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Step-parenting

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Original poster

My step son called me lazy?

48 replies

Jesstorv176 · 31/01/2026 21:49

Hi, honestly as I'm writing this I feel absolutely exhausted, due on in about a week, and trying to get over cold/cough with a 3 year old

My step son comes to us at the weekends, we go out alot and spend a lot of family time together as a family I work over night every other weekend and sometimes not home till 11am the next day. My partner has our little girl and his boy.
Last weekend I noticed he needed that 1-1 with his dad so they went swimming while we had a birthday party to get too.
My daughter and I are going for a midweek break with my mum and dad next week mon-fri. Step son was excited as he could have dad all weekend.. unfortunately we would be home on the Friday so he wouldn't he seemed gutted and told me partner that he would like sometimes just him and dad.

Next day - we all get dressed ready for the day and my 3 year old were still tryna to persuade to get dressed for the day. My step son then turnd around and say do you not want to get dressed and be lazy like mummy? All while I'm there doing his hair. I was honestly gob smacked. I couldn't say anything probably one of the worst things he could say to me as I'm far from it. The thing is I know half of it isn't about me anyway, his mum on the other hand is very lazy, last I heard she asked the kids (9yo and 4yo) not to come in her room during the day because she was watching stranger things. Like wow? Who even does that.

All while I'm making sure he's fed, cooking dinner, laundry, cleaning and working on top of all that. I do realise I'm probably being quite hard on myself and a friend of mine believes perhaps it's because he feels safe with us that he can be like that.
My partner didn't say anything when it happened I spoke to him after as I was obviously quite sad and angry at the situation my step son then come out with a fake sorry. I said thank you for apologising and left it.

He's pretended all day like we're okay...like nothing happened. Even though I've brought it up a few times he hasn't said anything to my partner about it. Am I really lazy?? Why would he say such a thing.

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Noshadelamp · 31/01/2026 23:13

do you not want to get dressed and be lazy like mummy? @Jesstorv176

Does he know what lazy means, because this makes no sense. If he's trying to encourage your DD to get dressed why would be say she would be lazy by getting dressed?
Were you dressed?

Maybe he thinks being lazy just means being in pajamas.

Kids pick up weird meanings from association, eg if he hears "get dressed, stop being lazy" without any further understanding of what lazy means, he would associate it with the opposite of being dressed.

Original poster
Jesstorv176 · 31/01/2026 23:19

CypressGrove · 31/01/2026 23:00

Are you over thinking this? Is lazy really such an insult in his nine year old world- we often talk about wanting a lazy day etc.

I know I think just due on my monthly has made me emotional when things like this is said, I usually listen to my body too, so when I'm tired I'll have early nights etc and yes lazy to him probably did not mean it the way he said it

OP posts:
Original poster
Jesstorv176 · 31/01/2026 23:20

Noshadelamp · 31/01/2026 23:13

do you not want to get dressed and be lazy like mummy? @Jesstorv176

Does he know what lazy means, because this makes no sense. If he's trying to encourage your DD to get dressed why would be say she would be lazy by getting dressed?
Were you dressed?

Maybe he thinks being lazy just means being in pajamas.

Kids pick up weird meanings from association, eg if he hears "get dressed, stop being lazy" without any further understanding of what lazy means, he would associate it with the opposite of being dressed.

Makes sense thank you

OP posts:
TheNameWasOnceChosen · 31/01/2026 23:23

Are you lazy? No? Then ignore it.

CypressGrove · 31/01/2026 23:25

Jesstorv176 · 31/01/2026 23:19

I know I think just due on my monthly has made me emotional when things like this is said, I usually listen to my body too, so when I'm tired I'll have early nights etc and yes lazy to him probably did not mean it the way he said it

Show quote history

We celebrate being lazy in my household. We all work hard etc but listening to your body is important. I think its a healthy way to model life - so maybe think about why you've let this word get to you so much?

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 31/01/2026 23:30

Noshadelamp · 31/01/2026 23:13

do you not want to get dressed and be lazy like mummy? @Jesstorv176

Does he know what lazy means, because this makes no sense. If he's trying to encourage your DD to get dressed why would be say she would be lazy by getting dressed?
Were you dressed?

Maybe he thinks being lazy just means being in pajamas.

Kids pick up weird meanings from association, eg if he hears "get dressed, stop being lazy" without any further understanding of what lazy means, he would associate it with the opposite of being dressed.

I thought the same as this poster. The sentence didnt make sense.

also, re:
All while I'm making sure he's fed, cooking dinner, laundry, cleaning and working on top of all that
why are you doing all of this for him and not his dad?

cadburyegg · 31/01/2026 23:41

He’s just a kid being cheeky. Correct him and move on

Tickman · 01/02/2026 13:38

Were you in pyjamas at the time? If so it sounds like he was just commenting on that.

One of my SDs recently told me that putting her laundry away was my job, not hers. Cheeky brat 😆

Wayk · 01/02/2026 19:23

I do think maybe having a quiet word with him explaining how much you love and care for him but also telling him it hurts to be called lazy.

