I am falling apart now

[Newkindofstepmum]

Why do the nice men still think the mother of their children is an angel even if she has behaved badly?
”She is the mother of my children, you must understand.”

Why would you involve yourself in this situation.
Do you really think all you deserve is to be free childcare and skivvy for some man, in your one life?

Dunp him and move on.
You deserve more, not years of drama.

He doesn't have to say anything in front of the children.

He also doesn't need to criticise just to make the OP feel better but he does need to give priority to the OP's mental health instead of his ex's MH.

Not instead of, as well as. The mental health of his children’s mother should be an important issue for him because it impacts his children. OPs mental health doesn’t affect his children.

Well, it's up to him. If he doesn't wants to be single for the rest of his life, then he needs to give priority to his current partner bc no woman is going to put up with coming second to his ex.

His children are not your burden to shoulder, OP. You shouldn't be stressed over HIS situation with his ex. You need to take a huge step back, and focus on the relationship between you and him. If their Mum has abandoned them, that's for him to be dealing with and not you. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Thank you all. We have had a big talk. I just felt his ex was dragging him into her drama again. She claimed he still had to pay her child maintenance. She claims every week she is going to hospital. It’s just stuff to mess with his head.
I don’t want him to say things in front of the children. They already know what their mum did isn’t right. They’ve had a lot to take on in their little heads.
I have a good relationship with both of them and to be honest I wouldn’t want to lose that.
Today their mother asked if DP could bring the DC to her and he answered that she was welcome to pick them up but he wasn’t driving to her. No answer to this and she didn’t come over. So now he isn’t pandering to her like her was last week when she emptied their bedroom into black bin bags and ordered that he came and got everything and then needed to be calmed down.
Thank you for all the replies. I’m now on leave from work and that stress has gone. We don’t live together so I can always escape like tonight.

My ‘nice man’ doesn't.

His exW was an abusive alcoholic.

He has a great relationship with his young adult DC’s, who understand why the marriage ended. Although he stuck it out for a time, leaving provided them with a model of what is acceptable in a relationship.

If you don't like what you see, don't invest more time and walk away. You'll only end up complaining more in the future.

Too many women see things they don't like, but do not take active steps to leave.

To all women in these situations, don't try and change the man, get a new man.

Do not move in with him ever.

Birthing kids isn’t the spectacular achievement you think it is. A monkey can do it.

Thankfully for monkeys, they don’t have relationships as complicated as humans do.

This is a couple that don’t even live together. Being a good parent is more important than avoiding being single, it’s just sad that more parents don’t agree.

I don’t want him to criticise her. I just want him to stop being sucked in by her drama. My ex was never there for me and my DD so I respect him for taking them on.