My step son called me lazy?

[Jesstorv176]

Hi, honestly as I'm writing this I feel absolutely exhausted, due on in about a week, and trying to get over cold/cough with a 3 year old

My step son comes to us at the weekends, we go out alot and spend a lot of family time together as a family I work over night every other weekend and sometimes not home till 11am the next day. My partner has our little girl and his boy.
Last weekend I noticed he needed that 1-1 with his dad so they went swimming while we had a birthday party to get too.
My daughter and I are going for a midweek break with my mum and dad next week mon-fri. Step son was excited as he could have dad all weekend.. unfortunately we would be home on the Friday so he wouldn't he seemed gutted and told me partner that he would like sometimes just him and dad.

Next day - we all get dressed ready for the day and my 3 year old were still tryna to persuade to get dressed for the day. My step son then turnd around and say do you not want to get dressed and be lazy like mummy? All while I'm there doing his hair. I was honestly gob smacked. I couldn't say anything probably one of the worst things he could say to me as I'm far from it. The thing is I know half of it isn't about me anyway, his mum on the other hand is very lazy, last I heard she asked the kids (9yo and 4yo) not to come in her room during the day because she was watching stranger things. Like wow? Who even does that.

All while I'm making sure he's fed, cooking dinner, laundry, cleaning and working on top of all that. I do realise I'm probably being quite hard on myself and a friend of mine believes perhaps it's because he feels safe with us that he can be like that.
My partner didn't say anything when it happened I spoke to him after as I was obviously quite sad and angry at the situation my step son then come out with a fake sorry. I said thank you for apologising and left it.

He's pretended all day like we're okay...like nothing happened. Even though I've brought it up a few times he hasn't said anything to my partner about it. Am I really lazy?? Why would he say such a thing.

You are not lazy. You are a hero

Why are you doing all the cooking, laundry, cleaning and getting the kids ready on top of working?

Maybe this boy has picked up his misogynistic attitude from his father. They see women as appliances.

How old is your stepson?

What was your relationship like with him before he said this?

I think that you're overreacting on the throwaway comment of a child.

He's just a kid,kids say stupid things. Tell him not to be so cheeky and move on.

does your stepson call your Mummy? otherwise could he actually have been meaning his own mum?

how old is he?

He’s either 9 or 4 I think

Yes, that’s what I wondered.

This!

But even if he did mean you, kids say stupid things.
Does he get time alone with his dad much though?

This!
I agree with it all.

Younshould have said, there and then - " I am not lazy, today so far I've <list what you've done> and now I'm doing your hair, then I'm gonne < list the things you're gonna do next>. How is tgat lazy?".

Not in a confrontational manner, just to get him thinking.

There are stepkids 9 and 4 and you have a 3 yo?

And the 9 yo calls you lazy? He’s heard that somewhere and is repeating. At 9 it’s a quick correction and everyone moves on.

Did he mean you? Given that you're not his mummy (not being offensive, just seeing it through the lens of a child of his age) and you said that she is lazy?

He was rude. But he is a child. You shouldn't be so effected by the words of a child. I don't get your shock at him carrying on as normal too, of course he will. What are you expecting him to act like? Why has this bothered you so much? You really need to figure that out so you can build some resilience, there's a good chance you will have worse said to you when your DD is a teen.

No he refers me to mummy or muma when talking to his little sister so yes it was about me

Yep very true about building the resilience. Just upset my partner didn't call him out on it either

Yes I always make sure he has that 1-1 time whenever he needs it I can usually tell when he comes at a weekend if he needs just his dad, it's becoming a lot more though as weeks go on

9

Really good, always loving (whenever he wants it to be, cuddles ect when he comes to me) whenever I bake or cook always wants to be involved etc

Thank you for your loving words.

And I second them.

Are you over thinking this? Is lazy really such an insult in his nine year old world- we often talk about wanting a lazy day etc.

It was probably not meant seriously. He’s only 9. I would have retorted with a jokey comment like ‘Hey - you cheeky monkey’ and tickled him.

The context sounds off so I'm wondering if he actually meant lazy, or if he meant it in a negative way, especially if he said it in a matter-of-fact way.