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Blended families and their partner problems

28 replies

undergraduate4848 · 18/04/2025 12:34

This may sound trivial to some but it has really hurt my feelings and my daughters feelings.
We are a blended family 2 of mine 2 of his, 2 boys 2 girls. All are around 22-28.
We have a holiday house and all arrived tonight. Dinner was cooked and served when my partners son's girlfriend decided to make cocktails. She proceeded to make 2 and placed one in front of my stepdaughter and one for herself and left the only other daughter (mine) without one. I just saw it as so mean and excluding for no reason at all. My daughter looked at me and said "well that's nice isn't it" and told me not to say anything. My husband could see my face and asked me what was wrong. Why would you leave one girl out and just make 2 cocktails?? Mind you we pay for everything in this house and supply all the equipment and cocktail glasses. My daughter has just broken up with her partner of 8 years and this was the first weekend at our holiday house without him so she was feeling very vulnerable as everyone else is partnered up. So my husband instead of talking to his son's girlfiend who did this, he talked to his daughter and asked why that happened. Well she has go angry and said it wasn't her fault and how pathetic (which my daughter heard).
So now my daughter and I packed our things and made the 2 hour drive home tonight (we only arrived this same day).
Have we over reacted? This isn't the first time this has happened actually and why doesn't the oldest daughter (my step daughter) try to make things right instead of geting her back up because her dad spoke to her, she holds massive grudges and the rest of the week would have been a nightmare down there.
My daughter is the kindest soul and would never have left one girl out if she was making special drinks.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Daleksatemyshed · 18/04/2025 12:39

You've posted on the wrong board @undergraduate4848 , this ones for people without children. Ask MN to move it for you

BottleBlondeMachiavelli · 18/04/2025 12:46

Your SD is well within her rights to get annoyed when she’s being blamed for something here brother’s girlfriend did.

If you want to resolve conflicts, you and your DD need to speak up. Saying nothing and making faces clearly isn’t the way.

nobodywantsit · 18/04/2025 12:50

He spoke to the wrong person. I’d be pissed off too if I was being blamed for someone someone else did.
What are the relationships generally like and do the step siblings include each other in stuff?
Do the girlfriend and your daughter get on?

undergraduate4848 · 18/04/2025 12:54

nobodywantsit · 18/04/2025 12:50

He spoke to the wrong person. I’d be pissed off too if I was being blamed for someone someone else did.
What are the relationships generally like and do the step siblings include each other in stuff?
Do the girlfriend and your daughter get on?

I agree he spoke to the wrong person. The girls get on, in fact my daughter babysat all afternoon for my step daughter. I think its easier for my husband to bring it up with his daughter rather than daughter in law. However they live with us and when they come home I will address it with her.

OP posts:
Iamaverysillyperson · 23/04/2025 21:21

It's not SD's responsibility to 'make things right and it's very OTT to floundering eff on the first day of a holiday.

HowToBuy · 23/04/2025 21:49

Jesus, this is so over the top! So she made a cocktail for her and her BFs sister? Big bloody deal! Your SD was right, it is pathetic! And the 2 of you taking off to make the 2 hour drive home over it??? Are you both always this dramatic?

HowToBuy · 23/04/2025 21:50

Why couldn’t your daughter say ‘Oh, I’d love one of those!’ instead of bitching with you in the corner?

Jshrbt · 23/04/2025 21:52

I think you over reacted to be honest and yes he spoke to the wrong person - with that kind of thing a very though it needs to be dealt with there and then. You should have just asked the girlfriend if she’d made some for you too or say next time we’d like some of those too

Pigeonqueen · 23/04/2025 21:54

Massive overreaction. Unless there’s some huge backstory here the most that should have happened is a roll eyes at each other and move on.

Tbrh · 23/04/2025 21:54

That was really rude, but packing up and going home is really dramatic. Your daughter or someone should have said something at the time

purpleme12 · 23/04/2025 21:56

Am I missing something?
It sounded like the stepson's partner did something wrong?
But at the end of the post both you and your partner are blaming your stepdaughter/his daughter? Who had nothing to do with this?

I'm so confused!

CatherinedeBourgh · 23/04/2025 21:58

She just made a cocktail for herself and one other person, it's not like she made cocktails for everyone except one.

I think you are being utterly ridiculous.

HowToBuy · 23/04/2025 21:59

Tbrh · 23/04/2025 21:54

That was really rude, but packing up and going home is really dramatic. Your daughter or someone should have said something at the time

How was it rude? There was a minimum of 7 people in the house, does everyone need to ask everyone else if they’d like a drink every single time they get one for themselves? Ridiculous on a cottage holiday when people can just help themselves.

Tbrh · 23/04/2025 22:01

HowToBuy · 23/04/2025 21:59

How was it rude? There was a minimum of 7 people in the house, does everyone need to ask everyone else if they’d like a drink every single time they get one for themselves? Ridiculous on a cottage holiday when people can just help themselves.

