Blended families and their partner problems

[undergraduate4848]

This may sound trivial to some but it has really hurt my feelings and my daughters feelings.
We are a blended family 2 of mine 2 of his, 2 boys 2 girls. All are around 22-28.
We have a holiday house and all arrived tonight. Dinner was cooked and served when my partners son's girlfriend decided to make cocktails. She proceeded to make 2 and placed one in front of my stepdaughter and one for herself and left the only other daughter (mine) without one. I just saw it as so mean and excluding for no reason at all. My daughter looked at me and said "well that's nice isn't it" and told me not to say anything. My husband could see my face and asked me what was wrong. Why would you leave one girl out and just make 2 cocktails?? Mind you we pay for everything in this house and supply all the equipment and cocktail glasses. My daughter has just broken up with her partner of 8 years and this was the first weekend at our holiday house without him so she was feeling very vulnerable as everyone else is partnered up. So my husband instead of talking to his son's girlfiend who did this, he talked to his daughter and asked why that happened. Well she has go angry and said it wasn't her fault and how pathetic (which my daughter heard).
So now my daughter and I packed our things and made the 2 hour drive home tonight (we only arrived this same day).
Have we over reacted? This isn't the first time this has happened actually and why doesn't the oldest daughter (my step daughter) try to make things right instead of geting her back up because her dad spoke to her, she holds massive grudges and the rest of the week would have been a nightmare down there.
My daughter is the kindest soul and would never have left one girl out if she was making special drinks.

If someone is rude, for god’s sake, don’t go complain to an innocent third party and expect them to be responsible! Not speaking directly and funneling everything through an intermediary is cowardly behavior. It happens so often in families. And, you escalated the situation, majorly. Bad response. The first thing you should do in a special situation like this is give people the benefit of the doubt, and if you’re really offended, try with good faith to address it in a positive, light manner (some good suggestions above). If it’s clear that someone’s excluding or deliberately being rude, I would quietly avoid them TBH. No, it’s not fair to your daughter, but escalation in a situation with a lot of other bystanders, on a special occasion, it’s a pretty bad idea. Now you have an even bigger muddle to address, and now you look badly in the wrong, not the person who was originally rude.

Perhaps she shouted "anyone want a cocktail" and only one person answered....

Perhaps she didn't think your D would like that particular drink

Perhaps there were only 2 cocktail glasses

There are lots of other possible scenarios apart from her leaving out your DD. Your DD's reaction of making snidey comments in the corner was a bigger issue is my eyes. There are lots of other things she could have said.

It also isn't your SD's job to 'make things right' for her brother's girlfriend. Why isn't the brother asked to talk to his girlfriend if nobody wants to talk to the girlfriend directly?

Sorry OP but I think you have over-reacted here, though it sounds like blending everyone together on holiday might not be the best plan if there are ongoing rivalries between the adult children.

I hope you and your DD can have some QT together after her break up.

All the best

Be annoyed at your partner for nagging his daughter for something that is nothing to do with her. But then, why does your dd need you to make your husband say anything to anyone? I realise she said not to say anything but if you want something said, you say it. All you’ve done is throw a grenade and then flounce off.

You over reacted. It sounds like you have lots of people staying in the house. Why is the cocktail girl rude for not making your dd a cocktail but it’s fine that she didn’t make a cocktail for everyone else in the house? Maybe someone else would have liked a cocktail too. She clearly didn’t go around asking everyone else except your dd just for the sake of excluding her.