandad having MRSA aswell... im so sorry! Have no advice just wanted to say Im thinking of you. Sam xxx

Original poster
squirrel3 · 06/05/2005 13:44

Thank you for thinking of me even though you have big problems of your own Sam, everything seems to happening all at once, DD has been to the hospital too, the weight of the baby is getting too much for her spine and hips and the can barely walk so she is having to have complete rest so I am looking after DGS and her.

I wish I could make clones of me so that I could be in several places at once!!!!!

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Surfermum · 06/05/2005 13:48

You make sure you look after yourself in all this Squirrel. Have some time out to relax. You have a hell of a lot of things on your plate right now.

Original poster
squirrel3 · 06/05/2005 13:58

Thank you Surfermum,

Do you have any tips on how to keep sane?

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Original poster
squirrel3 · 06/05/2005 14:00

What about a nice chilled bottle of wine this evening when the Skids and DGS are in bed?

OP posts:
Surfermum · 06/05/2005 14:03

Yes, wine's good. Big bar of chocolate? Candlelit bath?

Original poster
squirrel3 · 06/05/2005 14:08

Sounds good to me!

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Original poster
squirrel3 · 06/05/2005 16:29

That?s it, I decided, Monday I'm going to have a day 'off' going to go to the local leisure centre and have a sauna and Jacuzzi, I may even have a sun bed (I know really bad for you but, hey ho!).

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Original poster
squirrel3 · 07/05/2005 12:36

Have told DS that SS will be coming to live with us in a couple of week?s time and why, he is entitled to know what is going on. He is fine about it but he wants to have a padlock put on his bedroom door, he is a keen musician and he has several thousand pounds of equipment in his room that he has saved up for. One being a guitar that he could only find in America and he had it sent over. DP won't allow this and says he doesn't want SS to feel that we don't trust him, I am torn, on one hand yes, we shouldn't make SS feel that we don't trust him but on the other DS has saved for years for all of his instruments and if SS was to take them to fund his drug habit DS would be devastated.

Any opinions/advice?

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Surfermum · 07/05/2005 18:17

Crikey Squirrel I really don't know what I'd do. I can see it from both sides. Is there any reason to believe that he is already stealing to fund his habit?

Original poster
squirrel3 · 07/05/2005 19:21

Hello Surfermum, No, there is no reason to believe that he is stealing yet, and he wants to give up, but there is always that (very real) chance that it could all go wrong and I really don't want my DS to be hurt by this. Yet at the same time I don't want SS to feel bad either. Its a really difficult one.

I don't think that SS would be happy to have SS stay if he can't have the lock on his room and everybody has to be happy with the situation or its not going to work.

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Surfermum · 07/05/2005 19:38

Exactly. I just don't know what I'd do Squirrel. I hope someone else can give a view on this.

Did you get your glass of wine?

Original poster
squirrel3 · 07/05/2005 19:40

Yep, I drank a bottle!!! lol

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Surfermum · 07/05/2005 19:46

Good for you! I'm just running a bath and have a copy of Closer to read - then I'm off out on the town with some of the other lifeguards. Its a regular Saturday thing but we don't normally go as we're old fogies. But when we got the text earlier I decided that dh could stay in with dd and dsd and I would go! And he agreed!! And I'm being picked up so can drink myself senseless!!!

giraffeski · 07/05/2005 20:15

Message withdrawn

Original poster
squirrel3 · 07/05/2005 20:50

Thats a good idea giraffeski, I'll put that suggesstion to DP and see what he says.

Thank you.

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Original poster
squirrel3 · 09/05/2005 08:38

Well, SS1 lapsed over the weekend and got smashed, don't know what to do, he said he really wanted to get clean this time and he didn't even last a week. I'm beginning to think he is just saying what he thinks we want hear so that we leave him alone. I supose it was really unfortunate that DD is ill and we had to look after DGS also we had the younger Skids this weekend so we couldn't have SS1 move in this weekend to keep him away from his 'mates'.

Think I'm going to have to insist that DS has the padlock on his door that he wants, I'm not sure that SS is serious about giving up.

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giraffeski · 09/05/2005 08:54

Message withdrawn

Original poster
squirrel3 · 11/05/2005 11:26

Surfermum, just wanted to thank you for the link that you gave me for Families Anonymous, is helping SS's BM, she has been to several meetings and is finding them really helpful, she is getting tougher with SS and getting support that she needs now, esp as her father is getting worse (she was called into the hospice today).

DP is another matter he won't go to any meetings, he wants to just play it by ear and carry on doing what we have planned and do it without any help! SS is coming to stay Friday and we are already arguing (about silly little things) because he is stressed and SS hasn't even moved in yet! I feel that as I am only the Stepmum I have no place in the family's anonymous group so I don't feel that I can go on my own.

I haven't been totally up-front about my own drug use in the past. I did only take soft drugs but my Ex got very heavily into drugs even to the point that he was dealing to fund his habit and we slept with suitcases of it under our beds at one point!! I was always terrified that we were going to get busted. We were at a friends house when they were busted (I was heavily pregnant at the time and was totally clean) and they strip searched everyone, it was a very humiliating/degrading experience to be 'tarred' with the same brush as the junkies that my Ex was hanging about with. I saw first-hand the effect that the drugs had on my Ex and all of his so called friends, the loss of motivation, the only motivation was doing anything to get more drugs, the paranoia and yes, the violence. I was frequently used as a punch bag when the Ex was on a come down. I saw how much people 'lost' during their drug use (the loss of good friends, family, their partners and children and respect for themselves ect). For all of these reasons that is why I left my Ex and his drug use is why he 'lost' contact with his kids.

I really want to tell my SS all of this but my DP won't allow it! He says that saying I slept with suitcases of it under the bed is glamorising it. I just think if he knows everything I have done he is more likely to take notice what I have to say than someone who has never even smoked cigarette.

Sorry this is long and I probably shouldn't have revealed everything but so need to rant and I probably need advice, I don't know, I'm feeling really low today and its all coming out, sorry.

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Original poster
squirrel3 · 12/05/2005 09:09

Ok, I am really embarrassed about last post, I shouldn't have said all of that, and it alters people's perceptions of you as a person.

I am a good person really, it was 20 yrs ago and I did only smoke the odd joint (and never whilst pregnant). I was very young. The ex was a much older man (who should have known better) and I?d had a crap childhood, he had 'the gift of the gab' and he made me laugh and showered me with attention. Crikey I was so young and naive; I left home on my 16th birthday (out of the fire, into the frying pan) and was already pregnant by him. I grew up and left him when at 19 (expecting DS) when I realised how wrong it all was to bring up children in that environment and have not touched drugs since. My ex however, got even more heavily in to drugs and didn't want/have the motivation to see his kids (they wouldn't have been safe with him anyway).

Now I have explained myself, I hope you don?t think to badly of me.

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Saffron1 · 12/05/2005 12:06

Squirrel, it was all your choice, your chioce to move in with the older man, get pregnant and take drugs at such young age.

Its your chioce to get involved with a man with kids and everything that goes with it!

Stop whining and get on with it!

Only my opinion, but...

Original poster
squirrel3 · 12/05/2005 14:43

OOOOOOOoooooo!!!!

A bit of squirrel bashing eh Saffron?

Bring it on!!!

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Surfermum · 12/05/2005 22:45

Squirrel, don't worry about it - it hasn't changed my perception of you one bit. You're still a very caring mum and step-mum and I think probably your past experiences will help you deal with your SS and be less judgemental.

giraffeski · 12/05/2005 22:48

Message withdrawn