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Step-parenting

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Original poster

On the verge of leaving

34 replies

UniqueDeer · 10/02/2025 19:40

Partner and I have been together 5 years. Shortly after we got together his 2 children came to live with us permanently.
Step son has always been difficult. We have clashed many times. Partner does not support me ever.
He is so over protective of his son.
Now, step son is 20 years old, still living with us and not working.
I am constantly clearing up after him, repeating myself daily.
I have asked partner to help me with this since day one.
He has just told me that it is me with the issue and his son doesn't need to change.
I have spoken to my friends about this numerous times and they are in agreement with me but would like some neutral help.
I am sat here seriously considering leaving (this is not the first or tenth time)

OP posts:
Thatsenoughadulting · 10/02/2025 20:51

Yeah just leave. He's not a partner and he doesn't see you as his. He sees you as a live in maid. Leave him to pick up after his own overgrown child. You don't need this in your life.

CorEckIsLike · 10/02/2025 20:53

First post nailed it! Sorry your partner hasn't supported you. I don't know how you have survived this so long to be honest. I would never stay in a situation like that. Your partner clearly doesn't value you

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 10/02/2025 20:55

He's made you the default parent to an adult!

Escape the madness!

soarklyknobs · 10/02/2025 20:56

You're the nanny with the fanny.

You cook, you clean, you share bills, you provide sex.

You're not in a relationship, your "partner" uses you like an appliance 🤷‍♀️

TomatoSandwiches · 10/02/2025 20:56

I'm sure when you leave and no one is cleaning up after this 20yr old your ex will get his just desserts op.

Leave and make yourself happy op.

DorothyStorm · 10/02/2025 20:57

TomatoSandwiches · 10/02/2025 20:56

I'm sure when you leave and no one is cleaning up after this 20yr old your ex will get his just desserts op.

Leave and make yourself happy op.

This. Your partner is massively disrespecting you. Leave and find happiness.

alwayslearning789 · 10/02/2025 21:02

"Shortly after we got together his 2 children came to live with us permanently" Cocklodger.

"...He has just told me that it is me with the issue and his son doesn't need to change..." Cocklodger with Absolute Cheek!

Run my dear. Run.

Creameded · 10/02/2025 21:13

What on earth are you doing wasting your life being skivvy for him and his children?

Pack your bags.

twilightcafe · 10/02/2025 21:16

Blow that for a game of soldiers.
Don't wait for him to change his spots. It'll never happen.

DaisyChain505 · 10/02/2025 21:18

You’re not being respected by anyone you live with. I’d rather live alone than live like this.

alwayslearning789 · 10/02/2025 21:44

@UniqueDeer....."I am sat here seriously considering leaving (this is not the first or tenth time)"

What's stopping you OP? Why do you feel you have to stay? Is it financial? Are you scared of being on your own?

I do understand... I do... it is hard...but for your sake and your children's sake...you have to understand why it is that you let yourself be treated this way?

Glad you have reached out and I hope this thread will give you the strength you need to do what you have to do... for you and your kids. Sending Hugs and Best Wishes

Original poster
UniqueDeer · 10/02/2025 22:15

Thank you all for your messages.
It is partly financial. But mainly because when it is just him and I, it's really good.
My son lives with us too and he is just a really great young man (also 20) although he is really tired of all the arguments too.
Step daughter - partner has just text me to tell me she has told him any conversation she and I have ever had and also what she overheard my son and I talking about on Friday night.
She and I I thought confided in each other. Especially as their mother is not present.
Partner woke me up earlier shouting at me because I dared to remind his son to lock the front door when he leaves and no-one else is in the house.
I'm guessing it's all fuelled by his daughter telling him everything.
Partner has left, he's not sure when he's coming back "could be later, could be in a week"
Yes, he is controlling but normally manageable but even the above makes me wonder wth I'm doing.

OP posts:
Original poster
UniqueDeer · 10/02/2025 22:16

I was also on my own with my son for 10 years before this so am more than happy on my own ☺️

OP posts:
Undrugged · 10/02/2025 22:19

yeah that’s a hard no. Just get yourself out of that situation.

rainbowstardrops · 10/02/2025 22:23

Has he buggered off and left you with his children?! Yeah, time to say bye bye I think!

MrsPeterHarris · 10/02/2025 22:56

Thatsenoughadulting · 10/02/2025 20:51

Yeah just leave. He's not a partner and he doesn't see you as his. He sees you as a live in maid. Leave him to pick up after his own overgrown child. You don't need this in your life.

As is often the case, the first post nailed it.

LunchtimeNaps · 10/02/2025 23:06

What's the housing and financial situation? Is it doable quite quickly?

3LemonsAndLime · 10/02/2025 23:20

OP it doesn’t sound good, and frankly it sounds like the respect is gone, so it isn’t going to get any better and will keep getting worse.

I am never one to rush to say ‘leave’, but I think you need to sit down and think about like in 1 years time - with him and without him. From the little you have written, it sounds like life without him and his children (they come as a package, so you can’t say ‘it’s fine with just him…’) would be far better for you and your son, albeit it might take some upheaval and financially be tighter.

Work towards that.

healthybychristmas · 10/02/2025 23:21

Whose house is it?

Meandhimtogether · 10/02/2025 23:40

Whose house is it.

Original poster
UniqueDeer · 10/02/2025 23:43

We only moved in 2 years ago and it's just in his name.
Yes, I'm here with all the kids.

OP posts:
FallenRaingel · 10/02/2025 23:46

UniqueDeer · 10/02/2025 23:43

We only moved in 2 years ago and it's just in his name.
Yes, I'm here with all the kids.

Can you and your son go somewhere else immediately? He's gone so leave his useless children to fend for themselves.

Original poster
UniqueDeer · 10/02/2025 23:48

No, there's nowhere to go and I don't have the money for anything.

OP posts:
Soonenough · 10/02/2025 23:48

Tell him to come back and collect his kids then leave . Or as it's his house leave and you and your son get your own place.

thecrispfiend · 10/02/2025 23:58

OP this is what I would do:

While you are still angry write a list of all the things you are unhappy with on your phone . How the situation makes you feel etc. do a list of pros and cons of what you get out of the relationship vs what you put in. This will help you to stay realistic when you start to get scared or lose your nerve. Write down things that this relationship is costing you (mental energy, self esteem) and some
Things that you could be putting that energy into instead - friendships,
A more fulfilling relationship, time with your son, self development

Read "women who love too much"

start saving a bit of money each month (escape fund)

Confide in someone- sometimes better someone who is not too close to the situation

Keep posting for support

Everything you need and deserve is on the other side of fear . Wishing you the best of everything. X