Whatayearsofar · 01/02/2026 19:28

I wouldn’t take much notice. Maybe say, Hey cheeky I’ve been up doing ….. but maybe he didn’t mean it rudely.

kirinm · 01/02/2026 19:33

I think you’re massively overreacting tbh.

The explanation doesn’t make sense either. I’d say we are having a lazy day or we’ve lazed around. It doesn’t mean we’ve not done anything.

LeafyMcLeafFace · 01/02/2026 19:39

I strongly suspect he’s just saying daft things to chivvy his little sister along without thinking about what it actually means. Trying to be an adult without the sophistication of thought or emotions to do it properly, my DS used to come out with some corkers that he’d be mortified about now.

Bonkers1966 · 01/02/2026 19:42

You have a husband problem. Happy for you to do everything but doesn't have your back. Kid might be picking up on the lack of respect. Or overhearing comments when he is out with dad.

MarzipanMice · 02/02/2026 12:49

op I think you’re overreacting. He’s only 9 and has made a throw away comment to his toddler sister. Why would that upset your entire day and expect him not to carry on as normal? Would you want him to feel bad for a whole day because of something he said? Children say things out of context and don’t understand the true meaning of what they say.

Petitcha · 03/02/2026 00:30

What does his father do if you are doing all that?
You sound run ragged.

aWeeCornishPastie · 03/02/2026 00:37

I would find this incredibly hurtful too OP even if it is from a child. You do so much for them all.

NumbersGuy · 03/02/2026 04:04

Step son was excited as he could have dad all weekend.. unfortunately we would be home on the Friday so he wouldn't he seemed gutted and told me partner that he would like sometimes just him and dad. Next day - we all get dressed ready for the day and my 3 year old were still tryna to persuade to get dressed for the day. My step son then turnd around and say do you not want to get dressed and be lazy like mummy? All while I'm there doing his hair.

OP, two things I would offer for consideration. The first is that he "was excited as he could have dad all weekend" but that didn't come to be. The remark came the next day, so apparently it seems he feels left out of alone time with his dad, so it should possibly be something to be explored that he likely needs but afraid o say anything. The second, is that while you do EVERYTHING that a mum would do for their child, except discipline him. Albeit he is 9 y/o, he needs boundaries established that it was hurtful and not feel it's a "boys will be boys" moment as his dad refused to address it. The key is to remind yourself you were taught manners when you were a child, as I'm sure you would have never been able to get away with something similar. Today's children are being raised with too much entitlement and no boundaries, which is why you need to focus on keeping the guardrails up at all times.

Irren · 06/02/2026 09:53

He's just being a gobby little kid, just move on. didn't you ever say dumb stuff as a kid? The level of emotion you're showing about this, seems like you have some hang-ups about being called lazy. A 9 year old doesn't understand how much work it takes to keep a family going so what's his judgement worth? Point out that you're doing a lot and his comment wasn't kind and just move on.

I wouldn't be judging his mum as "lazy" for taking an hour or so in her room to watch a show that is too scary for kids, tbh. Quite judgemental. Which might be why you're so upset about being called it yourself.

Irren · 06/02/2026 09:55

"probably one of the worst things he could say to me as I'm far from it"

Just massively putting adult emotions onto a comment by a kid, there.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 06/02/2026 22:40

Irren · 06/02/2026 09:53

He's just being a gobby little kid, just move on. didn't you ever say dumb stuff as a kid? The level of emotion you're showing about this, seems like you have some hang-ups about being called lazy. A 9 year old doesn't understand how much work it takes to keep a family going so what's his judgement worth? Point out that you're doing a lot and his comment wasn't kind and just move on.

I wouldn't be judging his mum as "lazy" for taking an hour or so in her room to watch a show that is too scary for kids, tbh. Quite judgemental. Which might be why you're so upset about being called it yourself.

I suspect OP likes being seen as a busy busy woman who does everything for everyone, and it's just dawned on her that nobody really appreciates her for it. Rather they've just come to expect it.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 06/02/2026 22:43

I wonder if he is used to calling his mother lazy and it spilled over. I doubt he thinks you’re lazy, children often assume adults are the same.

Thoseslippers · 06/02/2026 22:47

You are overreacting. Kids say stupid things. They say whatever they think will hurt you. He was upset and struggling to manage his emotions so he tried to hurt you.
Obviously you aren't lazy but he may have picked up on that being something you are afraid of or dont like in others and he's thought it would hurt you to call you that.
Just do not react. Because its about reaction. Hes older but he's still a child and like all children you need to not react to antagonistic behaviour because it reinforces that he will get a reaction.

Sugarsugarcane · 06/02/2026 23:07

Jesstorv176 · 31/01/2026 22:53

9

Show quote history

At his age he might not interpret ‘lazy’ the way you do.
you seem to have take great offence from something out of the mouth of a child.
maybe have a think if any resentment has built up about caring for his needs etc or where the root of the offence came from x

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