Paying for extras, outside of maintenance payments, what do others do?

[slightlycrumpled]

What do others do about paying for school trips etc and other things over and above the monthly amount already paid?

We are finding it increasingly difficult to pay all of the extras at the moment, DH recieved an email yesterday asking for another £200 towards a school trip for one of his sons. The problem is that if he lived with us we would probably have said he wasn't to go as we simply cannot afford it, but (again!) the decision has been made by his mother but then asks us for at least three quarters of the money.

On the same email she was asking what we would be doing about buying his older son a car. I'm just tired of it, as DH has always paid a fair amount, always on time, and has never let his children down yet is always made to look like the bad guy.

I should point out I do love my step sons very much and have a very good relationship with them. The money issue is another matter altogether.

Yes, twinsetandpearls my goodness he is a lucky man. Does he not offer a monthly payment for your dd at all?

I think if it were dh and even if his ex wife was very well off he would want to feel he was contributing in some small way.

I think it's really good to be able to let off steam here as it did prevent me from saying it all out loud iyswim. I would hate for the children to ever feel they were any kind of burden, although I stand by my point that it is okay for children from divorced parents to be told I'm sorry mum and dad cannot afford it.

malibugirl Goodness that sounds like a nightmare for all of you. I guess it must be hard for you to remain reasonable when dealing with somebody so unreasonable. I hope you manage to get something sorted. There appear to be so many issues in your post. for you, your dh and your dsc.

I don't understand why my ex husband does not contribute, dp and I talk about it, I would be embarressed to have contact with a child I did not contribute towards.

We do try and include her father in everything even though he does not contribute financially. It did come to a head last year when dd enrolled for a private school, dp and I were paying. Dp said he felt his name should go on the paperwork and he should be the one to go to the open days etc with dd and I as he was the one who would be paying the fees rather than her father who paid nothing.

I don;t need the money so have never pursued it. We had a very bitter divorce and he tried to control me through money and I completely threw him by saying
" Do you know what I would rather go without than ask a man for money that he does not want to give."

Money is tight at the moment and I may have to ask him for some money, but am looking into getting a second job, or dp has spoken about doing some freelance work rather than have to rely on money from her father.

Slightly,
I have been through this as well. DP has 2 children from a previous relationship, I have 1 from a previous relationship and we have one together.

My 2 ds's live with us and his ds's live with their mum....well eldest (23) lives with his g'f.
Dp's ds2 is 14yrs old and up until last year when i was pg with my ds2 every 4-6 weeks she was asking us for £50 for school shoes for dss. Then after us buying them it would be shirts the next week trousers the week after and so on.

I had to put my foot down and the next time she asked for money for shoes I took dss to the local market and spent £10 on 2 pairs, they were leather and good shoes... when she asked for shirts i went to primark and bought them... Oddly enough the demands requests for money stopped. Dp paid £100 a month (until he was made redundant) which is what he and I agreed we could afford.

She did try and ask us to pay for his school trip which apparently was £600, she called me and asked I simply explained we couldn't afford it with dp out of work and us moving.

When we moved dss came to visit a month later as it was ds2's 1st b'day. When he came in he asked

"did you buy this or are you renting"
"renting"
immediately sent a txt message
"Oh when did you get that" (ps3)
"I bought it last week"
Another txt sent
"Oh K has a new bed"
"Yes he needed one"
another txt....i think you get the picture. When he went in the other room dp checked his phone he had been texting his mum and telling her everything. Three days later she called and asked wether we could give her £250 for her to buy him clothes for an upcoming holiday....errr no we are living on a budget....yes we bought a ps3 as a gift for ourselves after the bad yr of dp being made redundant.....other than that it is penny pinching. Her reply but you all have new beds and you have a ps3, and blah blah blah.....

It has now been over 2 months since dp has heard from dss except one occassion when we went there to talk to his mother. But you can bet your bottom dollar that dss will be in touch soon xmas is round the corner, and he wants a new guitar. Which we are not getting.