I think of there are 3 girls, and one is excluded that is rude. It's classic bitchy girl behaviour

fruitbrewhaha · 23/04/2025 22:03

Oh god. SDIL was off for not offering to make everyone a drink but the way to handle it would be “alright Jack, are you not making anyone else a drink”. Not having a go at someone else and then flouncing off.

Why did you get so upset and leave?

arethereanyleftatall · 23/04/2025 22:04

Eh? Have I missed that she made all of you on except your dd? And there was 9 of you there I think? Because you say she excluded her, implying that 8 of you got a cocktail and onlu she didn’t. But you also say only 2 cocktails were made. So most of you didn’t get one?!?

all sounds ridiculously dramatic to storm out

HowToBuy · 23/04/2025 22:08

Tbrh · 23/04/2025 22:01

I think of there are 3 girls, and one is excluded that is rude. It's classic bitchy girl behaviour

Why? Why is it not bitchy behaviour to exclude the men in the room from drinks? Or exclude the parents? The whole thing is farcical. This ridiculous drama is all over a cocktail!

arethereanyleftatall · 23/04/2025 22:13

this could have been as simple as

Beth and sue were chatting. Beth says to sue ‘do you fancy a cocktail’ ‘yes please’ Beth makes them and hands Sue hers.

and everyone gets on with their lives and own drinks and conversations and doesn’t even notice.

user1478299641 · 23/04/2025 22:15

I agree that's its classic bitchy girl behaviour and the fact that your daughter babysat for the stepdaughter earlier in the week and then she didn't stick up for her? Mean girl behaviour.
She should have either given her drink to your daughter or say 'where's so-and-so's drink?' to the daughter-in law.
And I don't think you over-reacted by leaving-staying would only have validated the original behaviour.
However, I also agree that the matter should have been addressed wirh the lady who chose to make two drinks.

Tbrh · 23/04/2025 22:15

HowToBuy · 23/04/2025 22:08

Why? Why is it not bitchy behaviour to exclude the men in the room from drinks? Or exclude the parents? The whole thing is farcical. This ridiculous drama is all over a cocktail!

I think it depends on the context and dynamic and it sounds in this case it was given the reaction, unless it was just taken the wrong way and the SDIL is usually a decent person. It would be the same no matter what the sex if someone made themself a cup of tea and only asked one other person. Its just manners, good social skills and emotional intelligence, if you don't understand it, I can't really explain it much more. Everything else that followed was very much an overreaction, taking her aside etc

Tbrh · 23/04/2025 22:23

arethereanyleftatall · 23/04/2025 22:13

this could have been as simple as

Beth and sue were chatting. Beth says to sue ‘do you fancy a cocktail’ ‘yes please’ Beth makes them and hands Sue hers.

and everyone gets on with their lives and own drinks and conversations and doesn’t even notice.

Agree with this too. It's all dependent on context and past behaviour. It is all very dramatic

dottydaily · 23/04/2025 23:18

I think it was possibly rude not to make your daughter a cocktail and include her but could of been an oversight.i think leaving possibly will ruin the break for everyone.would of been best to calmly Sao Oh DD would like to try one also or something like that and keep it calm..could of been a genuine oversight and not intended to hurt anyone...

UndermyShoeJoe · 24/04/2025 12:00

I think you it was a very dramatic flounce after your step sons girlfriend made herself and her boyfriends sister a drink.

Unless she offered Every but your daughter a drink I don’t get it. They clearly spoke about cocktails at some point and that’s why she was given one because you don’t just hand someone a random cocktail.

As others have said it’s entirely not his daughters issue either she didn’t make the drink or demand your daughter was not given one.

Pleaseshutthefuckup · 24/04/2025 12:18

It's difficult to read behind this. I'm thinking there's a back story,and a build up of tension and you've reacted so strongly because of this history an ongoing sense of discomfort in relations.

Is that accurate? To just leave like that is incredibly dramatic. I can only see someone reasonable doing that if there's an ongoing build up.

If people do things in an underhand and sly way,it's so difficult to pull them up on it. If you sense this is what's happening, it's so difficult because if you were to mention the drinks,the first reply would be to make it all your problem.

So alot here depends on the history, what your senses feel. Are you the one with the problem possibly. ( Just asking this).

If the drink pouring was deliberately done to exclude or just thoughtless, the same response would work. I would encourage your daughter to speak up for HER SELF. I'd want her to be confident enough to say ' oh hey, while you're there, could you pour me one too'.

If they're sat down already I'd say ' oh who poured the drinks? Is there one for me?' And say it in a real, non bitchy genuine way.

I personally wouldn't be too bothered by that. Unless - my senses told me, because of prior behaviour, that it was deliberately bitchy.

LadyMargaretPoledancer · 24/04/2025 12:25

Stop going on holiday all together.

Sounds intense and uncomfortable for all.

Also stop subbing everything and get them to stand on their own two feet.

They're too old now to be playing happy families and you'll just end up with this situation over and over again. Let it go and just focus on your own kids.