I’m a SM to 2 SC - both of whom have been alienated by their mother (by the time SS & the courts got involved they said there was nothing that they couldn’t do anything as the oldest was 15.5 at the time (and in the opinion SS old enough to decide / be responsible for her actions).
In our case there had been years of dripping poison in the kids ears and withholding contact by the mother (despite a contact order & years of taking the mother back to court for breaching).
The children were only allowed to call / refer to their dad as ‘him’ and me as ‘her’ as using the word ‘dad’ or anything else upset mum.
We were constantly badmouthed by mum and the children interrogated when they got home.
They weren’t allowed to take any Christmas or birthday presents etc given by their dad back to mums house.
They weren’t allowed to call dad or text him (kids were 12 & 15 at the time) outside of the times / days given in the court order.
When the family home was sold (which the mother agreed to & was court ordered). She told the children their dad was making them homeless.
When he refused to give the mum more money for something - the kids rang dad up in tears saying they couldn’t visit as he didn’t pay mum any money (he paid £775 per month in CM at the time).
A holiday that had been agreed to by mum, booked & paid for. The night before the 6am pick up - she emailed & said she had changed her mind about the kids going. When that went to court for breach of the contact order - the judge did threaten to remove the children from her.
We haven’t seen the oldest for over 4 years (she’s now 19). Her mobile phone was confiscated by das after some very bad behaviour. She then rang her mum - told her she had been kicked out of the house (all lies). An hour later the mum & new boyfriend turned up on our doorstep banging the front door down threatening to beat my now DH up. At the time we had no idea who the new boyfriend of 6 months was. The police had to be called - 2 police officers couldn’t deal with them, so a Moria van had to be sent and they were arrested. All the time this was going on the SD was sniggering watching what was happening.
Since that incident - we haven’t seen or heard from the SD. In those 4 years she’s completely erased her dad and anyone associated with him out of her life (aunties, uncles, godparents, grandparents). My OH is devastated. All he has tried to do is be a good dad and he has fought to hard to see the children. He writes to her once a month, sends cars, texts, presents. He’s had absolutely nothing back in 4 years. She’s completely erased him from her life.
Personally - it’s a huge relief that she doesn’t visit as it was absolutely miserable when she was here (would ignore me, wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t talk to me & I got one word monosyllabic answers). But I am upset for my husband and the pain he feels.
Its worth mentioning that his son (3 years younger) does still visit and he has a good relationship with but he has said that his mum has made things very difficult for him.
My only advice would be bide your time, never say anything bad about the mum and keep reminding her you are there. In our case, we hope as the daughter matures and gets older, she will realise what has gone on (she thinks her mum can do absolutely no wrong).
Good luck 🤞