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Step-parenting

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Original poster

DSS and his effing phone

41 replies

loopsaloo · 17/02/2025 18:27

DSS is 23 and lives with us full time, work from home 4 days a week.
I am sick to death of hearing his phone bellowing from his bedroom when he's not working. It's not music, but fucking loud, annoying, American voices and cartoons.
DH hears it but says nothing.
I think he's probably always done it, when he was living with DH - I am a person who absolutely hates confrontation etc so I'm just silently seething most of the time. He also cannot put it down, ever. It's constantly in his face, even if he's carrying food, carrying a hot drink, etc.
it's driving me potty!!!!

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 17/02/2025 18:29

Move out. Get your own place.

DaringLion · 17/02/2025 18:29

Ask him to use earphones

TomatoSandwiches · 17/02/2025 18:30

Would you consider moving out?

Original poster
loopsaloo · 17/02/2025 18:32

Moving out isn't an option - both our names are on the mortgage and I've spent time and money making the house look nice. He's saving to move out but I can't see this happening soon

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 17/02/2025 18:35

Knock on his door, tell him the sound is traveling more than he realizes, and ask him to turn it down a couple of clicks. Or if his door is open and sound could be contained that way, ask him to close his door.

Followthetrend · 17/02/2025 18:36

"I am a person who absolutely hates confrontation etc "

Well you need to get over that and tell him to turn it down.

Itsawildridealright · 17/02/2025 18:38

Asking him to wear headphones isn't at all confrontational and totally reasonably, IMO 🤷🏼‍♀️ it's just consideration. Unless the drip feed is you've constantly got something of your choice - radio, music, similar - "blaring" in the background too? In which case he could reasonably suggest the same if he was a cheeky little git

Even if he contributes to bills, if you own half the house it's definitely your house your rules, surely...

Original poster
loopsaloo · 17/02/2025 18:57

No, no noise down here. Just the TV at a normal level

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 17/02/2025 19:02

If both of your names are in the mortgage then you can sell and split the funds.

You can make a new place nice too.

MagentaRavioli · 17/02/2025 19:04

Buy him some airpods

Cyclistmumgrandma · 17/02/2025 19:05

loopsaloo · 17/02/2025 18:57

No, no noise down here. Just the TV at a normal level

Unless the TV is silent, there is noise... You will need to discuss and find a compromise on how loud both you and he should be.

LaPalmaLlama · 17/02/2025 19:05

Maybe get him recruited nto county lines and then he'll go out more. Failing that, just ask him nicely to use headphones as it's doing your head in.

pestowithwalnuts · 17/02/2025 19:07

Followthetrend · 17/02/2025 18:36

"I am a person who absolutely hates confrontation etc "

Well you need to get over that and tell him to turn it down.

Or put up with it

ThejoyofNC · 17/02/2025 19:08

Well if you're unwilling to have an adult conversation about it then nothing will change. Why does it need to be some big confrontation?

CloudPop · 17/02/2025 19:08

He needs headphones. This isn't about confrontation, it's just a conversation that needs to happen. Buy him some decent over ear noise cancelling headphones if that will help. Might be slightly less dramatic than leaving your husband and selling the house. Or - leave your husband and sell the house.

MyUmberSeal · 17/02/2025 19:09

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 17/02/2025 19:02

If both of your names are in the mortgage then you can sell and split the funds.

You can make a new place nice too.

You’ve gone from 1 to 1000 in a heartbeat.
Noisy step son, so they should split, sell up and divide the assets. Wowzers.

OP, think just being more assertive and asking him in a friendly way to keep it down a bit would be the ticket.

EG94 · 17/02/2025 19:13

Fuck me the level some people go to when step kids are involved so they are allowed to continue to do what they want when they want at the expense of everyone else. Selling your house, seriously 🤯

used to have this with my stepson although younger and I’d just say headphones please or take it to your room.

if your not comfortable asking him to use headphones as his father to have a word

Tontostitis · 17/02/2025 19:16

Children follow the same adage as fish and house guests they start to pong on the third day, decade for offspring but it's basically true. He's going to aggravated you as he's getting too old to live at home. Try talking to your him and your partner together about just how much this is impacting your quality of life. If nothing changes I'd plan on moving out as a 23 year old should be more considerate and so should his father.

MzHz · 17/02/2025 19:17

loopsaloo · 17/02/2025 18:27

DSS is 23 and lives with us full time, work from home 4 days a week.
I am sick to death of hearing his phone bellowing from his bedroom when he's not working. It's not music, but fucking loud, annoying, American voices and cartoons.
DH hears it but says nothing.
I think he's probably always done it, when he was living with DH - I am a person who absolutely hates confrontation etc so I'm just silently seething most of the time. He also cannot put it down, ever. It's constantly in his face, even if he's carrying food, carrying a hot drink, etc.
it's driving me potty!!!!

Sorry..

MzHz · 17/02/2025 19:19

Didn’t mean to quote the first post, that drives me doo lally!

MzHz · 17/02/2025 19:19

@loopsaloo Oh woman up! Tell dss to put the volume down if you’re WFH or use headphones

it’s not confrontation, it’s management of a household and your work environment. It inconsiderate of him.

you don’t have to shout at him, just say “DSS your phone is too distracting at that volume, would you please turn it down so it’s not audible all over the house or wear headphones? Thanks”

Velmy · 17/02/2025 19:27

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 17/02/2025 19:02

If both of your names are in the mortgage then you can sell and split the funds.

You can make a new place nice too.

The most MumsNet response of all time! 😅

Q: "How can I diplomatically deal with this minor inconvenience?"

A: "Split up your family and sell your home"

MyUmberSeal · 17/02/2025 19:31

Velmy · 17/02/2025 19:27

The most MumsNet response of all time! 😅

Q: "How can I diplomatically deal with this minor inconvenience?"

A: "Split up your family and sell your home"

Show quote history

Exactly this, you put it much better then I did, but this was exactly the point I was making. It’s ludicrous , so much so, you have to laugh.

AppropriateAdult · 17/02/2025 19:42

Surely this is just the modern equivalent of somebody having the TV on too loudly? In which case the response is "Oi, turn it down!" or some variation thereof. Or have you already asked him several times and he's refused?

BornSandyDevotional · 17/02/2025 19:47

At 23, he's a fully fledged grown-up. It's not confrontational to tell him it's really annoying you, surely?