Hi,
I am pregnant. We currently don't know the gender (little tyke wouldn't uncross their legs!). I have a non-resident step daughter who is 7 and visits every other weekend and half of the school holidays. During the holidays and some weekends with step daughter we go to her grandparents house, where there are plenty of spare bedrooms, and she has her own room, and her new sibling will have their own room.
I'm worried about room arrangements at home if the baby is a boy, as we only have one spare bedroom, and we can't ALWAYS go to their grandparents house.
As we have just moved here, the spare bedroom is full of our unpacked boxes, so my step daughter sleeps in the lounge when she visits, on a trundle bed with proper matress, and nobody enters until she is awake, as there is a different route through the house. Step daughters mother isn't happy with this, but it is the safest solution for now until the spare bedroom is cleared and made safe (lots and lots of stacked boxes, and we have already had a collapse in there. Door is alarmed for this reason and she doesn't enter), I have Hyperemesis Gravidarium and disabled, and my partner is working so it is taking time to unpack. We are working on this as fast as we can. We had to move from a 5 bedroom house, to a 2 bedroom house with 1 week to pack and 1 week to move everything, so as you can imagine, it is chaos!
Once bedroom is cleared, baby will be in with us and step daughter will be in spare room.
If the baby is a girl, wonderful when they are a bit older, they can hopefully share a bedroom. If the child is a boy however, I am unsure what to do. I know her mother wont be happy with them sharing a bedroom, despite during summer holidays with her mum, step daughter sleeping in the same bedroom as her male cousins of the same age and older for weeks on end, but apparently this is different because her mum knows those children so it is okay, but not okay for our child because she doesn't trust my partners judgement as a father.
The only options I can think of are
A: They both share a bedroom if they are comfortable with it. Seperate beds, opposite sides of the room. My step daughter wants a brother, and "wants to be a boy" and wants to share a bedroom with their new sibling, so I doubt she would feel uncomfortable, but we can see when she reaches that age what she is comfortable with, and it would be her choice and her fathers choice, not her mothers choice.
B: When step daughter reaches 10, baby will be 3 and baby sleeps in lounge, step daughter sleeps in babys room. This would be her mothers preference.
C: When step daughter reaches 10, baby will be 3 and sleeps in our bedroom, step daughter sleeps in babys room
D: They share a room but we hang heavy duty curtain rails and thick curtain to separate the room in to two halves so they both have privacy, or some other option of splitting the room, non permenant due to renting. This seems like the most logical solution, but will cause major conflict with step daughters mother.
E: When they are old enough one of them sleeps in our bedroom, and the other in the babys bedroom, and we sleep in the lounge on those weekends
F: Both children, and us stay in our bedroom, each with seperate beds. So it doesn't seem like favouritism, and her mother can't moan she is left alone at night with a boy. This seems like the most wild solution.
Further context:
She lives 300 mile round trip away, so sadly she doesn't get much time here. For reasons beyond our control, for at least the next good few years we can't move closer, as she lives in the most expensive area in the country. If we applied for a council house, due to her location it would likely not happen for decades, if at all, and as she is non-resident she wouldn't be taken in to account in the bedroom allocation either sadly, so this isn't an option.
Her mother expects us to have 2 extra bedrooms here, one for our step child, and one for her new sibling regardless of gender, which I would love to provide but we don't have that kind of money, especially as I am disabled. She expects us to get a council house and the council to allocate a bedroom to a non-resident step child, but as far as I can see the council don't allow for this, but she won't believe us. Am I right in thinking the council wont give our step child their own bedroom regardless of gender of their sibling, because they are non-resident?
Hopefully this wont be our situation forever, but for the time being - what would you say the best option is? I'm STRESSED. I want step daughter to be happy as well as everyone else to be happy with the arrangement but it seems I can't please everyone. I feel like a massive failure and I haven't even given birth yet. My partner just says "we will figure it out" but that doesn't help my anxiety.
Has anyone else been in a similar non-resident step child situation?