Wife siding with kids when they are wrong

[Derbydel]

Whenever me and my step kids have an argument my wife will always side with them even if she knows I’m in the right. If I’m in the right it normally ends up with my wife basically telling me off and saying how we’ve spoke about my attitude and how I should just let things go etc, if I’m in the wrong I normally end up sleeping in another room.
At the weekend I had an argument with my step son about something that shouldn’t of even been an argument but I knew I was right and I’m 99% certain my wife knew I was right but he starts calling me a liar and swearing which made the situation worse.
This has been going on for years and I feel like the kids know that my wife will always side with them regardless and they find it hilarious that she will basically start telling me off which she will then be in a mood with me for ages and causes bigger problems for us.

I appreciate I could probably walk away from the situation but at the same time if I know I’m right and being called a liar I have the right to stand my ground and defend my point.

They probably don't. They just can't bare to say a stepchild is in the wrong.

If they actually think that's normal behaviour then I dread to think what their household is like.

Just for the sake of argument, let's assume he is right. Then what?

I agree with this , the level of aggression is not normal and their mother should be correcting them . I feel sorry for op and in their shoes I'd be gone. No way would I take that abuse

I hated surprises growing up, and if I had a way to manipulate details out of someone I'd have used it. But there weren't really good surprises growing up in my broken family.

I still hate them now to be honest, but am English enough to internalise my distress at my age 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think it depends what happened in between stepdad pointing out he was wrong and the shouting and swearing starting. I'm not buying that there was a calm correction, then this, out of nowhere.

So for me that's a red line crossed, this "child" swearing at adults and throwing things around is aggressive behaviour. I wouldn't want to live with someone like that. God knows my middle ds was a tricky teen but I would never have tolerated that. You need to decide if your marriage is worth it, she clearly doesn't want to work as team with you.

Fuck being spoken to like that and my partner saying that’s ok and agreeing with the kids. She doesn’t respect or value you and clearly fails to parent her children. Get out or just completely detach from her children. Disrespect has consequences and when she pipes up asking why you don’t engage explain because you don’t have time for people who disrespect you

Then he should accept that there’s no future because this mother will always prioritise her children. I hope. At least that’s what I’d do

Indeed I agree

I think the normal bit is pushing back against a dad or a stepdad.

I also think the OP mishandles that and it escalates until the stepson is swearing and behaving like a twat.

However, the grown up in the situation is supposed to be the OP. He could de-escalate conflict but he clearly isn’t. And then it all goes pear shaped.

Then the wife/mum gets defensive because she knows her young adult child has behaved unacceptably BUT she blames the OP for escalating it all.

How long have you been in their lives? How old are your children?

Re frame your attitude. People can have a difference of opinion without you being right and them being wrong.
Try to pick your battles and respect others opinions wherever possible.

No wonder we have a generation of entitled brats. Parents backing up their kids regardless of how appalling their behaviour is.

Husband and wife are a team to the exclusion of children in a family. Mum shouldn’t be taking anyone’s side. She should be calming to situation down and judging each instance on its own merit.

All he says is that she sides with the kids. Not that she condones their behavior.
Op has been deafeningly quiet on what his contribution to the argument actually looks like. For all we know he's just as bad.

Wrong thread!

If someone's asks you when something that involves them is happening - why can't you just tell them when? I'd think that was very dickish. When is not telling them what really is it.

Being told to fuck off isn't ok and I'd struggle with that. I don't see how you can work with this. Unless of course one is a highly antagonistic person and the other party just snaps in response. That I can see differently.

I'd imagine there's a power struggle somewhere along the line here with a man who isn't his father in the house. That's almost inevitable.

Well that is unacceptable

Why stay and tolerate this?

Id be gone like a shot!

People who justify arguing by explaining they are "right", to the point where their families turn against them, are in need of a little explanation about what makes the world go round.

What do you hope to achieve in these arguments?
For the step kids to tell you you're right and they're wrong?
And then what? What happens next?

So would I, life is too short to put up with that kind of shit in your own home.

This doesn’t even make sense.

It’s a surprise but they know about it but you decide to taunt them about the date?

What if they arranged to do something that clashed with your surprise? It’s all so childish.