Was it OK for me to go out all day?

[Changedit2025]

So there is a lot of history with my DH relying on me for childcare for his 3 children. They live with us 50% of the time. I do all school pick ups and drop offs on our days as well as working a full time job - I'm fortunate to have a job with flexibility unlike my husband. However this means that invariably after school I am regularly trying to work from home whilst tending the needs of his children and our shared child until he finishes work.
Today he has changed his arrangement with his ex due to plans this weekend, essentially we had the children a different night. What he didn't think about was that he is working a full days shift today, therefore obviously expecting me to spend the day looking after his children when on a normal weekend they would be with their mother. He didn't ask he just presumed. Well, I had plans today with my family so I took myself and our shared child out and left him working from home to look after his own children.
I dont think I was wrong to do this but there is a part of me saying you are married so you should suck things like this up. But I'm getting really sick of covering childcare for him all the time. The children don't come here to see me, in my mind it's ridiculous he arranged to swap a night knowing he was working the full day they would be at ours and expect me to change my plans and give up a full day of my weekend to sit round the house with them all. I couldn't take them out anywhere if that's a suggestion because they wouldn't go without their dad!

Rant over!!!

Totally cheeky. They want to see him. Their dad. Not be dumped with you. No offence.

you did the right thing

I think you are right, they don't respect me or in fact anybody that isnt DH - they refuse to do anything with grandparents or other family members as well.

“I do sometimes think, what would happen if we divorced? Myself and our child would be fine.... I earn double what he earns.... he would end up sleeping on his mother’s couch!”

@Changedit2025 call me a cynic OP but all he would do is find another woman to do his parenting for him and pay his bills to boot. Just like he has now with you.

And who allows them to decide this? Their father? They don’t get to decide. They are children. They do as they are told

Oh look, another zero value male who treats women like interchangeable household appliances. Divorce the twat.

What was the term I read on mn one day for a step mum

nanny with a Fanny

think that was it

I cannot for one second imagine that this is a nicer life for you op than living with just you and your daughter.

Don't blame it on your hormones. It's not uncommon at all for separated and divorced men to consider future partners not just as convenient sex but as nannies for the children they already have.

What with the ‘I feel guilty’ and ‘it’s my hormones’ I’m thinking there’s a lot of gaslighting going on in the ops house. It isn’t you op.

Some of these divorced dads really land on their feet, don't they? They completely rely on women to bail them out.

Well how did it go op? He’s completely out of order. What will happen if you pull back? What did he do before you?

I’ve thought about this and think you should turn the question on its head - rather than “why would I go out” you should be asking “why wouldn’t I have gone out” because why would you change your plans for the day because he’s changed his - without consulting you. Would he do that for you OP? Can you just unilaterally decide to leave your joint DC with him for the day?

This. I would take a hard look on your relationship and ask myself if he's not with me just to get free childcare.

@Changedit2025what did he say ? I know you said the kids wouldn’t have gone out with you , but I wouldn’t have offered to take them. His kids , his access time he should be looking after them.

Yes OPs life would be infinitely easier and his would get a whole lot more complicated.

Why on earth have you settled for being a free skivvy aupair for him and his Ex?
Why?
No man is worth it.
You earn more yet are still his aupair.
Madness.
How long are you together?
This is why men like him find women like you quickly.
Always solvent and available for free childcare.
They tolerate an extra child to seal the deal.
Madness.

Another case of men not changing a damn thing about their lives when they become single parents. Women should stop enabling them.

Right!
Men with important high earning job are too busy for childcare.
Men with partners earning double what they do - still do busy for childcare.

I wish a MOFO would try me with this shit.
I've already told my family and friends that if I forget myself or fall and break my leg in a stupid love to just give me a couple sharp slaps up the side of my head, because I will have fallen into insanity.

No woman with a scrap of self esteem would tolerate this bullshit.

The men go for the soft touches that are easily used and bullied into being their skivvy aupair.

While they and their ex laugh up their sleeve at their good fortune at getting free childcare on tap.🙄

Foolish women won't be told.