What would you do about DP’s bitter ex?

[kikikaka]

DP’s ex has a long standing hatred towards me, sometimes everything’s fine and then she turns, she remains very jealous and bitter.

They have a DD together, me and DP also have a DD. The ex is currently keeping their DD away from me, which in turn causes her to walk straight past me and my DD with their DD (sisters) completely ignoring and not allowing their DD to come over. I spoke to DP and he says to not rise to it as that’s what she wants, a reaction. I personally think he should tell her it’s not acceptable but I won’t push or force him. What would you do in this petty situation? It’s the girls I feel for, I think it’s important for them to have a relationship. I’ve always made a big effort with their DD and we get on well, she likes me and has always come over if we see them. I’ve never once said or done anything to hurt their DD, I may have snapped back at the ex a few times in retaliation but never in front of the children.

What makes you think that DH saying something will change anything?

Your DP saying anything to her would probably aggravate the situation.

I’d just ignore her. You don’t need to be friends.

I think my view would depend on how the relationship ended, and if your relationship started long afterwards.

Does your partner not have contact time?

No, I don’t want to be friends that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying she should be allowing their DD to come over and see her sister when she sees her out and about

Their relationship ended through no wrong doings on either side, it just didn’t work and we started around 2 years after

when she feels like allowing him, usually if he goes round to theirs

This is what I would be seeking to change. If he had proper co tactics time then there would be no issues with the sisters having contact.

The mum could still ignore the court order though. Very unlikely there would be any legal consequences for her if she did

Why has he not gone through court, if she is withholding contact etc?

Why on earth hasn’t her father gone to court to see his dd? That is batshit of him. It costs about £200!!!

I do find these threads though simply not a reflection of anyone I’ve ever met! So many threads about bitter exes whereas I think every single female ex I’ve ever actually met is doing the happy dance they’re rid of a useless man! Not met one yet who is bitter.

Your partner needs to seek proper contact through the courts via a CAO. If his ex is only allowing contact when she feels like it, and he has to visit his daughter at her home, that's not acceptable. His contact needs to be consistent and regular, then there'd be no issues with the sisters seeing each other and building a relationship. For his ex to be jealous and dislikes you, then that suggests she was perhaps not fully behind the split and clearly hasn't moved on. Yes, seeking contact through the courts will cause a ruckus with the ex, but this is necessary so that your partner has access to his daughter.

OP, don't get involved. You cannot influence how she behaves so ignore her.

Your dp needs to go to court and gain proper access. That is on him, not you.

Me too. My ex's new woman would probably say the same about me. The reality is ex wants to spend his weekends motor racing. Our son has no interest in motor racing and so chooses to stay at home. If his dad was willing to do something ds enjoyed, of course he would go, but that's not on offer.

New woman wants to play stepmum, ds wants to stay at home. I'm fairly sure I get the blame but if it keeps the peace I don't mind. As long as ds is happy, she can make all the daft assumptions she likes. It matters not a jot.

Reading your response, has made me realise ‘me too!’ Dd1 doesn’t go and see her dad at his house- because she can’t stand his new girlfriend - I wonder if he’s said that I don’t let her 😂😂

This is what makes me suspicious its such a small amount of money men arnt willing to spend i know what happened with my ex he told people I was bitter and withholding contact while telling me he had a migraine he also convinced his fiance I was going to beat her up ive never hit anyone a day in my life! She was terrified of shopping alone in our local town in case I was there is realised that he did the same to me when we got together he claimed his ex was fuming his family came around with rumours about her wanting to fight me etc it was a whole house of cards built for the drama

My ex was pretty bitter when I met my wife although it was about 4 years after we split & I left her because she was abusive, nobody else involved

So if she doesn't "allow" him to see their daughter, he would never see her?

This is ridiculous.
He's not serious about seeing his daughter.

He has a legal right and I'm sure he knows that, but hasn't taken the steps to her it sorted out?

Is he on the birth certificate?

BTW how old are the girls? Just wondering if his daughter couldn't cube and say hi to her sister even with her mum around.

My immediate reaction is ....why is the father not seeing his daughter formally as agreed contact time at his home?

And if not why not?

And I won't have ' because she won't let him" as a good enough answer tbh.

Why is this a post from a woman about another woman and the dad seemingly a cardboard cutout propped up in the corner incapable of actually doing anything about this situation?

I'm not blaming you btw OP or directly attacking you on this. I fear there is a lack of action and effort potentially from the usual quarters and you are the one trying to make sense of it all.

What age is the daughter?

Goodness the far far bigger issue is the lack of time your husband is spending with his daughter. Arranging that through court if needed should have been a priority before he considered having more children but certainly must be addressed now.

This is the all important question.

All this can be formalised in court and is what you should be saying to your 'unknowing' partner.

Usually I'd agree with you, however, I've met one and she's so bitter. She refuses to attend parents evening on the same night even when offered times more than an hour apart. She makes nasty comments in front of her children, at the school gate etc even though the other woman never does collection so is never there.
It's been 2 years and she's still nasty about it all.
Poor child is stuck in the middle as she loves her mum but also gets on really well with the step mum. She's expressed that she can never talk about her life at Dad's as it upsets mum.
It horrible to see.