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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Step Mum feelings

40 replies

Alexandra9 · 10/10/2025 19:15

Hi, I’m in need of some support. My partner has 2 young children, we’ve been together for 1.5years and we live together.

His ex (baby Mum) has been a challenge from the start, neither of us are now in contact with her and everything is done via my partners family/communication book. It’s been very toxic, hurtful accusations/messages, stalking my social media platforms from herself/her family/friends.

The children stay with my partner every other weekend, I have tried being involved maybe a bit too much to start with, since a lot of conflict and hurt has happened with their Mum Ive started to feel extremely different towards my partner and having any involvement with his children.

I feel dread before they arrive, anxiety, resentment, loneliness and like my whole house gets turned upside down. I now want to run to protect my peace and well being. We were planning to start our own family but I have recently put this on hold due to how I’m feeling. Does it ever get better???

Any advice would be much appreciated as I really am struggling ❤️‍🩹

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 10/10/2025 19:19

I don’t think it’s the relationship for you because it will always involve his children and he should be prioritising them.

I’d call it a day and find someone else.

Kimbap · 10/10/2025 19:26

It sounds like you’ve raced into living with him. Is there a reason you were in a hurry to start a family with him? If you can you would be best for one of you to move out and then you can either split up or restart dating each other at a slower pace. The fact that you are already dreading the arrival of your partners children surely makes it obvious that the relationship can’t work if you are living together. Imagine how much you would dread them if you had your baby in the house too.
As he has two young children it seems strange that he wants to rush into having another family so quickly. It’s not sensible.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/10/2025 19:32

You should end this relationship @Alexandra9 because the children will always be in your boyfriend's life.

Don't get pregnant yourself!

Figgie · 10/10/2025 19:33

I know you want to hear that it does get better but honestly it doesn't really. This is suppose to be the honeymoon period. If its not happy now its unlikely to get better.

The children will be around for the rest of your partners life, possibly even living with their dad when they are older/adults, can you live with that? the ex will also always be a presence in their lives whether you like it or not.

You need to be very comfortable that this is the right situation for you and your mental health because as they hit teenage years it will probably get harder.

Blended families are rarely successful, someone nearly always loses out or is resentful underneath, are you happy that it could well be you?

amber763 · 10/10/2025 19:37

I think you moved in together far too soon. As others said, i dont think its going to get better so perhaps worth considering cutting your losses or taking a step back and living separately. Have you spoken to him about how.you feel? Can you think of anything that'd make it better for you?

ApricotCheesecake · 10/10/2025 19:40

Honestly OP this may not get better. Young kids have their challenges but teenagers may be even worse! Think very carefully about whether this is the right relationship for you.

RedSkyatNight25 · 10/10/2025 19:43

OP I’m ten years in with two children of our own. Somethings have improved. The exW is no longer so prominent in our lives. DH held some firm boundaries and exW eventually backed off. But we’ve had some real challenges along the way and it’s not always been easy. I’d say we’re happy now but it’s been really challenging and I wouldn’t do it again.

CharlieKirkRIP · 10/10/2025 19:44

Two young children and he has inserted another woman into their lives and living together after only a year and a half!

i feel so sorry for the mother is the children and the children and I despair at the selfishness of you and this man.

The best thing you can do is and the relationship as you are never going to be a caring stepmother especially with this awful start and he may well do the same to you and your children if you stupidly go on to have any!

He needs to be on his own and show the children love and affection and his time before embarking on another relationship.

Zempy · 10/10/2025 19:49

I agree with PP, this isn’t the right relationship for you.

havingoneofthosedays · 10/10/2025 19:56

Yea you walk away, 18 months is nothing

Loadsapandas · 11/10/2025 07:32

It’s ok to walk away.

Why is mum toxic? If you have a child with him you may get to understand her in time.

He comes as a package with his DC, if you don’t like it walk on.

In any case, you are blaming and treating children for the actions of adults.

have g you own child will make your resentment worse.

IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland · 11/10/2025 12:49

It gets better but you have to be prepared to wait until the kids are teens. I know what it is to be in a relationship with a man who has a nightmare ex. Think court cases, nasty texts, general drama, false accusations. This came to an end when the residency changed to EOW for her. Fortunately my stepkids are great and now they are older the drama from their mum has almost stopped.

She still likes to tell her lies online but it's great entertainment and quite fascinating to watch, especially when people call out her contradictions.

WildLeader · 11/10/2025 12:53

My love, this isn’t the set up for you.

and that’s FINE! It’s not a failing or anything, it’s just that you don’t want this as your life.

the sooner you end this, the sooner it will get better for you.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/10/2025 12:54

I would absolutely walk away from this relationship. I couldn’t care less if he was Brad Pitt, no way would I want to dread 50% of my weekends, my precious free time. I would also agree that you don’t really know anyone after 18 months, it’s still honeymoon period, so I would never deliberately start a family that soon. I also think the chances are this will get worse. I have found the teenage years to be the hardest parenting ages by far.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/10/2025 12:55

Don’t get pregnant, do split up if this is how you feel. It’s not their fault you don’t like their mum.

lunar1 · 11/10/2025 15:10

You’re already unhappy, and his children are young. Why would you add more children to this?

Snoken · 11/10/2025 16:15

Wow, he definitely didn’t waste any time. You have moved in far too soon and he only sees his kids 4 days a month, he should spend that little time with them, not his new girlfriend who dislikes them. I would have hated this scenario when I was a mum of young children so I get why the mum is unhappy. His priorities are all wrong.

Please move out and let him reset his relationship with his children, this isn’t good for anyone involved.

Tryingatleast · 11/10/2025 16:22

While the wife in
me is saying it’s probably that she isn’t over him, he split up their family etc etc, in real life they’re not together and you two breaking up does nothing. You threw yourself into the stepmum role and that’s not a bad thing, I’d suggest what was suggested above, you move out but date each other and get to have a mixture of him having his own time with the kids and you being involved in eg soft play etc. Slow it all right down and see how it does. X

ComfortFoodCafe · 11/10/2025 16:25

Do not have children with him when you feel like this.

user1476613140 · 11/10/2025 16:25

Why oh why do people do this😣 walk away now whilst you can....and find someone who doesn't have any children so you're on an even footing.

Snorlaxo · 11/10/2025 16:27

Are you new round here? A new baby is often a massive trigger for high conflict exes who will use it as fuel for a new ending recurring argument. It sounds highly likely that the ex will use your child as a stick to beat him everyone with.

Snoken · 11/10/2025 16:35

Snorlaxo · 11/10/2025 16:27

Are you new round here? A new baby is often a massive trigger for high conflict exes who will use it as fuel for a new ending recurring argument. It sounds highly likely that the ex will use your child as a stick to beat him everyone with.

I do agree with you but he’s choosing to only see his current children 4 days a month. A dad that is so uninvolved with the kids he already has is not in a position to have even more kids that takes away even more attention from his first kids. He really isn’t father material and I can see why his ex is upset by his choices when it comes to his role as a dad.

vincettenoir · 11/10/2025 16:39

You are not wrong for feeling this way. But it does suggest your relationship is unsustainable. I don’t doubt you've been through the ringer. But your step kids still deserve a home where they are wanted and not resented.

beAsensible1 · 11/10/2025 16:40

Less than 2 years and living together and planning more children while has young kids already?

why? What’s the hurry? why are you running headlong into this, is he the last man on earth.

take a step back? Ask yourself why you feel in such a hurry to lay happy families with this man and his young children. Put yourself in their or their mums position. What would you think was best for them?

is the animosity due to their parents fraught relationship or is their own behaviour.

slumdogminulet · 11/10/2025 16:43

It rarely gets better unless all the adults work really hard to improve things. Stepchildren are hard work and unless you really want this you'd be sensible to back off and really think about what you want from life. Definitely don't have a child with him in the near future as it will make everything harder and probably exacerbate your feelings re the stepchildren, which will be hard for both you and them.

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