Sponsoring kids disagreement

[TossaCointoyerWitcha]

DS (age 10) is taking part in a “sponsored bounce” - his mum and her partner have sponsored him separately and asked if my DP of three years would be willing to as well. DP doesn’t have kids herself and was surprised to be asked. I made it clear it wouldn’t have to be anything other than something perfunctory however she believes a) since we are a couple I should pay the sponsorship on behalf of us both and b) DS is benefitting from have his parents separately sponsoring him anyway so her and his mum’s partner sponsoring him as well would be an advantage other kids don’t have.

I do see her logic, however part of me feels a bit sad - he’s a kid wanting to do something for charity and it’s not like he regularly does sponsored events (the last was two years ago before DP was introduced). It’s not about the cost - if it were me or indeed, his mum’s DP we’d think “bless him” and not give it a second thought.

For context, DP and I live separately and she is only involved in DS’s life in as much as she pops round when they’re around sometimes and we do celebrations, trips to festivals, etc together. I coparent 50% time and don’t lean on her for parental support. She is very much “Dad’s special friend”.

Can any step-parents help me navigate this? Have you encountered similar?

My partner would also do this. This would be such a non issue in our household. I agree with other posters that the girlfriend is probably a bit confused about what her role is here. Dad wants her to be a ‘fun friend’ but also donate money and be a ‘proper’ step parent in this instance.

It’s a £2 donation. It’s really not that deep.

Exactly. Yet OP partner has made it a huge deal which tells a lot.
Flipping heck I sponsored a colleagues child this morning for a charity event and didn't think twice. It's about the child and OP partner clearly doesn't get kids.

I think it wouldn’t hurt her to give a child she sees occasionally a few pounds for a sponsor form I have given nephews and nieces friends kids and my own money for these forms.
I do think it raises awareness about what she’s willing to put into the relationship with your children though, therefore raising questions about how long the relationship will last.
or maybe she’s really tight with money or selfish, some people are like that.

As an aside I hate these "bounce for charity" things as the child is doing something they already enjoy, I think it should be a sponsored silence or do-the-dishes-for-a-week type thing. Maybe she feels like me lol

Anyway if you dont want her to be a SM then there's no issue with her declining.

I don't think this specific situation really needs 'navigating'. I would just tell your DS that your sponsorship money is from both you and your DP so it doesn't hurt his feelings.

BUT privately, if I were you, I'd be a little bit mindful that it seems she is deliberately making it quite clear that she doesn't want to be seen as part of DS's 'family', doesn't want to be on the sponsorship list alongside you and your ex and her DP etc. As PPs have said, most would give any known child a fiver or something for sponsorship - it feels very much that she is trying to draw a line in the sand here. How long have you been together?

If it's niggling at you, the question for you really is do you want somebody who embraces/gets involved with your child a little more? Or are you happy that she is your girlfriend and will just play an occasional 'guest star' role with your son here and there, but nothing more? Either way is fine for many people, it's just whether you can accept what looks like her choice - the latter - and by this post I am not sure that you can.

(PS. I am a step-parent but spent a long time in the 'guest' role)

Apologies, been away and catching up on this thread! For those who asked, we’ve been together four years with introduction to kids after the first year.

Birthday present: yes, initially, in theory - in reality I bought kids something on her behalf as she always forgot. We had a chat about this before Christmas where we agreed that her name would just go alongside mine on the main present as she feels we’re an established couple now.

Mum’s present: we organise our own, with each other’s name on the present as per above. In my mind, at least, I’ve no problem with this as we “offset” each other’s parents as it were - I do mine and she does hers.

Brother doing a marathon: we did talk about this after I posted. My knee-jerk reaction is that I would sponsor separately. She was a bit shocked at that. Thinking about it, the only reason I can come up with is maybe because we don’t have shared finances? So it feels right that a donation is actually from my money especially as I don’t have a brother doing similar!

Late thirties

What an arsehole bitching a sponsoring a 10 yr old.

She sounds tight and a little mean.

It’s a sponsored bounce for a 10 year old, she could just give him a tenner.

When mine were primary aged we only asked immediate family to sponsor, you were absolutely fine to ask and she can say no but as pp have said she is being a bit of a dick.