Xbox Wars

[nursesam8310]

Help / advice needed!!!
I met my fiance 7 years ago. He has 2 sons from previous relationship. One is now 14 the other is age 8. We have a son aged 4. All boys but all at different stages in their development. The 14 year old has his own Xbox which my fiancée bought him when we were dating and our finances weren’t entwined. The 8 year old has access to my nephews Xbox (he is also 14) which he used to bring round when he was younger to play Xbox with my 14 year old step son. He doesn’t do this any longer because they prefer to play online and my brother got rich and bought my nephew a ridiculously over expensive games room kitted out with so many mod-cons he never wants to leave it! Anyway, the issue is my 4 year old who loves and adores my step sons wants their attention and wants to be like his brothers. My son likes to play Minecraft and wobbly life because that’s what the 8 year old used to play so naturally he wants to be like them. They’d play together on one Xbox. The 14 year old has his own Xbox and plays uninterrupted with my nephew online. The 8 year old is very difficult to please and now seems to only want to play Fortnite! I have now banned Fortnite because of my 4 year old. He wants to be a big boy like his brothers and I don’t feel it’s appropriate give it’s a rating of 12. So this now causes problems. The 8 year old sulks essentially and is now saying he doesn’t want to come over to see us. My other half feels he should have his own Xbox but that means they will essentially ignore my son and shut themselves away from him. I force them off at lunchtime for a minimum of 2 hours so we can actually spend time as a family. We also go out but the 8 year old sulks and complains frequently that he’s bored. It’s incredibly frustrating. The 14 year old gives us very little trouble and is largely compliant and easy going about everything but my 8 year old is proving to be really difficult to manage. My 4 year old adores him and just wants him to play with him constantly. My finance feels the 14 year old gets it his own way cos it’s “his” Xbox and the 8 and 4 year old have to share one.
I allow my son to play with the 8 year old as a treat at the weekends. When they go home he no longer plays. I do not feel it appropriate for a 4 year old to be playing Xbox but at the same time I want him to be playing with his brothers and happy so I’m torn completely. Also, I want my 2 step sons to be happy and do what they want to do and understand they won’t want to play with my 4 year old all weekend. It’s a difficult balancing act and any advice will be valued!
I should add, the 8 year old does not have his own Xbox at home at his mothers but does have a Nintendo switch and they with us for 1 over night stay a week due to distance. There is no younger sibling at home which needs priority (so he gets everything his own way) and he has to travel an hour in the car each week to come over so I have considered this as a factor in why he shows reluctance and moans!

An eight year old being expected to entertain a four year old, and limit his play to what is four year old appropriate, is soon going to want not to come round.

Do they get 1:1 time with dad?

IMO all children need 1:1 time with their parents, moreso SK because distance, reduced time together affects relationships.

Don't you want time alone with DH sometimes?

Why wouldn’t you assume the DC don’t need the same?

The 8 year old sulks essentially and is now saying he doesn’t want to come over to see us. This didn’t sound like a single instance

I’m not sure why you’ve posted tbh, ppl are offering advice/suggestions/seeing it from DC view and you seem to be changing the story/getting defensive.

Yes they have 1:1 with both of us.

Yes I would love more time with DH.

I will only defend / correct misinterpretations. Things are being misunderstood and some comments grossly unhelpful and unkind quite frankly so corrections is not being defensive. It’s simply correcting!

what do you mean 1:1 with both of you? Your tone seemed horrified at the thought of you being ‘separated’.

Do the boys get 1:1 time with just dad or are you always there? Do they do stuff together or do you only do stuff (and I mean gaming/cinema, swimming/park/garden/shopping) all together?

Im asking because it sounds like the 8 year old is finding things a bit difficult (sulking, not wanting to come) and the eldest plays Xbox most of the time unless he is forced to do something else.

(Sounds like you do get time with DH even if not enough, maybe the boys need an hr or 2 each visit with just dad)

You can only decide what YOUR son can’t play. You cant ban the older kids. That has to be for their parents to decide.

4 year old is way too young for their own console and they will just have to ask his stepbrothers nicely if he wants a turn.

your son sounds like a spoilt brat, you sound a nightmare (slagging off your partners kids) and I don’t blame the other boys for not wanting to stay.

You have 6 nights a week without your step children, more than enough time with your DH on your own when your child is asleep.

it’s the 14&8 year old who should be getting proper 1.1 time with him as they see him so little.

It sounds like the whole family’s lives are being dictated by games consoles one way or another. Over my dead body would my eight year old play fortnight; but that’s because it’s unsuitable full stop not because there’s a younger child to consider.

As ever it’s a complicated mess because it’s a step family and you can’t overrule their parents but ultimately those boys need to be off their games consoles apart from maybe half an hour to an hour a day. Then it stops being such an issue anyway, and they might actually have a chance to be children. Especially the eight year old play- does he play with friends? Read? Do crafts? Play board games?

The 8 year old of course will love his little brother but it's not fun for an 8 year old to be expected to play with a 4 year old or to enjoy the same activities as a 4 year old. Let the older two have time with their dad.